Best bathroom graffiti you've ever seen...

[WilliamPitt]

There's a bar in Cambridge called The Field. There's a condom machine in the men's room. Scrawled on the condom machine, in huge letters, in indelible black magic marker, is the sentence:

FOR REFUND, INSERT BABY

...with a big arrow pointing to the coin slot.

That never fails to slay me.

Yes, I'm a twisted sickass bastard. And you?

[GOPisEvil]

1. Legendary...

...next to one of those hand-dryers in restrooms: "Press button for am important message from Phil Gramm."

Spelling!

[NewHampshireDem]

2. Over a urinal ...

"While you're reading this you're pissing on your shoes." :)

[elfwitch]

3. I don't know about the best, but...

I can tell you about the scariest I've ever seen.

Once, on a trip to see a friend in Anniston, Alabama (northern Alabama) we stopped at a McDonalds in Picayune, Mississippi.

It was the only place I had ever been in my life where all of the bathroom graffiti was religious in content.

Betty Loves Jesus
I Love Jesus
Biblical verses
Peggy Sue loves JC
MS + JC 4ever

That kind of thing.

[russian33]

4. A bar in NYC..

...Four Faced Liar, a friend co-owns it, had this on the wall:

'My Grandma doesn't need glasses....she drinks out of the bottle'

:beer:

[ScreamingMeemie]

5. Ed Debevic's ladies restroom.

"Don't touch this switch" next to a light switch.

Of course everyone touches the switch...and then...

[VelmaD]

6. My favorite graffiti isn't from a bathroom

For 30+ years "Arlene is FINE" has been spray-painted on an overpass near my parents' house. The city has repeatedly sand-blasted it off and someone always comes back and re-paints it.

As for bathroom graffiti - I did see a bathroom flamewar once that I thought was funny. Someone started out by making nasty comments about someone else. Then the 2nd person came along and edited their typos. And then a 3rd person edited one of the 2nd person's typos. That was the part that cracked me up - they had misspelled the word misspelled.

And yes, you are a twisted sickass bastard...but you're OUR twisted sickass bastard. :P

[matcom]

7. "There is no use in squatting......

Crabs can jump 3 feet"

:bounce:

[matcom]

8. "There is no use in squatting......

Crabs can jump 3 feet"

:bounce:

[Loonman]

9. "my dick has a big head"

Observation, I guess.

[Estel]

10. In Chicago pub in the 70's...

"Flush twice, it's along way to the kitchen..."

[Dookus]

11. Here I sit

cheeks a'flexin'
giving birth to
another Texan.

[LynneSin]

12. For a good time call GOPisEvil at....

..... :D

[tom_paine]

13. "Here I sit, buns a-flexin'; just gave birth to another Texan"

(seen in the Lackland AFB Airmen's Club Latrine)

(no, I didn't write it, but wished I had!)

[VelmaD]

15. My mom swears she saw this in a pay toilet

Here I sit all broken hearted....paid a nickel to shit and only farted.

[tom_paine]

21. That one is old as the hills

Probably could be found in a Civil War latrine.

Sorry, Velma, I know you're from Texas. I didn't WRITE the thing, but is is the funniest piece of bathroom graffiti I have ever seen.

My apologies to you.

[VelmaD]

24. My mom's as old as the hills...

hell she probably saw it in the toilet because she's the one who wrote it there. She has that kind of sense of humor. :)

And I'm used to the ribbing us Texans get.

[MaineDem]

72. "If you voted for Nixon...

you can't shit here 'cause your asshole's in Washington"


A sign on the back of the stall door back in the 70s. Change the name and it's just as relevant today!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

14. My mother made me a homosexual

Really, do you think if I bought her the material she would make me one too?

[MuseRider]

16. On a condom machine

in Topeka, Kansas. This gum tastes funny.

[dolo amber]

61. Awww!

That's mine! I thought I made that up! :7

Actually, I always wrote "This gum tastes terrible"...;)

[bif]

17. Jesus is the answer. What is the question? Who is...

Manny and Philipe Alou's brother

[Misunderestimator]

18. I refuse to post to another WilliamPitt thread until he answers this one:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x1188257

(Well, I make one exception in this case.) :)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

23. fucking rat bastard copy cat

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=1124769

[Misunderestimator]

27. LOL.... my opinion of WP goes down with every new piece of evidence.

:evilgrin:

[WilliamPitt]

37. The answer is...

[Misunderestimator]

42. Grrrrrrrr......

Get out the whips and chains... someone deserves a beating.

