|
Edited on Sun Nov-28-04 03:30 PM by HypnoToad
I have been diagnosed with many things over my life. The only two conditions I agree with are: Generalized anxiety disorder (brought about by a horrific childhood, please don't ask me for details) and ADD. I also have great difficulty in learning via 'traditional' methods (book reading.) I can spend hours reading a page of networking concepts and just not get it. And when I learn it, I learn the commands but the logic of them often still eludes me,k though sometimes I understand enough to do it right. I also have trouble getting enthused to do anything.
I am in a crossroads at work. Trying to study for a new position and I am not grasping the ideas - again, reading a bunch of pages in books and not understanding the logic. (which is strange, I've been tested to have a high IQ).
While I do know that my employer plans to eliminate PC support, I am seen as highly regarded in my department by my management. If I am unable to prove myself in other fields, my longevity at the company will be over quickly. I do not wish that to happen. But it is NOT that fear or job loss that keeps me from not understanding the concepts of what I am trying to learn, as I know it won't be for a couple of years and that anything can happen within that time. (What I have learned, I have literally done on my own. It's useable knowledge, but it's less than thorough. And if I am supposedly so bright, how come I see my co-workers, who seem to have a better grasp at the concepts and system logic? I feel, well, dumb.)
I have social difficulties - partly because of the anxiety I've cultivated over the years and partly because I've always been something of a geek and a nerd; I've never been mainstream. Heck, I even feel nervous at family get-togethers, and I shouldn't. It's always been like that.
I'm also messy/cluttery but I'm working on that...
As with thought processes, they also occur in my writings. Sometimes I'll start a sentence and then not finish it, continuing with something else. I've re-read e-mails I've sent to management and felt embarrassed because I mixed up or forgotten key details. Yet they still believe, and have told me, I have excellent writing skills. Seems crazy, but true.
I always had an urge to buy and have things. Partly because there are no people in my life; I'm lonely, alone, and am a pariah. With what seems to be the end coming (or end of life as we know it with the impending economic crash and wars), I've been extra reckless these days - but am going to make as many returns as I can, so I'll be okay.
And, lastly, I also have a very bad habit of forgetting things. Or not realizing things that are necessary. I nearly got fired from my previous job in 1997 because I kept forgetting details. (this goes back to the logic/thought issue.) I'd go to a place to set up a sound card and, duh, not realize that speakers were necessary. Or go out to install a modem but forget that a phone cord is necessary. It's generally little details. Even to this day, I am shocked at how I've been able to keep my current job and I still feel stupid around my co-workers...
My personality is akin to those of TV characters Rose Nylund, Reginald Barclay, Vila Restal, and Chrissy Snow combined. (that sounds stupid, but it's the only way I can describe it.)
Thanks for helping.
|