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Things You Don't Want to Hear Before Surgery

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name not needed Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 08:53 AM
Original message
Things You Don't Want to Hear Before Surgery

Hey Nurse, wanna fiddle with his weiner?

Come up with some more. :)
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Gothic Sponge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 08:55 AM
Response to Original message
1. Nurse, can you bring me that textbook?
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 08:56 AM
Response to Original message
2. anybody seen my Junior Mint?
thanks to Seinfeld
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 08:57 AM
Response to Original message
3. Doctor... please stop sneezing on the instruments.
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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 08:57 AM
Response to Original message
4. "What side is the appendix on again?"
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BigMcLargehuge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 08:57 AM
Response to Original message
5. the shin bone connected to the .... to the..... er...... something bone...
the something bone connected to the doo dad.... the doo dad connected to the ....
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name not needed Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:04 AM
Response to Reply #5
14. red thing .... the red thing connected to my wristwatch
thank you dr nick riviera. :)
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XNASA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 08:58 AM
Response to Original message
6. "So which is it? The right one, or the left one?"
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 08:59 AM
Response to Original message
7. Sex Change? Which sex are we going for here?
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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 08:59 AM
Response to Original message
8. "The anasthesia delivery is going to be late - try to make this tank last"
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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:00 AM
Response to Original message
9. "Shouldn't that be shaved?"
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HFishbine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:00 AM
Response to Original message
10. But I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Okay. Lame.
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:02 AM
Response to Original message
11. What time is it Nurse? I seem to have lost my wristwatch
:bounce:

This is FUN!
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:03 AM
Response to Original message
12. Who knew they had a (*hic*)happy hour that started so early?
Edited on Tue Jun-22-04 09:04 AM by underpants
:beer:
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:03 AM
Response to Original message
13. ...So then Regan sent in troops to get the Cubans out of our school.......
Grenada :scared:
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:04 AM
Response to Original message
15. Well, don't I LOOK like a doctor?
:bounce:
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Commie Pinko Dirtbag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:05 AM
Response to Original message
16. *HICCUP*
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No2W2004 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:06 AM
Response to Original message
17. oopsie!

My Bad!
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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:06 AM
Response to Original message
18. "I know we're low on B+. Is that monkey blood ready?"
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name not needed Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:08 AM
Response to Original message
19. "lefty loosey rightey tighty?"
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GOPisEvil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:09 AM
Response to Original message
20. Frank Burns is my personal medical hero.
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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:10 AM
Response to Original message
21. "Sorry I'm late - got hung up in a flame war on Free Republic."
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m-jean03 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 12:25 PM
Response to Reply #21
41. AHHHHHHH!!!!!

:scared:
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:10 AM
Response to Original message
22. Damn, I shouldn't have drank that 8th Margarita last night
:drink:
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oxymoron Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:12 AM
Response to Original message
23. "Paging Dr. Kevorkian"
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Bronco69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:15 AM
Response to Original message
24. Nurse! Put this in a jar!
That sucker's going on my mantle! :-)
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lpbk2713 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:16 AM
Response to Original message
25. "Anybody know a quick cure for a bad hangover?"
:puke:
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No2W2004 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:16 AM
Response to Original message
26. He's Dead Jim.....

I'm a Doctor, not a.....car fixer guy...you know what I mean. Give me the slicer thingie nurse...
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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:19 AM
Response to Original message
27. "It's like riding a bike: just start and it will all come back to you."
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:19 AM
Response to Original message
28. Hi! EveryBODY!
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Richardo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:20 AM
Response to Reply #28
29. HI, Dr. Nick!!
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Race4Peace Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 11:38 AM
Response to Reply #28
37. AW, FUCK!
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Wilber_Stool Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:23 AM
Response to Original message
30. The University of
Gernada,why do you ask?
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qwertyMike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:37 AM
Response to Original message
31. This actually happened to me
Edited on Tue Jun-22-04 09:38 AM by qwertyMike
In a private hospital.
I had the pre-op medication and was almost out. I felt someone fiddling with my wrist bracelet - looking at my name I guess - I came to and a doctor asked me if I was the appendectomy or the circumcision (Jewish outfit). It was neither. It sure brought me to!
I tried to get up but I was too woozy and I thought it was a hoot. Valium.

