I've never lived with a man before. What should I know?

[prolesunited]

Any words of advice that will keep us smoothly sailing along? Input from both men and women would be appreciated.

[Worst Username Ever]

1. About the video games.

Just let it happen.

[underpants]

7. LOL

I don't play video games but that is funny

[MindPilot]

15. same with the porn

we are visually stimulated. It's hardwired into our brains and is not going to change.

[prolesunited]

23. Doesn't bother me

I don't really care for it and unless it's really degrading to women (or farm animals), I have no problem with it.

Unless he's compulsive about it or more turned on by porn than me, I can deal.

[Zuni]

193. I wish my girlfriend was so enlightened

Luckily I don't live with her and can keep it out of her sight. She found a Club magazine under the sink in my bathroom once and got real pissy with me.

[Maestro]

80. I'm a guy

but have never really been into porn. I guess I like the real deal. Every once in a while for bit of change but I have no subscriptions to any porn places or mags. I just wouldn't pay for it. Am I wierd?

[realisticphish]

106. no

i wouldnt pay for it; thats what the internet is for;)

but seriously, im not gonna spend money on porn


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[buckettgirl]

147. Not necessarily

My hubby gets video game time. But we both made a compromise as well - especially since he could play all day and night without a second thought.
When I am studying or out of the house or doing housework (basically anytime I don't give a damn about the t.v.) he can play video games. If there is something I want to watch, he has to quit. Before he was laid off from his previous job, he was done with work at around 2p.m. and came home and played video games for around 2 hours. Now that he works until 6p.m., most of his video game time is on the weekends.
It doesn't have to be a fight, and it doesn't have to be disrespectful to either person.

[MemphisTiger]

2. Once we let our guard down, we are pretty disgusting

animals. Laundry on the floor, not making the bed. It's not that we expect a woman to do it for us. It's that we don't see anything wrong with it.

[prolesunited]

12. Umm...

*I* already do that that. :-)

Do you think he'll pick up after me?

[MemphisTiger]

26. Highly unlikely, unless he has a case of OCD

If that's the case it will be 10x worse

[prolesunited]

32. Yikes!

I'm not a total slob, but I have no problem leaving dinner dishes in the sink if I want to go to bed or not vacuuming if the sun is shining.

[KurtNYC]

22. like "bears with furniture."

[no name no slogan]

130. Best. Description. EVER.

I've used this same description many times to explain men to women. Now, if I can just find a big tree to scratch my back with :D

[Zuni]

194. I honestly do not understand the point of making the bed

I am generally clean, neat and hygenic but I have never understood the point of making the bed. When I am in my room I usually crawl in under the covers and ruin it

[physioex]

3. Ummm...

Put the toilet seat back up, hide the tampons, and don't hang your underwear in the shower..... :shrug:

[prolesunited]

18. Why do I need to hide the tampons?

Are men afraid of them? Or, will he play with them, watching them grow in the toilet and then I won't have any when I need them.

[intheflow]

31. They are afraid of tampons.

Since they only have one hole, they can only imagine that one being plugged. It's a latent-homosexuality thing. :P



Not really, Guys! I'm kidding!! Be secure in your manhoods!

[prolesunited]

34. Hahaha!

And what makes it more amusing is your screen name.

[intheflow]

46. LOL!

I never thought of that! I think of myself as intheflow of time. But it works for the tampon thing, too! B-)

[TlalocW]

42. I don't understand fear of tampons

Or the fear of buying them. When my last girlfriend sent me to the store for them, I took it as a way to broadcast to everyone else in the store that, "Yes, I do have a girlfriend, and in a few days I'll be getting sex for doing an action as simple as picking something up at the store for her."

TlalocW

[Phillycat]

52. #42, meet #33.

[physioex]

55. It's not that simple....

There are soo many varities. There are panty liner (light, medium, heavy) then its wings or no wings scented or unscented. Same goes true with the tampons. The boxes all look alike and as a man I can hardly tell the difference. Screw up and you will catch hell for months.....

[TlalocW]

64. Which is exactly why...

I got the empty box, showed it to her and asked, "Exactly like these?" then took the box with me to the store.

TlalocW

[sangh0]

88. Will you be my new mentor?

,

[prolesunited]

66. Too be honest

I get overwhelmed by the number of options. I don't know about other women, but sometimes I just stand there for forever trying to make up my mind.

[Left Is Write]

136. I know exactly what I want, but I've never had to send

a man out to get them for me. I'm at Target three or four times a month, and when I stock up on other household items, I stock up on that stuff too.

[physioex]

143. Youre mind kinda gal....

Are you still looking..... :evilgrin:

[Left Is Write]

149. No....

I went and got myself married seven years ago.

Thanks, though. ;)

[Zuni]

197. I do that with soap, deodorant and toothpaste

there are so many choices

[WMliberal]

70. oh god, tell me about it. I don't mind doing it but

you're fucked if you get the wrong kind. The first time my ex asked to to get tampons, i didn't bother with followup questions, so I got the variety pack. I got home and "wah wah wah wah wah wah wah" from the girl.

I learned to ask which brand and which type EVERY time. If you got one kind on day one, day 4 might need something else. Because they don't just use one kind the entire 5 days. That was my mistake the second time and got the "wah wah wah wah wah" again.

[physioex]

76. Exactly.....

They vary by days. And sometimes even if you know the brand and type but go to a different store, they don't necessarily match up.

[NashVegas]

160. to hell with tampons

I got off the little white mouse several months ago.

http://www.softcup.com/

[Left Is Write]

138. But I still don't understand why someone should *hide* the tampons

from the man with whom she is living.

:shrug:

[physioex]

142. LOL....

Maybe what was said in post 31 is true.... ;)

[Zuni]

It is more of a fear of what makes the tampons needed

It is not tampons that freak me out, it is, well, menstration.

