Anyone else think the holidays are slightly sexist?

[tinfoilinfor2005]

Every year I decorate the house inside and out (and this includes dragging the boxes out of the attic and then the reverse after the holidays), buy and wrap and mail out the presents for the whole family, bake the cookies, send cards, make the dinner and clean up afterward, and still work a full time job.

My husband buys presents for me (usually on the internet) and has my daughter wrap them. Period. In fairness, he always gives great presents.

And it is the same with most of the women I know, although some husbands do the outdoor decorating stuff. So is this a female trait (nesting or whatever you want to call it) or have we just allowed ourselves to be suckered?

[MrModerate]

1. The short answer is "yes"

YOU'VE certainly been suckered. Or perhaps you simply enjoy/are motivated to decorate/buy/wrap/mail/cook and your hubby isn't.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

3. Yes, and that would all be fine and dandy, but then how come

it is always Santa who gets the credit for doing all the work, when you know darn well that Mrs. Santa is the one packing that sleigh...:)

[omega minimo]

10. Why should Xmas be any different than all the rest of the year?

:evilgrin: :hi:

[MrModerate]

48. Well, yeah . . . but what I'm hearing is . . .

That you resent the your role in this domestic drama. That's got to reduce the joy you take from what is supposed to be a festive season. If this is serious, then you have to whack your husband upside the head and say "things have got to change, buddy!"

However, if this is in the category of things that have established themselves in your relationship, and it's not that big a deal to you, AND, trying to institute change ain't worth it, AND the pleasure you take still outweighs the flies in the ointment, then . . .

Merry/Happy Christmas/Holidays/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Solstice, etc.

[OKNancy]

2. I bust my butt

I've been cooking for a week too. Huge family party here on Christmas Eve...and I do it because I like to. I decided to never complain because if I didn't really want to do it all, I wouldn't.
So, since it's my choice(in my situation at least) I don't think it's a sexist thing.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

9. And if you read between the lines, you can see that I'm not

complaining either, just curious as to why we ended up with all the jobs. In my case, I'm probably a bit of a perfectionist, and probably would be complaining if someone else stepped in and didn't do it the way I liked it.:crazy:

[Hello_Kitty]

4. I think a lot of women feel responsible for making everything nice

We feel like we'll be judged if the turkey isn't cooked right and the house isn't just so. In many cases this feeling is justified. I hear the horror stories from my friends with big extended families and a lot of inlaws about the critical comments and raised eyebrows. So while a lot of it is internal, there's definitely some pressure from without too. Men don't get held to the same high domestic standards so their participation in holiday rituals tends to be more voluntary in nature.

[sandnsea]

7. Well I've never had that

So maybe that's why it's different at my house. I don't live around extended family so I've never been the one responsible for the entire perfect house and family dinner thing. Maybe that's the difference.

[Hello_Kitty]

13. I've got practically no family, just me and my sister.

She's in San Fran and I'm here in Phoenix. We rarely get together. This year my b/f and I are going to hang out with another couple. We're going to buy our meal prepared from the grocery store. I anticipate having a very nice and pressure-free holiday!

[sandnsea]

5. You've allowed yourself to be suckered

I'm married to a neanderthal and he has always helped set up the tree and outside decorations, done some baking and shopping. I do the inside decorating because I like it and some baking and candy making. We both do holiday dinners. I do usually end up with gift wrapping though, which I hate. My son in law loves to cook and now does holiday meals. We all share clean up too. What the hell was women's lib for if not this?? For heaven's sake, if you don't like doing something, don't do it. Your family will survive. In fact, you might even enjoy the holidays more.

[GrumpyGreg]

6. It is absoluteley sexist---and exhausting I might add.

[Harper_is_Bush]

8. Sounds like your behaviour is what's sexist, if anything...

not the "holidays".

Unless you're accusing your husband of exerting control over you, it's your fault.

If you're unhappy make some changes. Don't CHOOSE to do so much yourself. Ask hubby to help (ie. drag the boxes out of attick and put them back...that's MANLY work! :) )

[cmd]

11. Absolutely

My husband went out shopping for a few hours one day. That's it. I've done the inside, outside, wrapping, baking, and cooking. He will be driving to my daughter's house on Monday and is already wearing himself out thinking about it. I don't mind doing the work. I do mind him complaining about all the work when he doesn't do much of anything.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

12. Nope. Not Sexist.

I decorate outside, lug the boxes, carry the heavy stuff, wrap my own gifts, made and printed the cards, and work full time too. She helps set the stuff up and writes the addresses on the envelopes. And yes, some households the woman may do more, but it is only because the holidays mean more to them or those other little things are motivating to them and they choose to do those extra things. I don't think it's sexist if a man simply doesn't care about certain aspects of the holidays but his wife does, and therefore she puts the extra effort in. Nothing sexist about that. But if a husband just lays around and does nothing at all, and just expects the wife to do everything in a 'it's her role' type way, then I still don't think it's sexist, he's just simply a jerk.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

23. Well I think you just answered my question.

He would not do these things, but he doesn't really EXPECT me to do them. They just wouldn't get done. And because I like the traditions, it's pretty much up to me. Of course, once everything is done, he enjoys and partakes of it all. So, FIRST BASE.

