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My mother would be 80 today

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DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:03 PM
Original message
My mother would be 80 today
Hard to imagine her at that wise and experienced age. She died too young at age 62 on January 15, 1987. I choose not to remember her as the frail, desperately ill wraith the cancer made her at the end. Instead I remember a beautiful black-haired, green-eyed lady with a loving heart, full of peacemaking urges, a crackling and silly sense of humor and love of liberal causes and politicians.

She had a hard life, losing her father at the tender age of two and not being appreciated by her mother. She married at 18 and was a mother at 19, bearing four children, of whom I was the youngest, born to her when she was 37. I think I made her tired. She survived three marriages and many financial difficulties.

She taught me manners and the importance of working hard. She taught me compassion for others. Her crazy sense of humor emerged when, frustrated at her lack of understanding when I came home from my German class trying to speak German, she created her own language (which sounded somewhat like the Swedish Chef on The Muppets). Although she wasn't crazy about them and didn't want any pets in our house, she allowed me to let the neighbors' cats into our house and run around because she knew I loved cats. She taught me to love books and reading.

Her children meant everything to her. When she was dying I asked her if she'd ever been happy in her life, as she had endured so many struggles that I wanted to make sure she'd had some happiness. She said she was content. I said, "But have you ever been HAPPY?" She said, "When I had my babies." She said to me, "You'll have a good life. I've lived my life." I told her it wouldn't be as good without her, and she just shook her head wisely as if to say, "I know better. Just wait."

She was my best friend and the center of my universe, and when she died, I lost everything. It has taken many years for me to become happy again. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful home and a sister and friends who love me and whom I love. I finally fulfilled a dream I've had since high school and went to law school, and I will graduate in May of this year. She and my father would be so proud of what I've accomplished. My sister and I often talk about our sadness that she is no longer with us and about the things we'd like to do for Mom, but are unable to. We'd like to take her on trips around the world. My husband and I would like to have her live with us. We wish she could have experienced the Internet, as she would enjoy e-mail, instant messaging and just experiencing the world outside of herself.

She once said I brought the world home to her. I would not be in the world were it not for her, and I'm so grateful for everything she gave me. Happy Birthday, Mom - I LOVE YOU!!


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senseandsensibility Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:06 PM
Response to Original message
1. I'm not sure how or
why, but I feel that your Mother is aware of your beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing her story. :loveya:
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nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:07 PM
Response to Original message
2. What a very beautiful and moving tribute to her
Thanks for sharing her with us...sorry for the bittersweet celebration of your accomplishments....but you've honored her well by becoming everything you possibly can.
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WritersBlock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:08 PM
Response to Original message
3. My mom would have been 81 last month.
I miss her more than I want to think about.

:toast: to our Mamas.

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DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:09 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. When did you lose your mother?
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WritersBlock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:23 PM
Response to Reply #5
13. Almost 5 years ago.
Actually, as much as I'd give to just be able to talk to her again for an hour, I'm almost glad she went when she did. She never knew about 9/11, and she never saw what B*sh has been doing to the country. She was absolutely furious during the Clinton impeachment (they were picking on "her" President). Iraq would have completely torn her apart - as would have November 2nd, knowing he has another 4 years to wreak devastation upon the world.
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DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:25 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. That's very true
My mother would also be very unhappy with the events of the last four years, as well as the Clinton impeachment, which never should have happened.
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WritersBlock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:31 PM
Response to Reply #14
16. Still, it is difficult.
My thoughts are with you today.
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Bronco69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:09 PM
Response to Original message
4. Your mother seems like a sweet compassionate woman.
We need more like her in the world. My thoughts will be with you today. :hug:
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supernova Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:09 PM
Response to Original message
6. So beautiful, It made me cry
:cry:

My mother's birthday was yesterday and I feel similarly to you. My mom died in 1996 of cancer also.

:hug: to you DeposeTheBoyKing and a :loveya: to all our moms who now watch us from afar.
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DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:10 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. Happy birthday to your mother
I am thinking of you today.
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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:12 PM
Response to Original message
8. Wow, DTBK.
I have tears streaming down my face. I lost my mom in '90 at the age of 63 after a torturous bout with cancer. Your love for your mom is so heartfelt. Thanks for sharing, and for bringing back my own memories of how loved my mom was/is, as well.
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DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:14 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. I'm sorry for your loss
It's amazing how certain anniversaries can bring the memories flooding back.
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fluffernutter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:13 PM
Response to Original message
9. that was beautiful. thank you for sharing your mom
with us today, on her birthday. :hug: hugs to you.
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hollywood926 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:17 PM
Response to Original message
11. That was lovely...
I lost my grandmother, who raised me, in 1993. She would have been 82 next month. I feel the same way you do.
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DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:18 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. It gets easier, but it takes a LOT of time
I'm sorry for your loss. Bless her heart for what she did for you.
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Racenut20 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:27 PM
Response to Original message
15. Your mother gave US !!!!!
A loving and kind person to share the planet with for this generation. I can think of nothing that would make her happier.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:46 PM
Response to Original message
17. Beautiful post. My mom would have been 71 two months ago.
Edited on Sat Jan-08-05 12:47 PM by Misunderestimator
She was 57 when she died. I'm sure your parents would be proud of your accomplishments and of your words. :hug:
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DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:48 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. Boy, she died young
So very sad. I'm sorry for your loss.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 12:51 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. Thank you.
She died after a 30-year battle with multiple sclerosis. There are many, many things I wish she could have done during her life that she couldn't, not to mention all the things she never saw. I wish I could go back 20 years and give her a joint. :)
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Bullwinkle925 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 01:21 PM
Response to Original message
20. THANK YOU SIS!
I couldn't have been more eloquent than you. I awoke this morning thinking about Mom's birthday today. Every single day I think of her and miss her. I know she is aware of your accomplishments and is very proud of you. I know she is with me - even on my saddest days.
Heavens - I'm even channeling her now by taking up knitting. But, with every stitch I wish she were with me, knitting by my side.
I take comfort in knowing that she is not alone as Sara, Cliff and Cap are all at her side and that she has finally been re-united with her father.
I always said I left Kansas when Nixon was elected - my social conciousness and awareness would not be as it is if it were not for Mom. She did live a difficult life - but I have memories of laughter in that house as well as unconditional love and support from her.
It's unfortunate that she did not experience that herself from her own mother. I consider that our Grandmother's greatest loss.
I shall have a slice of cake today for Mom - put a candle on it - wish her peace and happiness and blow it out.
I love you MOM!!
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 01:41 PM
Response to Original message
21. you didn't make her tired, sweetie
you made her proud :)
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Darth_Kitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 02:14 PM
Response to Original message
22. That's a beautiful tribute to a good lady........
Your mom was right, you DID bring the world to her....

:hug: :)
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NightTrain Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 02:15 PM
Response to Original message
23. My dad was only 62 when he died, too.
And his 7th death anniversary is coming up on Monday. *sigh*
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DeposeTheBoyKing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-08-05 02:28 PM
Response to Reply #23
24. I read your post the other day about how awful January is for you
My sympathies. I always hate the 4-week sequence from Christmas to January 15th: Christmas, New Year's, Mom's birthday, Mom's death. It's weird because her grandmother and mother were the oldest children in their families and died at 62, so as the oldest child in her family, she always said she'd die at 62. On January 7th in the hospital she was trying to see the wall calendar (the cancer had spread to her brain and affected her vision). She knew what day it was and said, "Tomorrow's my 62nd birthday." She died exactly a week later. Strange. My oldest sibling broke the pattern by dying at age 57 in 2001, unfortunately.
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