What is wrong with SOME women!?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

My best friend is a guy. And he's single. Single basically because women are dumb. Just as he gets started in a relationship, the girl dumps him, sighting not wanting to lose him as a friend, blah blah blah. They won't give him a chance. He's the sweetest, greatest friend anyone could have, and I think he has real potential to some lucky girl out there, if they'd just give him a chance. I'm so frustrated. Why are women so dumb? All most of them seem to want are bad boys who will treat them like crap. They don't want guys they don't have to try to change. UGH. What the heck is wrong with them!?
Duckie

On edit: I made it less general. Better?

[WindRavenX]

1. um...not all women are like that

She's a poor example of a human- not just a woman.
I could rant and rave on how "stupid" men are...but in the end, it's not fair or even correct to pin blame on a person's gender for their actions.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

3. I'm generalizing because this has happened on MORE THAN ONE occasion.

[WindRavenX]

6. from your personal experiences...

You have had some very negative experiences with women; but again, that does not make it the reality for how women really are.
Heck, if I did that, I'd have enough evidence to prove that all men were lying, cheating, douchebags that weren't worthy of my attention. But that's wrong.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

9. I'm a woman....

I also made the topic less general.
Better?
Duckie

[Bucky]

57. Well, why don't you date him, then? Wait, that might risk your friendship

I'm being ironic, here. You're probably married or secretly his cousin.

[liontamer]

64. Why be ironic

that was exactly what I was thinking. Why don't they date each other?

[LisaLynne]

4. Well said, WindRavenX

I have two very good female friends who are absolutely wonderful and yet have each had horrible problems with men. So, it cuts both ways.

The deal would be finding a way to hook all these great people up with each other, so the jerks of both sexes could date each other!

[Zomby Woof]

7. true

In my case, I always blame the INDIVIDUAL, and not the gender. There is enough hurt to go around.

My comment below should be taken very lightly. I am just burnt out... :-)

[Zomby Woof]

2. Everybody sucks these days

Been around long enough to not care about the answer any more though. :-)

[jdj]

5. I have a theory about this, & as to why men are attracted to high-flying

Bitches.

I think maybe genetically we are programmed to be attracted to people who can show us a little bit of meanness and agressiveness, to reassure us they have the chutzpah to protect our offspring.

Our DNA doesn't account for the fact that the aggression sometimes gets turned AGAINST us and our children however.

[DarkPhenyx]

8. Women aren't dumb.

No more than men are anyway.

can relate to his don't want to lose you as a friend" issue. I have several friends like that at the moment. You learn to deal with it. The thing I have difficulty with is when I play "emotional MASH" for them and then kick them back into battle only to have them choose the same type of asshole to date afterwards, and I end up patching them back together once again.

[jdj]

21. I thought that was a line.

I wasn't going to say that though.

[DarkPhenyx]

24. Which part was a line?

Just curious mind you.

[Shananigans]

10. You said he's single, eh...

Well... Just kidding!

So many women ARE bitches. It's just the way it is. They aren't happy unless everyone else is miserable.

I tend to think men have a little bit of that going, too. It all depends on the person, though.

[WindRavenX]

12. boy, I love sexist generalizations

So many women ARE bitches. It's just the way it is. They aren't happy unless everyone else is miserable
What the fuck ever dude. That's such a false and sexist statement...

[YellowRubberDuckie]

16. I'm a woman and I think the statement is right on.

[WindRavenX]

18. bullshit

That statement is nothing but bullshit. You're letting personal experiences cloud reality.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

23. Um, wait...when you've seen nothing but women screwing over men...

your view gets a little cloudy.
Duckie

[WindRavenX]

25. So what?

It doesn't matter if you've personally seen nothing but women screw over men- that doesn't mean it's fucking reality!
I've seen tons of men be sexist, racist, hormonal pigs, but I know that all men are NOT LIKE THAT.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

26. I'd really like for you point them out to me...

Because I have met very few.
Duckie

[WindRavenX]

32. sure

My roommates
My girl friends
Most of the women at my school
Perhaps you've dealt only with women in forced, stressful situations such a work where there is a large % of surly individuals, but I would look for female companionship in areas of common interest where there is no need for competition.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

