I have the most asshole cats on Earth

[CatWoman]

It's been cold here the past couple of nights, and I've been sleeping in the den on the sofa (all Columbo, all the time :D )

Last night all four of these assholes had me pinned down to the point I couldn't even turn over.

All that fur, yet they look at me as if I'm their own personal blanket.

I woke up screaming in pain. Streak decided that my feet were her own personal toys and she clawed my toes.

If I try to lock them out, they all scratch at the door and scream bloody murder until I let them in.

These cats are spoiled rotten.

[GOPisEvil]

1. You've been enabling them all these years!

Take them to see Dr. Phil! :D

I was home sick a couple days recently - Columbo on Bravo! Johnny Cash one day! :thumbsup:

[CatWoman]

2. oh, that was a good episode

and I loved that song!!!!

The ending was special, too.

[GOPisEvil]

3. How dare Johnny kill his wife!

I like how Columbo drove him to jail in his own rental car! :D

[GCP]

4. Wait 'til one of them goes deaf and comes looking for you at 3.00 am!

Our 14 year old DSH is deaf as a post, so she can't hear herself meow unless it's at 130 decibels or thereabouts. She seems to "lose us" at night (maybe she's also senile!), and she wonders around the house yelling fit to wake up the whole neighborhood, and no matter how loud we yell back to her to tell her where we are, she can't hear a damn thing.
Then she gets to the bedroom, gives a little chirp of surprise - "Oh, there you are", heaves herself onto the bed via the little stool we've put there, takes over my pillow and sleeps like the dead for the rest of the night.

We are pussy whipped, as they say :D

[iconoclastic cat]

5. Yeah, ours do that too--even the young one.

I don't understand why they walk around meowing as if we just dropped them in a pitch-dark maze. Many times, I just give up and put them all on the bed myself, just so I can get some sleep.

[DiverDave]

9. LOL

Jeez I gotta wipe my eyes...that is so funny.

[mike_c]

6. boy that sounds familiar....

Four of mine insist on sleeping with me, which I generally like-- I mean who wouldn't like sleeping with something that's warm and soft and purrs at the slightest touch?-- but they pin me down so that rolling over is an exercise in minimal effort logistics. One of them-- Mango-- digs his claws into my shoulder or back when he wants my attention, usually in the morning when he figures it's time for me to visit the shrine of the can opener. Mango also bites my hair and pulls it when I deny him the flesh of my back. Another-- Maxwell-- nips my fingers HARD when he wants attention. It's love-biting, but dammit my skin is not as tough as his. Maxwell is 18 pounds of love monster-- completely hand raised from the moment he was born so he does not take the hint when I try to shove his hugeness aside. He also likes to sleep with his face right next to me, where his whiskers tickle maximally. Finally, a fifth cat who is one of my rescues is an absolute sweatheart but REALLY wants to be an only cat-- she loves me but loathes the other cats, so she'll often perch on my chest and growl at the other cats while I stroke her. All this in the middle of the night. Getting up to visit the loo in the dark is an adventure too.

[CatWoman]

7. LOL

I like that!!!

"The Shrine of the Can Opener" :D

Boy, that sound is like heaven to them :D

[dbt]

8. Bad Kitties are everywhere these days, CatWoman.

I've lately been catching Bad Jinx and Bad Isis drinking from the damn toilet bowl--and they show way less remorse than dogs do when you catch them!

Bad Tom has even been picking fights with the family Malamute. Good thing they grew up together!

:hi:
dbt

[CatWoman]

10. I try to keep the lid down to avoid them drinking from the toilet

no matter how fresh I try to keep their water, they still like to sip from the commode fountain. Go figure!!!

:hi:

[serryjw]

13. WHY?

Einstein loves the commode..it is fresh and cold.

[CatWoman]

15. yeah, but I use those toilet tablets

won't that make them sick?

You know, those thingies that turn the water blue?

[ET Awful]

17. You could always NOT use those toilet tablets :)

And not turn the water blue.

That way your kitties too can experience the utter joy that is commode water :)

[serryjw]

36. Probably better that you don't use them......

I don't, just sparking clean COLD water he loves

[noiretextatique]

11. you know you love it!

:hi: i heard a huge crash in my kitchen this morning about 4am. i am sure my cat chewie was involved, but i couldn't find any evidence of the crime. that darn cat...first $5.00 and she's sold :7
just kidding...she's an absolute angel (most of the time).