Anyway it all went well in the end.
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Hoping4Change Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:41 AM
Response to Original message
32. You sure it's left kidney that is supposed to be removed?
Edited on Tue Jun-22-04 09:43 AM by Hoping4Change
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givemebackmycountry Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:47 AM
Response to Reply #32
34. How much do you think we could get for THAT on E-Bay?
How much do you think we could get for THAT on E-Bay?
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Hoping4Change Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 10:23 AM
Response to Reply #34
35. LOL
BTW givemebackmycountry welcome to DU. Glad you're here! :bounce:
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EstimatedProphet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 09:46 AM
Response to Original message
33. "Hey, in my last operation I found this really cool trick!"
Edited on Tue Jun-22-04 09:46 AM by EstimatedProphet
"If you poke the brain in this one spot, the leg starts twitching! Watch this!"
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Lydia Leftcoast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 11:28 AM
Response to Original message
36. "I got so caught up in tinkering with my car that
I haven't had time to scrub in."
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AspenRose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 12:02 PM
Response to Original message
38. TRUE STORY
Edited on Tue Jun-22-04 12:04 PM by DesertedRose
Right before I was to be wheeled in for gallbladder removal surgery, the anesthesiologist comes in. English was not his first language (this is important to note). He looks at my chart, confirms my name, birthdate and why I am there. Then he says, "I see you have been treated for Hepatitis B."

Me: "WHAT?!? I've never had Hepatitis!!"

Doctor: "Um, wait one moment, please. I'll be right back."

(Meanwhile my mother and husband are freaking out. Mother makes me swear I won't go back to do volunteer work at the women's prison.)

The doctor comes back: "I'm sorry, apparently you had been treated for H. Pylori (the bacteria that causes ulcers)."

Me: "Well, yes, I had told the doctor that. That's common knowledge."

Doctor: "I'm sorry. It's just that in my country the abbreviation for hepatitis is the same as your abbreviation here for H. Pylori."

About ten seconds later, they give me the *OUT* drug and next thing I know, I'm waking up in recovery.
:wow: Yikes that was close.
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Sabriel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 01:14 PM
Response to Reply #38
47. Another true story
Just before my foot surgery:

Doctor to nurse: "Jesus, I'm tired. Eric's got the flu, and we were up all night with him."

(Unfortunately, this was just as the anesthetic hit)
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pagerbear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 12:12 PM
Response to Original message
39. There was a case
...where two surgeons got on an elevator and chuckled among themselves, talking about covering up a major fuck-up. Someone in the patient's family was on the elevator and used that as evidence in a huge malpractice suit.
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Az Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 12:13 PM
Response to Original message
40. What the heck is that?
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leftofthedial Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 12:26 PM
Response to Original message
42. Uh oh!
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C_eh_N_eh_D_eh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 12:44 PM
Response to Original message
43. Has his check cleared yet?
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DS1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 12:51 PM
Response to Original message
44. What do you say we pop 2 Viagras now, and two more when he's under
Edited on Tue Jun-22-04 12:51 PM by DS1
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Brewman_Jax Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 12:54 PM
Response to Original message
45. "Damn! Where's that diagram? I just had that printout."
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NoPasaran Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 01:06 PM
Response to Original message
46. "No, no! The other left!"
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BiggJawn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 01:38 PM
Response to Original message
48. "Whoops! (clatter) Damn, My fingers are tingling!"
Edited on Tue Jun-22-04 01:39 PM by BiggJawn
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KamaAina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-22-04 02:02 PM
Response to Original message
49. "Doctor, your malpractice attorney is on Line 2."
Ouch.
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