Flashback: A Small Tenet 'Tribute'

[Sapphocrat]

Permission granted to reprint in part or full with proper credit and live link to:

http://blogs.salon.com/0002551/2003/07/14.html#a226

The White House Thinks You're An Idiot

doublethink, 14 July 2003

Preface: This is an excerpt from a blog entry made nearly one year ago. There's actually a lot of solid information in this entry -- and a very straightforward explanation of how the Niger-uraniaum lie ended up in Bush*'s SOTUS (reproduced in part below) -- but it's what's below that which will show you how it all really went down. Well, in the writer's imagination, that is...

First, they said the Niger-uranium story was true.

Then they admitted it was bogus.

Then they said didn't they know it was bogus.

Then they blamed the British for coming up with the story.

Then they said they had a good reason to believe British intelligence over U.S. intelligence -- even if the British wouldn't tell them where the story came from.

Then they said that since Bush only said that the British said the story was true, then technically, he wasn't lying.

Then they blamed CIA director George Tenet for not making sure they didn't mention the story that he'd already told them not to mention four months earlier.

Then George Tenet agreed everything was his fault.

Then they said that other countries say the story really is true, so no harm, no foul, all's well that end's well, and can we please drop it now?

Now they're back to reminding us that, no matter what, all Bush said was that the British said the story was true. But they're making it sound like the story is true too. ...

What matters is that they thought it was false when Bush made his State of the Union address...

Or, as CBS News explained ... "The CIA officials dropped their objections and that’s how it was delivered. ..."

(But the) CIA didn't "drop their objections" ...

If we generously assume Bush himself hadn't been privvy to all this skullduggery for nearly a year already (and that is a very generous assumption), then Bush's people were obligated to prevent him from making a misleading statement to the world...

Cut to a conference room in an undisclosed location:

George Tenet: "But you can't let the president say that. It's not true."

Unka Dick: "We know the story's not true, but the British did say it."

George Tenet: "But according to everything we know about the story, the British are wrong."

Condi the Bobblehead: "Excuse me, but didn't the British say they had more than one source on this?"

George Tenet: "That's what they say, but they refuse to tell us who their sources are. For all we know, it could be another Italian autograph forger."

Rummy: "That's good enough for me."

Condi the Bobblehead: "What if one of the sources turns out to be French? That won't go over very well with the public after all the effort spent on 'Operation Freedom Fries'."

Unka Dick: "What are you, our National Domestic Policy Advisor now? You just get with Mike Gerson and figure out how to spin that one line so the president can mention the uranium buy without really saying anything."

Condi the Bobblehead: "I'm no speechwriter."

Rummy: "And you're no fashion plate, either."

George Tenet: "Look, we have nothing to support this Niger thing. The Brits could be jerking our chains, while they're busy trying to save Blair's ass, which, right now, is exposed for the world to see."

Unka Dick: "As as long as I'm one heartbeat away from the presidency, my ass is for the world to kiss. I want that Niger story in the speech!"

Rummy: "Heartbeat? I wouldn't give Hastert any ideas, Dick. Boo! Heheheh..."

Unka Dick: "Shut up, asshole."

George Tenet: "Look, the IAEA is already on my ass to get their hands on the Niger papers. They're going to take one look, see this is all bullshit, and without any other evidence to back us up, the whole thing's gonna blow up in our faces."

Unka Dick: "You just keep stalling. Don't let those bastards anyway near those papers until after the State of the Union."

Rummy: "Hey, I've got a great idea. Put off the IAEA until the day before Powell has to make his presentation to the U.N., and let them spring it on him. That'll take the starch right out of his uniform."

Condi the Bobblehead: "Oh, sure, Don. The last time you tried to get Colin fired, it was a public-relations disaster. I still can't believe you dragged Gingrich back from the dead."

Unka Dick: "Jesus Christ, Condi, what's this obsession with image all of a sudden?"

Rummy: "Ha! If she was worried about image, she'd find a new hair stylist. Anyway, if W could bring back the Butcher of Cambodia to head the 9-11 commission, what's wrong with resurrecting Newt?"

Condi the Bobblehead: "Oh, like Kissinger was a stroke of genius. How long did he last? Can you say Acxiom? Alltel? Systematics? Jackson Stephens?"

George Tenet: "Aren't we getting a bit off-track here?"

Unka Dick: "Right. So it's settled: As long as we stick to saying, 'This is what the British said,' we're in the clear. You got any problem with that, Tenet?"

George Tenet: "Well, it's technically accurate--"

Unka Dick: "Good. Condi, write this down: 'Niger statement fully vetted by CIA. State of the Union address cleared by George Tenet.'"

George Tenet: "Now wait a second--"

Condi the Bobblehead: "You write it down, Cardiac Boy! I'm not your secretary!"

Rummy: "Ha! Real secretaries have F.O.A."

Unka Dick: "Don't give me any of your-- your--"

Rummy: "F.O.A., get it? 'Front-office appearance.' Heheheh..."

Condi the Bobblehead: "Don't you say it, Cheney! Don't you use the 'U' word!"

George Tenet: "People, please, we have a serious prob--"

Rummy: "The 'U' word? What's that? 'Ugly'?"

Condi the Bobblehead: "Screw you, Don!"

Unka Dick: "Meeting adjourned. I have to get back to my undisclosed location."

The White House Thinks You're An Idiot
doublethink, 14 July 2003
http://blogs.salon.com/0002551/2003/07/14.html#a226

[foreigncorrespondent]

1. I remember this DT entry...

...it totally cracked me up at the time. Very funny and very true. :)

Thanks for posting this Sapph. It brought back memories for one of my all time favorite blogs. :)