[billyskank]

145. We got two holes

it's just that one of them isn't really designed for shoving stuff in!

[nickgutierrez]

170. I can answer this with some authority.

It's because we think that tampons are Satan's little cotton fingers.

[physioex]

33. Ohhh....

And don't get caught at that time of the month without any and have your guy make a run to the drugstore. If I can keep the place stocked with toilet paper you should be able to reciprocate.

[noshenanigans]

119. No, don't put the toilet seat back up!

Here's the thing- stumbling into the bathroom in the middle of the night (god help you if you've been drinking), you turn around and stick your girly ass on the toilet- SPLASH. Now you're *in* the toilet. And that is no good.

So I'm firmly in the "put the seat down, dammit" camp.

[Frogtutor]

125. I've made it a habit when going to the bathroom in the dark

to automatically feel toward the top of the tank for the lid, and if the lid is there, feel for the seat just in front of it. That way I'm just feeling the edge of the lid and seat, and nothing gross, and I avoid the cold splash.

I used to raise hell about putting the seat down, but after so many years of marriage I've decided not to sweat the small stuff anymore! Besides; I'm sure I do something similar that annoys him!

[MountainLaurel]

176. Learned to do that because of a cat

We had from ages 10-24. Garfield loved to roost in the kitty-loaf position on the rim of the toilet. Did. Not. Appreciate. Being sat on. Fur and claws are about even with cold toilet water for unpleasant surprises in the middle of the night.

[WMliberal]

177. LMAO. i love cats and toilets

all of ours drink from it. nothing's funnier than the look you get in the middle of the night, when you turn the light on and they look up at you from the toilet.

We once had a cat that learned to do her business in the toilet, not the kitty litter!

[Frogtutor]

188. LOL! Yeah, I'd say the claws (not to mention the startle) are worse! n/t

[Left Is Write]

134. As am I. Not only that, I put the LID down. Toilets have lids for a reason

Around here, the toilet lids are closed when the toilets are not in use.

[RaleighNCDUer]

4. Depends on the definition of 'lived with'.

Roommate or bedmate?

A considerable difference.

[prolesunited]

25. Bedmate

and for clarification, I'm a woman.

[tsakshaug]

5. Listen

Sometimes what a man says, he really means it. I don't hint or shade meanings.
Sometimes when he is quiet, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG!! If he gets badgered about why are you so quiet? What's wrong? soon there will be something wrong, he will be pissed about the questions

[billyskank]

6. And the farting

you'll just have to get used to it. It has to come out sometime, and (most) men don't seem able to do it quietly. May be because we just like the noise.

[prolesunited]

19. I fart

Maybe we could have contests!

[billyskank]

21. I'm up for it!

But I, er, seem to have no control over when it's necessary to do it. Kinda got a mind of its own!

[The Doctor.]

8. Here you go -

(Assuming you are female)

The Men's List:

Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!


*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

{forgot link}- http://www.egreeley.com/messages/1542.html

If you are a male living with a male - you should already know some of these.

[ET Awful]

14. LOL . . . I've seen most of those before, but the "round is a shape"

earned a loud laugh :)

[prolesunited]

56. That's a very amusing list.

:D

[Misunderestimator]

9. Yeah.... Live with a woman instead...

:D

One HUGE piece of advice... Never... NEVER... move close to his parents.

[prolesunited]

45. Well, you know he's moving here

But his mom seems real nice.

[Misunderestimator]

59. Well, that's cool... I'm just speaking from my own experience...

Still glad he's the one moving there :)

[eoberhauser]

10. Easy does it

I've lived with my boyfriend for seven years. You have to be willing to give and take. I think this is true for living with anyone. I think all men are different and we all experience different things. I also work with my boyfriend (we own a screenprinting/embroidery business) We have a blast. We allow ourselves to fight with each other and we don't take ourselves too seriously. Leave your pride at the threshold (SP?) We're all human. Other than that, let the guy make some decisions on what to watch on tv and what to eat for dinner - I have a tendancy to dominate those activities. HAVE FUN!

Erin

[goddess40]

11. RUN!!!!!!!!!! nt

[underpants]

13. Some things

-first if you are a neat freak (or at least not a slob) stringently enforce the "one basket rule" on laundry and train him to put ALL of his laundry in the basket EVERY TIME so there aren't any hidden piles when you think you are about to catch up on laundry-to date this is still not effective with my wife.

-LEARN about the ways of the TV and the remote. Observe take it in.

-Don't put up with any of his crap

-You both need time away from time to time.

-Don't talk too much.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

16. Separate bathrooms.

:hi: I am the youngest of six children, the only girl, and my mother died when I was young.

I don't know why or what it is *exactly*, but men leave a smell in the bathroom. You. Need. Separate. Bathrooms. I could deal with anything as long as Daddy kept the rule that I needed my own bathroom because I was a girl. O8)

Most of the rest is bearable. I *would* make rules about housework, first. And beware the list of 20 chores each which is "fair," but your chores are things like, "Do the dishes" and his are things like "Get oil changed in car." LOL.

[mr_hat]

17. That hair clogging the drain is yours, damn it.

[cry baby]

20. They leave hair on the soap. n/t

[progmom]

47. oh that is SO my pet peeve

I have so few peeves, you would think husband could keep up with that one. If you get a hair on the soap, just rinse the silly thing off, please. Or, I dunno, don't rub the bar of soap directly on your genitals, thereby avoiding the whole issue entirely!!!

[Kali]

63. and the freaking walls of the shower

eeewwwwwww


and you may as well get used to toilet duty because like tv commercials he thinks cleaning the toilet is the inside of the bowl only. He apparently cannot see the underside of the seat that he leaves up nor the front and sides of the bowl. And if he's tall he misses even worse.

[WMliberal]

71. oh god we do. No matter how hard you try to get it off, it won't come

wow that subject line sounds dirty....

anyway, that's why i switched to those body washes. Can't get hair on that!

