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mermaid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:31 PM
Original message
Is There ANY Escaping Homophobic Morons?!?!?
Thank you in advance for those who read this, I need to get this off my chest and go on a little rant.
I recently, after 3 1/2 months of being unemployed, got a new job...and have been there going on 3 weeks now.
Today, after lunch, my trainer's supervisor pulled me off the phones for 45 minutes to address with me a completely baseless and bullshit charge levelled against me, by a co-worker...or possibly co-workers.

Understand, going in, that I am a post-operative transsexual...and I doubt that anyone I work with is unaware of my status as a transsexual woman. I don't exactly disillusion myself.

Anyway, the basic charge was that a co-worker, or co-workers, had made a complaint that I had either "said something wrong, looked at someone the wrong way...or had made an unwelcome comment, complimenting someone on an outfit," this person refused to be very specific...and, needless to say, did not tell me who the individual/s was/were, who levelled these baseless charges...and I can understand why they wouldn't.

Later, I got it out of someone else (my new immediate supervisor, starting next week) that as far as she knew, some guy had complained that I had been "gazing at his crotch!!"

Oh, puh-fucking-leeeze!!

since when do some guys think they are "all that and a bag of chips" that I might be interested in them, anyway? And what is it with guys that they seem to think the bulge in their pants is just so damn big that I (or any woman, for that matter) would be interested in it? Not in his wildest, wettest dreams!!

Quite frankly, the only bulge in ANY man's pants I might have any interest in is the bulge his WALLET makes in his pants!!! The only thing I could use from a man is the goddamn double income!! They can KEEP the rest of it, far as I am concerned!!

I'm pretty much asexual, have a zero sex drive, have no desire to have sexual relations with ANY man...or, for that matter any woman :puke: or with ANY creature on the face of this earth!!

Furthermore, I sure as hell do not shit where I eat, anyway. I'd never want to date a co-worker, because if it didn't work out, I'd never want to see the person again, as long as I live...I SURE wouldn't want to have to work with them, and see them every day!!

I don't even want platonic relationships with co-workers outside of work, not even an after-work drink at a local bar. I've never found it very wise or profitable to mingle social life and work life, anyway.

I just want to come in, do my job, get paid...and go home!

But it makes for a HELL of a long day at work if you have to fear even making the most banal of conversation with your co-workers. And this is the situation I now find myself in....because I know not whose hand holds the knife, and who is trying to drive that knife into my back, and get me fired!

Fortunately, it was made fairly clear to me that they don't believe the charge, but that they still have to address it with me...and this is NOT the first transsexual they have had go thru similar experiences at this workplace. So I think they know what is going on...this is an obvious case of a homophobic moron, who would like to attempt to get me fired, becuase HE has a problem with what I am, and he would like to make it MY problem!!

Of course, the only action I can take, in this situation, is to completely alienate myself from my co-workers...all of them...and speak ONLY to people who speak to me FIRST!! And just be civil with everyone else, the usual "excuse me" or whatever.

But it really SUCKS that I have to deal with this sort of bullshit. I mean, we ALL have to work around people we'd rather not...and NOBODY has the right to make baseless charges against me, in an attempt to get ME fired, just because HE is uncomfortable with who and what I am!! If someone has a problem with me, or is uncomfortable with me...they have a right to feel that way. BUT THEY DON'T HAVE A RIGHT TO MAKE FALSE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST ME IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET ME FIRED!!

All's I can do is make it rather plain I am avoiding people at work, and hope this moron continues to dig himself his own grave, and HE ends up being fired, for making repeated false allegations against myself, and the other transgender people who work at my company. And, in my not-so-humble opinion, it would serve the bastard right if he DID end up getting fired for being the boy who cried wolf...may his black heart forever rot in Hell!!

If you've read this far, thank you. I just need to get all this off my chest. God, this just pisses me off so badly!! WTF is some people's major maladjustment, anyway?? I swear, some people would be more comfortable around a convicted serial murderer...than being around me...just because I'm transsexual!!

And, of course, there is the dynamic of the possibility (and it has happened before) that a number of people can all lie each other up...and it becomes, rather than a case of "he said/she said" (bad enough in itself when you're transsexual) it then becomes a case of "THEY said/she said" and guess who too often wins in such a case??

Even the classic he said/she said is bad enough for a transsexual, because, too often, the transsexual is assumed guilty until she proves herself innocent, since, after all, she's the one who is a "freak!"