[CatWoman]

12. HAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm surprised I can sleep with all the crashes emanating from my kitchen!!

:hi:

[ET Awful]

14. Mine rarely crash, but they do gallop through the house.

I don't know about a hot tin roof, but a cat on a hard wood floor can make a lot of racket :).

I thought these little furballs were supposed to be quiet!

[CatWoman]

16. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I say that every time I see Quinn and Althea :D

[ET Awful]

18. Thanks and likewise for Male, Female, Trinity and Streak . . .

am I forgetting anybody?

[CatWoman]

19. LOL

That's it (for now!!) :D

They look so sweet -- they are getting along great these days :D

And I'll bet Quinn is the big baby in the family :D

[ET Awful]

25. They're like total opposites :)

Althea is svelte, refined, graceful, quiet and a total lap kitty. Quinn is plump, boisterous, clumsy, loud and will only let you pet him for 3o seconds at a time :)

[redstateblues]

20. Is Male a female?- All calicos are female aren't they?

[CatWoman]

23. yes

Male is female

Her name is pronounce "MOLLY".

When I first got her, I was told she was a boy.

I found out she was a girl when I took her to the vet to be fixed.

Boy, was I embarrassed to find out that not only was she a girl, she was also in heat :D

and she is a tortie, not calico. Streak is calico.

[ET Awful]

26. So do you pronounce Females name Fee Molly just to be uniform? :)

:evilgrin:

[CatWoman]

30. story behind their names

ever see the movie, "Cat People", with Natasha Kinski?

Ruby Dee played Natasha's brother's Creole housekeeper -- her name was "Female".

She explained that the midwife who birthed her put her sex on the birth certificate in the spot where her name should have been, and from then on everyone called her FEE-MOLLY, aka "female" :D

[48pan]

21. Cute cats! NT

[Cuban_Liberal]

22. Two dogs and one cat can be just as bad.

Thank God we have a king-sized bed, is all I can say.

;)

[CatWoman]

24. got room for one more??

:evilgrin:

[Cuban_Liberal]

28. LOL!

It's been done before.

:evilgrin:

[CatWoman]

31. *purrrrrrrr...........*

:D

[Cuban_Liberal]

32. *grin*

:hug:

[neebob]

27. I bit the bullet and locked mine out of my room several months ago

and I've been sleeping much better, but it's freezing in my room (far away from the furnace) and now they all three sleep on the same couch and mess up the throws and get hair all over it.

[matcom]

29. its chocolate for them for dinner tonight

LOTS of chocolate

[CatWoman]

33. there was a vet on yesterday's "Unfiltered"

she says you shouldn't give chocolate to pets, because of the caffeine.

However, somehow I suspect you give your pets alcohol :P

[matcom]

34. you kidding?

all they have to do is lick me and they get it through my skin!!

:D

[CatWoman]

35. LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!

:loveya:

you are just too much!!! :*

[Zomby Woof]

37. you should rename them

Matcom, ZombyWoof, and GOPisEvil! :D

[Wolfman 11]

38. They are infuriating.

no shit...

Bonzo & Joey are now soundly asleep on my bed despite the fact that I've had the music cranked up for the past couple hours as I wrote, yet if I turn it off and try to edge my way under the blankets they will awake with utter frustration and glare at me with such contempt as to make my cheeks flush. Cats are so demanding and unforgiving that I always feel like I'm on some sitcom where the single guy learns about women from his animals.

[FizzFuzz]

39. I sure love their pictures, though. Always love those sig pics.

It seems that no matter what the cats do to you, tell your DU frineds about it, and your lacerated foot is less important than how cute they are!! Hee hee. :D

They are adorable!!!

[Skittles]

40. perhaps you should consider adopting non-felons, Midori

:7

[LordshipLadyship]

41. maam

Just one more thing, Maam.

Who owns them, Maam?

Who takes advantage of their cuteness and plasters their faces all over DU, Maam?

(sorry about the cigar ashes on the couch, Maam..Mrs. Columbo is always complaining...oh yeah..cats..my cousin's brother's sister's aunt Della is allergic to cats..now, Dog here, well, not here, but in my car, Maam, he drools.) Come to think of it, so does Della, but then she's 96. Now what was I saying, Maam? Oh yeah. Meowy Christmas, Maam.