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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 08:52 PM
Original message
it has come to nothing.
Cheryl called from Alabama midafternoon today in tears. After nine months of pregnancy - during which time she had matched with another pair of adoptive parents, only to have them bail on her when their marriage turned sour - Christopher's birthmother had called and announced that they had rushed into the adoption and wanted the baby back.

I drove back in record time, pleading with her on the phone not to change her mind. No matter. She arrived with her parents about an hour after I did, this young woman I described last night as courageous, and showed no fucking emotion as we said goodbye to that beautiful and sweet child.

Anyway, our lives have already become a bad soap opera, so I'm going to shut up now. You'd think I'd damned well know by now not to start telling people we have a kid before the fucking waiting period (only five days in Alabama - we were two days away) is past. We appreciate everyone's well-wishes on the earlier threads.

uly & ms uly
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greatauntoftriplets Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 08:54 PM
Response to Original message
1. I am so sorry for you, Ms. Uly....
...and Christopher.

You all deserve better.
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GOPisEvil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 08:55 PM
Response to Original message
2. *mouth agape - no sounds emanting*
Damn, damn, damn. All my best to you and Ms. Uly.
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:40 PM
Response to Reply #2
27. thanks, man
I thought about you a couple of times this weekend. :hi:
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NC_Nurse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 08:56 PM
Response to Original message
3. Well that
just sucks! I'm so sorry that happened.
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nini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 08:57 PM
Response to Original message
4. I'm sooo sorry.
There are no words to express my sorrow for you. :-(


:hug: to you and the Mrs.


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DrWeird Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 08:58 PM
Response to Original message
5. Damn, man, you keep putting yourself through this shit.
I don't know anything about the system, but can't you go overseas for a more sure deal?
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:12 PM
Response to Reply #5
12. we don't have a lot of choice at this point.
Including the $4,500 we borrowed from family in order to hire an Alabama agency to deal with things on the ground this weekend, money we're not likely to see again, we're into this to the tune of about $25k. It'd be that much again at a minimum to go overseas.
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IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:19 PM
Response to Reply #12
17. Actually, China is around $13K (including expenses to/in China)
And the financial requirement is only $10K per family member (meaning you have to have an income of $30K for a husband and wife to adopt one child, and $40K if you want to adopt two.) When the stun wears off, if you are interested, I could send you some website info. Most of it is paid in drabs and dribbles over the course of a year or so. They match "souls" with photos....I want to tell you more so you know there is hope, but at the moment, it just feels like I'm picking at barely healing wounds. I repeat, I am SO SORRY!!!
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:26 PM
Response to Reply #17
20. feel free to pm it.
We'll keep it in mind, although even $13k sounds like a punchline at this stage of the game. Thanks. :)
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IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:37 PM
Response to Reply #20
22. I'll hunt it up, and send it to you in the morning.
:hug: Again, I am sorry for your pain! Please give your wife my support -- we know your pain!!! :(
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Zomby Woof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 08:59 PM
Response to Original message
6. That's horrible
I really don't know what to say, but you can't go wrong sharing your burden with us.

Let Mrs. Uly know we are thinking of her.
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CatWoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 08:59 PM
Response to Original message
7. Hugs, Mr. and Mrs. Uly
Hugs

:hug:

I'd like to visit this weekend, if you guys will be home.
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:13 PM
Response to Reply #7
13. we should be here, yeah
Right now I'm trying to grasp how unprepared I am to go back to school tomorrow, but I don't think we're going anywhere. Give me a call. It'd be good to see you.
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Susang Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:00 PM
Response to Original message
8. I'm stunned
And so sorry for what must be absolutely an absolutely crushing blow. I hope things work out for you two.
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eyesroll Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:04 PM
Response to Original message
9. I'm so sorry, Uly
:hug:

You both have been through way too much already.
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alphafemale Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:09 PM
Response to Original message
10. no words could ever surfice....
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SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:11 PM
Response to Original message
11. Oh hon,



:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:22 PM
Response to Reply #11
18. thanks, everyone.
It's unfuckingreal, it really is. After all her sympathetic blather about what we went through in July, this, and not a sign of sincere feeling.

I changed the dressing on that child's circumcision until it was nearly healed. We changed his diapers at 2 am. She has no clue. Doesn't matter anyway - her parents will be raising him.
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IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:14 PM
Response to Original message
14. Complete and utter beyond words sympathy....
Your tale is not unknown to us; we've been dealing with infertility for six years now (three miscarriages). We started doing the Chinese adoption route because of my terror of what you are going through. (Got hung up on a paperwork problem, so went back to the infertility docs.) I am so sorry for the pain you are going through! Words seem so empty when the roller coaster is so rough! Keeping you in thoughts and prayers....Best Always, Ida
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ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:37 PM
Response to Reply #14
23. thank you
In a few days, maybe a week or two, I'll probably be able to talk again about how I think open adoption is the best thing for all concerned, especially and most importantly for the child. I can't right now.

It's good to hear from someone else in this position. Chris's birthgrandparents tried to tell me today that they knew that we were going through. I assured them that they did not.

Best of luck and all peace to you -
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LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:16 PM
Response to Original message
15. I am so sorry.
:hug:

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deadparrot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:17 PM
Response to Original message
16. My God. I am so, so sorry.
I know it's small comfort right now, but you have my deepest condolences. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Best of luck in the future; you will make wonderful parents for a child.
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dolo amber Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:22 PM
Response to Original message
19. ........
:cry: :hug:
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Mikimouse Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:32 PM
Response to Original message
21. I am speechless...
I don't know what else I can say but that this is horrible! I send you and Ms. Uly my warmest hugs and good thoughts. I would add that it is perhaps not for nothing, though. There are eyes that never close, ears that are never deaf, that see and hear the good that you and Ms. Uly have tried to do. They do not forget. :hug: :cry:
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scarlet_owl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:37 PM
Response to Original message
24. I'm so sorry.
Have some hugs :hug: . Things like this are just very sad and I'm so sorry. I want you to know that you are both in my prayers.
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PittPoliSci Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:38 PM
Response to Original message
25. i'm really sorry....
i hope that everything works out for you, again, sorry for your loss...
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SarahB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-06-04 09:40 PM
Response to Original message
26. I am so sorry.
Not many other words I can give, but I am very sorry. I can't imagine the kind of heartache you must be feeling right now.

:hug:
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