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Advice needed: how upfront to be in onine personals

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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 02:33 PM
Original message
Advice needed: how upfront to be in onine personals
Hi,
Like a lot of people, I do the online personal thing (e.g., match.com). I have a quandary. How upfront do I be about the fact that I have been married and divorced 3 times ? I'm not a bad guy, spouse abuser, etc., just a "poor chooser". If I'm upfront, at least I'm being honest but run the risk of being rejected because people don't really know me. If I "withhold" that piece of truth in the beginning, I run the risk of being rejected later on after I get to know women, which is a bit hard on my feelings. I'm more interested in what you ladies think, since I'm straight. Thanks for your time.
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Francesca Donating Member (452 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 02:34 PM
Response to Original message
1. keep the info to yourself
but if they ask then be honest...
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Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 02:35 PM
Response to Original message
2. I would just indicate that you are divorced.
The actually number of divorces need not be disclosed in the ad; that can be discussed with those who respond to your ad. You want to generate some initial interest, but you don't want to hide the fact that you're divorced.
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WestHoustonDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 02:35 PM
Response to Original message
3. I say be honest
I only got married once, but have a long history of choosing the wrong men.
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Socialist Dem Donating Member (363 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 02:50 PM
Response to Original message
4. Say you're divorced in your ads, but that's it.
There's no need to go into details in the ad. If they ask, be honest.
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nonconformist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 02:52 PM
Response to Original message
5. I agree with the others - just list yourself as 'divorced' nt
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miss_kitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 02:56 PM
Response to Original message
6. Uh-You don't want to be real chatty about exes
unless you are being complimentary and then not too much of that either ("She was a good person, we were wrong for each other. I hear she's happy and I'm glad"). Try HARD to NOT say nasty stuff about an ex-especially at the beginning-and here's a hint-stay away from those who don't follow this rule. Later on if you are soul-bearing-yeah-go ahead, but do it evenly and fairly. Keep remembering how lucky you are she (they) are a part of your past

A lot of times we are poor choosers because we are not learning from the previous experiences. A lot of people think they need to be married to 'do it', A lot of people have been married 3 or more times. It's what the sanctity of marriage is all about. :)

I would not blurt out the 3 marriages/divorces at the beginning. But if you are asked, don't be coy. Just answer it, straight up. I don't know how old you are, but at a certain age, there is a history that is attached to everyone we meet with hopes of hooking up or making a connection with (I say this hoping and assuming you are not 23). You can be truthful and positive sounding about all your marriages and bad choices. Just write it out first, think about it and throw the positive bias on it!

good luck!
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StElsewhere Donating Member (25 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 03:27 PM
Response to Original message
7. Steve, Trust Me
Here's what you do. Tell them you are four feet, eleven inches tall and weigh three hundred and twenty-two pounds. Describe the hairy mole at the end of your nose as being "cute." Tell the ladies you're a big fan of flowers and always keep a fresh rose pinned to the empty sleeve of your shirt. Set up dates as soon as possible. Once they meet you in person, they'll be so relieved, a little thing like three marriages won't seem all that important.
Hey, I'm just trying to help.
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2Design Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 03:57 PM
Response to Original message
8. letting them know you have been divorced is good - save the other
for later

It will show you are least willing to commit -
some men never go to the altar - that is much worse

you at least were willing to take a gamble

maybe they can have a meeting with all of your ex's to find out the common ground of why you are divorced - that way they have a heads up and can let you know the traits you have to destroy marriages

on the lighter side all those ex's can tell them the positive things about you too - maybe contact each one and ask her to write two letters to your future wife -
1. what they want to warn her about -
2. What they want her to enjoy

then you can make the changes without involving the new wife.

:) :) :) :)) :)
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hippiechick Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 04:22 PM
Response to Original message
9. Ok, not to start a flamer, but ... I gotta ask ...
If you've already had 3 failed marriages ... why the HELL are you looking again ?

And ONLINE - where all the freaks, wierdo's and losers lurk - to boot ?

:shrug: I am so confused.



:hippie:
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Hillaryin08 Donating Member (119 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 04:40 PM
Response to Original message
10. Hey Steve
I am ending marriage number 2. I decided that marriage works for a very few people and I am NOT on that list. I am a woman who views a repeat marriage offender as someone who is a hopeless romantic and dreamy. Your heart is looking for the love of your life but you butt can't carry it through to fruition. For what reason I am not privy to, but I imagine you like a gal that's hot and nutty. Great in the sack but not great to marry. Most guys think the red hot sex is an indicator that they are passionately in love. Reality sets in when the sexual part slows. That she may be a social or mental moron or whatever. You need to find a chick that mentally stimulates you and challenges you. Then make her a booty call. It's not traditional it's just an option. JMO
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qnr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 04:46 PM
Response to Original message
11. Moderation --- When you post your debit card number, don't give
the CCVN or PIN.

I'd say, if you are worried about it, it is probably something that you'll want to include, for yourself. Anyone that skips you because you brought it up probably isn't going to be amused when they find out later. But what do I know?
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