34. Besides, I changed the statement to some, because it was wrong to say all

And you're still on my ass. Not ALL women, but ALL but a few that I've dealt with.
Duckie

[LisaLynne]

37. I agree with WIndRaven --

You might need to seek out some new experiences with women.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

39. I'm a non lesbian woman...

I don't need to. The few that I hang out with are enough.
Duckie

[liontamer]

66. you seem to have a lot of hatred toward women

and since you are a woman too, that translates to internalized loathing. Much like a "straight-acting" gay man who hates "queers" you might want to reevaluate this. For your own sake

[YellowRubberDuckie]

69. I don't hate all women.

For example, I think you and Priyanka are fabulous. I just hate the ones that play games and act psycho most of the time, and honestly, I'm speaking of the people I've run across...and the ones I've been around I do dislike a lot.
Duckie

[Shananigans]

67. Honey...I'm not a dude

I'm female. I have many friends, both male and female and I still think that many women ARE bitches. I never said every woman and I feel that, as a woman, I have a right to say that.

I have seen many of my female friends just callously blow a guy off because he is "too nice", doesn't have a good enough job or just isn't "what I'm looking for" These women are generally very nice, but when it comes to men they forget all their manners and act like a total bitch just to get rid of them.

As I said earlier, I think men often do the same.

Next time you accuse someone of making sexist statements make sure you are reading what you think you are.

[Rick Myers]

11. I was 42 before I found the right woman

And I knew her 25 years ago!!! Luckly, I only had one marriage and no children.

It's NOT as bad as you feel! Trust me...

[ugarte]

13. What the heck is wrong with EVERYBODY?

Too much TV, inflated egos, a sense of entitlement. Everybody thinks the universe revolves around them.

It's just the American way, unfortunately.

[Zomby Woof]

20. YES

In this case, too much Stargate SG-1 and other dumb crap on the Sci-Fi channel. And needing Mommy too much.

[HEyHEY]

14. .... my buddy says.....

If you put your ear up to a woman's you'll hear circus music and monkeys.

I'm sorry Lovely ladies of DU, but that always makes me laugh.

[jdj]

19. I don't get it.

I thought it was the ocean I was hearing.

[greblc]

31. LOL

[AmyDeLune]

58. Hey!!!

You leave my Brain Monkeys alone!!!

Can't you see that they're listening to Circus Music?!?

:D:D:D

[Kat45]

15. Those are the kind of women the nice guys seem to go for.

I'm a kind person (female), and when people ask me the question you're asking, my reaction tends to be that those are the kind of women nice guys seem to go for; they're not exactly lining up to go out with a nice woman like me. So while I do feel badly for these guys, I don't feel TOO badly because I feel that they bring it on themselves by going after the wrong women. Unless of course they're clueless about what they're getting into, which is also a possibility.

So yeah, SOME women are so dumb that they want a 'bad boy' who treats them like crap, but the parallel question (to yours) being, what is wrong with some men that they seem to only want women who are total bitches? :shrug:

[LisaLynne]

22. Notmyprez ...

are you me? Seriously, I can think specifically of a couple of guys who were always described as "nice guys" who didn't want to date me, a nice woman, and always went after the really bitchy girls. So, who's fault is that? There has got to be something biological going on. :)

And why is it still okay to make generalizations about women? Gosh!! You can't do that! We make up more than 1/2 the population. There is hardly one thing you can say about ALL of us! Women, men -- we both do this. We need to be more aware of it, in my opinion. Sorry -- I've just been dealing with this a lot lately and it's bothering me.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

27. Goddamn, I changed it to SOME...

What more can I do?
Duckie

[LisaLynne]

35. I wasn't referring just to you ...

There are a lot of generalities being flung around this thread. Honestly, I understand because I get really frustrated for my friends and start talking about "all men". It's basically just being aware that we don't really mean "all men" or "all women".

So, good luck to your friend. It's a tough world out there for people who are single and don't want to be.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

36. Thanks.

Didn't mean to bite your head off.
Duckie

[grasswire]

59. o/t

I love your birdie! Is it a parakeet?

