My raccoon doesn't even fear me anymore...

[Dookus]

for those who've been following... a raccoon has figured out how to open my cat door. It's a special cat door I bought JUST to avoid this problem, and it requires magnets and passwords and retinal scans to get in. But nevertheless, this guy can get in and eats all the cat food. He used to high-tail it outta here as soon as he heard me.

NOW.... when I hear him come in and go into the kitchen, he saunters out slowly and I think I can hear him muttering under his breath at me. Then, when he's outside, he doesn't even run. He stands by the back door and waits for me to leave.

The theft is one thing, but his impudence is pissing me off.

[Eye and Monkey]

1. So, just think of him as your new, rather rotund cat.

What's a little extra cat food?

Name him, he 's adopted you.

[Dookus]

4. I already think of him as a pet...

I guess I'm stuck with him.

[yardwork]

2. Thank you for posting this!

I am up late reading about all these horrible things and I really needed a laugh. I appreciate it. Good luck with your new cat.

[chiffon]

3. LOL

Ohh...here kitty..here kitty

[JackDragna]

5. Remember: You're human. You're clever...

..and rat poison tastes pretty good to most animals.

[Lorien]

6. He's also HUMANE

:grr:

[izzie]

15. My God how did a Republican get on this site?

Well maybe I am wrong. They would say blow it up.

[Dookus]

17. I gotta agree with the others...

that's sorta dickish

[Lorien]

7. My aunt has coons that do the same thing

they eventually grown to large to fit through the cat door, so it's only a temporary problem. She enjoys their company; she's lived in that home with raccoon visitors for over 30 years, and she hasn't had a bad encounter with them once. The worst that's happened so far is finding a baby raccoon asleep in her bed one morning. She also put the carcass of a Thanksgiving turkey out after the holidays, only to have it dropped from the treetops into her Jaccuzzi while she and her friends were soaking in it. she looked up to see two raccoons looking down at her with an "oh, crap" expression on their faces, lol!

My advice; get a copy of "Raccoons are the brightest people" by Sterling North and enjoy! If you really want your guest to go, call your local wildlife rehab center and ask to borrow a Havaheart trap. You can safely relocate your furry friend without harm to either of you..

[Dookus]

8. I've already relocated some of his friends....

this particular guy got trapped once, but I didn't set the trap properly, and I was afraid he'd escape in my car. So we let him go after spraying him with the hose and making his experience miserable. I also had a woman point at his genitals and give the thumbs-up, but it didn't work.

Now he's too wary of the trap to fall for it again. They's wily critters, them raccoons. My only hope now is to befriend him.

[Dookus]

9. sonofabitch!

I just walked into the kitchen and there he was again. He didn't even saunter this time .... he moseyed.

I can tolerate sauntering, but goddammit, moseying is an affront!

[AlienGirl]

10. You could get a giant rabbit to chase him away!

But if it were me, I'd just turn him into a pet.

Tucker

[Dookus]

11. christ...

I'm halfway towards just giving him a name.

[AlienGirl]

14. I named my opossum Bitey!

[Rocinante]

12. My advice

threaten him with a fly swatter. :-)

[Dookus]

13. that might not work...

he's already been hit on the noggin with a mop handle. He's tougher than you'd expect.

[elperromagico]

16. He was only pretending to fear you in order to gain your trust.

Now he is taking advantage of you.

You're getting exactly what you deserve, IMO. :P

[Dookus]

18. Sonofabitch!

I just went to the market and he was in my kitchen when I returned. I swear, he flipped me off on his way out the door. He's got a really bad attitude.

[MichaelUK]

19. Probably a Rac-cat

Cross between cat and racoon. It's got the manners of a racoon (bouncing around everywhere, irritating everyone, with a catchy themetune ).

But the attitude of a cat. Example, you put food down for a dog. It won't even draw breath before eating it. It disappears before you can turn your back. But a cat...that's a different matter. It'll look at you as you put it down, as if to say "and what is this? new and improved recipe?" pause. "Right, I'm off out." It'll get to the cat flap, stop, think "Keys?" and then it's off.

ANd which cat was it that first convinced the first human to put a cat flap in?

[Dookus]

20. hrmm...

I'm not sure I understood any of that, but I think I agree. Maybe.

[MichaelUK]

21. Duuuuude

Said the student listening to some pretty good music whilst revising...

1) listen to more Eddie Izard comedy
2) relax... 90% of what is ever said is b*ll*cks.
3) Imagine, for a split second, the mad scientist who created a racoon - cat half breed. That's a bucket load of kitty viagra right there.

[WillParkinson]

22. I'm not buying it...

I want pictures. Especially where he flips you off. :-)

Thanks for the laugh. Good luck with your new friend. Just hope you don't wake up one night and find him in bed next to you and he's wondering why the cat dish is empty.

[Atlas Mugged]

23. I feed and tame feral cats

Then have them neutered. The six I have are marvelous pets that live in my Florida room with evening house privileges and supervised daytime walks (they walk with me like dogs). I only let them in for play time in the evening because I also have a Himalayan (Pandora) that terrifies my two Labs and is a ROYAL PAIN to anyone/anything but me. Leaving out food for the wild cats has resulted in many an unexpected pet: raccoons, 'possums, and, most amusingly, skunks. Frankly, I love the skunks and have a good relationship with them (when happy - they hop with glee). Not so the raccoons. Once they become comfortable with the situation they become territorial and belligerent. I've had them start to attack me - and with the rabies situation - it was time to start a relocation program. The worst incident was with some dear friends of mine who kept a beloved pet Caique (a pet of 20 years) in their locked, screened porch during the summer. A raccoon broke in, killed and ate him. So - beware. Your cat would never stand a chance if there was an altercation.