Man, I just wish some assholes would get the fuck over themselves, you know it??

Anyways, rant off for now, thanks for listening, I just needed to get this all off my chest. Made for a fucking rotten day at work, though....
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Bluebear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:34 PM
Response to Original message
1. I read it. Be well.....
and I'm sorry, but "gazing at his crotch" just made me laugh and laugh. Like his package is akin to the constellation Orion.
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roguevalley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:36 PM
Response to Original message
2. Hugs, honey. I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes there is no
explanation for the stupidness of people. Just do your best. I'm happy for you that you know what you need and who you are. Fuck the rest. {{{HUGS!}}}

I will never underestimate the dumbness and meanness of people.
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mahatmakanejeeves Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:36 PM
Response to Original message
3. Is There ANY Escaping Homophobic Morons?!?!?
No, but thanks for asking.
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LeftCoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:38 PM
Response to Original message
4. Heya Mermaid
1st of all...a big hug. Sorry you have to deal with this shit. It's not fair and it's not right, and frankly if it's not already illegal in your state it should be.

That having been said, I don't think you need to cut yourself off from your co-workers. I don't think you should change your behavior at all, since there wasn't a damned thing wrong with how you acted before this bullshit allegation. If you know who the person leveling the allegation is, well, him I'd ignore...but the rest of them surely benefit from your pleasant personality. :)
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:39 PM
Response to Original message
5. Is there a Human Resource department you can discuss this with?
I mean, that's just plain wrong to make those accusations and now this asswipe has created a hostile environment for you to work in.

I'd avoid the asswipe as much as possible. Is the Boss decent enough that you can explain to him/her that because of these accusations you would prefer to avoid this idiot at all costs. I suppose I would just make it clear that you have no interest in any co-worker like that and you'd like to do your best to avoid this person to prevent further issues.

:shrug:

:loveya:
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jukes Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:39 PM
Response to Original message
6. sympathies
i can't walk in your shoes, but this is SO wrong. it isn't like straights are fucking perfect. we all need to tend to our own messes and leave others alone, but it aint gonna happen.

i'm sorry you have to deal w/that shit, mermaid. it won't help much, but we aren't all like that: you're just another liberal here.

:hug:
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:45 PM
Response to Original message
7. The curse of having perpetually to live with the ignorant and xenophobic
It sucks being us (and by us, I mean witty, intelligent, curious people who aren't afraid of everything with a slightly different skin color, geographic origin, or sexual difference). So few of us, so many rampant, idiotic, fear-based super-ego shitheads.

My sympathy to you for having to work with such idiots.

And I don't know, either, why some people are so damned full of themselves. Mostly, I think, it comes from actually feeling inferior and afraid all the time because everything's so goddamned scary to them, because everything is different.

transsexuals, eating chinese food, reading a book, going to a big city for vacation, gettinga pedicure - it's all the same to them. it's "other", and thus to be feared; and fear breeds anger. And anger breeds... well, you know the story.
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Bronco69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:51 PM
Response to Original message
8. You may or may not be in a position to do this,
but the next time a supervisor confronts you with something like this, tell her/him that you feel you have the right to confront your accuser. Hell, if we could all just go around being fired because someone said we stared at their crotch, the unemployment numbers would be a whole lot higher than they are! Fuck that guy! No one is worth getting upset over. Have a glass of wine and forget about it!
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BiggJawn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:55 PM
Response to Original message
9. "Who? the guy who's been bugging me to go out with him?"
Edited on Thu Sep-02-04 05:56 PM by BiggJawn
Shit cuts both ways.....Not "Sporting" or "Fair Play", but neither is hunger or homelessness.

Have you ever read any of George Hayduke's writings?

Oh, I second treating yourself to a glass of wine! (if you do that)
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sangh0 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:57 PM
Response to Original message
10. I'd like to suggest a different take on this
According to your post, your boss doesn't believe the accusation, but brought it up with you because s/he felt that s/he had to. Your boss is right. If an employer fails to respond to a complaint of sexual harrassment (and that's what the uptight one in your office is accusing you of) that employer can be held liable for employment discrimination.

IMO, it's important to realize that in a business environment, employees are there because of their ability to do the job, and not because the other employees are their best freinds. In other words, you shouldn't expect your colleagues to be nice or even just decent.