[prolesunited]

78. I use a body wash and one of those bath poufie things

He can do whatever he wants to the bar of soap. I guess I can cross at least one thing off the list.

[Droopy]

24. Everybody is different so it's hard to give you any advice beyond

general stuff. I think the most important thing that you have to establish with any room mate is that you have to respect each other. Respecting each other means that you should share the housekeeping duties; that you should honor each other's private space; that you should be considerate when the other is trying to rest; that you should split all costs associated with the housing equally or make an agreement on who pays what before hand.

If this is going to be an intimate relationship, I don't know what to tell you in that regard.

[matcom]

27. Sex

just give it up. no questions asked. 24/7

[prolesunited]

72. Does that rule work both ways?

:evilgrin:

[Patiod]

127. Absolutely not

If you want it, it's "pressure"

[L.A.dweller]

150. "Just give it up"

I thought you meant just give up sex.
My bf and I have been living together for less than a year now and the sex has changed.
It use to be fun & exciting now I do it just to please him.
I think that happens in most relationships so be prepared for that too!
:-(

[BurtWorm]

28. Leave the toilet seat up.

;)

[JVS]

29. Don't bust his hump about where the toilet seat is.

Because there are two schools of thought on toilet seats among us and you won't like either one of them

1) I'll move the seat once: this means that if the seat is down and he needs to pee, he'll put it in the upright positon and leave it that way.

2) I won't touch it: this means that if the seat is in the down position he'll just try (and probably not too hard) to urinate into the toilet without getting any drops on the seat.


Any deviation from one of these two methods is unnatural and wrong.

[TlalocW]

30. When we're quiet, and you ask us what we're thinking about

Accept it when we say, "Nothing." The truth will will either 1. offend, 2. stun, or 3. confuse you as they will fall into the following categories:

1. A sex act we want to do with you but realize it will only happen in our wildest fantasies so we're not going to tell you about it.
2. A sporting event or something that happened in a sporting event 10 to 20 years ago. More than likely, it will be a replay of something that happened that cost our team the game, and when I say, "our team," it can mean a little league baseball team we played on when we were nine or our favorite football team.
3. Stupid male things like, "Who would win in a fight between Superman and the Incredible Hulk," "Whose spaceships are more powerful - Star Wars or Star Trek," "How can I build a Medeival Trebuchet", etc.

I'm actually not a sports fan so number 2 doesn't apply to me, but I'm sure it's a given for most males. :)

TlalocW

[dave123williams]

39. You forgot #4

4. We're ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT NOTHING.

[Maestro]

90. Sip!

Gotta agree. We males have the ability to actually not think at times. I know this hard to understand but sometimes when we say we are thinking about nothing, we mean it. And if we don't answer when you ask something it is not that we are ignoring (at least probably not) it is just that our brains are in shut down mode, probably during a sporting event, or some documentary from the History Channel or one of the Discovery channels.

[intheflow]

43. I concur.

When a guy says he's thinking about nothing, he is not being deep or obtuse. 9 times out of 10 he really is thinking about stuff that has no relevance to anything in your world. Nothing personal, he's just in his own zone.

That being said, don't live with a brooding mute. If he can't ever have a conversation it's a big blinking warning sign. Also, if he can't have a conversation that doesn't focus on him: big blinking lights, loud sirens blaring--run!

[billyskank]

50. My money's on Superman

:)

[WMliberal]

74. addition to #1

our sex fantasies frighten them and theirs BORE US.

[dave123williams]

35. We need time in our caves...

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're in serious trouble.

[On the Road]

79. Amen, Amen, Amen -- Time in the Caves

Not only am I a man, I'm an introvert, which means that I expend energy with people and gain energy from being alone.

This was not problem with my ex-wife, who was also an introvert. But with my current girlfriend, who's an extreme extrovert, this is such an issue that it's threatened the entire relationship. (And still does.) There's really no way around it, at least in my case, no matter how accommodating I try to be. And no way to explain it to someone who feels differently.

[prolesunited]

95. We're building a lair in the basement

and we crave our alone time about equally. There's a reason why I'm 42 and never tried this before. :-)

[matcom]

36. don't bitch

if it itches, we scratch it

[CO Liberal]

37. We Burp and Fart, Often Without Warning

:-)

[jonnyblitz]

65. I know plenty of women that do that. n/t

[DebinTx]

38. Always look before you sit!

Oh, and give him his own sink in the bathroom.

[BurtWorm]

51. If he uses the sink, you won't have to worry about the seat!

:thumbsup:

[billyskank]

68. Nobody pisses in the sink after leaving University!

And even then that's only because the sink in your room is so much closer than the communal bathroom down the hall!

[matcom]

40. they are called "Turtle Games"

and trust us. they are fun

[prolesunited]

96. I don't get that one

:shrug:

[billyskank]

117. Neither do I

Should I?

[BurtWorm]

120. If Mrs. Matcom were here, she might explain it.

Or she might rather not.

[Patiod]

41. Some advice from a chick

Even if he is a paragon who cooks, does dishes, vacuums, puts the seat down and does wash, you will have to grocery shop, put the washed clothes away, and scrub the bathroom. A rare few may food-shop or put clothes away but no guy in the history of the world scrubs the bathroom if there is a woman around. And most don't do it even when there isn't a woman around

You'll now be purchasing his underwear - he might be trading commodities or buying and selling companies for a living, but he can't buy his own skivvies.

Enjoy the use of the remote before he moves in, because you won't be allowed anywhere near it. Ever again. Ever.

Enjoy the use of the sofa before he moves in, because you're going to have to find a new perch. He can't watch TV in a seated position - it is crucial to the viewing experience to be completely prone.

If you hate the Three Stooges, get over it.

Nothing you can do or say will keep him from watching TV with his package in his hand.