[Kat45]

82. Grace thanks you, grasswire. She's not a parakeet, she's a

parrotlet, which is the smallest species of parrot. She's just four inches tall, and her personality is just as adorable as her looks. :-)

[HEyHEY]

17. It's a want what they can't have thing

It's always smart to not be too nice to girls, it always fucks things up

[Susang]

29. Love life going well?

:eyes:

[HEyHEY]

46. Never!

I just examine human nature

[HEyHEY]

47. Actually what I meant by that was don't be a doormat

I should probably revise it

[Susang]

52. Might not be a bad idea

It didn't come off the way you meant it. ;-)

I agree, you should never be a doormat for anyone. There is a gigantic difference between a nice guy and a doormat. It's the difference between self-confidence and insecurity.

[greblc]

28. It's the women he's after. He needs to change his dating pool.

certain types of women are looking to be dominated. Nice guys will finish last.
i.e. "loser". If a guy falls into this type of rut he needs to look on the other side of the tracks for a woman who isn't affraid to be treated nice. Try dating someone older or with children. Look for dates someplace other than where he has been.

Wish him luck Women can be brutal.

[Droopy]

30. I've fixed all these problems with people playing games

You want to know how I did it?

I'm single and I prefer to stay that way.

That's not to say that there aren't any good people out there. I'm just saying I don't want to deal with all the bullshit that comes along with trying to find the right relationship.

For those of you who've found the love of your life: God bless you. For those of us who's prefer to stay single: God bless you, too.

[uncle ray]

33. sleep with him.

then when you just want to be friends, you'll be wondering what's wrong with yourself. dilemma solved.

[greblc]

38. LOL ! Yes... a Good Romp does clear the Cob Webs...

out of ones head!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

40. I'm engaged to someone else.

Duh.

[EstimatedProphet]

41. I'm a nice guy, and I have some idea why:

I always did the same thing-I would get somewhat involved with a woman who would play me, then end up with a line like "why did you think I was interested in YOU?" Then off they bounce away to fuck with someone else.
I think I now understand part of why it always happened. I was specifically selecting women that did that, without knowing it. I was selecting women who were aggressive in showing interest in me first. For example, one of the cases in which this happened, I was out with friends in a local hangout and a woman came in, sat down next to me and started talking to me, and me alone. Didn't even look at anyone else there. She blew me off later of course, but the thing is, I assumed from how she acted that she was interested in me. What she really was interested in was getting attention. I always did fall for that a lot.
It could be that your guy has something similar going on with how he looks for women.

[Droopy]

44. Good psychological angle

It's true, the fellow that YRD talks of could be falling for women who like to play him. Maybe he just needs to wise up as you have.

I heard a guy one night say that he thought anybody could get married if they wanted to. I think that is true. Whether you'll be happy or not is a different story.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

42. He just hasn't met someone

who sees him for who he is and really loves him for who he is. There ARE nice women out there who DON'T want jerks!!! I HATE jerks!!! I stay FAR away from them!!! I married a NICE guy.

So why aren't YOU with him?

[jpgray]

43. Both people are the problem, as usual

He doesn't attract her, so it won't work. The nicest, most objectively perfect guy ever to live could wind up in the same situation. It isn't necessarily about being 'nice', it's about failing to attract the object of your desire. And there isn't much to be done about that.

[Susang]

45. Have you ever considered

That perhaps your friend acts differently as a boyfriend/lover than he is as your friend? I've had many male friends who were great as friends but never could seem to keep a girfriend for some reason. I never could understand it until I actually became friends with on of their ex-girlfriends. There are many things that go on between people in a romantic relationship that their friends, no matter how close they think they are, have no idea about.

I think its rather unfair to judge this woman as dumb, when she clearly values him in some capacity by wanting to remain his friend, she just doesn't want to be his lover. After all, if we follow your logic, by not wanting this man as her lover makes this woman dumb, and since you yourself are a woman and do not appear to want this man as your lover, then your IQ would be similar to hers, wouldn't it?

