Has Anyone Ever Cheated on You...

[Misunderestimator]

Poll question: Has Anyone Ever Cheated on You...

...when you were in a committed, monogamous relationship? And if so, were you able to get over it and stay together? Just curious...

[terrya]

1. No. Who would want to cheat on ME.:-)

I'm the full package, baby.

Terry

[GOPisEvil]

2. Yes. It sucked.

Of course, in hindsight, it seems that *I* was in a committed monogamous relationship, but *she* wasn't.

Catching her in bed with another guy is funny, now. Back then, I got drunk to forget about it.

[Robb]

4. That whole getting drunk to forget thing never works out for me.

I mean I can successfully get drunk and all, motor skills go out the window, but somehow I just don't manage to forget.

Do fall asleep earlier though, which is sorta like forgetting. :shrug:

[Misunderestimator]

7. I just have to wonder what is WRONG with people?

I mean, it has never been difficult for me to remain faithful, even when I'm faced with temptation. I ain't no saint, but COME ON!!! What is the deal?

[GOPisEvil]

15. I forgot for those few hours...

...after I sobered up, I was just pissed off for a while. I got over it though.

[freetobegay]

3. Whoever voted no

Just keep thinking that. :)

[Wcross]

17. Yup, (He/She is just a friend, right?) n/t

[Bonhomme Richard]

5. Not that I know of. n/t

[liberalitch]

13. Hmmmm, i wonder though....

I'm sure it's happened before... I've always dated musicans... Don't they HAVE to cheat on their girlfriends?

[johnnie]

20. No...we don't.

Unless I missed that day at musician school..lol. Maybe I could have had more fun. But, I never cheated on anyone I ever "went steady" with. I had to use that term...and no, I'm not that old..lol.

[Bonhomme Richard]

21. Nope, never cheated

Hah, maybe I've just never really been tested.

[Bonhomme Richard]

33. On second thought?...........................

This website might count.

[ZenLefty]

6. By the time I found out she cheated on me

The relationship was irreparable anyway. My only concern was that she made him use a condom so I didn't catch whatever he had. And I wanted my vinyl albums back.

[johnnie]

8. Here's what ya do...

When you hook up with someone, cheat on them during that first week, that's before all the mushy lovey dovey crap... so it isn't bad. Then, about 4 or 5 years into it when they cheat on you...you can say "Well baby, I cheated on you a looooong time ago". It might not make ya feel any better, but it at least it retroactively pays them back.

[Teddy_Salad]

9. Hey, I like the way you think

Neat strategery! :evilgrin:

[Misunderestimator]

10. Well, that's something... you made me laugh

thanks for that :)

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

11. I think cheating is spineless

If you want to be with someone else, pick up the fucking phone and break up with your SO first. It's that simple.

[Misunderestimator]

12. That's always been my strategy....

I've had a few major relationships where I made the decision to be monogamous and expected the relationship to last "forever." I've also been in quite a few less serious relationships where there was some level of monogamy, but not a lot of faith that it was "the" relationship. Twice, I met someone else when I was in one of those latter relationships... agonized for quite a while over what I wanted to do, then eventually discussed it with the person I was with and broke up... BEFORE doing a damn thing about it.

Sometimes being a human being just plain sucks!

[chaska]

30. Amen.

[Misunderestimator]

14. So, for you guys that answered Yes and that you stayed together...

Care to divulge how you managed that?

[BigMcLargehuge]

27. sure

marriage councelling, AND legendary Portuguese stubbornness, AND honor (marriage is a contract and I refuse to break it) AND Hapkido.

It wasn't easy, and it took many, many months to deal with effectively (and this wasn't a one-night stand thing... it was long term second relationship stuff).

However, at the core I simply could not accept waking up in the morning without her beside me. I was mad as hell, more angry than I ever was about anything in my entire life, but you can't be angry about stuff for too long before the energy needed to maintain that anger exceeds your abiliy to generate that energy. At that point you can make one of two decission, stay or go. I chose to stay.

I offered her a choice, stay here because you want to or stay there because you want to, but you choose. I refuse to be put into a position where you stay here and be unhappy and blame me for it. You choose to stay here, you do it of your own accord. I don't want to live without you, but I'll learn how to do it.

I forgave, we're human, human's do things, but I never forget and never will.

I love my wife more now that I ever have in our marriage. We have our 9 year anniversary this September :)

the best advice I ever got was from the councellor who said marriage isn't meant to be a steady state, or a flatline, it goes up, down, and sideways. Abandon your myths of marriage and accept the reality of things, then you can adapt to that constant change.

We still laugh, and argue, and debate, and cry, and (in some cases) sing, and play, and work, and live, and raise our son together. And it's great. We both learned, and it was a hard lesson, but it's not impossible.

[Misunderestimator]

29. Thank you for your response...

it helps....

[geniph]

39. I learned to have enough self-confidence

to lose my jealousy and possessiveness. I'm not naturally monogamous myself, either, and it's hypocritical to expect my partner to be. The one rule my husband and I live by now is that we TALK to each other about it. Lying and sneaking around are cheating, not non-monogamy.

The big thing is to learn to keep the primary relationship primary. It's easy to get seduced into thinking you're more in love with a temporary fling, because a relationship without all the day-to-day minutia of living together seems more romantic. You have to always bear in mind that "in love" is a temporary mental incapacitation.

I've had relationships that broke up over non-monogamy - both mine and his - and relationships where we worked it out. It really depends whether the primary relationship is worth keeping, and whether you both have the same feelings about monogamy. That canNOT be assumed; it must be negotiated and expectations communicated. A lot of relationships founder because one partner assumes monogamy is the norm and the other does not.

