I did something HORRIBLE over Christmas weekend and it's eating me up.

[rbnyc]

Hubby, baby and I spent the night at his parents' house. At about 3 am Sunday Morning I got up to go to the bathroom. I went, I flushed, I washed my hands, I reached for a towel and my hand hit something, and I heard a little splash and a terrible noise. I had knocked my deodorant into the still-flushing toilet and it went down.

I got the plunger and tried to plunge it out, but it wouldn't come up.

I thought about what to do. Do I wake up my husband, who never gets any sleep because we're new parents? Do I wake up my father-in-law, a gigantic, grumpy man who has to get up at 6 am for a 10-hour flight?

I tried the plunger again. Nothing. So I flushed the toilet again to see what would happen. The water went down.

Then I thought, am I really sure it was my deodorant I knocked into the toilet? I'm tired. It's dark. It could have been anything. It could have been something small that just went through. I really have no idea what happened. Maybe, nothing happened at all. And I went back to bed.

When my husband got up in the morning to use the bathroom, my heart was in my throat. But he flushed and all was well. We went downstairs for breakfast.

Then we heard, "Fuck! Oh my God! Fucking Damn! Ahhhh!"

The toilet back up on my husband's little brother. He spent about an hour plunging the toilet and cleaning it up. But never said anything about a deodorant.

I just kept my mouth shut while Uncle Walter joked about the football he must have passed in order to cause such a terrible clog.

As we were packing to leave, I just casually mentioned not being able to find my deodorant.

I am EVIL!!!!! I am the root of all EVIL!!!!! I am a DECEIVER! I am so BAD!

[WI_DEM]

1. Now that you have confessed, do you feel better?

Just let it be.

[rbnyc]

4. I feel a little better.

It's kind of funny.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. hi rbnyc

i too had to unclog a toilet yesterday...eeww

and yes you are evil! :silly:

[rbnyc]

6. I am!

But I'm not willing to confess to the family. Not at all!

[ET Awful]

3. As penance, I order you to buy 100 sticks of deodorant for the homeless

Now go forth and sin no more :)

[rbnyc]

8. Mark Riley??

Is that you?

[ET Awful]

11. No, but that's where I got the idea :) n/t

[kittycat1164]

5. LOL I wouldna said a damn thing either! n/t

[rbnyc]

9. I'm glad I'm not alone.

Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

[gollygee]

7. HAHAHAHA

Sorry but that's a pretty funny story! :)

But you must have felt pretty bad while in the midst of it!

[rbnyc]

10. The whole time my baby was looking at me...

...with this strange look on his face, and I thought, he knows!

[iconoclastic cat]

15. He does, and he is keeping a file.

Luckily, it's in crayon and even he can't read it.

[HEAVYHEART]

12. Hahaha!

I love it! Funny story.. :D

[rbnyc]

13. It will get back to them someday...

...as an urban legend! ;-)

[iconoclastic cat]

14. Fantastic story!

THIS is why I look forward to your posts!

rbnyc, you really must think about submitting something like this to one of NYC's fine pulp lit magazines (Literal Latte or something). You have the ability to describe events in a fresh, clear, visceral way that just pulls the reader right into your world--I'm thinking specifically of your "I will be opened up like a can of sardines tomorrow" post, which also had me on the floor. In my opinion, your narrative style lies somewhere between David Sedaris and Cintra Wilson. (That's a compliment.)

I know that time is a precious commodity for new parents, but I really think that you should share your words with the world.

[rbnyc]

16. Wow! Thanks so much!

I was a creative writing major in college. But now all I write is Lounge posts and grant proposals. ;-)

I would like to put something together someday, tho. Thanks for the VERY encouraging words.

[iconoclastic cat]

22. HA! Another CW major. I should've known.

Ah, yes. After I finished my MFA in Creative Writing, I discovered very quickly that the most practical use for my transcript was as a litter box liner.

[HEAVYHEART]

19. I agree with this post.

:)

[rbnyc]

28. Thanks.

Maybe we should all contribute our 10 favorite posts and do a best of the lounge coffee table book.

:)

[Beer Snob-50]

17. You are an evil, evil person!!!

I spent part of christmas eve unclogging the toilet at my house when my son clogged it (a regular occurance) 27 people in my kitchen and me upstairs unclogging the toilet! btw, i washed my hands before I finished cooking dinner.

[rbnyc]

18. I know!

I'm sorry!

But somehow, when I say I'm sorry, I feel like that little girl in The Ring. :evilgrin:

[Beer Snob-50]

20. if you were my daughter or wife,

you would probably get a good spanking for your efforts!!!:spank:

[rbnyc]

24. Well...

THAT just makes me want to do it again!

[Beer Snob-50]

27. i am available for spankings

both bare butt and otherwise.

[frictionlessO]

21. You are cute and sweet and nice and kind, and made a goof up!

Seems like everytime I visit with any family and sleepover at their places, I do things like this. Its always something!!

If soemone did find your deodorant, it was kind of them not to bring it up... mayeb an extra special xmas present is in order next year... to alleviate the guilt a bit.

[rbnyc]

25. Thanks.

Maybe I'll tell them next year.

[THUNDER HANDS]

23. awww man, I thought you were going to end the story

"...and when we woke up the next morning the baby was gone."

:D

[rbnyc]

26. Stop it!!!

:scared:

My poor baby!

;-)

[bleedingheart]

29. I have the honor of clogging toilets at all of my in-law's houses

so don't feel ashamed...

My husband jokes about it still....
I can't stop laughing as I think of each story....hahahah

[jellybelly]

30. beyond evil

you should've said something about the deodorant. It wouldn't have been a big deal to get a plumber to come out the next morning. So evil...:P

[bettyellen]

31. so pay for the plummer. or at least offer to!!

when they find the depodarant, they'll connect it to you anyway.

[JVS]

32. You should do something very nice for those people