[jpgray]

48. Some women take this to an extreme, though

I remember in high school there was this gorgeous girl who was a friend of mine (only a friend!). She was part of speech or swimming or something that required the constant selling of overpriced candy bars. Wel this was obviously dull work, so she would lure in pathetic males and actually get them to sell the candy for her. I saw this negotiation go down twice with my own eyes, and I could scarcely believe it even as I saw it. The mixture of shame and dumb hope that accompanied these guys was none too inspiring, and I thought the girl had a heart of gold previously. :( I suppose it's possible that she just was asking with no thought of their hopeful desperation and her exploitation of it, but that just doesn't seem possible to me. Then again, I'm mystified at how my girlfriends can remember trivial crap from months ago and turn it against me in an argument. :dunce:

Face it--each gender is vulnerable in different ways, and some people will make use of those vulnerabilities. Probably each gender has more of a look at their own side of things, but the behavior described is definitely there.

[Susang]

51. Hard to say

As we all know, high school is a whole different ballgame! ;-) I could describe all of the reprehensible behavior of the boys I knew in high school, but that would only prove that both boys and girls in high school do shitty things to each other to get what they want.

Men and women communicate differently, that's no secret. Doesn't make either of us dumb or wrong. Dr. Deborah Tannen wrote a couple of excellent books on the subject that are very illuminating. Unfortunately, it's hard work to try and understand the other side of things, particularly when deep emotions are involved.

[angee_is_mad]

49. Got a Picture?

just kidding. Maybe he is looking in all the wrong places.

[Maleficus]

50. I know how your friend feels.

I've been there.

Now, I'm kind of an asshole. My dating life has never been better.

Apparently, some women like to be treated like shit. I don't know why. :shrug:

[miss_kitty]

53. you know, i read all this thread and i could turn this post around

WTF is wrong with guys? I am a good person, great sense of humour, intelligent, and physically attractive-much more so in my youth and before cancer treatment...my history has been-never went to a high school dance-never asked on a date. when I was involved with a guy, if he had a choice between me and someone else, guess who got dumped-yeah it was me.
a couple times I 'settled' and realised-wrong bad no uh uh-wouldn't want that to happen to me...
so here's to conclusion I have come to...It's me. there is something about me that isn't conducive to the couple thing-as much as I want it as much as I sometimes crave it-it's not for me apparently.
Maybe it's pheromones-more likely it's psychology that is invisible, and its imperceptibility makes it nearly impossible to overcome. I just know that men i am attracted to don't know i am alive, and those that are attracted to me-well I wish THEY didn't know i was alive.

So maybe your pal, who is a nice guy, a great guy and all needs to look a little closer to home for the solution to his problem. We can't control the actions or feeling of others. We can only fix ourselves.

[jpgray]

54. I agree with this post

You at least have a leg up on changing your own attitude, being in the driver's seat. :D

[miss_kitty]

55. thank you-it took me AGES to figure it out! :)

[flamingyouth]

56. God, you and I could be twins, I swear

My "love life," if you can even call it that, has involved me taking care of men, supporting them and caring for them, only to have them turn around and fuck me over. Yeah, I know I'm no walk in the park to be around all the time, but at least I try to be a decent person.

I never had anyone interested in me in high school, and I barely did in college. When I was a senior in high school, a male friend of mine told me that lots of guys had crushes on me, but that they were "afraid of" me. :D

I often get the feeling that I need to buy a man's affection, and that really bothers me. </off soapbox rant now>

[tigereye]

61. well I used to be attracted to the bad boy rockers -

usually cold and indifferent, but sexy as hell. After a lot of heartache, I fell in love with and married the nice guy who waited for me to get my shit together and understand what was good for me. And actually, the nice guys are just that, the nice guys, who treat you well. So maybe it takes a lot of experience and maturity to find the right person and realize that someone who really loves you will treat you well.

Just my two cents

and BTW nice Modern Lovers pic, FY

[Shananigans]

68. Have you ever figured that out?

I've heard the same thing from my guy friends. I try not to be intimidating, but I refuse to be one of those meek, silent little things.

