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Man, it kills me to see my unemployed wife so depressed.....

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vi5 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:29 PM
Original message
Man, it kills me to see my unemployed wife so depressed.....
She got laid off last November, which despite being an ego blow ended up being a good thing. We've always been financially conservative so we can live on my salary. Plus with my daughter having just turned 1 at the time it was a great opportunity for my wife to be home with her and also to accelerate finishing her MBA which she'll be done with in a few months. So even though she's bee looking and sending in resumes and been on a few interviews it hasn't been a dire situation.

But just seeing her get depressed at not getting any calls, or (as just happened yesterday) seeing her go on an interview that she thought she nailed at a great company close to home, only to check on line and see that company posting the job again only 2 weeks later.

This is her first experience in a bad economy/job market so I try and tell her not to take it personally but it's really hard. And it kills me for her to start thinking that it's some kind of flaw in her that is causing this stuff to happen (or not happen as it were).

And she's even been told by HR people she's interviewed with that most of the people in the departments that are hiring at a lot of these companies know that the job market is bad so rather than hiring someone with 90% of the qualifications for the job, they decide that they can hold out for a few more weeks and somebody with 100% of what they are looking for comes along.

I just hate to see her beating herself up over stuff that is beyond her control.
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proud patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:36 PM
Response to Original message
1. My husband knows how you feel
After giving birth I suffered post pardem depression .
It was really hard on my husband , his patience was
a god send . His love , helped me get the help I needed
and see me through to better times .

I wish you and your wife the best .
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GinaMaria Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:37 PM
Response to Original message
2. sending her a hug
She would be so much worse if she didn';t have you. " :-)

I don';t know what to say. I';m not sure what to do to make things better for people. I feel like I';m hanging on by a thread. Thinking of you both and sending virtual hugs.

G
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toddzilla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:38 PM
Response to Original message
3. do something
unexpected and nice for her.. not flowers, but something that takes up time and occupies the mind..


anything that lets her forget life for a while is a good thing.

it's what makes hobbies so important.
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vi5 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:40 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. I try....and most of the time she's o.k.....
And the times when she's not, telling her to just take a good look at the 2 year old daughter that she just had the opportunity to spend an entire year being a stay at home mom to usually does wonders and helps more than anything else.

It's just one of those situations where your head can tell you one thing logically, but the negative feeling in you heart just isn't made any better simply by rational thinking.
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adolf bush Donating Member (36 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:39 PM
Response to Original message
4. it sounds like
Edited on Mon Sep-01-03 02:39 PM by adolf bush
she just needs some lovin. give your woman a special evening down by the fireplace ;-)
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NightTrain Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:41 PM
Response to Original message
6. Something else your wife may wish to consider

Some companies place ads in the newspaper even though they already have chosen a candidate to promote from within. I think it has something to do with satisfying the equal-opportunity laws.

So, it's entirely possible that in at least some cases, your wife has applied for jobs that weren't even available to begin with!
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vi5 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:43 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. YES! I tell her this all the time.......
I know this because I know for a fact that my company does it.

I guess this most recent one hurt her a bit because she didn't even call the company or send anything in. She had her resume in their database from months ago, they did a search and her name came up as a qualified candidate for a job she hadn't even formally applied for. So she went in and thought she nailed it. They told her that they were interviewing other people which is fine and if she just didn't get the call back then I think it would have hurt but only a little.

But when she goes back on line and sees the same job she interviewed posted again I think it hit her hard. Can't blame her.
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Le Taz Hot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:42 PM
Response to Original message
7. I don't know if this will help
but let your wife know that there are millions in the same boat. I hadn't been seriously out of work for 30 years. I have to admit I quit my last job due to serious burnout (30 years of working 80-100 hours a week takes it's toll), but when I was ready to get back into the job market, the same thing happened. I blanketed the market with my resumes, would get interviews, nailed the interviews just to find out that I didn't get the job. It IS depressing and very discouraging.

After many months of self-analysis, I found the core problem, at least for me, was equating job or earning power with worth. It took me a LONG time to get myself out of that thinking. Your wife has the responsibility of your daughter and there is no greater job in the world than as a parent. But I understand that that may limit her to addressing only a portion of her talents, education and/or experience. For me, I found that being jobless actually allowed me to get into things I'd always wanted to get into but never had the luxury of time to do. If she can steer herself out of that job = worth mindset (with your help), perhaps she can also begin persuing things that she's always wanted to do but never had the time.

