Story of the Atheist

[molly]

Don't beat me up - I received this email........

An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring
all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river!

What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him.

Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes.
He looked again & the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground.

As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with it's left paw and raising its right paw to strike him....he yelled out, "OH MY GOD!"

Time stopped.......
The bear froze.......
The forest was silent............
Even the river stopped moving.

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around, GOD SPOKE: "YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? "AM I TO COUNT YOU NOW AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light & said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL," said GOD.

The light went out...
The river ran...
The sounds of the forest resumed...

AND the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive, Amen"

[JanMichael]

1. So why post it?

I don't post my spam garbage on DU.

Just curious.

[Blue_Chill]

4. What? It was funny.

What da problem is?

[JanMichael]

6. Other than showing an ill-tempered deity, hardly worth worship, no.

:-)

[molly]

8. Listen - I laughed!!!

I am not a Christian - it is funny!

[Kamika]

13. same

I am Christian and still laughed :)

The whole point of the post is that its your typical freeper fundie spam mail..its so stupid its funny

[molly]

5. Get a grip!

[JanMichael]

7. Hmm? On what? Your sense of "Humor"?

Thanks but no:-)

[Blue_Chill]

12. You are over reacting

Perhaps you are a Miami Dolphins fan?

[JanMichael]

14. No. Chiefs.

San Diego? Ouch.

[arwalden]

2. Boo! Hiss! (Snicker Snicker!) No... I'm Not Laughing... I Mean... Boo!

[Blue_Chill]

3. hehe

I like it.

[LARED]

9. Good one

I thought it was funny.:thumbsup:

[BlueJazz]

10. If you changed "Atheist" to.........

...."Typical fundamentalist Conservative Christian who fucks over his fellow man while ramming his faith down the scores of others".....


then I might be just as amused.

[Kamika]

11. dude

This is funny because its so stupid, thats all

[BlueJazz]

20. True....But.....

Usually on the day When I have to endure another "Bush speaks to the American People"
my sense of humor is at a low point...forgive me...

[molly]

21. Booming voice from the sky....

OK

[Maple]

15. Tough audience, funny joke!

everyone's just on edge is all.

[Az]

16. Er, Does this mean we can tell Christian jokes now

[molly]

23. We couldn't tell jokes?

c'mon - jokes are what stabilizes us.

[Blue_Chill]

30. Are you saying that people were watchful

not to offend christians at any time on this board? lol, I get it, you were joking.

good one.

[Az]

33. No

I am saying it took a lot of effort to establish what respect we do have on this board for peoples beliefs. There are a lot of angry atheists out there. Do we really want to open that door?

[Sophree]

17. I thought it was funny

molly. Thanks for the chuckle. :D

[Az]

18. So this guy is skydiving

He pulls the cord on his shoot only to find it broken. He tries the emergency cord and its broken to. As he is plummeting he starts praying like crazy begging god to save him. His prayer is answered by a booming voice speaking to him which says, "Say Buddha 3 times and you will be saved".

Stunned the skydiver quickly comes to his senses and says "Buddha Buddha Buddha". Almost immediately a giant golden hand comes down from the clouds and catches him and gently lowers him to the ground. Overcome with joy the skydiver cries out "Thank God!" .... The giant golden hand returns ....SPLAT!!!!

[Blue_Chill]

31. haha!

that was good.

[blondeatlast]

38. That's a good one too.

The God in whom I believe has a marvelous sense of humor.

[Az]

19. So the Dali Lama goes to a baseball game

While watching the game a hotdog vendor offers him a dog. The Dali Lama gladdly buys one. The vendor asks him how he wants it. He replies "Make me one with everything".

[starroute]

22. The story suggests to me that he wasn't a real atheist

Any real atheist worth his salt would have looked the light in the eye and said, "I don't know who you are, but I strongly suspect you of being a high-powered con artist who seeks to take advantage of the fears of those who believe themselves on the verge of death. If you're looking to negotiate, suppose you start by giving me proof that you really are a god, and then perhaps we can come to terms."

At that point, the worst that happens is that he dies with his pride intact -- and the best might be far more interesting.

[molly]

24. JFC - relax!

[starroute]

36. What makes you think I'm not relaxed?

I was just trying to point out that the guy in the story seemed less like a real atheist than like an ex-Christian with an attitude.

I also think that my version is funnier, has more potential for further developments, and is philosophically deeper. But perhaps I just have a weird sense of humor.

[anti_shrub]

25. I think it was funny

but I can't shake the notion that if an atheist posted a joke about a Christian (even a fundie) there would be howls of protest, the topic locked, and threads in the Admin forum complaining about Jesus bashing by the heathen atheists.....


But hey, funny joke.

[molly]

26. Why? Can't we poke fun at our own internals?

this is a JOKE for crissakes!

[Az]

28. Well here is the problem

Atheists sometimes see religion as a group of delusional beliefs. Sometimes they think it is a silly thing as well. When they voice this notion they are quickly shouted down for not respecting others belief. It can take quite a bit of work and the loss of some members but eventually there is a level of respect established that becomes expected.

Now while the joke is funny at the same time it says to the atheists that it is ok to make fun with them as the butt of the joke but any comments at a religions expense are taboo. Its not fair. Some may be taking it too serious but how serious should we take people's beliefs?

[anti_shrub]

29. I know its a joke

but if the joke was reversed, there would be howls of protest from people saying it was another example of Christian bashing on DU. I wish we could all enjoy a joke too, but there's a fairly sizable segment of people who like to dogpile when someone claims DU is anti-Christian.

[Blue_Chill]

32. Yawn

poor DU atheist, everyone is always attacking them :eyes:

[Wonk]

39. I'm bookmarking this for the next time you whine about "Christian bashing"

on DU.

[BurtWorm]

27. It's funnier if the guy is a Christian

Think about it. (Hint: he'd just ask to make the bear a Christian.)

[joycep]

34. I thought it was funny

I really did not take it as seriously knocking atheists. BTW, I am a Christian but I have heard some really funny stories that involved Christians. I like funny.

[Forkboy]

35. A priest,a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar

and that's just the first guy.

[ldf]

37. actually...

being raised a christian all my life, and on my own deciding that it has some nice fairytale stories, and some not-so-nice fairytale stories, and is just a book being used for control, i have become a hardcore to the bone atheist.

and i still resent how everytime something happens, the first thing out of my mouth is GAWD... or JESUS.... a nasty habit that is hard to break. at least i don't say (very often) FUCK.....

it's nothing but brainwashing, 'cause it sure isn't belief.

:)