I just attended a right-wing fundy wedding in Iowa, ask me anything!

[Susang]

[Sean Reynolds]

1. Were the couple brother and sister?

[Susang]

4. Nope

One of them was my husband's nephew. He is not a fundy or right-wing. The bride's family were the extreme fundies.

[GOPisEvil]

2. Your head didn't explode?

Congratulations for surviving.

[Susang]

5. If the bride's family had had their way

My entire being would have exploded. Seems they don't like tattoos very much. I was stared at constantly and with venom.

[GOPisEvil]

8. Hehehehe...

....good thing looks don't kill.

[Susang]

11. I don't know....

I don't feel so good today. I think maybe the grandma put the evil eye on me!

[GOPisEvil]

12. Ooooohhh...not the "mal ojo"?!?!

If you come to Texas, I know of some "curanderas" who can remove the curse.

[Susang]

14. I better do something quick

I think I'm turning into a chicken or something.

Actually, considering they're Iowa farmers, she probably wanted to turn me into a pig!

[GOPisEvil]

15. "She turned me into an ear of corn!"

I got better.

[Susang]

24. Mmmm....Hot Buttered Corn!

Did I mentioned she looked like a female Mr. Burns? Everything about this woman was grey, her hair, her clothes, even her face!

[TlalocW]

17. Hell, I can tell you how to get rid of it

Crack an egg into a bowl and set it at the foot of your bed. In the morning, if it has somehow cooked itself, you're rid of the evil eye. If the egg is still raw, you never had it.

Nice way to cover your bases, huh? It's typical of all shennanigans from faith healers, psychics, astrologers, etc. But if wasting an egg makes you feel better...

TlalocW

[Susang]

26. If it scrambles, can I eat it for breakfast?

I'm new to all this voodoo and I don't know the rules about evil eyes.

[LincolnMcGrath]

3. Where in Iowa?

[Susang]

6. The ceremony was in Beaverdale (just outside of Des Moines)

The reception was at a country club near Ames.

[Solly Mack]

7. Did they vow to honor Bush til death do them part?

...or his mistress demands that he gives their child his name?...Forsaken all things liberal, so help them Dubya...

[Susang]

9. I don't think Bush is extreme enough for them

The bride's grandparents still call black people "darkies" and feel that the bride should not have married my hubby's nephew since he doesn't "serve Jesus".

[Solly Mack]

10. WOW...and you managed to sit through this without screaming?

Awestruck I am....

[Susang]

13. I had to

The groom's family are extremely great people (my husband's sister and her husband and kids) and amazingly enough, so is the bride. She's nothing like her family and has even visited us here in Chicago *and* even had a drink with me!

I didn't want to do anything that would ruin her day and unfortunately, that included drawing blood from my tongue every time someone stared at my tattoo with disdain or said something incredibly boneheaded. Boy, the things I do for family!

[XNASA]

16. Did anyone call you a "muckity-muck"?

I was once called a "muckity-muck" whilst visiting in-laws downstate.

Stupid savages.

Just kidding. Some of my downstate in-laws are nearly tolerable. Almost.

[Susang]

19. Not that I heard

Though I'm pretty sure that "Jezebel" and "Satan-spawn" were on their lips that night.

Did I mention that it was a *dry* wedding? No freakin booze!!! Not even a little wine to dull the pain. I really do deserve a medal for this one.

[XNASA]

21. No booze?!? Yep. Just like I said. Savages.

I once went to a dry reception when I lived in Houston. The bride's mother cried the entire ceremony, and I cried the entire reception after I found out that not only was there not an open bar, but there was no frickin' bar, period.

[SmileyBoy]

22. I don't know why, but that post made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!

LOL LOL LOL!!!!

[XNASA]

25. Great. Then my work here is done.

[Susang]

23. I would have paid anything for a martini

There wasn't even a bar in the building. In a fucking country club, for god's sake! Hell, even Jesus drank, it's right there in the bible. Why else would he even bother to turn water into wine in Canaan if he didn't approve?

[greatauntoftriplets]

27. NO BOOZE????

At a wedding? Perish the thought!

[Susang]

28. No booze at all!

The bride's parents wouldn't allow any. After watching people dance, I realized that there is a reason they serve alcohol at weddings. They're ridiculously boring without it.

[gratuitous]

18. Did she vow to "love, honor and obey"?

Or is she one of those libbers?

[Susang]

20. Wow, I didn't even think of that!

The word "obey" wasn't in the ceremony. That must have made her family even more pissed than they already were.