[TlalocW]

49. I object to the underwear buying assumption!

The last girl I dated was from Colombia, and when we were in Target, I bought some new boxers, and I looked at her and said, "I'm not cheating on you. I just need some new pairs of underwear."

She didn't get it.

TlalocW

[cry baby]

On the underwear thing, the brown stripe on his underwear is

permenant! Use tongs to pick them up off the floor, where they will be after he steps out of them.

[underpants]

57. Actually I do all those

except cook-no one wants that

[BurtWorm]

82. I do, too. I'm the official vacuumer, dishwasher and bathroom scrubber.

I do them each once a year, but it is I who does them. ;)

[Shakespeare]

91. You are absolutely correct about the remote.

Whenever I reach for it, it's like trying to take a bone from a very possessive, very cranky pit bull. Sheesh. One time I beat him to it, and he demanded to know why I was hogging the remote. "Because YOU always hog it, and I figured it was my turn for a change." He was pissed off for the rest of the evening. :7

[Patiod]

124. I have been told I "don't know how to use it responsibly"

Grrr.

Otherwise a paragon, though. And he cooks like a pro.

[AngryAmish]

152. It is possible to watch 3 things at once

Sometimes, the remote glows red from use.

[Shakespeare]

168. Correction: possible to watch 3 shows HE wants to see at the same time.

But if I try flipping between shows, MAAAAAAAAAN, look out. First, the tortured breathing starts--not quite a sigh, but close. That develops into full-blown heavy sighing, and if I continue to switch between shows, he invariably stomps out of the room.

I, however, an expected to indulge his desire to do the same. Sometimes, it's like living with a little kid. I wouldn't trade him for anything, but there's a BIG double standard where the TV is concerned.

[AngryAmish]

187. Yes, there is a double standard

This particular piece of unfairness will never go away.

[sangh0]

92. yes, the remote in one hand, the package in the other

this way, if we get confused about what's in which hand, at least we get some pleasure out of the effort.

[progmom]

94. wow. you're right.

...about most of those.

My man, bless him, vacuums, does the laundry, takes out the trash, changes diapers...but he absolutely has never adequately cleaned a bathroom in the 9 years we have been together. I thought it was just my man - his mom isn't much of a bathroom cleaner either. Interesting...

And the underwear thing...why is that? It's so true! He'll wear his underwear until it's just a few worn pieces of cotton hanging from a stretched out elastic...but he will never buy a replacement pair. I actually buy him underwear for Christmas.

[prolesunited]

99. I was thinking of buying him underwear this Christmas

for a joke. I think he'll appreciate it. So far, he seems to be doing well in the underwear department, though.

[BurtWorm]

102. Cool! Underpants for Christmas!

I know what to put on MY wish list! :thumbsup:

[NewJeffCT]

98. other than cooking

Other than cooking, I do most of the housework. I don't trust my wife with most of the cleaning, especially when it comes to bathrooms & floors. She does help fold clothes - sometimes. And, if I'm running behind in the morning, she will help a bit with the baby. And, despite her two master's degrees, I still have to re-arrange things in the dishwasher if she puts anything more than a fork or spoon into it. Maybe by some time next year, she'll figure it out?

However, she does accompany me sometimes when we grocery shop.

[prolesunited]

133. Oooh, I want a wife, too!

:-)

Nah, that's OK. Just as long as we split things fairly equitably and cover for each-other if we have other commitments.

[Left Is Write]

140. No guy in the history of the world scrubs a bathroom if there's a woman

around?

Hmmm. I guess I'll have to tell that to my husband, who just last weekend was scouring the shower in our bathroom. I was even in the house at the time.

He doesn't watch TV lying down either, or with his package in hand. (And we've never watched the Three Stooges.)

Apparently I married one of a kind.

[Patiod]

191. My girlfriend was depressed to find her 5yo lying on the sofa

Watching TV, package in hand, just like his Dad.

It's horrifyingly common.

[chefgirl]

44. One truth I've learned

Just be prepared to find out that no matter how unique and wonderful you think your guy is:

They're all the same f*n guy! :evilgrin:

Happy living together!

-chef-

[ruthg]

48. They don't scrub toilets n/t

[ernstbass]

53. Men never put the toilet seat down

[Patiod]

62. My SO grew up w/3 older sisters who beat it into him

to lower the seat.

Thank you MaryRose, Eileen and Barbara
:hi:

[dean_dem]

97. Yeah, well women never put the toilet seat up!

:P

Really, this has been quite the amusing thread. But just so you know, we're not all slobs who pee in the sink. Peeing in the yard, yes. But never in the sink.

[SiouxJ]

54. Look before you step when venturing near the toilet

especially if you're barefoot or just wearing socks.

[billyskank]

60. Actually I always wipe up any overspray!

I don't like stepping in piss either.

[SiouxJ]

61. you would be a "keeper"

then ;-)

[Beware the Beast Man]

58. Seat up.

You want it down, put it down before you go.

[lpbk2713]

67. Sporting events on TV might come higher on the priority list

than you might expect. Try not to be offended.

[pleiku52cab]

69. Do not continually bug him about putting down the toilet seat n/t

[furrylitldevil]

100. Better yet

Don't continually bug him about any one thing. Spread the bugging around so as not to overload him.

[TrogL]

73. A few things nobody else seems to have thought of

It's perfume, not bugspray. Less is more.

Don't use his razor.

If he's not interested, get him to a doctor.

Let him do it his way unless it's going to kill somebody.

Yes, he needs 3/4 of the bed.

Yes, he has to pass out afterwards. It's a biological thing, sorta like everybody flaking out after Thanksgiving dinner.

[BiggJawn]

75. Don't go to war over the toilet seat!

Does it REALLY matter? (I leave the whole lid down. a visitor would sit down and piss herself probably...)

It's gonna be rough. you've both lived on your own for a while and believe it or not, you HAVE gotten "set" in your ways...

