Seasons Bleatings. The new Betty Bowers newsletter is here!

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Betty Bowers' Christmas 2005 Newsletter


Seasons Bleatings to those few remaining unindicted Republicans out there whose unblinking loyalty cannot be diluted by the vicious media's newfound, punctilious obsession with unpatriotic facts!

Stand ready to pointedly correct any unauthorized display of mirth or unapproved appellations throughout December. It is not a Holiday Tree, it is a Christmas Tree! And why is it a Christmas tree? Well, because that is what our Christian forefathers decided to call it almost 2,000 years ago. That is when they resourcefully stole it and the entire Winter Solstice Holiday from the pagans and, with nary an alteration, rechristened the wildly popular ancient holiday "The Christmas Shopping Season." They may have had it first, but we are louder!

No one understands the importance of rebranding better than we image-conscious Republicans. William Shakespeare was amusingly naïve when he suggested that a McDonald's french fry would taste just as withered, salty and cold if called a Freedom Fry. But Americans are always more observant of what something is called, rather than what it actually is. Otherwise, we would take time from work in early November for "Uncounted Gestures," rather than "Voting," Barbara Walters would be statutorily barred from referring to Teri Hatcher as "fascinating," and loyally regurgitating partisan talking points would not be called "Fair and Balanced" unless accompanied by a smirk and derisive laughter.


Full letter:
http://www.bettybowers.com/nl_christmas2005.html

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1. Have you accepted Jesus as your personal shopper?

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2. Have you accepted Jesus as your personal shopper?