[Misunderestimator]

44. In this case, we both assumed the relationship to be monogamous...

In fact, she has never cheated in a relationship before, and when someone in her past cheated on her, it was very destructive to her. I guess I can take some consolation in the fact that she did finally tell me the truth. As painful as this is, it is much better than knowing in my heart, but never having it admitted... at least I think so. Right now... I just don't know what to think.

[CO Liberal]

16. Yes, And I Didn't Find Out About Until After We Separated

Wife #2 was sleeping around while I was working a second job. I found out after she left me from one of her friends that they had a nickname for her - "Have Nightie, Will Travel".

[quispquake]

18. BTW:

Thanks a LOT for bringing me down first thing in the morning...whaaa!!!

[Misunderestimator]

19. Sorry 'bout that... I swear it isn't personal. n/t

[Mr. Brown of MD]

22. This happened to me recently

I'm still kind of in shock. I didn't think my life was nearly interesting enough to have something like that happen to me.

"I ended up having sex with Joe last weekend," she said to me two days later, Joe being her ex-boyfriend. But it was okay, she said, because it was one of those things that "just happened" and she "felt really bad afterwards." Only, another day later, it turned out that she actually "did it more than once" that weekend and "never really thought" of me at all. And she seemed to think an apology would be sufficient to quell my wrath.

That's what I get for dating a Republican. :)

-CollegeDude
Once and hopefully never again

[Commendatori]

23. Yep, and I dumped her as in record time

Her excuse (only after she got caught) was that she got drunk (never an acceptable excuse), and she only slept with an ex of hers to make sure that I was really the one she wanted, that it was a one-time slip (no such thing, people), that she had to make sure she could get the other guy out of her mind, blah, blah.

I told her to go back to her ex and never talk to me again.

[Hand]

24. Other...

"All of the above".

[nini]

25. yes, broke up but got back together and couple years later.

and the same f'ing thing happened AGAIN.

And I wonder why I have trust issues with men to this day.

Bastards!!!!!

[Misunderestimator]

26. Well, I'm here to tell you that it ain't just men....

And this thread is not making me feel better. Can I delete it now? :)

[nini]

28. worse than that - you're in the 700 club now

RUN!!!


yes, I know it's not just men. I know women that have wonderful, decent men and cheat on them. I would give anything to find a guy like that and they don't appreciate them at all. Just not fair :cry:

[Misunderestimator]

31. ROFL.... thanks for noticing...

jeez... now I have to post a bunch today to get out of purgatory. :)

[Champ]

32. That is disappointing

75% who voted thus far has said yes.

[Mr. McD]

34. Yes and I divorced the Bitch.

:) It was hard to take at the time but looking back I am really glad it happened (at least the divorce part). Sunday was the 17 wedding anniversary for me and my current wife. Actually September we will have 20 wonderful years together as a couple.

[SarahB]

35. I'll never know

I found something years ago that was step 1 in the dimming of our relationship (condom wrapper in his pocket when we weren't using them for BC). He denied doing anything (said he must have picked it up at work while cleaning something) and I let myself believe him because I felt like I had no other choice at the time. Then years later, I said something and the response was, "Haven't I made up for that by now?" quite angrily and defensively. I was floored. Now he completely denies it, so I'll never know for sure. This was a long time ago and nothing has happened since, but underlying questions remain.

[dawg]

36. That sucks.

Something like that would eat at me forever. (Of course, I'm insecure and paranoid.)

[Misunderestimator]

37. That does suck...

And you are still together? I had a similar experience where I had the evidence (and the intuition), but it was never admitted. We ended up breaking up, and she ended up with the woman I suspected... go figure (and STILL denied it). At least this time, I was told the truth (only after point blank asking a few times). Why does life have to suck so bad?

[SarahB]

43. Yes, we are

I basically was rather numb for a lot of years and not feeling very good about myself. It was one of those things I blocked out and never talked about until several months ago. I want out (and this is most certainly not the primary reason even), but because we have children and the whole balance of their needs and money stuff, it would be another couple years before we could split. He does love me and is trying to make things better, but it's very hard to make myself feel enough and I don't know if I can (it would be easier for everyone else though). This is only a very small part of things and I know he'd be mad if he even saw this (which is another problem), but yes, it haunts the Hell out of me.
He's not a terrible person (a very good man in many ways), but I am very different from who I was (or perhaps more like I used to be as a kid before the emotional crises I had in the months before I met him)- stronger, more assertive, and that is creating a lot of clashes that he's not able to handle.

[Taverner]

40. That really does suck

:grouphug:

[DU GrovelBot]

38. ## Support Democratic Underground! ##

==================
GROVELBOT.EXE v2.0
==================
 
The time now is 2:52:03PM EDT, Thursday, May 13, 2004.
 
There are exactly...
3 days,
9 hours,
7 minutes, and
57 seconds left in our fund drive.
 
This website could not survive without your generosity. Member donations 
pay for more than 84% of the Democratic Underground budget. Don't let
GrovelBot become the next victim of the Bush economy. Bzzzt.
 
Please take a moment to donate to DU right now. Thank you for your support.
 
- An automated message from the DU GrovelBot

Click here to donate.

[Whitacre D_WI]

42. GrovelBot cheated on me!

:cry:

[Nikia]

41. Not that I know of

I didn't spend much time in committed relationships before I met my husband when we were 19. My husband and I have been together six and a half years. He is crazy about me and I wear him out so I am pretty sure that he doesn't cheat on me.