I heard this song on the radio today -- "Santa God"

[Lex]

Santa God

When I was a kid they told me something weird
That there's a guy up in the sky with a long white beard
And he does everything, and he knows each move you make
And he knows if you've been bad so be good for goodness sake

Back when I was four I thought I was pretty bright
I said "You're talking about old Santa Claus, right?"
But they got real quiet, and steam came from their ears
And they said "You'll burn in hell for that for a million billion years!"

"We're talking about God, you heathen little kid
So you'd better beg forgiveness for all the sins you did
He's easily annoyed and he doesn't take no crap
And at the slightest provocation He will smite you flat"

God and Santa Claus are coming to town
One gives you presents and the other strikes you down
I'll leave cookies for Santa, but not for god
Cause he seems to think I'm a human lightening rod

I said "He sounds so mean-- why is he so mad?
My Santa's lots of laughs, though I know he's really Dad
Are you sure this isn't Santa Claus, and he's having a bad day?"
But they said "We'd better get this kid to church right away"

In the church they sat me down on a rock-hard wooden pew
And they told me not to move or speak unless I was spoken to
And a man in funny clothes talked for almost half a day
Then they sang songs of joy while frowning in dismay
(chorus)

Please don't blame me for being confused
But the things grownups tell me just don't compute
Like "Always trust the President and CEO's
With their sideways grins and their Ho Ho Ho's"

So no one ever could tell me who this "God" guy was
And why he's never photographed beside Santa Claus
But with Santa a lump of coal is the only wage of sin
This other grouchy guy must be Santa's evil twin

Oh god and santa claus are coming to town
One gives you presents and the other strikes you down
I'll leave cookies for santa but not for god
cause he seems to thing that I'm a human lightning rod
He's gonna zap a million volts right through my bod
His way of showing love is a little odd...

© 2002 Dan Hart