Maintain HUMOUR at all costs! There's NOTHING that soap and water or a few minutes with the Hoover can't fix!

Good luck to both of you!

Oh....I almost forgot....Bicycles ARE proper living room decor...

[SarahB]

84. I agree!!!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

In other words- who cares? Besides, as the mom of boys, I have long surrendered to this whole issue. I'm just happy when the pee makes it into the toilet. :D

[billyskank]

86. It's not entirely our fault!

These things aren't very well engineered! The main stream may be going into the bowl but a side trickle comes out and sometimes it's impossible to get both on target! We try though. Or at least I do.

[Zuni]

198. That is what my mom used to say

She said stuff like that she was happy that we picked the seat up at least

[guitar man]

77. learn this device

and how to respond to all its functions, you should get along just fine. :)




But seriously though, after 14 years of marriage I think I can safely say that the key to getting along is for each of you to remember that you are individuals and need your own space and time. Each of you have your own interests and mutual respect of those interests, no matter how silly or useless you think they are goes a long, long way.

[warrens]

81. To be perfectly serious

Plan things so you both have enough space to be alone at times. Companionship is one thing, suffocation another. For both parties.

[prolesunited]

93. That won't be a problem

We're both kinda loners. It will be more of an effort to do things together. Plus, we're finishing a room in the basement for him for a computer, TV, chair, and books with all of his favorite things. He'll also have a workshop room and complete run of the garage (after he helps me clean it all out.)

[warrens]

101. This is good

The rest should be a piece of cake. And most guys actually DO put the seat down.

[billyskank]

83. About the toilet seat, I've got an idea

lots of people have brought that one up. How about this: a compromise. Both of you after using the loo, not only put the seat down but the lid too. That way you're both equally inconvenienced!

[bunkerbuster1]

108. Never understood why everyone doesn't do that

Do people enjoy fishing stuff out of the toilet that inevitably winds up getting dropped in there? Close the damn lid. sheesh.

[Cheswick2.0]

85. don't argue to win

and if he doesn't know that, please tell him. You should never try to win an argument. If you win it means the other person loses. Why would you want your love to feel like a loser?

Fight fair.

[ProfessorGAC]

87. We're ALL Scum

Just so you know.

One thing that will keep a relationship solid: Always have two good TV's in the house. Don't make him watch the football or baseball games on the crappy TV, and have a good one for you. Both of you should watch what you want on good stuff.

Other than that, just have tolerance since we're all, like i said, scum.
The Professor

[Karenina]

112. And a minimum of TWO TOILETS!

if not 2 bathrooms. Men cannot just go poop. When they take War&Peace, Shogun or Computers Today in there and shut the door, may the angels help you if you just need to pay the waterman real quick...

[u4ic]

89. Mine is good with the toilet seat

but has always more 'important' things to do rather than spend time together. Somehow, in his mind just living together translates as spending time together, even if we don't.

It's a very touchy issue for me. Hopefully it won't happen to you. Best of luck!

[Kat45]

154. Gee, I had that same relationship, u4ic

I'm no longer in it.

[SoCalDem]

103. They shed.. and they have bad aim.. n/t

:)

[Skittles]

104. I HAVE HAD IT WITH MEN

*LIKED IT TOO* (Skittles classic)

Men are illogical - they like to pretend it is US who are illogical but it's not true. Just keep in mind THEY ARE MEN and DON'T EXPECT THEM TO REACT THE SAME WAY YOU DO.

[Susang]

105. Best....post....ever!

:toast:

[Skittles]

113. I have five brothers and I was in the military

men are cake to me :)

[Susang]

126. I eat cake for breakfast

It's true, just ask BatBoy. :evilgrin:

[prolesunited]

135. Or me

Although I didn't witness it, I don't think you had any reason to lie to me on the phone.

[DS1]

122. Impossible, your brains experience 60% more cross-traffic

that is the root of all illogical decisions made by women.

/runs

[arcane1]

107. based on my limited experience living with men...

you may expect the following:

the ever-present beer-can pyramids

half-completed race-car models all over the damned place

food vanishing

getting stuck with a huge pay-per-view porn bill

drunken rough-and-tumble bullshit when you least expect it

beeing to annoyed to ever have anyone over

but at least I got my lovely kitty out of the arrangement :D

[prolesunited]

109. Thankfully

I'm really sure *none* of those things are going to be happening. C'mon, you know me. Would I *ever* pick a man like that?

BTW, I sure hope you weren't talking about yourself. :P

[arcane1]

114. lmao, hells no that wasn't me

but it was the first and last time I ever lived with the male species, certainly! :P

[RaleighNCDUer]

123. Oww. Sounds like the one thing you lacked

was a grown-up partner.

[arcane1]

148. indeed

though I lacked an empty house much much more :)

[LisaM]

110. Two TVs is important - he may not want to watch ALL the Xmas movies

and keep track of the socks. He'll throw laundry in without checking to see if the socks match. And don't let him bring home more than one newspaper a day. Make sure he buys the right kind of dish soap (mine came back with the wrong kind one day - he KNEW it was the wrong kind, but it was 10 cents cheaper or something. Worse, he and the (male) checker had a good laugh about it. Watch to make sure he doesn't fill up the house with good buys - toilet paper that comes in packages of 50, 10 lbs of potatoes when you only need two potatoes, etc. Your house will be full of giant packages of stuff and anything that can spoil, will.

[billyskank]

111. "But honey buns,"

"now we won't need to buy toilet paper for another year!"

"Yes, but how are we going to reach the toilet in order to need it??"

[LisaM]

118. LOL, you got that right!

I can't get to ANYTHING.

[prolesunited]

131. Uh-oh

I shop at Costco and have huge packages of things stored in my basement, like toilet paper, paper towels. Mac 'n' Cheese, granola bars, etc.

[AngryAmish]

155. In submarines

They stack food on the floor. Just get sturdy stuff.

