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LDS Jock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:44 PM
Original message
Poll question: Should I be concerned about my sister's drinking?
I share an apartment with one of my sisters. Every night after she comes home from work, she kills 12-15 beers. I know the number, because it seems I am the only one to clean this apartment, but I digress. I don't drink that often and two beers will get to me. I'm just thinking its an awful lot to drink. Not to mention expensive. The money is her choice, but if this is a legitimate health concern then I want to try and help. Just wondering about your opinions on her drinking. She also kills one or two Bloody Marys each night besides the beer.

Sorry, polls are turned off at Level 3.

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Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:45 PM
Response to Original message
1. I would absolutely be concerned.
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:45 PM
Response to Original message
2. As the son of an alcoholic, yeah
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motely36 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:46 PM
Response to Original message
3. There's nothing wrong with being concerned.
Have you ever talked to her about it?
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LDS Jock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:51 PM
Response to Reply #3
11. no, I haven't yet
our father was an alcoholic. Actually his drinking put hers to shame. I don't remember it well since I was very young, but I do remember being "disciplined" when he was drunk. We have another sister here in town, and we have danced around the subject before. I think she is concerned too, but neither of us want to say it. I was thinking about getting her to talk with the original sister at the same time. Not to gang up on her, but we are both concerned.
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motely36 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:55 PM
Response to Reply #11
14. I come from a long line of alcoholics
and I would probably be one too if I hadn't made a concious decision to stop drinking about 5 years ago. Intervention is really difficult. I don't want to tell you what to do. I know accusing someone of drinking too much can be a very dangerous thing. I hope you all make it through this.
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AllyCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:59 PM
Response to Reply #11
18. LDS, don't think you need to mind your own business!
Perhaps join Al-anon/Ala-teen? Phrased correctly, it is important for you to tell her you are concerned. Listen to her comments, don't judge, and get help for yourself and your family in coping.

Good luck and take care of yourself!
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tjdee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 11:00 PM
Response to Reply #18
21. This is a good idea.
Even if she's not ready to deal with it right now, Al-anon may be a good idea. Particularly because you're living with her.
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LDS Jock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 11:02 PM
Response to Reply #18
22. I hadn't even thought of that.. I'll look into it
thanks :hug:
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AllyCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 11:05 PM
Response to Reply #22
23. Here's a link
They will send you info immediately, depending on the chapter nearest you. It's free and they won't sell your name to anyone.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
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LDS Jock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 11:08 PM
Response to Reply #23
25. thanks... n/t
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:47 PM
Response to Original message
4. 12-15 beers is too much in one night
Maybe (and this is not saying it's a good idea) once a week, but not every night
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jpgray Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:47 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. Second that (nt)
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HarukaTheTrophyWife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:48 PM
Response to Original message
6. I drink a lot but that's cause for concern
I just happen to have a job where drinking is practically part of the job description. Even at points where I thought I was drinking too much, I never drank like that. I'm sure I did at a couple keggers a couple years ago, but that's it.
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tjdee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:49 PM
Response to Original message
7. Are you sure it's that much?
I know you said you are, but that seems unreal to me. 12 + a bloody Mary is a lot of alcohol for one person, and every day...wow.

Any slim chance she's like the girl in "Signs"? They just get old, and at the end of the night she empties them all so you don't have that much to clean....?? /denial