[VelmaD]

49. Don't forget the video camera...

:evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

19. Here I sit, broken-hearted,

uh.....I forgot the rest.

[proud patriot]

63. That's the one

"Here I sit so broken hearted
I went to S*** but only farted"

[pintobean]

66. I saw a revision to it in 1980

Here I sat, broken hearted
Tried to shit, but only farted
A little later, I took a chance
I tried to fart, but shit my pants

[Endangered Specie]

on a tampon machine: RED ALERT!

I didnt personally witness it, just heard of it.

[Misunderestimator]

20. Over a toilet... "Stand closer... it's not as big as you think"

Ok... another exception :evilgrin:

[meatloaf]

22. I was always partial to...

God is my co-pilot but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him. Years later I saw it on a bumper sticker.

[DU9598]

26. Good one

If you voted for Bush you cannot sh-t here, your as-hole is in Washington, D.C.

[Endangered Specie]

25. Jesus saves...

by switching to Geico.

[ronnykmarshall]

28. Butt head Mary

and Ryan is an asshole!

[TriadLeftist]

29. In a bar bathroom in NC

First Line: I fucked your mother!
Second Line: Go home, Dad. You're drunk.

That one kills me ...

[Endangered Specie]

30. We aim to please... So please aim.

[Endangered Specie]

31. E Coli eats shit!

[Kellanved]

32. Beware! Limbo Dancers

Written near the lower end of the stall.


Not really the best, just one I remember.

[kmla]

33. Anyone can piss on the floor. Be a hero... Shit on the ceiling!

Always cracked me up.

[Endangered Specie]

34. I pity the man whose poetic ability is aroused by the smell of shit

[pinto]

35. "In the Event of Disas

[Endangered Specie]

36. Some people come here to take a shit, I come here to leave one

[Endangered Specie]

38. AT a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly

[MikeG]

39. "Wipe twice or pay the price."

[Bossy Monkey]

40. "I am not a queer necrophiliac!" he said in dead Earnest.

which I actually saw at Van Pelt Library at Penn. Two other favorites from there:
Nietzsche is pietzsche. But Sartre was smartre. While Freud we aveud. (written as if by 3 different hands; maybe it really was)
and
Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'roll! You guys don't know how to party -- A Drexel student
You don't know what you don't know. -- A Penn student.
Probably faked, too, 'cause a) Drexel's an engineering school, with bigger nerds even than Penn; and b) they've got their own library. Still I remember it after 20-odd years so I guess that's something.

Similar to the one in the subject line, but I think it was in a Nigel Rees book: I'm into sadism, bestiality and necrophilia; am I flogging a dead horse?

[fishnfla]

41. Memorable, but very offensive *warning* (bigoted)

"Jews are a gas"-A. Hitler

[Endangered Specie]

43. Particulary offensive and bigoted (youve had your warning):

"Turban repair kit" , Arrow pointing to toilet paper

[slackmaster]

44. Here I sit with buns a-flexin'

Trying to make it with a Texan.

[Endangered Specie]

45. over a Urinal in a bar: "Express Lane: Five beers or less."

[SnohoDem]

46. Why look here?

The joke is in your hand.

(Over a urinal)

[pinto]

47. Nixon had it down Pat.

[Canuckistanian]

48. "God is dead" - Nietzsche

"Nietzsche is dead" - God

[WoodrowFan]

50. "I Hate Nigers"

Cause it said everything you need to know about bigots, they're STUPID...

of course, maybe it was a bigot that hates only blacks from that one country, Niger, but I doubt it...

[WilliamPitt]

52. "I hate Equatorial Guinea"

would have been a good response to put below that.

:)

[Misunderestimator]

51. William Pitt slept here.

[WilliamPitt]

53. Now wharrr's me toothpick?

(obscure Barney Gumble reference)

[Misunderestimator]

55. And now we know who the model was for Barney

:evilgrin:

[VelmaD]

56. Ok. It's official.

You watch WAY too many Simpsons reruns. :P

[Onlooker]

54. Save Soviet jewry, win valuable prizes

[WilliamPitt]

57. Did you actually see that?

Or did you nab it from Stephen King?

:)

[Onlooker]

58. I saw it years ago

Saw it about 20 years ago or more. Is it from Stephen King? Any idea when he said it?

[WilliamPitt]

65. He wrote about it in the book 'It,' and more recently

in a book of short stories called 'Everything's Eventual.' The story where it appeared was about a traveling salesman who collected weird graffiti he saw all over the country in a small notebook. The 'valuable prizes' graffiti was his favorite. In 'It,' one of the characters saw it as graffiti on a bridge.

