Do You Have A Happy Marriage?

[arwalden]

Poll question: Do You Have A Happy Marriage?

And I use the word "marriage" to include all long-term-relationships whether or not you (or the state) considers you to be married.

If you have a happy relationship... what do you attribute its success to? Your age? Your religion? Previous mistakes? Your finances? (Or are you still newlyweds... goo-gah in love... the novelty hasn't worn off yet? :-) )

-- Allen

[YellowRubberDuckie]

1. Well, our success includes many different reasons.

We're eight years apart, spend a lot of time together, allow each other to grow and change, and we like to just sit and talk to each other. He's my best friend, and after 5 years together, I don't know what I'd do if he weren't here.
Duckie

[NewJeffCT]

2. Voted "quite happy" today...

But, we had a big argument last night... most days, we're a little better than that.

[terrya]

3. Doug and I have a happy relationship, And that's because we're so much...

in love with one another.

Of course, it could be better...living in the same country, for example.

[Beware the Beast Man]

4. Divinely Happy

I truly think I met my soulmate when I met her. From the minute we met in person (we got acquainted online), it was "like" at first sight. No first date tension whatsoever. We share a lot in common and the things we don't share fit perfectly. She's the love of my life :loveya:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

5. Discrimination!!!

There's no "single" option!

[arwalden]

8. Well... the poll is about marriage. Sorry.

Perhaps that's a good idea for your own poll for singles (only) about how happy they are (or are not) being single.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

13. Separate is not equal!!

I demand equal representation in this poll!! Terraist!!! :-)

[Kolesar]

6. I think there is this dog that binds us together

I am a little afraid of what will happen when she is gone.

[mrboba1]

7. 11 years and divinly happy

I don't think I could pinpoint reasons why is it so - we just get along so well and work well together.
And of course, we are both liberals....
:P

[TX-RAT]

9. 30 yrs

We never argued in front of the kids.
We never argued about money.
We never spent a night separated, due to anger.
We never allowed our families, to get involved, with our marriage.
We learned how to apologize.

[no_hypocrisy]

10. Divinely happy. Why:

1. We've known each other for more than 30 years.
2. We are each other's best friend.
3. We've seen each other at our best and worst.
4. We have been through challenges which would have made others call it quits. More than a few times. We weather each storm.
5. We have a cardinal rule: only one of us can "lose it" at a time. One of us has to stay sane and rational for the other.
6. We can tell each other anything. Criticism is neutral: we make objective observations and never inadvertently hurt each other's feelings.
7. And yes, we still melt each other's butter, so to speak.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

26. The corollary to the only one person can lose it at a time rule

is the Tag Team Parenting rule, which we needed more when our daughter was a little thing, but when one parent is clearly at the point of tearing out their hair, the other parent is to step in, tag the going insane parent and take over. Going insane parent gets a bubble bath or a cigarette outdoors, depending on gender of going insane parent.

[fudge stripe cookays]

11. We complement each other,

and he's my best friend.

I'm the frenetic, cranky, go-getter who wants to get things done, and he's the very relaxed, sociable one.

I have a million projects going, and sometimes my housework suffers for it, and he just steadily keeps the home fires going, doing laundry or the dishes and mowing the lawn while I'm out saving the world.

Nothing seems to get him down. He gets along with everyone, and he knows how to deal with me when I get a little overwrought, which I can, often.

Plus, he makes me laugh. Constantly.

Some of you have met him, and know he can be a funny guy, but in private, he's downright wacky. He makes up funny songs about the dog, or me, or life in general....just a great imagination. He knows it makes me happy, so he does it a lot. It's just his goofy personality. That's what I love about him the most.

Sure, we get snarky once in awhile, but usually, it's lighthearted teasing.

[arwalden]

12. We're Very Happy... Fast Approaching The Ten-Year Mark

I attribute our success to several things. Aside from the things that we have in common and the things that we originally found attractive about each other... I think our ages and what we learned from previously failed long-term relationships helps as well.

We trust each other!

-- Allen

[LDS Jock]

17. Congrats on the upcoming 10 year mark!

Well done. :toast:

[arwalden]

20. Thanks... It's A Difficult Date To Slip By Unnoticed: New Year's Day!!

So it's ALWAYS a federal holiday!!

