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My Fundie Mom's Forwarded E-Mails, vol. VIII

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Paragon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 01:08 PM
Original message
My Fundie Mom's Forwarded E-Mails, vol. VIII
THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME

Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a
baseball game. The Lord's team was playing
Satan's team.

The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied
zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th
inning with two outs. They continued to watch
as a batter stepped up to the plate named 'Love.'

Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single,
because "Love never fails."

The next batter was named Faith, who also got
a single because Faith works with Love.

The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom.
Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.

Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass:
Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom
walked because he never swings at what Satan
throws.

The bases were now loaded. The Lord then
turned to Freddy and told him He was now
going to bring in His starplayer. Up to
the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, "He
sure doesn't look like much!"

Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace.
Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up
and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone,
Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever
seen! But Satan was not worried; his center
fielder let very few get by.

He went up for the ball, but it went right through
his glove, hit him on the head and sent him
crashing on the ground;

the roaring crowds went wild as the ball continued over the fence . . . for a home run!

The Lord's team wn!

The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why
Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on
base but couldn't win the game. Freddy
answered that he didn't know why.

The Lord explained, "If your love, faith and
wisdom had won the game, you would think
you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and
Wisdom will get you on base but only My
Grace can get you Home: 'For by Grace are you
saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest
any man should boast."

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toddzilla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 01:10 PM
Response to Original message
1. i guess grace forgot about those latin american death squads?
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mrboba1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 01:11 PM
Response to Original message
2. well, duh!

The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why
Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on
base but couldn't win the game. Freddy
answered that he didn't know why.


Well, duh! Everyone knows you can't score from 2nd on a walk!!
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XNASA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 01:16 PM
Response to Original message
3. The Cubs had Grace for years........
And never won anything.
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Paragon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 01:17 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. Ouch.
NOT funny. :silly:
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Commie Pinko Dirtbag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 01:21 PM
Response to Original message
5. Ahhh, God the good father...
...who always says to his children:

"You're good for nothing! If it SEEMS you did something good it wasn't YOU, it was ME, and don't you ever forget it, punk!"
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delete_bush Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 01:29 PM
Response to Original message
6. Most baseball fantasies
have the visiting team ahead by 3 runs going into the bottom of the ninth, so that it takes a grand slam to win the game.

Satan is smarter than this, he would not have said that he has the game won when the score is tied. If he gets the out he would not immediately win, it would go to extra innings.
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Rainbowreflect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 01:30 PM
Response to Original message
7. My question, why was God's team still tied in the 9th?
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 02:01 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. Because Satan hired Randy Johnson?
:shrug:
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frylock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 01:34 PM
Response to Original message
8. satan has always had a problem with middle-relief..
despite the game being tied, Satan should have brought in his closer, and worked him for a couple of innings.
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KamaAina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 03:04 PM
Response to Original message
10. Well, clearly the "Lord's team" was the Angels...
let me guess, they were playing the Devil Rays?

:evilgrin:
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