[Burma Jones]

74. I know from whence this one came I believe

In 1973, this graffito appeared on a sign near Beth Tikva Synagogue on Old Georgetown Road in Rockville, MD. If anyone knows whether there is a pre-existing instance of this graffito, please respond.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

59. A picture of Osama bin Laden

at the bottom of the toilet bowl. I think it had to be put there by the management of the bar.

[ze_dscherman]

60. Jute statt Plastic

Back in the late 70ies, whith Green movement in Germany in it's early stage, "alternative" people used jute fiber bags instead of plastic shopping bags. In the small town with a huge university I lived they were pretty common, so everybody knew the slogan printed on them: "Jute statt Plastik - Jute fiber instead of plastic". I still remember how hard I laughed when I saw this scrawled on a condom machine.

[DancingBear]

62. From the finest mens room in the Ivy League

Kline Biology Tower, Yale University:

"Don't run amuck!"
(underneath) "True, mucks tire easily and should only be walked"

And (at the risk of soiling my chaste DU personna):

"If God did not intend for man to eat p***y then why did He make it look like a taco?"

[Duncan Grant]

64. A message from the management:

"We aim to please. You aim too, please."

[Philostopher]

67. When I attended Northern Kentucky University ...

back in the early 80s, one of the favorite places to hang for lunch and/or carry out food was a regional fried chicken chain that was better and cheaper than KFC. I was a journalism major. We had a really good (at the time, he's since sold out) editorial cartoonist named Joe Hoffecker. He (reputedly -- he never admitted it, but his style was distinctive to say the least) drew a campus mural on the inside of one of the men's room stalls in the restaurant, with all the campus jokes about all the buildings included. We called the campus the Death Star, because it was all prestressed concrete and did, in fact, look like something from Star Wars. That was the title of the mural. I saw the thing, once -- it was freakin' impressive, I must say. He must've been hella constipated from all that deep fried food, because the elaborate nature of the mural would have required a good eight or ten hours' time on it.

[Unperson 309]

68. Saw This in the Sixties...

in a bathroom at college:

"Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit in little balls.
Thos who read these words of wit
EAT those little balls of shit!"

"No use to stand upon that seat!
The crabs here all jump fifteen feet!"

"If Nixon's the One...
Is Humphrey one, too?"

"After four years of Ladybird
we must all stand Pat!"

Is LBJ the President's name in Spanish?"

309

[Nevernose]

69. "Please don't place cigarrette butts in the urinal...

...we don't piss in your ashtrays!"

From the VFW Post in Seven Points, Texas.

[SOteric]

70. "Make Love Not War" and then scrawled underneath:

Hell, do both. Get married.

[camero]

71. Here I sit with my ass a flexin

Giving birth to another Texan.

Apologies to the Texas DUers but that's funny. I saw it in 2000 and it reminded me of Bush.

[FlashHarry]

73. Some idiot wrote, "I fucked your mom."

To which, some genius replied underneath, "Go home, Dad; you're drunk."

[Ganja Ninja]

75. From a Porta-john on a construction site:

They don't plumb
and they don't fit
but the porta-john man
really knows his shit!

[Burma Jones]

76. Shroud of Turin

Pointing to roll of Toilet Paper in Montgomery College Library Men's Room.

The next stall over had what turned out to be some student's American History term paper. It was written such that it completely covered the stall, and the print was fairly small AND the paper was pretty cogent.

[sniffa]

77. best one

above the urinaLs at the 'fresh pond goLf course' cLub house (i use this term very LooseLy) in cambridge there's a sign that says

"no butts in urinaL"

someone wrote beLow the sign "that's ok, i don't sit down to pee"

makes me Laugh to this day.


aLso, the other day i Learned the end (or a variation) of one my aLL time favorite potty Limericks.

"here i sit broken hearted, tried to shit and onLy farted.
Later on i took a chance, tried to fart and shit my pants."

other variations i recaLL -

"here i sit upon the pooper giving birth to a mass. state trooper"

"here i sit upon the pot giving birth to chanceLLor scott" (former chanceLLor of umass)

[MichaelUK]

78. The seat you're now sitting on gets cleaned once a day

Guess how many people were on it before you.

-------

[DinahMoeHum]

79. Seen on a NYC subway in summer 1972. . .about Nixon

"You Wouldn't Change Dicks In The Middle Of A Screw,
Vote For Nixon In '72"

:evilgrin::evilgrin::evilgrin:

And of course, that old bathroom standby:

"If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
please be neat and wipe the seat"


:evilgrin::evilgrin::evilgrin: