I hereby announce that it is my honorable intention to escort...

[JVS]

LeftPeopleFinishFirst to the prom. I find no reason that the fact that I am several years older than her and that I enjoy heavy drinking should have any bearing on how appropriate an escort I would be. Thus I extend my most hearty and sincere invitation, that if LeftPeopleFinishFirst wishes it to be so, I shall be both pleased and honored to escort her to the prom. Further I will gladly defend her honor at said event in any manner necessary, ranging from fisticuffs to knife-fighting. That is all, thank you.