I almost burned down my host's house here in Amsterdam a second ago

[WilliamPitt]

So I'm up. It is creeping upon 5am here (the time change has me screwed). I decide to go down to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. I stare in puzzlement at the stove a moment before figuring out how to light it. I find a nice teapot and fill it with water, and place it on the burner.

The use one of those glass squeeze-it-down coffee makers where the grinds are under the presser, so I start getting that ready. I look back a moment at the pot on the burner...and the fire under it is getting bigger...and bigger...and bigger...and the stench of burning plastic begins to fill the apartment.

I lift it off and the grate above the burner is stuck to the pot, which is on fire. The grate peels loose and crashes back down onto the stove - HUGE NOISE AT 5am - while the bottom of the pot is a blazing inferno. I rush it to the sink and toss it in the water...ssssssssss...Great.

A moment's investigation reveals this stainless steel teapot has a plastic bottom. (WTF???) So I guess this is my first encounter with culture shock. I'm shocked that a culture could develop and thrive while using plastic-bottomed teapots.

[BigMcLargehuge]

1. LOL

was there an electric cord sticking out of the teapot Will?

[WilliamPitt]

2. No

I'd have spotted that right away. It's made of steel, looks like a coffee pot. :grr:

[Pale_Rider]

17. Unless its one of those kettles with a base ....

There is a platform with the cord, the kettle is placed on it and makes electrical contact for heating element to heat up the water. Popular in Europe and starting to be found in the US.

Here's a Braun model ...

[WilliamPitt]

18. Nope

It is a standard, everyday-looking steel teapot with a little lid and a spout and a handle. It is short. It is stout. It has a plastic bottom.

[Pale_Rider]

25. Then might have been an 'ordinary' teapot ...

... which hot water is poured into it for brewing. Oh, well welcome to Europe!

[Kellanved]

40. Never seen anything like that

:shrug:
I've melted several kettles, but all those were 100% metal.
And I haven't seen a household without an electric water heater for years... (sometimes they have a rather misleading design)

[Skittles]

3. DAMN

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SMOKING-RELATED. THEN I WAS GOING TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO HARP ON BOTH YOU AND RAVEN TO QUIT SMOKING. DAMN.

[ScreamingMeemie]

4. Hey, I forgot to post in your thread asking for tips on Europe. Try not

to burn down your host's house. ;-)

I once melted a tupperware container all over a friend's stove by turning on the wrong burner. Not a pretty site.

Time to wake up now...

[Pallas180]

5. Dya mind my asking, what the hell are you doing in Amsterdam? are

you getting really famous or something?

Did you miss the news on Oxycontin "Megadoses" Limbaugh?

Gawd, are we enjoying it. This is the week that was:

Rove,

Cheney,

Bush,

Ashcroft

Megadoses

all under fire.

[WilliamPitt]

10. Book tour

Amsterdam ---> Antwerp ---> Amsterdam ---> The Hague ---> Amsterdam ---> Berlin ---> London ---> Oxford ---> Paris ---> Amsterdam ---> home by Oct. 15.

[ronzo]

19. Keep us posted.

I want to hear about Oxford.
Have Fun!

[Name removed]

6. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[proud patriot]

7. Well , what the heck is plastic doing under a tea pot ?

:wtf:

[WilliamPitt]

8. My thought exactly

:shrug:

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

9. Sooooo....

Already the international incidents?

I would expect that NewMax will have this headline, sometime tommorrow:

"Raving, Deluded Commie Author goes on Arson Spree in Amsterdam!!! Could the Coffee Shops he has been seen in be the cause?"

;-)

On edit: Did you remember to pack the knee pads? :D

[WilliamPitt]

12. It's the Widow's fault

:)

[FDRrocks]

11. Can I ask the obvious question?

Thanks for the laugh, first off.

Are you ENJOYING (ahem) Amsterdam?

[WilliamPitt]

13. (ahem)

Yes. But that enjoyment had nothing to do with this catastrophe. I merely failed to anticipate a steel teapot having a plastic bottom.

[SOteric]

14. Probably not plastic, probably silicon

Popular in Europe for bakeware liners and as trivits. The silicon is heat resistent to temperatures of about 500-600 degrees Fahrenheit, but will not withstand open flames.

[WilliamPitt]

15. Trivits?

It's a fuckin coffee pot. I'm so confused. Didn't get any of the jokes on British TV tonight, either.

[SOteric]

22. Heat and water stains

mar wood. Wood is a far more precious commodity in Europe. We've got metric fuckloads of it over here, so we don't always think about it. Sometimes it's even just an unthought tradition. Your mum always did it, so you do it as well; even though the reasons are long gone.



Not to worry. It won't be long and you'll wish you had more time to stay.

[Rabrrrrrr]

41. a metric fuckload?

Will have to remember that particular unit of measurement. We never learned about it in college, but I like it. :-)

"How many drugs did law-and-order Rush Limpdick illegally buy?"

"Six metric fuckloads, your honor."

"Wow, that's a lot."

"Yes, about 18% more than the 6 imperial fuckloads that Elvis consumed."

"Well, then he'll have to go to jail for life. That's the system of absolute justice he espoused on his show."

"On behalf of the world, we thank you."

[GOPisEvil]

42. What's the metric fuckload/imperial fuckload conversion rate?

:7

[Rabrrrrrr]

46. 1 metric fuckload is 1.18 imperial fuckloads

And Rush is certainly in the realm of metric fuckloadism, what with him being so huge and all, and also just to piss him off, since I'm sure he's a staunch believer in the metric system as evil and un-American.

