NO. 159 "Expect the Ironic"

[SoCalDem]

NO. 159 "Expect the Ironic" SEPT 29 - OCT 5, 2003

www.ironictimes.com

PUTIN OPENS NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE
Buys Halliburton, Bechtel, sells everything else.


WORLD NEWS
Mideast Road Map at Crossroads
Running out of metaphors.

Components of Nuclear Bomb
Discovered in Iraq
Depleted uranium from spent U.S. artillery shells could make a formidable weapon.

Nigeria's Economy Booming
Due to hugely profitable e-mail solicitations.

Rice: More Foreign Troops
Likely in Iraq
Does not specify whose side they'll be on.

MISCELLANEOUS
State Department's Hi Magazine Hopes to Appeal to Arab Youth
Current issue's articles include: “Drive a Cab, Not a Bomb,” “How to Become a Well-Paid Informer,” and “Shaving Tips.”

U. S. NEWS
Segways Recalled
Thousands stranded.

Administration Asks France for Military, Financial Aid in Iraq
In return, will put “French Fries” back on menu in congressional cafeteria.

California Bans All Unsolicited E-Mail
Critics say move severely limits public's access to information about penile enlargement.

REMINDER
Life is a sitcom without the
laugh track.



Schwarzenegger Makes Pitch
To Women
Says he likes smart chicks who know their place.

ENVIRONMENT
Despite Ability To Walk, Snakehead Fish Found in Wisconsin Did Not
Walk There
Hitchhiked from Maryland.

TRENDS
First Yoga Championship
Held in Los Angeles
Winner advances to quarter-finals of Meditation Bowl next month in Sedona.

LATEST HEADLINES (the crawl)

. . . . . . . . . . . FTC sells 'Do-Not-Call' list to telemarketers . . . . . . New TV season begins, human interaction ends . . . . . . Robots spearhead jobless recovery . . . . . . FBI, CIA to share recipes . . . . . . Last American-made apple pie sold . . . . . . Snowmobile herds return to Yellowstone . . . . . . Chocolate-making, cheese-eating countries sign non-fat treaty . . . . . . Walt Disney, Ted Williams meet for first time . . . . . . Anti-aging pills anti-competitive, says Hemlock Society . . . . . . Report: economy hurt by falling dollar, bounced checks . . . . . . Hollywood establishes 'Don't Call Us, We'll Call You' registry . . . . . . Procrastinators detained . . . . . . New food pyramid found in Egypt . . . . . . Study: most rappers considered phat . . . . . . Common household pests cloned by Orkin . . . . . . Recall: 135-way tie possible . . . . . . Bustamante proposes switch to wampum-based economy . . . . . . Recall poll: most will decide after voting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[Kenneth ken]

1. those are very funny

- have a great time in Tahiti!

[SoCalDem]

2. Will do

thanks :)

I plan on taking lots of pics.. :):)