Debate poll results.

[denverbill]

Using a methodology* which I believe to be comparable in accuracy and quality to Gallup, I have found that Kerry won the debates with a resounding 60%-25% margin of victory, with 15% undecided. However, even more stunning than the margin of victory were some of these statistical anomolies:

85% of people who watched the debates on a working TV that was sitting on top of a non-working TV thought Bush won.
72% of people with at least one major appliance in their front yard voted Bush the winner.
95% of people with less than a 3rd grade education thought Bush explained his positions better than Kerry.
63% of angry white men could identify more with Bush than with Kerry.
82% of former contestants on Jackass believed Bush acted more Presidential.
A resounding 100% of exiled former tin-pot dictators felt Bush demonstrated the kind of leadership qualities needed in a national figure.
91% of convicted Nazi war criminals found Bush the clear winner on moral issues.
96% of people who have ever suffered an alcohol related self-inflicted gunshot wound felt that Bush was the candidate they would prefer to have a beer with.

I probably missed many other statistically significant results. Feel free to examine my data and let me know if you see any other remarkable findings.

*rarified atmospheric sampling

[FightingIrish]

1. Badly hung-over freepers are hard at work

this morning trying to undo the damage their boy did to himself last night. Nine out of ten Republicans beleieve that Bush was taller. If you were a Bush supporter, last night had to be like watching your kid fall off his bike.

Now it's up to all of us to keep the heat on.

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. 88% of biological scientists with Ph.D.s from Bob Jones university

felt that Shrubbie exceeded Kerry in depth of knowledge of basic scientific principles, like how stem cell research is evil and how global warming is something that the liberal devil invented.

[denverbill]

5. 88% who thought Bush won had ordered at least one Sports Figure Jesus

in the last 12 months.

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. 93% of people with a Jesus Fish on their car who scream obscenities

while driving are convinced that Shrubbie McAWOL has the right kind of Christian thoughtfulness

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. 92% of shirtless white men who have at least one car on blocks

felt that Shrubbie understood their Sitz im Leben more than Kerry.

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. A whopping 97% of women who have been pregnant since marriage

either felt that Shrubbie showed the moral authority necessary for an American president, or were told by their husbands to feel that way.

[Rabrrrrrr]

7. 68% of men who scratch themselves vociferously in public

and do so by reaching into their pants, felt that Shrub handled the questions with the in-your-face none-of-that-thinkifying-bullshit attitude that a president should have