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How about a good way to protect sanity in marriage?

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Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:01 AM
Original message
How about a good way to protect sanity in marriage?
That's the pressing problem of the day!
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:05 AM
Response to Original message
1. free time
why are you going insane today?

altho on reflection, you should probably ask my hubby, he seems to have learned the knack :smoke:

he has told me today about 5 times "You're being stubborn today, what's up with you"

i dunno what's up with me :shrug: but whatever it is, I told him not to take it personally. He's now in the den on his puter getting some down time....

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liberalhistorian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:13 AM
Response to Reply #1
6. Free time and down time, exactly!!
I think that's one of the things that scares me most about marriage, I HAVE to have space and alone time, I simply HAVE to! I do not want to be dealing with having someone around all the time where I have account for my time all the time, NO WAY! I grew up an only child and I'm used to having lots of time alone and I MUST have that. I have a son, but he's 13 so it's not like he needs to be watched and entertained all the time. If I ever do get married, it would have to be to someone who either has a profession that keeps them working or traveling all the time or who understands my needs in this regard. I don't see how a lot of married people, especially men, deal with having someone else around all the time that they have to account to. I'd go out of my fucking mind.
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 01:36 AM
Response to Reply #6
10. i too am an only child
and need my down time, and hubby had 3 sibs and he needs his too

I have my DU time and pool time and he has his office time

worked well for us for 10 years and counting...
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SarahB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:05 AM
Response to Original message
2. I hear ya!
I don't think it's possible really. :crazy:
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stepnw1f Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:05 AM
Response to Original message
3. Have An Affair
You'll feel good for a while but then it's all down hill.
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SarahB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:11 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. My opinion...
Unless you're in an open marriage or a sociopath (by that I mean just selfish and without conscience or caring for anyone else in humanity), things are pretty dead when you even consider the idea.
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Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:20 PM
Response to Reply #5
13. Oh dear.
I think it's a tad more complicated than that. I've weighed the thought, though not seriously, and decided it was a symptom of impending, rather than final, relationship death. There's still time to address the issues if you present them as symptoms of deeper trouble.
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SarahB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:52 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. Sometimes...
I don't want to get too personal here, but often you can gauge by the other person's reaction. Therapy can help many people if both parties are open, not in denial about their own stuff, and willing to take responsibility for their own past mistakes and/or dalliances, but if it leads one party thinking that using the feelings one person had for a third party (even if not physically acted upon) to segue into polyamourous relationships (or using their partner's sex appeal to do so), it's a different story. Nothing wrong if both parties into that, but for some of us, those feelings are more about emotional connectiveness than recreational potential.
I'm speaking all hypothetically of course.
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liberalhistorian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:05 AM
Response to Original message
4. Well, I'm a 39-year-old
never-married gal, so I'm afraid I can't help you there!!!
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madrchsod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:15 AM
Response to Original message
7. the only sanity in marriage is
when one or both persons are asleep...
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:21 AM
Response to Reply #7
8. well
being able to talk and have fun and remember why you like each other and got married in the first place!

and ability to get past an argument and laugh about it after.

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2Design Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 12:26 AM
Response to Original message
9. make a fun date and then go have fun
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Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 11:08 AM
Response to Reply #9
11. We did that on Friday
A nice lunch, perused a book store, and saw F/911. Okay, we're political junkies, so F/911 is our idea of "fun."
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bearfan454 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 11:18 AM
Response to Original message
12. Have a lot of sex.
Take naps, take turns doing housework,(I do most of it), and have different interests that you do alone. It works usually most of the time.
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 01:02 PM
Response to Original message
15. Laughter....
lots and lots of laughter, to drown out the screams of agony at times. ;)
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dawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 01:31 PM
Response to Original message
16. Shouldn't be that hard ...
Edited on Sun Jul-25-04 01:31 PM by dawg
Do things together when you both feel like it. Do things apart when one partner wants alone time. As long as there is trust in the marriage, it should not be a big deal for spouses to do their own things. (Although, I prefer to spend lots of time with my wife - I can occupy myself with other things and still be happy.)

Trust is essential, however.
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AVID Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-25-04 01:35 PM
Response to Original message
17. vasectomy
and humor
and don't expect sex twice a week
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