The Phox Phony: Alan Colmes

[David Zephyr]

I wish there was a petition that millions of liberals could sign that simply stated that Alan Colmes is little more than a strawman invented by Roger Ailes and that he does not speak for the Left in this Nation.

Fuck him and his book.

He is not a liberal.

[Feanorcurufinwe]

1. He has a book? Good.

I need something to prop up the right side of an old broken down piece of furniture.

[thebigidea]

2. he is my shepherd, I shall always want.

Conservatives do better in the talk media, Alan says. "Talk radio has become a conservative bastion," he says.

-- from 700 club appearance



Hi, I'm Alan Colmes. You may know me from my exciting line of menswear currently featured exclusively at JC Penny. The new Alan Colmes penny loafers are selling like hotcakes, and gee please buy my book before they burn all the copies and make me sweep the ashes. Did I tell you that I cried today?

[David Zephyr]

3. Heap It On!

Lovely!

[thebigidea]

4. Alan Colmes is the answer to the question you never bothered to ask

Alan Colmes: adjusting expectations and generating discomfort since 1967.



here he is pictured with dangerous felon Donny "breadbasket" Conseroso, FOX News junkie and morphine minnie of no fixed interest rate.

Alan's clothes by court order. Fragrance by Hannity's Fine Urinary Tract-based Perfumery.

[thebigidea]

5. and now, a personal message... Love, Alan

"Hi, I'm Alan Colmes. You may know me from my line of novelty gag gifts involving excrement. Thought I'd take a break from my blue-tinted world of international excitement to let you know that my new solo album is available exclusively from Scotti Bros. Records... its called COLMES COMES ALIVE and is jampacked with excitement, from the bottomless soul of my KNOWING ME KNOWING YOU Abba cover to the medley of 'We Are Family,' 'Celebrate,' and that song about building this city on rock and roll. Anyway, I had a lot of fun and hope you have a lot of safety scissor-type non-offensive faux liberal enchanment. order now and get the tote bag, it has a convenient compartment to hide what's left of my dignity in."

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. Locking.

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