There are assholes in every office. There's no escape. The bright side is that your boss sounds reasonable. I don't think you need to avoid talking to your colleagues. You just to make sure your behavior is appropriate, and that doesn't sound like it will give you any problems.
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 06:10 PM
Response to Reply #10
12. I like this advice and the one below it
It does seem that the boss isn't the bad person here but just simply doing the job that he/she is required to do. But make sure the boss realizes that you are feeling uncomfortable that this person has made the accusations.

But the one below it is the best, and that is get the business cards from labor lawyers. Or check with your local GLBT organization in your city/state and find out what rights you have. They may even have a lawyer you can talk to SHOULD this problem escalate. I found out from an 4 car fender bender that I was in about 5 years ago that sometimes the threat of a lawyer will get folks to back down. This helped plenty when the guy I tapped decided to sue me for whatever he could get out of me. That guy overplayed his injuries (I knew it because he was jumping around getting all excited then he realized we were watching him and he'd do this "my heart, my heart". I had hit him at about 10mph and put a small scratch on his bumper). He hooked up with an ambulance lawyer who thought they could get more money out of me than what my insurance would provide. One of my customers at the company I was working at hooked me up with his lawyer, which was one of the top law firms in the county. That law firm probably had a law student write a quick letter to the ambulance lawyer to say that if they tried to sue me I would have no choice to file bankerupcy thus negating any additional money they could get and probably end up costing additional money on the behalf of the guy who was suing me. If the guy wanted his quick $25k, he ought to take the money the insurance company was offering him.

Needless to say I never heard from the guy that I hit ever again. And it cost me absolutely nothing simply because I found the right lawyer who knew a simple, precise letter would solve any problem.

Morale of the story: When folks know that a lawyer is involved (outside of ambulance chancers), other folks tend to do what it takes to NOT get into deep legal actions.

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MadHound Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 05:58 PM
Response to Original message
11. A small suggestion for you
Go find the biggest baddest labor lawyer you can find locally, and get their business card, in fact get multiple copies of that card. Then leave those one of those cards carelessly ;) placed on your desk for all, including supervisors, to see. Things might clear up real fast.
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Warren DeMontague Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
13. You're in Texas, right?

I mean, I don't want to generalize, or anything.. but, maybe you'd be happier in the Bay Area. People around here generally aren't as uptight about that sort of thing.
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mermaid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 06:41 PM
Response to Original message
14. A General Reply To Received Responses
Thanks to those who have read, and replied.

I have copy and pasted all this to a Word document, so that I will have this, going forward.

Rather than glut things up with a number of individual responses, I'm going to make a sigle response, addressing several of the received responses...

First...thanks to the guy who ruined the constellation Orion for me forever, now!! :-) I'm glad you got a chuckle, though. I don't understand why ANY guy seems to think their package is SO desireable or worthy of being looked at, anyway?? Who gives a crap? I, as I said, quite bluntly...have no interest in any bulge in ANY man's pants, except maybe the one made by his WALLET!! I don't need anything other than a double income from a man...far as I am concerned, they can keep the rest of it to themselves!!

I'm reminded of that Sam Kinison bit.."I'm gonna be over here, reading the New Testament, so why don't you jack off and remember how funny he was?!?!?" Pretty much my attitude...just gimme the money, and keep the rest to yourself! You need a release, fine, jerk off, then.

I, also, will never underestimate the meanness and dumbness of some people.

Such shit will be illegal in MY state when monkeys fly outta my ass...I live in fucking TEXAS!!

And the problem is...I DON'T know who the asswipe who made the allegation is, nor will they tell me. I'm therefore forced into the position of having to consider ALL my enemy, until I know WHO it is.

And yes...this certainly DOES create a hostile work emnvironment for me. Try getting anywhere with that argument in TEXAS, though!! Not only would I lose my job, but I'd also probably get denied unemployment benefits!! I live in a state that loves employers and bigots...and hates employees and "freaks."

If I knew WHO the asswipe was...yes, I would avoid tehm. but since I DON'T...I have to assume anoyone, or everyone could be the asswipe, and that forces me to avoid EVERYONE...creating, yes, a hostile work environment for me.

I just might try that thing about having a right to confront my accuser. If this shit comes up again...which I sincerely hope it won't, given the other measures I'm taking to protect myself.

My to-be supervisor was very sympathetic to me, with regards to all this...and I really hope this is something that just goes away. Fact is, I'm on a temp-to-hire situation, so I DARE NOT do anything to "rock the boat," so the lawyer business cards idea doesn't work out for me...