[flamingyouth]

77. Luckily I've recently met someone who is smart, wonderful & kind

And who actually seems to enjoy my company. As an added bonus, he treats me with respect! We need to clone him! :D

[dorktv]

60. What about those sweet guys who will not take a girl who wants them!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

[gollygee]

62. That used to be me

It was a bad habit or something. I had this illogical desire to be with men who treated me badly. I knew lots of nice guys I didn't date because they weren't "my type." Then, after breaking off a particularly bad relationship, I considered what my type was up to then - alcoholic, prone to violence, mean-spirited, etc. I changed "my type" and I was a much happier woman.

I wish I knew why I did that. I had some unhappy years.

[Joe Chi Minh]

74. Girls who

Obviously don't know your family background, Michigan Voter, but girls who marry violent husbands often have violent fathers. Strange as that seems.

[regularguy]

63. Tell him to stop bringing them to Avant- Garde Jazz concerts.

Worked for me...

[liontamer]

65. If it keeps happening to him,

maybe it's him and not all of them. Why aren't you dating this friend of yours?

[Tracer]

70. Did it ever occur to you, Duckie ...

... that maybe, just maybe, the girl simply LIKES your friend, but doesn't LOVE him?

I've been in a couple of "uneven" relationships where one person is quite apparently more besotted than the other person is. Unfortunately, these relationships won't be working out anytime soon.

[Phillycat]

71. If the same thing keeps happening to your friend over and over

maybe it's him? It seems like a pattern. Even though you guys are close friends, you don't know how he is when he's alone with a woman.

And (not to be rude) but why aren't you dating him? If the answer is, "I'm just not attracted to him" then maybe that's how this other woman feels too. Which isn't exactly her fault.

[sendero]

72. Women...

... have the mistaken belief that "nice guys" aren't any good in bed. Or is that really a mistake? :)

[furrylitldevil]

73. You know,

I used to be the poster child for "why are women so dumb" statements, mostly because I was that perverbial "nice guy" everybody loves to talk about. I realized that women aren't dumb, most of the time I was looking to blame somebody for me not having a love interest when typically the circumstances were more at fault than any one person. I learned that if anyone was going to like me, I had to like myself first. I realize that back then, I went looking for the answers to my own insecurities inside someone else, which is the exact opposite way to go. For what it's worth, once I settled down, stopped worrying about being in a relationship, and started doing things that made me happier and more content, love found me.

But that's just my two cents.

[hyphenate]

75. Sometimes guys--and gals--are looking

in the wrong places. There are a lot of women who screw men and a lot of men who screw women. It's not really anyone's fault most of the time, but the younger ones of both genders are more likely to not see the "harm" in dumping someone.

I don't know what age group either of you are in, but as people get a bit more mature, there will be a lot less of the "dumping" thing going on, because people get more interested in long term relationships.

I've been dumped, and I've been dumped on, and sometimes I didn't even notice that the guy was interested in me more than as a friend--years later, I get told that the guy was interested in me, but I had my mind on other things.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

76. What is wrong with flamewars?

:shrug:

[skygazer]

78. What is wrong with some men?

They're so shallow, all they want is someone to wash their clothes and have sex with them, then they dump you as soon as another pretty face comes along. Etc. etc.

I'm sorry your friend can't seem to find the right woman but really, the problem is pretty universal and not limited to women. He just hasn't met the right one yet. It took me until I was 40 years old. Some of us just require a little more time.

[VOX]

79. It's not just women. Everyone is over-involved in the cult of "Me"

There's so much first-person-singular behavior out there, it's a wonder that there's any cooperation between any two people at any time.

There are so many media-prods to look your best, be the slimmest, most attractive, strongest, drive the biggest car, etc. It seems rare now when someone regards a situation from another's point of view.

If there's any distinction, women are probably more often the target of these incessant these messages.

[AngryOldDem]

80. I worked with a woman like that....

...and it ruined our friendship. She loved the chase, but when she got what she wanted, it was never good enough. Or, she'd keep pursing someone who treated her like shit, and the rest of us had to put up with her whining about what an a-hole he was. Eventually, she set her sights on a very nice guy who did not see what was coming. She actually married him, which took the thrill out of it, so she turned around and left him. I never forgave her for that, because he deserved much better and I think it damned near broke his heart.