Sorry--I'm not sure what you can do, but I suspect you're concerned already.
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LDS Jock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:54 PM
Response to Reply #7
12. I know it is that much
I do the cleaning and that is what started me on checking on the actual number. I get home before she does, and so I started taking an inventory. 12-15 is a good average of it. It is never below 10. Most was 17 one night. It is pretty obvious something is up when every night you walk through the door with a 12 pack or an 18 pack.
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tjdee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:57 PM
Response to Reply #12
16. Sorry to hear that.
Hope she cuts down (or stops, which it's probably going to come to) soon and relatively painlessly.
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eleonora Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:49 PM
Response to Original message
8. 12 to 14 drinks a week is the max
Edited on Tue Jan-11-05 10:50 PM by eleonora
not 15 a night, she's absolutely an alcoholic here. No doubt.
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Hieronymus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:50 PM
Response to Original message
9. Definitely, she has a problem..........
AA works.
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hollywood926 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:50 PM
Response to Original message
10. A woman should have no more than 7 drinks per week...
and not all at once! And I should know - I've had my own battles with the sauce. You must talk to her!
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OnionPatch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:54 PM
Response to Original message
13. Wow, that's really a lot
My father was an alcoholic who ruined his life with alcohol. I don't even think he drank that much that often. I sure hope she's just going through a stage right now. You don't happen to live in college dorms or something, do you?
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LDS Jock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:57 PM
Response to Reply #13
17. nope, .. our own apartment
I've suspected a problem for some time, but lately it seems to have gone up a bit. It seemed like I was throwing away an awful lot of cans, and breaking down beer boxes.
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vixengrl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:56 PM
Response to Original message
15. That amount does sound like bingeing.
I drink a bit (1-2 a night), but I try to stay coherent--that amount for most women is a fight to a KO. (If she drinks until she passes out, can't remember stuff, is hung-over or god-forbid still a little hazy in the morning--these are the kinds of things to look out for. She's hurting herself.)
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tjdee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:59 PM
Response to Reply #15
19. I couldn't get to half that I don't think.
You're right about the KO--drinking that much is horrible for her liver at the very least.
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nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 10:59 PM
Response to Original message
20. She'll probably need inpatient care at that rate
If she drinks that much every night, there is little likelihood that she can quit even if she wants to without serious withdrawals.

What amazes me is that she can hold a job at all with that level of drinking. She will die of liver failure if there isn't an intervention...that many drinks in a person's system at one time on a regular basis is causing cirrhosis...no doubt about it
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steely Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 11:08 PM
Response to Original message
24. I would approach her about it.
Maybe seek some professional advice from AA.
I don't like intervention, and maybe she realizes she has a problem.
Your voice may help her to see the light.
She may not like what she herself is doing.
Don't mean to preach, alcoholism ran in my family, and both my sister and I recognized how quickly our intake ramped up when we got into our late 30's - then we both stopped - with help.
If she's functional - she's got a chance.
Good luck.
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AGiordino Donating Member (304 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 11:18 PM
Response to Original message
26. Behavior as well as quantity are indicators of trouble
Question 1: Can she stop drinking without emotional or physical problems?
Question 2: Has her drinking ever been related to incidents in which she was not in control - again mentally, emotionally or physically?
Question 3: Is there truly any thing that you can do to rectify the situation without causing discord?

If not, Al-anon is definitely for you because the program relates solely to you and the 3 C's (didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, can't Control it)
and the care that you need to invest in yourself and your mental and physical health.

Okay, that all said, I am a recovering alcoholic who also attends Al-anon meetings. So this isn't just an ego inflated opinion. Been there, done that, Lost shit (important shit).

Now a word about your sister.
Hounding her to quit will not work.
Pleading with to quit will not work.
She has to come to a point of surrender of will in order for her abstinence to be successful. And unfortunately, no one can aid her in that journey. Mine took 30 years, but I have been free and happy for two years now. My prayers for your family.
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LDS Jock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 11:30 PM
Response to Reply #26
27. what was your final breaking point?
just curious
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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 11:49 PM
Response to Original message
28. Yes you should be very concerned
I used to drink like that and it was not easy to quit. I did so without AA, but I had some serious urges I had to work through. Your sister could be in trouble. Another thing to consider is that if your sister is average size, then I'm probably about twice the size that she is, so that level of drinking on her part has a greater affect on her than it would on me. I weigh 250 lbs.
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Plaid Adder Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-11-05 11:54 PM
Response to Original message
29. I don't think anyone who's not a problem drinker would need
12-15 beers plus a couple bloody marys on a nightly basis.

There may not be much you can do, but yes, I would certainly be concerned.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder
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Niche Donating Member (687 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-12-05 12:05 AM
Response to Original message
30. LDS, you should be concerned....
I know a little about this because I'm recovering alcoholic/drug addict... the unfortunate thing as that you can be concerned and try to help but in the long run it will be up to her to stop abusing alcohol. Seems that she drinks much...

Main thing you should know is that drinking is a symptom of deeper issues... it's hard to tell someone who is abusing booze that they are abusing (I denied it until some almost deadly things happened in my life). And the more people told me I was out of control the more I drank (that's my personal story, everyone's got their own story though).

Wish you all compassion and love in this. It's so hard... you might want to contact AL-ANON.
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