[Frogtutor]

144. LOL That's too funny! I thought it was just my husband!

Thankfully, he doesn't do much of the shopping. But when he does, everything has to be giant size (giant packages of beef, giant bottles of catsup, giant jugs of salsa, you name it) Then has the audacity to complain about the freezer and/or pantry being crowded!!!!

:mad:

[maveric]

115. Men love the smell of their own farts and will share that with you every

chance they get.
We also are incapable of replacing toilet paper rolls, put ourselves on "auto-nod" while you are talking to us, and we love the 3 Stooges.

[Piltdown13]

182. Oh, the toilet paper rolls!

My boyfriend will go so far as to get out a replacement roll and set it down on the floor *directly underneath the dispenser* but has, in the ~3 and a half years we've lived together, only actually placed the roll on the dispenser a handful of times! I'll come into the bathroom and find the roll on the dispenser completely empty, and the new roll on the floor, already started. Perhaps this will change now that we have a new cat who likes to hang out in the bathroom...or perhaps that's just wishful thinking. :-)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

116. neither have i

but so long as you havent picked up a frat boy type, i am sure you will be fine.

[Fleshdancer]

121. always check the toilet seat before sitting down

That was the biggest adjustment I had to make when I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband). I was use to being able to go to the bathroom in the dark in the middle of the night but once I moved in with him, I fell into the toilet a few times before learning my lesson.

[Magrittes Pipe]

128. Don't worry, proles.

I know him -- you won't be living with a man now, either! :D

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

190. a more perfect example of a "hedgeism" I've never seen

[flamingyouth]

129. They can be trained

It helps if they come pre-programmed to do one of the following: cook, clean, launder. (Just kidding ;))

Congrats! You guys will be very happy. :D

[Withywindle]

132. Hoo boy...

I've spent most of my adult life living with men, both lovers and platonic roommates.

Some of the things I've learned are:

(1) Keep fights clean and simple. If the fight is ostensibly about housekeeping or bills or something mundane like that, keep all the scarier, more complex relationship-related resentments FAR AWAY FROM IT. Even if you think they ARE connected, don't go there. Bring those up at another time when you're calm.

(2) Sometimes you CAN go to bed mad, because sometimes sleeping on it is the best thing and it all looks very different in the morning.

(3) Being a good lover/companion/boyfriend is actually a completely different skill set/compatibility issue than being a good roommate! Domestic partners have to manage both, and this does not always come naturally or easily no matter how much in love you are. Sadly, it is very possible to be extremely compatible in one area and have serious problems in the other. Accept this, discuss it, and work around it.

(4) Both of you may very well have habits and ways of doing things that you think are "obvious," "normal," and "of course" the "right" way. They may be complete opposites. It doesn't mean either of you is "wrong."

(5)This one is the most important to me by far, and it seems you already have a good handle on it: He has a private inner life that is his alone. So do you. You both need this. This means no snooping, no grilling about hobbies or friends, and no snits when one is absorbed in something mysterious that makes them happy. The goal to strive for is being able to be "alone together", each enjoying what you enjoy, and then also enjoying things together. My favorite image is of a painter and writer in the same room both doing their thing, completely absorbed and completely trusting the other to respect their creative autonomy. A few hours later, they put their work down at the same time, have a glass of wine, an impassioned, inspiring conversation about art and life and then some hair-raising wake-the-neighbors sex--then throwing on bathrobes, cleaning up the mess, and going to sleep. :) (And yes, it works just as well if your thing is ranting on political message boards and his is computer games. It doesn't matter what the thing is - you just have to have it so you don't rely on each other to entertain you constantly.)

Hope this helps. My track record isn't perfect, but it's not so bad either. :)

[prolesunited]

141. Actually, he is just as likely to be ranting here as well

and it won't be a problem because we'll each have our own cable-connected computers. :D

As for fighting, neither one of us are fighters. We both tend to walk away when things get tense and try to come back to it fresh.

We've spent extended time together under the same roof, so I don't see any huge landmines.

BTW, I really liked your fantasy. Ever lived it? ;-)

[Withywindle]

146. Sort of....

Except I've never dated a painter, and dating other writers doesn't work. We get too competitive with each other.

My man now is a musician. We can't literally work in the same room 'cause he's loud. But when he gets back from his rehearsal space, yeah. :)

[Frogtutor]

137. Oh, more bathroom warnings...

Besides the toilet seat thing. I'm amazed at the difference between the cleanliness of my toilets. We have 3 bathrooms; I mostly use the master bathroom, my husband mostly uses the guest bathroom, and my son mostly uses his bathroom. My toilet stays cleanest (no hair or pee all over the rim) The guest toilet is dirtier, and my son's toilet is a biohazard. I HATE cleaning toilets!!

Oh, and no one in my house besides me knows how to replace the toilet paper roll on the holder.

And another thing; When my husband shaves and/or trims his mustache, he gets little tiny bits of hair all over a ten foot square radius. Even when he says, "I cleaned it up", there's still hair...he's worse than the cat.

On edit: I forgot to mention that both my husband, and especially my son have a tendency to STOP UP the toilets (!) And take their own sweet time getting around to unstopping them; keep a plunger handy...

I feel guilty complaining so much; I really love my husband, and his good qualities really do outweigh his flaws!

[messyca]

183. Is your husband, my boyfriend?

That sounds so much like him! He gets his hair all over everything! He'll brag about how good he cleaned up, and when I go in the bathroom it's obvious that he has taken his hand and brushed of the counter in one inept swoop. I just laugh to myself, because he's just so proud.

Ohh and the clogged toilet! He just leaves it fester, hoping it will unclog itself naturally. So when I go to use the bathroom, all I have to do is groan really loud, and he gets the most guilty look on his face and runs into the bathroom. Then he looks down, and simply says "oh...yeah, that was me...sorry" and will unclog it for me. To this day I have never met a man who can clog the toilet as much as he does, and usually with nothing more than his own ginormous crap.

