Mama said there'd be days like this.

[trof]

Mama said...
So...a few days ago the pull-chain light switch in my closet quit working. Wouldn't turn on. For a few days I used a flashlight. Today I said "OK, enough is enough. I'll replace it."

This is a dollar ninety-eight part, 5 minutes labor, job. Just one of those little round ceramic pull-chain fixtures.
How hard could it be?
unh-hunh

Quarters too tight in there to use a step ladder, but the kitchen step stool will work. Turned the circuit breaker off and unscrewed the screws holding the old fixture. Unscrewed the wire nuts. Damn...those must be #10 wires up there. VERY stiff and hard to work with. There are two white wires, and two black ones, coming out of the ceiling to the two wires on the fixture. That's weird.
Oh well.

Got the new fixture and started trying to get the wire nuts to hold onto three wires. Not enough room to work and twist all three wires together before screwing on the wire nuts. Wire too stiff. Maybe I can hold the fixture up with one hand, and hold the wires together with the other hand, and with the other hand screw on the wire nuts. No...wait. Not enough hands and too much screwing going on here. Figure a way to twist one set of wires so they hook up and hold the fixture. Now have two hands free to work with three wires and wire nut. There...that seems tight and secure. Now for the other set. OK. Feels like it's holding. I tell Miz t. to reset the circuit breaker, pull the chain, and the light goes on. VIOLA!
I turn it back off and tell Miz t. to turn the CB off until I finish.

Now...the two screws that hold the fixture to the little electrical box in the ceiling. The fixture has keyhole slots. In theory you screw the holding screws a little way into the box, push the fixture up onto the screws, then rotate them so the screwheads fit into the slots, the fixture stays up while you finish tightening the screws. In theory. Can't get the screwheads through the holes on the receptacle. OK, I'll hold the fixture against the ceiling and put the screws in through the holes. Except that, holding the fixture against the ceiling I can't see the screw holes in the box. Plus I'm hyperextending my neck this whole time and now I'm getting an ophthalmic migraine. Start seeing flashers in my peripheral vision and have to go sit down for a few minutes. Due to my now limited vision I walk into a corner of the dresser and now have a gash (OK, big scratch) in my elbow. It bleeds. I apply hydrogen peroxide. I curse.

While I'm cursing I step backwards on the sharp claw-end of a hammer I left on the floor. I am barefoot and now I have a gash (not a scratch) in my heel. I curse some more. Loudly and very colorfully. More hydrogen peroxide and a band-aide. Merde.

I reattack fixing the damn thing to the ceiling and am eventually successful. I holler at Miz t. to turn the breaker back on, pull the chain and...no light. I curse. Breaker back off. I remove the fixture and...sure enough...one set of wires is no longer connected. I try again. TIGHTER this time. Try again. Nope. Now the other set of wires has come undone. About this time I notice that the TV set next to the closet and the electric clock aren't on either. Even when the CB is on. Could that wall outlet POSSIBLY be wired in sequence with this damned closet light? It is. I curse. Eloquently.

I say "EFF THIS!!!" Hook up the wires so the damn TV will work and say "EFF IT UNTIL TOMORROW!!!
We decide to call Quizno's for supper. We order the Steakhouse Beef Dip:
Roast Beef, Swiss, French Onion sauce, Pan Roasted Au Jus.

We wanted this Sunday, it's our favorite. Called at 6 p.m. and they told us they close at 6 on Sunday.
Merde.
Tonight's the night.
We deserve it.
It's been a shitty day.
"Sorry, we're out of the Steakhouse Beef Dip."
Mama said there'd be days like this.

[huntsvilledem]

1. OH MY GOD AN ALABAMIAN!

helllllo!

[trof]

5. There's THOUSANDS of us here.

Just been layin' out for a while.
Roll Tide.

[knowbody0]

2. MAMMA SAYS 'KNOCK YOU OUT'

[knowbody0]

3. MAMMA SAYS 'KNOCK YOU OUT'

[RetroLounge]

4. Mama Told me not to Come...

RL

[acmavm]

6. Hey, I have this switch that turns on the light to the basement that no

one can seem to get working. This house was built around 1910 (really, still have some of the old gas fixtures that have been converted to electric light).

Would you mind coming over and having a look? Bring a flashlight.

Thank you in advance.

[trof]

7. Sure, no problem.

As you can see, I'm an expert at this kind of crap.
Yeah, right.
;-)

[bobbieinok]

8. do you have the name of this Kipling poem?????

[trof]

9. Excerpt from the poem 'Naulakha' by Rudyard Kipling

Now it is not good for the Christian's health to hustle the Aryan brown,
For the Christian riles, and the Aryan smiles and he weareth the Christian down;
And the end of the fight is a tombstone white with the name of the late deceased,
And the epitaph drear: "A Fool lies here who tried to hustle the east."

[Skittles]

10. most peculiar mama!

:D