[SkiGuy]

29. LOL

Sorry, I laughed, but I am sooooo guilty of that.

[sandnsea]

24. "simply a jerk"

You know, I think you might have something there. Maybe that's a mistake women have made, labeling certain behaviors sexist when in the universe of men, we're really just talking about a specific class of jerks.

[omega minimo]

30. Right

"A specific class" who don't care about things someone ELSE cares about, unless they care about it themselves; don't DEMAND what they don't really care about, which they know will get done anyhow by someone who cares about it; and ENJOY what has been created that they figger they could take or leave.................somehow it all......works.......out........................
:hi:

[kysrsoze]

43. This whole thing is crap

I've had to drive everywhere and constantly shop. I've also put up two xmas trees and all the lights outside the building. I also had to figure out the white elephant gifts for a party we attended. Do the husbands really make their wives wrap all their gifts? Ummm...no. Yes, my mom cooks a lot, but she always has. I cook dinners a lot too. Call it a sexist life - either that or every holiday is sexist. My GF's mother and father cook xmas dinner. If you choose to do it all and not involve your male SO, it's your fault.

Sorry, but this is the kind of post that makes us all look dumb.

[atommom]

46. Not "all of us", just the guys who, unlike yourself, aren't doing their

fair share. You'll have to take our word for it that there are quite a few of those men out there. I'm glad you're not one of them.

[msongs]

14. jesus was a man and so is god. what do you expect? nt

[we can do it]

15. And the Holidays are Different, How?

Sounds like everyday to me.

[noamnety]

16. I can't complain

The husband lies down in the snow on his back to saw down the tree, while I stand around petting the owner's dog every year. He does the house cleaning, since it's his relatives coming over. Ah, who am I kidding? He does the cleaning cause I never do.

He has to hang out with the relatives while I can hide in the kitchen drinking wine and fussing over the stove.

Now with the ex-husband, he would carry the tree through town as we walked back to the car. Every time he turned to look at something, he would smack me in the head with the trunk, like a 3 stooges movie. I'm not sure it was sexist, exactly, but it did kind of suck.

[TexasLady]

36. LOL!

thanks SO much for that chuckle!
:rofl:

[DesertRat]

17. I was just thinking the same thing today

My husband lugs in the heavy boxes and most importantly he gets up on the roof to put up decorations. All of the shopping, wrapping and cooking that I do is a good trade-off for that. :-)

[kineneb]

18. yes, and this year I am on strike!

I decided that I was not going to bust my butt to decorate when Hubby "hates" the holidays. I put up one string of snowflake lights outside and am going to just put up the 2' living tree and decorate it. No other fancy decor, no baking, etc. I bought a frozen lasagna (organic, even!) and we are having it with garlic bread and a salad for dinner on Sunday. (I have been touched by the Flying Spaghetti Monster's noodlely appendege...)

[Lars39]

20. Ramen!

Scaling back and re-thinking priorities helps simplifies life and keeps us sane.

[Agnomen]

19. Just don't do it

Trust me, nothing will happen if you don't. Exept that you won't be exhausted and resentful when the day itself arrives.

[LittleClarkie]

21. I'm surprised the dude isn't at least doing the outside lights

Eh, I dunno.

I decorated for Xmas. My brother planted flowers in the summer. I do laundry. He does dishes.

It's probably not the holiday that's sexist, but how y'all have chosen to split things.

[AlCzervik]

22. It's like any other holiday at my house, i do all the work and they eat.

although last year i went on strike after dinner and told them "You eat, you clean the kitchen and i want it cleaned the way i do it."

[SoCalDem]

25. Madison Avenue/Norman Rockwell/Hallmark/etc

have "sold" us on the artificial "homeyness" of all holidays.. Most holidays involve FOOD and or shopping, so naturally that stuff is the purview of all the "wimminfolk"..

[enough]

26. Yes, which is ONE of the reasons I stopped doing everything except

what I really WANT to do for the holidays. And I mean ONLY what I really want to do.

I started this about 10 years ago. Granted, our kids were late-teens at that point. I'm not sure I could have done it with small children in the house.

This works wonders. It has cut six weeks of depression out of my life, everybody has a good time and I don't get exhausted.

And as posters above have said, nothing bad happens when you stop doing things you don't want to do. If there's something that somebody else really misses, they can do it themselves, and then they feel more invested in the whole thing.