Don't feel bad about complaining, it keeps us sane. I've got about a million stories about my man, and while his habits can truly gross me out, I find it endearing that he's so one of a kind.

[Frogtutor]

189. LOL! Welcome, messyca! n/t

[buckettgirl]

139. they can be trained!

It takes awhile though. I have successfully trained my hubby to pick up his dinner dishes and take out the trash with minimal nagging. :)
If you are living with a man as your boyfriend, if he is generally a courteous person, then I would see no problems in the area of housework - as long as he doesn't think that women should always do housework (that idea to fly in this household.)

[bloodyjack]

151. All we ask of you is unwavering loyalty to the cause

[CarbonDate]

153. I don't get the toilet seat debate

What's the big f'ing deal? Personally, if a couple is getting into a heated argument over the toilet seat, there are probably other issues that need to be worked out which neither side is addressing.

[physioex]

157. Not necessarily....

It's called pet peeves. When you live with a person a lot of adjustment is required both on a mental and physical level. It is possible something like a toilet seat can lead to other problems. Such is not the case with me, but I am more understanding.

[politicat]

156. Don't buy pets for each other, don't worry about the vegetable situation,

and lots of them are picky-ass eaters that have the delicacy of a pure-bred, pampered cat.

On the pets issue: if you gotta have them, either pick them out together or pick them out individually. Don't give pets to each other. What a great gift, huh? An eating machine that lives for 15 or 20 years, needs regular maintenance, and shits. Oh, honey, I love you so! It also makes any potential separation easier: who gets custody of the cat can be very acrimonious.

Contrary to popular belief, men don't eat everything in sight. The ones I've lived with (1 father, 1 step-father, two step brothers, an LT boyfriend and a husband) have all been picky-ass eaters with no discernible sense of taste and no comprehension of proper nutrition. Most of them would eat fast food 3 meals a day, consider breakfast to be incomplete without at least three of these: eggs, sausage, bacon, pancakes; and venture into the produce section only to buy ranch dressing. For them, tofu is what you use to make cement. Sprouts are something that comes up in the garden.

Fish is verboten, shellfish is worse. Beef, pork and chicken are the mainstays, preferably in slabs and half charred. Sauces are for the effete. Nutrition can be found in hot sauce, catsup, and mayo. Chips are a food group. If it comes in a box and takes less than 10 minutes to prepare, it's a well rounded food. Everything can be cooked in the microwave.

You will have to force the vegetable issue. Just deal with it and do it. Salads and fruit are a necessary part of each meal. (Get a good salad cookbook; it helps a lot.)

Good luck... you're embarking on a long strange trip. I can't say it's easier or harder than living with a woman, but it's definitely different.

Pcat

[prolesunited]

161. He's bringing his cat with him

I don't have a cat currently but I've had one before, and we're discussing a dog, which we would pick out together somewhere down the line.

He's eaten everything I've cooked so far and cooked a few meals himself, although he likes things 10 times as spicy. When he made chili, he ended up with two separate pots. :-)

I'm a vegetarian and he's not. Since it's more for health than ethical reasons, I will buy and cook meat for him but he doesn't require it at every meal. He does indulge in fast food, but only when we're not eating together.

[never cry wolf]

158. Here's ALL you need to know

Just for you Sharon

[prolesunited]

163. Fuck you!

:D

:hi:

[never cry wolf]

167. LOL, just a joke hun

Shows how far we've come in 50 years or so.

best wishes to ya!

:hi:

[prolesunited]

169. Uh, oh

You called me hun! I'm sure you meant it in a demeaning a misogynistic way. :P

[lpbk2713]

165. Now you've done it.

Now we'll never see the end of this thread.

[prolesunited]

166. It was a joke

We know each-other so it's OK. I know he really didn't mean it and he knows I would never stand for it.

It is a joke, right? ;-)

[yvr girl]

174. I have a home economics book from the 50's

That list is almost verbatim from that text.

[bobo4u]

178. Wow, that's good...

One more thing though. After wifeypoo has made her man comfortable in his favorite chair, she should remember to bring him his favorite reading materials. A fresh Playboy or Penthouse magazine should always be made available to him. Remember girls, it's not where he gets his appetite that matters...

[NashVegas]

159. If He Does *Anything* to Help Clean the Place

make a huuuuuge deal out of it and express appreciation. They seem to think they deserve it.

[Solly Mack]

162. Honestly? Everything you think you know about them...throw that out the

window....it's about to become a whole new ballgame.

Be patient. It's a new beginning and as such requires care. Abandon your preconceived notions at the door...search yourself, because you do harbor expectations you are not even aware of...yet. These hidden expectations can be relationship killers. Instead of exploding at the other person when this happens...step back and ask yourself why you are mad....(the real reason...not the "they didn't do this or they did do this...)then talk the matter over with your partner.

See, most problems arise when a need we have isn't met...in order to better understand why you are upset or angry is to understand which of your needs wasn't met by the action or inaction of your partner.


They'll be going through the exact same things as you.

Keep the lines of communication open. You'll be fine.

[calico1]

164. When I first started dating my honey

he worked to impress me by cooking these sumptious meals. I would come to visit and sometimes he would be doing house work. The house was immaculate! Nowadays, he does no housework unless I specifically ask him to. I have to remind him that the living room is not a hamper and that his shoes do not get put away on the living room floor. Oh, and strangely enough he claims to not know where all the cooking utensils, pots and pans and spices are even though we have a small, 1970's kitchen. He is good about the toilet. One reason we both remember is because we have cats and a dog and don't want them falling in or drinking out of it. He does leave whiskers in the sink when he shaves though, even if I just cleaned the sink. Or he will come in from working outside in the yard or on his car and track dirt all over the floor or carpet even if I have just cleaned it! We have 5 televisions in the house so we don't need to fight about that subject. If I want to watch something on HBO or some other premium channel I ask him to watch his sports programs in another room because we only have one cable box for the premium channels. He doesn't mind. You will definitely get to know the real him once you live together. And he will get to know all of your quirks and annoying habits as well. We all have them. MY honey is an expert mechanic and always takes care of my car. He does a lot of other stuff for me and I am by no means perfect so it works out. I think when you live together things change. Its not so romantic anymore but you do get closer I think.

