i'm going home to an empty apartment

[sniffa]

no, no i'm not singLe. my mother in Law is sick, so ms. sniffa is gonna be spending some time with her at her pLace.

so in her absence, i gotta come up with a bunch of guy stuff to do whiLe i have the pLace to myseLf. i'm thinking video games, and going to bed without cuddLing. any other suggestions?

[sus]

1. clearly you need a puppy.

any pet stores on the way home?

[sniffa]

2. can't do it

she's aLLergic to em (cats are worse). besides, if the puppy dies on my watch i cLearLy shouLdn't be having kids.

[sus]

3. okay then the next best thing is

go rent the entire first season of "sex and the city" and invite all your buddies over for some five card stud.

[pagerbear]

6. NO PET STORES!!!!

Unless you know for sure the pet store only gets animals from ethical breeders. Buying animals from pet stores encourages "puppy mills" and other unethical breeding practices.

Anyone who wants a puppy should check out the animal shelters or breed rescue societies. Or go directly to a responsible breeder, if you must have a certain breed.

[sus]

9. you're right.

i meant the SPCA or some other shelter.

[Guy Fawkes]

4. Go out and rent old Kung-fu, then invite your friends over for poker.

[Droopy]

5. Beer

You can multi-task and drink beer while you are playing video games or DUing.

Let me ask you something. Why do capitalize all of your 'L's? Is it just a style thing or is there some deep, dark, sinister reason why you do it?

[sniffa]

15. i Like beer

but i'LL probabLy just induLge in the green stuff.

L = LiberaL

[Droopy]

19. That's a good one, too

Thanks for clearing up the 'L' thing. I was thinking it was some subliminal, hypnotic thing that you use to brainwash other members of the board. That's what too much LSD in your youth will do for you.

[Fridays Child]

7. Take a forty-five minute...

...dump while reading a car magazine. It's an authentic guy thing.

[sniffa]

12. i do that normaLLy

cept usuaLLy i read mick foLey's "have a nice day" whiLe i'm in there. the "private office" is of LittLe vaLue with the house empty. i might as weLL just be in and done with it (Like women do).

[Droopy]

17. That's a good idea

I haven't done that in ages. Thanks for reminding me.

You know, you can never rush a good thing.

[tandot]

8. get a body pillow

http://store5.yimg.com/I/comfortstore_1800_6822965

this way you can still cuddle up ...

[sniffa]

10. no, i'm against cuddLing

of course i'LL miss it tonight, but in practice, i'm against it.
Like 'max power', "you don't cuddLe; you strap yourseLf in and feeL the g's."

[GOPisEvil]

11. Walk around in your underwear.

Unless you do this normally, of course.

Be amused by the smells and sounds of your own farts.

[sniffa]

13. true

but it's just not the same without someone around to be mortified by them.

[GOPisEvil]

14. No one to play "dutch oven" with either.

[sniffa]

18. exactLy!!!

dutch oven - aLways makes me giggLe.

[jdonaldball]

16. Examine your toes

I mean, when was the last time you REALLY looked at them?

[mongo]

20. How about a porno and a pocket pussy

might render Ms. Sniffa obsolete....

[Shananigans]

21. You're married?

Break my heart, why dontcha!

[sniffa]

22. weLL, commonLaw marriage

[Elidor]

23. Leave the seat up

Just because you can

[TroubleMan]

24. Get real high/drunk and watch Fantasy Mission Force

http://www.opuszine.com/movies/review.html?reviewID=199

Then call your wife on the phone to explain to her how the leaders of the Allied forces in WWII were Abraham Lincoln and Robert Forster.