[ellenfl]

27. i just finally quit doing it.

i'm not that big on christmas anyway. it's kind of a maudlin holiday what with all the tearjerker movies and songs. anyway, i just finally decided i wouldn't do it. i talked my boyfriend out of getting a tree a couple of years ago. however, i DO like to cook so i usually do that. i did not enjoy it this thanskgiving tho' so i may re-think that too.

my rule is that if i cook, someone else cleans. plus, i have to do the cooking at my house because if we go to mom's, rick acts like a guest. at home, i make him help!

i used to get the tree, put up the tree, drag the ornaments out of storage, decorate the tree, un-decorate the tree, put the ornaments back in storage, throw out the tree. now, i MAY put up the spiral light tree . . . or not!

since i made presents this year (gave framed pics of my orchids - came out good, too! digital is great.), i blew off decorating. and, as usual, i was too lazy to do christmas cards. oh, well.

merry christmas! er, happy holidays!

ellen fl

p.s. did you here that bill o'really gave up on the war on christmas?

[MrSlayer]

28. My wife loves decorating and all that.

She does it all and happily. I don't find it to be sexist.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

31. May I speak with Mrs. Slayer, please?

:evilgrin:

[MrSlayer]

33. Not right now, she's making cookies.

And candy. Perhaps later.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

34. .

:rofl: :yourock:

[kysrsoze]

44. Bravo! That was hysterical.

[walldude]

32. Your husband is

a pretty lucky guy. My wife and I split stuff up. I decorate the outside, she does the inside. We really couldn't afford gifts for each other so that wasn't an issue. We wrap all the presents together. This year I'm cooking the Turkey and the Ham and baking an Apple Pie. She is making Cheesecake, the Stuffing, and the Potatoes. Dinner guests are bringing vegtable dishes. The Christmas tree we decorate as a family on Christmas Eve. Nothing better than sitting around Christmas Eve, the Trans Siberian Orchestra on the CD player, warm Egg Nog in the cup and 3 kids beating the crap out of each other over who gets to hang what ornament. :woohoo:

[tinfoilinfor2005]

35. Umm, are you Jimmy Stewart? n/t

[walldude]

37. LMAO.... not quite but thanks...

My wife is partially disabled so I tend to do alot around the house. The cooking I just enjoy.

[Hello_Kitty]

40. Apple Pie AND Cheesecake?

Mmmm....can I come over? :hi:

[walldude]

41. Hell why not, the rest of the world is gonna be here

and the desserts are out of this world.. hehe I make the Apple Pie totally from scratch...

[TexasLady]

38. I love doing all that stuff, HOWEVER

the part that has chapped my butt since i was a teen was going over to say, grandmas, later on the in laws, and after dinner, all the women offer to help with cleanup, while the men go sit and watch the football game.

first off, i like football too! secondly, i FINALLY got brave last year and at my H's Dad and stepmoms house said something like, in front of the men "wow, when i grow up, i want a penis so i can watch the game too, and YOU guys can do the dishes!" i mean, i went ahead and helped because for one, im polite, but two, the other women would have had a field day yappin about how I wouldnt help.
Yet, it is considered fine and dandy for the guys to REALLY have a holiday!

ps..at my house NO ONE gets to have a penis on Christmas..my H and sons have to pitch in! :D

[atommom]

45. The "sitting on the butt watching football" thing annoyed me throughout

my childhood. I couldn't figure out how the men got away with that. Not so coincidentally, I married a man who cooks, and who cleans better than I do (OK, most people clean better than I do, but still). He always wants to do all of the holiday cooking. My family thinks I'm lucky, but I think it has more to do with our personalities, our relationship and our desire not to fall into the stereotypical marriage. Oh, and his desire to be praised for his cooking. ;)

Once the patterns are established, it's hard for couples to significantly change things like this. The "traditional" way is too hard on women, IMO, but breaking free of that tradition requires changing the relationship.

ETA that I'm still laughing at the "no one gets to have a penis" comment! :rofl:

[LincolnMcGrath]

39. No

[bumblebee1]

42. Two of you sound like our house.

Because both my husband and I work, holiday meals are a team effort. He puts the turkey or ham into the oven. I make the side dishes and desserts. As for decorating for Christmas, hubby puts up the lights outside the house and in the windows. He also puts together the Christmas tree. I do the decorating of the tree and inside the house. I also write out the Christmas cards. This year, we didn't put up outside or window lights. With women, the holiday traditions are ingrained in us since we were little girls. We watched our mothers, aunts and grandmothers do most of the work.

I also like the comment about wanting to get a penis when you grow up so you can watch the football games.

[Loonman]

47. Everything is sexist

I've figured it out.

[mondo joe]

49. You heterosexuals are all sexist.

Okay, not all of you.

But I don't know why you do anything the way you do.