[cally]

171. Advice for both of you

My husband and I are both fairly controlling. When we first moved in together we allocated the chores evenly. Then I complained the toilet wasn't clean enough or the floor wasn't done right. He complained that I mismatched the socks and folded the towels wrong. We fought until one day I said fine. I'll never match a sock or fold a towel again. Twenty plus years later, I've only put the towels away two or three times. He's only done the bathroom a time or two. We both now know that it's not OK to tell the other how to do the job unless you want to do it yourself. Well, we've mellowed over the years and do offer advice. But, whoever does the work gets to decide how it's done. Works for us. :shrug:

[bobo4u]

179. Boy, your bathroom must be pretty stinky by now. n/t

[Lady Sonelle]

172. Consistency

The key to training is consistency. If you come home and find a puddle on the carpet, it makes no sense to him if you punish him. You have to catch him in the act. Men live 'in the moment' and often do not connect the cold shoulder, the rolled up newspaper or banishment to the couch with the stained furniture, the staying out all night or the barking.

Set a schedule and adhere to it. Feed him at the same time each day and be certain to let him out at appropriate times. Don't just punish misbehaviour, praise the behaviours you want to keep! "Very GOOD! I'm so PROUD of you!" will work miracles in keeping the underwear off the bathroom floor and in the hamper where it belongs.

If things become too far out of hand, you may have to resort to NILIF (Nothing In Life Is Free) training. If he constantly pesters you for petting and affection, make him sit/stay for a few minutes before giving him physical attention. Never let him have to doubt the status order in the house. Dominance issues can wreck a good relationship.
This is even more pronounced if you allow him to sleep in the bed with you.

Finally, remember one simple rule: The foregoing was satire! In reality, men and women thrive on mutual respect, love and willingness to co-operate. Remember to cut each other slack, give each other love and respect and you cannot go far wrong.

Lady Sonelle

[BikeWriter]

173. Take into consideration...

...Everyone's "reality" is different...

[SOteric]

175. Forgive more and expect less.

It's a formula for living with any gender.

[messyca]

180. Don't ask him to put the toilet seat down.....

He will never remember, then he'll just not bother putting it up at all, and piss all over your toilet seat. I don't know about you, but I'd rather fall into the relatively clean toilet water, than sit on a seat wet with urine. It's obvious that I speak from experience, but don't get the wrong idea...my boyfriend doesn't do it on purpose, he actually thinks he's doing me a favor, and doesn't realize how bad his aim is. That, and he's just plain lazy.
Good luck though, if he's anything like the men I've lived with, you'll need it! :)

[msgadget]

181. The toilet seat thing.

It IS a big deal. And, they have weird habits they probably bring from mommy like certain ways they like their food, stuff like that. Relax, it'll be fun if he's considerate and worth it. Most importantly, allow HIM to get used to you. IOW, don't go TOO far out of your way to accommodate him, it's a two way street. Stay you, keep those habits that are important to you.

Uh, did he ever have his own place before? He's not coming from mom or the dorm directly to you, is he?

[prolesunited]

184. Dorm?

That made me laugh. He's 38 and I'll be 42 in April. :D

I guess I am pretty old to be trying this for the first time. Neither of us have been married, although he did live with a woman for awhile in the past. He was renting and I own a house, so that's one of the reasons he's coming here.

[msgadget]

192. Hey, ya never know!

And, I'm looking out for you in making sure he's worthy. In the end it comes down to equity in a relationship with both parties in the same place for the same reasons.

REMEMBER, let him spoil you a little, don't do all the heavy lifting in the relationship. Otherwise, just relax and enjoy the romance.

(uh...did I ask if he had a job? a car of his own? misc. spoiled children?)

[kodi]

185. you should know that without separate bathrooms the relationship is doomed

the rest is easy

[Kurovski]

186. Don't be discouraged by the places you'll find

that sprout hair.

[NoSheep]

195. Remember, it's his house too. He may be a slob and you, a neat freak.

You have to compromise on that stuff. Also, allow for time spent apart. Do nice things for each other. If it is a love relationship, start the sex OUTSIDE the bedroom...flirt with each other. Otherwise..it gets a little boring. Have a closed bathroom door rule. If it's closed...you CANNOT come in.
Make sure the chores are divided equitably. Make sure you agree on who's paying for what. If one of you makes more $ than the other, that person should pay a larger percentage of the bills.Good Luck, it can be a wonderful thing.

[Dastard Stepchild]

196. Money arguments.... expect them...

When friends and I chat about cohabitation issues, we may vary greatly on the habits and quirks of our partners that peeve us, but the money issue is always our common ground. It can be especially problematic if one or both of you are used to living alone. It takes some time to hammer out the compromises. If you can manage it, and if it is something that works for you as a couple, having one person oversee the finances can be of some help. Notice I said "oversee." Controlling... well that's a whole 'nother issue. :)

Oh yes - and the moving issue can be problematic, especially if both of you have very strong opinions on where you want to live. I do, so I've been known to engage in a shouting match or two in defending my preferred turf.


I live with a "sensitive man" (i.e. artsy computer geek), and I don't have to sit through sports things. Nor do I have squabbles about domestic duties. He loves them. Though I do have to hear the game Generals blaring from the computer every night. Not my first choice to be relaxing in the evening to the sounds of screaming soldiers, but what can ya do...


Best of luck to ya!!

edited for sp.