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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:05 AM
Original message
Can we post some silly jokes to help cheer up Sus
She's feeling a little blue, but I think it's mainly because she's stuck in Maryland where they have a crappy voting system and horrible governor. She sent me an email today that basically said "DIE DIEBOLD DIE"

Let's cheer her up with some of your silliest jokes that you can imagine!!!
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redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:08 AM
Response to Original message
1. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snowball!

My 6 yr old told me that one. :)
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LynzM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:09 AM
Response to Original message
2. Sure!
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down, asks for a drink. Bartender says "sorry, can't serve you." Mushroom says, aw, come on, "I'm a fun-guy" :D

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rock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:09 AM
Response to Original message
3. Do you like Rip Taylor?
Edited on Thu May-06-04 11:10 AM by rock
I gave Toulouse Letrec (sp?) a new belt. I asked, "Is the belt too tight Toulouse?"

I told the doctor sometimes I think I'm a wigwam, sometimes a teepee. He said, "Man, you're too tense!"
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BurtWorm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:11 AM
Response to Original message
4. Did she see lunabush's "Smirking Bush, Smirking Private(s)?"
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kmla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:12 AM
Response to Original message
5. How do you top a car?
You tep on the brake, tupid...
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ps1074 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:14 AM
Response to Original message
6. Okay, here
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GOPisEvil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:14 AM
Response to Original message
7. Your cats are cuter than Lynne's!
That should cheer you up a bit. :-)

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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:15 AM
Response to Reply #7
8. THEY ARE NOT
Now I'm depressed

:cry:
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GOPisEvil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:16 AM
Response to Reply #8
9. Jeez...your cats are really cute too, Lynne.
I'm trying to cheer Sus up, for crying out loud!
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:17 AM
Response to Reply #9
10. But did you have to insult my kitties in the process
They LOVED you
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GOPisEvil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:21 AM
Response to Reply #10
12. Abbie loved me...but then he loves everyone.
Evita...let's just say Evita has a strange way of showing love.

Sus' cats were both friendly to me, and I was there for 5 minutes. :7
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ohiosmith Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:20 AM
Response to Original message
11. Why don't aardvarks get colds?
They're full of anty bodies.
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sybylla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:29 AM
Response to Original message
13. Ole and Sven, #1
Ole and Sven vere talking about sex. Sven said, "Yes sir, I
did it tree times las night vit a 30-year old." Ole replied,
"You're kidding!! I can't even do it vonce anymore. Vats your
secret?" "Vell," Sven replied, "da secret is to eat lotsa whole
veat bread." Ole yumped up and rushed as fast as he could to da
store. He told the clerk, "I'd like four loaves of whole veat
bread." The clerk said, "Dats a lotta bread; it'll probably get
hard before you're done eating it all." "Damn!" Ole said. "How
does everyvone know about dis except me?"
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sybylla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:34 AM
Response to Reply #13
14. Sven and Ole #2
Ole and Sven from Stoughton are bungee-jumping one day. Ole says to Sven,"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They don't have it there" Ole thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower,an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.

Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they
had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Sven jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Ole notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Ole isn't able to catch him, and he falls again,
bounces andcomes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again Ole misses him. Sven falls again and bounces back up.This time he comes back pretty messed up, he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.Luckily, Ole finally catches him this time and says,What happened? Was the cord too long?"Barely able to speak, Sven gasps, "No,the Bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd. What the hell is a piata?
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sybylla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:35 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. Ole and Sven, the best joke ever
Edited on Thu May-06-04 11:39 AM by sybylla
Ole and Sven are neighbors in Minnesota. Ole is in need of a new milk cow.He hears about a nice one for sale over the border in Wisconsin. He drives over to Wisconsin, looks at the cow,and reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls, the cow farts. Ole is very surprised, looks at the farmer who is selling the cow and reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out, however, so after some discussion, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.

He calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says "Come over and look at dis new cow I just bought. Pull her teat, and see what happens." Sven reaches under and pulls; the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought this cow in Wisconsin, yah?" Ole is very surprised and says, "Yah, dats right, how did you know?" Sven says, "My wife is from Wisconsin."
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Jeff in Cincinnati Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 12:49 PM
Response to Reply #15
18. I beg to differ...
Edited on Thu May-06-04 12:49 PM by ritc2750
THIS is the best Ole and Sven joke ever...

Ole and Sven and dere families live in da voods & share da same outhouse. Vun day Sven comes to Ole & says, "Ole, I got some bad news, eh? Da outhouse is full up an' ve should do sometin' about it." Ole tinks fer a minit an' says, "Ya know, Sven, I don't much wanna shovel dat stuff outa dere. Ya know dat I usta verk fer da iron mines down dere in Visconsin. I usta set da charges dat vould blast da ore out. I tink I could set up a charge under da outhouse, blow all da crap outa dere an' leave da outhouse standin' pretty as ya please.

"Vell, Ole," says Sven, " if you could do dat, you vould be a God!" So dey go off to get da dynamite to do da yob. Dey come back an' Ole sets da charge yust so. Sven an' Ole are stretchin' out da ignition cable into da voods and disappear behind da trees yust as Ole's vife, Lena, comes outa da house headin' fer da outhouse. Yust as she gets inside an' settles down Sven an' Ole set off da charge. BOOOOOOOM!!!! an all da mud under da outhouse goes blastin' out into da voods.

Ven da dust settles dey see dat da outhouse is standin' dere yust like Ole promised. Yust den da door flies open an' Lena stumbles outa da outhouse coughin' an' beatin' da dust offa her an' mutters, "Geez, I'm glad I didn't do dat in da house!!"


Yours is a classic, too!
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JM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 12:10 PM
Response to Original message
16. The George W. Bush Presidential Library burned to the ground
yesterday.

Both books were destroyed in the blaze. Accourding to White House sources, the President was furious because he hadn't finished coloring the second book yet.

JM
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ronnykmarshall Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 12:30 PM
Response to Original message
17. One of my faves as a kid.
This lady gets on a bus and starts feel a headache coming on. So she reaches in her purse to get some aspirins (pronounced 'ass-burns'). She realized she left them at home and starts to panic.

"My 'ass-burns'! My 'ass-burns'!"

The bus driver yells back, "Stick it out da' winda and let it cool off!"


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sus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 01:49 PM
Response to Original message
19. you guys need to take this show on the road
those are hilarious! thanks! :loveya:
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 02:16 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. They were until Disney backed out of the tour at the last minute
for fear of retribution from the Bush Mafia family
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Shananigans Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 02:47 PM
Response to Original message
21. Wait a second...I thought you hated her...???
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sus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 03:08 PM
Response to Original message
22. why aren't you people cheering me up anymore?
i'm hangin' by a thread here, people!!
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BurtWorm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 03:09 PM
Response to Reply #22
23. You mean all these "Hey I ate what you hate" threads aren't doing that?
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sus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 03:13 PM
Response to Reply #23
24. yeah but they aren't about ME ME ME!
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BurtWorm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 03:13 PM
Response to Reply #24
25. Well what do you hate to eat. Maybe I can do something for you.
;)
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sus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 03:23 PM
Response to Reply #25
27. I have some honey roasted peanuts and some oatmeal packets.
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ChickMagic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 03:14 PM
Response to Original message
26. My niece's favorite
What do you call vegetables planted on the side of a house?

Okra Windfree
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