(I'm a woman, by the way, who married a man who in his single days could have been the poster child for the "You're a Nice Guy, But..." Club. We are out there; tell your friend to take heart in the fact that not all of us are game-players and thrill-seekers.)

[Bridget Burke]

81. OK. You're engaged.

But--pretend for a minute you aren't. Would you want to date your friend? Look at him critically.

About his looks.... No, he doesn't have to be "handsome"--he's not limiting himself to model types, is he? But is he in decent shape? How's his grooming?

And, when he "dates" a girl--does he change? Does he want to move faster than the girl? Does he expect commitment too soon?

How old is he (& the girls he's looking to date)? Smart women figure out they can't change guys in substantive ways. (A bit of "buffing up" can be done--clothes, etc.) But sometimes it takes a few years & dating a couple of good-looking losers.

[LSK]

83. gee that used to sound just like me

Then I gave up.

[Nikia]

84. Some people are jerks

Some types are more common in one gender over the other. For example, many men are sexist a--holes who only want women for sex. Some women don't really like men that much either, but date the richest, most prestigious guy that she can find to buy her things. There are some people who value partners who will be their true friend also, but many people today don't know how to be true friends anyway.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

85. Oh, no, not this question again!

The answer is that he's going after the wrong women, the superficial, immature twerps.

No woman with any brains or self-respect seriously takes up with a "bad boy."

And a lot of men are stuck in the immature pattern of thinking that bitchiness and nastiness indicate passion in bed. Then they go around crying in their beer about how bitchy and nasty women are.

Meanwhile, the genuinely nice women are sitting alone at home on Saturday night, crying in THEIR beer because the guy they liked rejected them in favor of some superficially attractive cold-hearted snake.

It would be great if the bad boys and the queen bees could stick with each other and quit breaking nice people's hearts, but I think they can reproduce only with a nice person.

Your friend needs to train himself to ignore the women that everyone else is chasing and look for the hidden gems. He shouldn't lust after the women that everyone else is lusting after, but after the women whom no one is lusting after.

Believe me, at my age (probably old enough to be your mother), I can spot a bad boy at 100 yards, and while they are superficially charming, I stay away from them. Unfortunately, by my age, many of the "good boys" have already been claimed by the nasty queen bee types.

Every so often I meet someone my age who's married to a high-maintenance wife, and I think, "Damn, why didn't I meet you before she did?"

But deep down, I know that if I had known him at the time, he probably would still have chosen the bitch goddess and that he trampled over the hearts of half a dozen nice women in order to get her.

[qwertyMike]

86. The 'Tight Jeans & Tattoos Syndrome'

Nice guys finish last.

[Night Gal]

88. You got it wrong qwertyMike....

Nice guys finish last.

GREAT men finish last!

:9

[Dogmudgeon]

87. It's not what you think

The entire biosphere of this planet is undergoing a die-off. Stupidity among and between the sexes is one of the ways the die-off is happening to US.

Basically, we're all doomed. So don't expect the sex to be all that great any time soon.

--bkl

[trigz]

89. He might be looking for the wrong kind of women...

Some women stink. That's what life is like. Eventually, he'll meet someone nice, and all the filthy cows he has had the misfortune of meeting thus far won't mean more than a fart in a storm. Keep the faith!

[alphafemale]

90. He's going after the "wrong" girls?

All stunning "drop-deaders" I hazard to guess these other girls were?

Maybe he should drop the shallow act too?

Again, just a guess.

Apology extended if he's approached girls who aren't poster-worthy.

[Deja Q]

91. Some men are like that too. Either way, here's why:

Straight men who prey on good girls, or gay men who catalog their potential partners. :eyes: (my date has asked me twice already what I do for a living... why should that matter? None of our jobs is safe anyway. :shrug: )

In this society, people want money and power - if not a chance at them. Money and power on some level.

'Nice' people who don't have money AND give the impression that they cannot be controlled will be dumped. It's as simple as that.