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Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-29-05 12:28 PM
Original message
Friend attraction
This may or may not be a stupid question, but I have been thinking about this. Most of the close friends that I have throughout my lifetime have become close friends within a short period of time. In a way, it has been sort of like love at first sight except that it was more like friendship at first conversation. I develop real emotional feelings for these friends and miss them if circumstances end or distance our friendship even if we have been friends for a relatively short period of time. There are other friends, who probably could be more properly aquaintances, that I have known for sufficently long periods of time and enjoy their company but don't have these feelings too. There are friends that I do develop emotional feelings for over longer periods of time, but generally I do not miss these friends as much as I do friends that I developed the feelings for over a shorter period of time if the friendship ends or is distanced. As far as I can tell, it is different from sexual attraction.
I think this is a major barrier for me in making new friends. If I don't have this type of attraction to people, I have a hard time taking the initiative to be involved in their lives or even accept invitations to do things with them.
Does anyone else know what I mean by this?
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Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-29-05 02:17 PM
Response to Original message
1. Obviously it was a stupid question
Either everyone else knows that this is the way it is or it isn't this way for anyone else and I am weird.
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sundog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-29-05 02:22 PM
Response to Original message
2. yup
I believe you either catch a vibe with a person or you don't.

I think communication is much more than language alone.

I have known certain people for years, yet have never managed to transcend two-dimensional language with them. No matter how much you force it, the vibe is never there.
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fluffernutter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-29-05 02:27 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. great way to put it, i agree.
i have lots of friends, but i only have a few that i consider really close friends and we connect on a different level.
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Lavender Brown Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-29-05 02:25 PM
Response to Original message
3. I know what you mean
I have older friends that I care about like family, because they've always been there, not because we particularly clicked. Then I have friends who I've known for a shorter period of time to whom I feel closer, because of a certain dynamic or shared experience or something. :shrug:
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pres2032 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-29-05 02:26 PM
Response to Original message
4. yeah, i definitely know what you mean
I'm a guy and i have lots of female friends and there are those whom i do feel a real attraction too and those usually are the ones i've met recently and became friends with quickly. Then there are the girls i've known for years now whom i'm very close with, but have no inclination to press it any further. Those are also the ones that i would be an emotional mess if anything happened to them. If my recent friends left or God forbid something happened, i would be messed up, but i think i'd get over them quicker than the friends i've known for a long time.
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