And I could care less about my co-workers, once the go-home bell rings. but it really sucks to have to be afraid of making even the most banal of conversation with ALL of them, just because of a poison apple buried somewhere in the barrel. Problem is, I don't know which one is the poison apple, and so I gotta avoid ALL of the apples.

And I do understand WHY my employer had to address this with me...I'm not faulting them for that. I'm faulting the asswipe making false allegations, and causing there to be an issue to address in the first place!

And, yes...my boss DOES seem very reasonable. There is a transsexual supervisor there, incidentally...and SHE has had similar bullshit charges brought against her...her accusers are gone, she still works there...so there's hope. and this is NOT a situation my employer has never seen before.

My boss also did put me in contact with this particular supervisor, gave me her name and telephone number, that I might speak with this person regarding my concerns, and how I might deal with them. I intend to do this, as this supervisor obviously has far more tenure with the company than I do, I think her advice on how to proceed would be very valuable to me.

thanks, again, all who have read and replied. I've tried to address all the salient points in one response, do not feel miffed if I missed a point you might have felt important...I do appreciate all suggestions, and, more importantly, the ability to vent this shit. but I didn't want to glut this up by responding individually to all who responded, I felt a larger response, addressing the points made in several posts, would be better,

And I'm going to an "End Of An Error" party tonight, at a local bar...there I will find that glass or two of wine!

Thanks again, y'all!
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mermaid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-02-04 07:37 PM
Response to Original message
15. OK, Just Got Off The Phone With The TG Supervisor I Mentioned
I outlined the situation for her, and asked for her advice and inout on how best to approach, and deal with this problem, and told her i'd like the bevefit of her experience, since she has a lot more tenure at the company than I, and thus, has a better understanding than I of the inner workings of the company, and policies...and...more importsantly, how those policies are implemented, and the temperaments of those in the position to interpret/enforce those policies.

This was her advice, and I believe it to be very good, and I'm going to take this approach...

Try to NEVER be in a one-on-one with a co-worker, always be around OTHER coworkers, especially ones I feel I can trust, who will be able to refute false allegations on my behalf...and there ARE a few who were in my training class that I can utilize in this manner.

Second, not to close myself off to co-workers, because this closes off for me an avenue of learning more about my job, and how to deal with specific situations with customers on the phone (I'm a customer service rep) but to have such discussions in areas where many people are present, and who can therefore vouch to my behavior and decorum.

To always maintain professionalism, never joke about sex or gender or anything like that, such subects should simply be taboo...

And lastly, she recommends I go to a specific person in HR, send her an email requesting about ten minutes of her time, and basically, so that I might outline, breifly my concerns to her...
that I had this issue addressed to me, that the lack of any specificity in the charges makes me unable to address any behaviors, because I know not what the issue is...and it places me in a position of discomfort, of feeling I have to walk on eggshells, and that I fear my job may be in jeopardy from such baseless allegations...especially in light of the lack of specificity of the charges levelled against me.

To furthermore let this person in HR know that I am celibate, that I have no inclination for romatic relations with ANYONE...and, were I ever inclined to break this celibacy, that I certainly never would consider ANY romantic relations with a co-worker, primarily because if it didn't work out, I would never want to see the person again, anyway.

And she says that should pretty much end it. She did tell me that she had had similar charges levelled against her by co-workers when SHE transitioned at this same company...and that her accusers got fired, she is still there. She also told me I was very lucky to have drawn the supervisor that I did...because she will base her dealings with me solely on my own merits...that if my stats are where they ought to be, and my "soft skills" were good, that she (my supervisor) would recommend me for hire when my 90 days are up.

She spoke very highly of MY supervisor specifically, and of the company in general, that they REALLY DO mean it when they say they value diversity...

So all of this has served to give me a wise course of action to follow...and has made me feel a lot better about the new environment I find myself in.

I'm gonna open my head now, scoop out my brain, toss it in the dishwasher, to get all these rotten thoughts outta my head...and I'm gonna go enjoy my "End Of An Eroor" Party tonight, and not further think about what happened today, I'm just gonna have a good time, enjoy a few glasses of wine, and engage in some Bush-bashin and Bush-hatin with my fellow Democratic travelers...

Again, thanks to all who have offered words of advice and encouragement to me in this time of my tribulation.

sincerely,
Mermaid
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