-- Allen

[cmf]

14. He's a democrat, too

:)

I think we're happy because we're very compatible and complimentary to each other. We share values. It doesn't hurt that we have the same goals and outlook on life.

[Tikki]

15. Sure do....

37 years this last Thursday. I was just thinking about this subject, this morning. I heard a Phil Collins lyric.."if you follow me, I will follow you". A spirit of adventure, a sense of humor and a willingness to trust each others instincts...this says "I love you, babe".

[On the Road]

16. Wow --This Speaks Well of DU

I'd like to see the results for the general population.

[CO Liberal]

18. How Could You Have a Wife Like This and NOT Be Happy???

This is Mrs. CO Liberal. She and I have been making each other happy for over 11 years now.

I voted "Divinely Happy".

[Mr. McD]

19. My marriage neither makes me happy or unhappy

I love my wife and we have a great relationship but my happiness is not her responsibility. I am generally a happy person. We will be celebrating 20 years together next month. 20 years from our first date. The rest is history.

:)

[elfrangel]

21. Quite Happy

Still adjusting to our recent addition in some ways.

We've been together for 8 years, married 6. I guess what keep s us going is the fact that we share so many things. We're definitely looking forward to Football season, High School & College, and we love 80's music. Plus, we still tend to get really lovey dovey. Sickening isn't it.

He's actually great for me because I tend to be the worry wart and he can handle it when I freak out. When I was in the hospital, in labor, I was so drugged that I don't remember much. (I have an extremely low pain tolerance) What I do remember is him being there every minute, talking me through my contractions and getting excited while I was pushing. It helped keep me sane....he's good at that.

BTW, he's also the one that turned me on to DU....liberal that he is. :-) Thanks choralscholar..143.

[Ellen Forradalom]

22. Welcome to DU elfrangel!

:bounce:

[Ellen Forradalom]

23. "Could be better" or "bad"

If I never see that eyebrow-arched, disapproving expression again, it'll be too goddamn soon.

[scarlet_owl]

24. Very very happy.

Next month we will be married four years. There will always be some things that could be better, but I wouldn't trade my life with my husband for anything.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

25. Been married 13 years in December

and we got married young. The odds were not on our side.

Anatomy of a Marriage:


First 18 months: Happy but very hard, as we didn't live in the same place. He was in the Army, I was finishing college.

18 months to 2 years: both blissful and VERY tumultuous--finally living together, me working as a teacher, him still in the Army, but far away from friends and family, he does a bit too much drinking and we engage in a hell of a lot of dramatics. The rest of it was awesome.

2 years to 3 years: I get pregnant and have our first and only child. VERY blissful time.

3 years of marriage to five years: first two years of our child's life and us as parents. VERY VERY VERY VERY hard. He decides to emotionally withdraw because I am "paying too much attention to the baby." At five years, we are as distant as we ever get to be, on the brink of separation, and I am engaging in heavy emotional cheating.

Five years to nine years: Slog Through It years. The slow, hard work of rebuilding a relationship occurs. Two steps forward, one step back. Marriage counseling off and on. But starting to have happy times again.

Nine years: A breakthrough for both of us. Sometimes it is that dramatic and ours happened in one day. We completely separate our finances and bills and that resolves a MAJOR problem immediately and completely. I call him, finally, on his control freak behavior. He seeks counseling alone, afraid he will lose me after all.

Nine years to now (almost 13 years): Blissfully happy. I have remarked to him that I don't think it's legal to be this happy together. We are completely supportive of each other, have learned what buttons NOT to push, have hashed out major issues to both of our satisfaction and greatly enjoy our life together.

That's not to say things are perfect, but we are about a million miles from where we were. People tried to tell us before we married at the ages of 21 and 23 that it is hard work, but we said pishaw! They were right, it is. But it is worth it.

[SarahB]

27. Can you say "looming"?

Not good....

Fin

[flamingyouth]

28. Other

I checked separated/divorced, but I'm technically widowed, even though we had been separated for three days at the time of his death. And no, the marriage was not at all happy (I suppose that all goes without saying here).