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In an effort to reconcile his tarnished public image, Michael Jackson has announced plans to launch a chain of high-end day care centers throughout middle America called 'Billie Jean's Childcare Center's. The Center's will be housed at evangelical churches and will restrict enrollment to Christian children of married couples. (One man and One woman.)
Jackson, who also recently donated all of the Beatle's song rights to the Heritage Foundation was called a hero by Fox News' Sean Hannity and a "misunderstood humanitarian giant" by Jerry Falwell. The Bush administration plans to immediately put Jackson's generous donation of Beatle's and John Lennon song rights to good use with their upcoming "Give Peace a Chance" invasion of Iran.
"This is America", a spokesperson for Jackson said. "If this country would entrust Republicans to reform Social Security, right-wing Jewish neo-cons to shape Middle East "Peace" policy, and consider a draft dodger a respected "wartime" Commandant in Chief-- why wouldn't American's trust Michael to watch their kids?"
"It's a shame the liberal mainstream media is only interested in despicable and false allegations of sexual abuse instead of reporting the true story: this magnanimous gesture by a true man of the people," said Rush Limbaugh, who also demanded that all charges against Jackson be dropped, blaming liberals for creating a climate in which kids could dream up such unbelievable accusations.
"What we need are family values" said Rush, "and Michael Jackson's Billie Jean's Childcare Center's, which won't reward immoral behavior by refusing the children of unwed mothers, is a great start."
"The liberal media is trying to smear Billie Jean's Christian Childcare and Michael Jackson because they have committed to adhere to a conservative moral standard, and that frightens liberals," finished Limbaugh.
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