[GOPisEvil]

47. He's certainly dished out metric fuckloads of fecal matter over the years!

Also, God willing and the US Postal Service don't rise, you should be getting an envelope from me soon. It went in yesterday's mail. :-)

[Rabrrrrrr]

48. Did it have a metric fuckload of postage?

And yes, Rush has certainly vomited out plethora upon plethora of metric fuckloads of bullshit, sputem, phlegmatic narcissicm, and the highest quality of hate-driven ignorant bile humanly achievable, excepting that also spitte dout by that son-of-a-jackal-whore Pat Robertson and his infinitely unpalatable metric fuckloads of scriptural eisegesis.

[Emboldened Chimp]

16. So, how're the coffee shops?

Patron one yet?

:smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :smoke: :hippie:

[WilliamPitt]

20. I refuse to answer that question under the grounds that...

What was I talking about?

[Emboldened Chimp]

23. That's what I thought

Be careful if you buy any accessories--a friend of mine found his packed with hash AFTER bringing it home. We don't need you in jail for trafficking.

[aquart]

27. Are you telling me these coffee houses are not Starbucks?

[WilliamPitt]

24. Even though I almost burned my host's house down

I'm not *that* stupid.

[hlthe2b]

21. Can you say....

Houseguest from Hell? :evilgrin:

(My overseas faux paus have all been embarrassing, but fortunately not flammable...)

[aquart]

26. A teapot is NOT a tea kettle. Are we clear on that?

The kettle is the one going on the fire. The teapot is the one sitting on the table.

Aside from that, hosts get tense when you burn them down.

Perhaps nip out for nice apology gift in the morning?

[WilliamPitt]

29. Like a new teapot

:(

[aquart]

35. Yep.

With flowers.

[populistmom]

28. So, did you ever get the coffee?

I love coffee made from a coffee press. I think it tastes better. I had one until someone in my household even clumsier than myself dropped it on the floor.

[WilliamPitt]

30. No

I think I destroyed the only tool in the house for heating water. :(

[realFedUp]

31. you'll be shopping for a new kettle today?

The Van Gogh museum is great if you love Van Gogh.
Take a boat along one of the canals.
The little attic room in the Anne Frank museum will
stay in your mind forever.

[cally]

32. My parents had lots of pots and pans with

plastic bottoms. They left them on so they wouldn't tarnish. We knew not to use them. They were for decoration. :eyes: When I go to their house now, I know that I have to ask before I use a pot or pan. And no, I do not have any pot or pan that is unusable in my house.

[jus_the_facts]

33. just to fuck with yo' head....the *Widow* said.....

...."....Will's a little teapot stoned with a pout...tip him over and burn him out!" Now hope THAT doesn't get stuck in your head for a few hours!! :evilgrin:

[never cry wolf]

34. Will Pitt is burning down the house!!!

Buy your hosts that CD by the Talking Heads along with a new teapot.

Hey, enjoy the culture shock Will!!

[E_Zapata]

36. Is it an electric teapot?

or if it is a French Coffee Press --- you boil the water in a pan and then pour it into the coffee press when it is sitting on the counter.

????

I should tell you that you may find A LOT of women's restrooms in Europe. And not too many men's rooms. Well, so you might think. "WC" stands for "water closet" not "Women's _____". Unisex. A good thing to know. But if you don't drink a lot of, say, COFFEE, you won't be searching for the Water Closets quite as often. bahahahahahahahaha

[Pert_UK]

37. My mate Badger did exactly the same thing after a heavy party......

We took the piss out of her for ages.....you steaming great arse!

:-)

It's an electric, funky stainless steal kettle, with plastic insulation to stop it marking your surfaces, nincompoop.

P.

[WilliamPitt]

38. Now you tell me

:(

My host was cool about it...said he had been wanting to buy a new one, and now he has a reason.

[Crewleader]

39. Well that was sweet of him......

but I know you feel bad, waking him up too. Get him a new teapot and yourself a some instant coffee for the next time you like a cup by using a pan but make sure it's not plastic. ;-)

Hey I remember when I almost burned my house down, imagine falling a sleep forgetting I was boiling eggs in the kitchen where thankfully My Max (german shepherd) started barking to wake me up with the black smoke filling the house and the loud popping sound of the pan on the stove. That really shook me up and you were a great comfort on the other end of the computer when I first was able to get to it after that excitement...so friend I know you feel lousy about the guys' tea pot and thankfully nothing more happen and buying him one will make it good for both of you...don't forget your instant coffee, it's not that bad, Taster's Choice is good for instant, if you can buy it there.

Like Skittles says you and Raven smoking, we are hoping you both quit smoking one of these days so we can have you both stay healthy, you know with my health problems if I didn't quit I would of been dead by now so we just want you both to be around for long long time friend.
...Love to you both, don't forget Mom's gift! :loveya: :loveya:

[Padraig18]

43. LOL!

I see that the difference between a tea *kettle* and a tea *POT* hasn't made the Trans-Atlantic jump quite yet! *giggle* :P

[GOPisEvil]

44. Thank GOD I have a normal coffee maker!!!

Had I known you were such a danger, I'd have never let you set foot in my place!

LOL!!!

[Bossy Monkey]

45. Ha! Giving new meaning to "smoking pot in Amsterdam"! n/t

[VolcanoJen]

49. French Presses Suck.

We should collectively rename them "Freedom Presses."

WTG, Will!!!! What say your hosts?

:-)

Is that the only thing you're burning in Amsterdam?

;-)
Jennifer