I don't know if any of that helps but I just wanted to offer a perspective that both of you may not have had yet.
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vi5 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:45 PM
Response to Reply #7
10. We both do have that perspective (I like to think).....
I definitely do and I think she does as well. And day to day she knows this and views taking care of our daughter and teaching her things as the most wonderful opportunity available. But occasionally when these things pop up it's more of a personal ego thing than it is anything else. When you go on an interview and bare yourself for the person interviewing you, and then they say "No thanks..." It's hard not to take it personally.
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Le Taz Hot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:52 PM
Response to Reply #10
12. I completely understand
and it took me a good year to change my thinking on this whole issue. Remember, too, that with high unemployment, it's an employer's market and many will sell those jobs to the lowest bidder. Tragically, many people are taking jobs below their ability/experience/education level/salary level out of desperation. I'm sure you've probably had this discussion with one another many times and it IS hard not to take it personally. But remember,that's an inacurate assessment. It's not the individual it's the job market.

I don't know if any of this is helping or not. Just know that there are millions of us in the same circumstances and that we know EXACTLY how she feels.
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vi5 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:53 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. I actually wish she would visit some message boards.....
You're right, knowing that there are lots (LOTS) more out there in the same situation would help her I think.
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Ilsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:43 PM
Response to Original message
9. I'm so sorry.
Give her lots of hugs, especially today. I hope she'll consider all her options, including working for herself. You never what opportunities might arise...

BTW, Be careful with that first paragraph. Rove might try to turn your wife's unemployment into this huge "national family blessing" about her being able to stay home, just like NPR did with all those fired employees of ENRON who managed to pull their lives together after losing everything.
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searchingforlight Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:48 PM
Response to Original message
11. Are there some executive temporary agencies around that she
can register with? I have heard of these and think that might be an option.

Also, tell her to get involved in some civic program, maybe the election. She will meet people who have connections and she will also have an opportunity to show some of her skills.

In this job market one can interview many times but networking is where it's at.
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Philosophy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 02:53 PM
Response to Original message
14. I had that same problem
I just had a job interview last week where I was way overqualified for most of the requirements, but I would have had to do a little bit of learning on a couple of things. So after I drove 200 miles to see them for an interview they told me they were really looking for someone whose skills more closely matched the position.

I've been unemployed now for three years.
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madrchsod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 03:55 PM
Response to Original message
15. i know how she feels.
but she must think about her piroties now. since she`s almost done with school and you guys can live on your earnings, she should stay home for a few years untill the market for her skills becomes better and your daughter gets older. believe me ,i`ve been tru this several times and as i look back i never would want anything different .i got to be home at different times in the lives of my three children. i`d never trade that for any amount of money. she may not think that way now but when you get my age you`ll know what i mean. they grow up so fast and every monent you can spend with them is worth all the money you`ll miss. after a while she`ll feel better,esp. when all that rejection and depression is gone-the baby comes first and everything else will fall in line.
also she can try and find part time work-just to get away for a few hrs.,then you can take over. if things don`t pick up in a few years there`s always herr own business, i did this for ten years out of my house so i was always home with the kids to haul them here and there...hell she`s going to have a degree ,she`ll have no problem doing something she would really like to do..she may not even know what now but you never know,i sure didn`t . good luck...
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dofus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 05:39 PM
Response to Original message
16. Meanwhile you both should remind yourselves
that no one is better qualified to raise your daughter than the two of you. These years are incredibly precious, and they go by so fast you cannot believe it.

Perhaps, since she's finishing her MBA, she should concentrate on that along with your daughter, and hold off the job hunting for just a little while.

One huge problem with our culture (in my opinion) is that people seem to invest most or even all of their self worth and identity in their jobs. That's not a good thing. We're much more than the work we do. Family and friends and the things we call hobbies also matter at least as much.
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SoCalDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 05:47 PM
Response to Original message
17. All your wife needs to do is to be determined to be a "stay-home Mom"
and once she makes up her mind to do that, the offers will probably roll in :).. That's usually the way it happens.. But how fortunate she and your daughter are to have her at home at such a cool age..


Her friends probably envy the hell out of her, even if they feign sympathy :)

There will always be "jobs" out there but your baby will never be 1 yr old again :) :)
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Hubert Flottz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 05:52 PM
Response to Original message
18. Explain to her that!
Every time a republican gets in the White House this happens! Tell her to volunteer at the nearest Democratic campaign headquarters!
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Room101 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 05:55 PM
Response to Original message
19. I'm unemployed and depressed too
I have all but lost hope.
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soleft Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-01-03 05:57 PM
Response to Original message
20. They also try to hold out for lowest salary they can offer
My girlfriend had a job lined up and then it evaporated, the job was still be listed and we surmised that they were trying to get someone for less than she was looking for.

But it's really, really bad out there.

Still, there's the feelings to contend with. Is she covered by insurance, can she see someone for counseling to deal with emotions?
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