The Onion isn't satire - It's PSYCHIC!

[BloodyWilliam]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

<snip>

This was published January 17, 2001.

[goclark]

1. amazing!

[politicaholic]

2. Yup, it's funny how...

comedy can make you laugh at one time and years later the same joke can make you fidget uncomfortably as if your underwear just shrunk two sizes instantaniously.

[deutsey]

3. I was thinking yesterday about how accurate this article was

When I read that back in 2001, I was concerned that Bush was going to be bad, but I never thought the "satire" would come so close to what would actually happen under Bush.

[electropop]

12. It's right on target

except it leaves out some of the crime and corruption. Amazing how he is so much worse than any but the wackiest satirist could have ever imagined.

[afdip]

4. it's like having sunday's sports page on saturday . . . .

[BanzaiBonnie]

5. Yeah, I remember this one

I also remember laughing over the irony.

I'm not laughing now. The last few years have played out beyond my darkest nightmares. But nightmares don't last forever and enough people are finally waking up. The Bush Crime spree will finally come to an end.

[MojoXN]

32. "But nightmares don't last forever..."

Don't be so sure. Nightmares can be mighty hard to wake up from, especially when one believes that the dream-world is real.

MojoXN

[rocktivity]

6. My favorite Onion story EVER!!!

:)
rocknation

[HughBeaumont]

7. That's gotta be EVERYone's favorite, but . . .

is it really THAT hard to predict what a far-right Reaganite, especially one who gets into office under extremely dubious circumstances, is going to do to the country once he gets into office? Reagan set the neo-conservative standard on 11, and from here on in, every swinging-dick neo-clown will follow the Rovian philosophy to the hilton. Run not on past performance, but instead on jingoist-wrapped wedge issues, playing to middle-America's hate or fear of something or someone, make them believe you're on their side, get enough of the votes and fix the rest with corporate owned voting and plants like Harris and Blackwell to assure smooth transition in the swing states.

Once they're in, go REAGAN on their asses: increase military spending, tax cuts for the rich and corporate, give corporations and Big Defense everything their heart desires, privatize everything, skyrocket the debt and deficit to the moon, load the SCOTUS with Rehnquist wanna-bes, and by all means have a damned war or invasion of some kind!!

Oh, and rape the middle class and poor until the cows come home.

This is the neo-con blueprint. Think it's going to change? Not on your life. This has made the wealthy and the corporations money for 25 years, and that doesn't stop for no one. Don't look for them to put up moderate Repukes anytime soon - do those even EXIST anymore?

[deutsey]

8. Prior to 9/11, though, it really looked as if Bush was going to be

ineffectual in implementing this agenda.

[HughBeaumont]

11. Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?

The drooling retard Dim Son Bewsh getting in through an election fix was a means to an end. All of this obvious desperation by Jeb, Murdoch's media, Jack Welch and other tax-money-hungry corporations on getting the name recognition of a Bush into office again only exemplified that the Reagan/Poppy old boys who would sneak in once again would be the ones who were REALLY in charge. If 9/11 didn't happen, they would have cooked evidence and lied about something else regarding (insert Arab nation here) as a means to funnel tax dollars into the corporations and the Pentagon via a military occupation/invasion of some kind.

It DID look like he was a lame duck for a while there. But then the bad thing happened . . . and there you go: agenda instituted.

[deutsey]

14. All too true.

:evilfrown:

[BloodyWilliam]

9. It really blows a hole in the "But 9/11 changed everything!"

We fucking KNEW their gameplan! We joked about it three days before he was INAUGURATED!

9/11 didn't change anything to these fuckers. It only provided an excuse, now seen as a piss-poor excuse, to follow-through on their otherwise indefensible agenda.

[HughBeaumont]

15. That's what I'm saying . . . anyone with a brain stem could figure it out.

Things haven't changed with the neo-cons for nearly 3 decades now. Only some of the names have changed, and with each name change, his/her ruthlessness and uncaring attitude seems to be upped three notches from that of the last pig.

Unfortunately, Dumberica's voters .. . "Oh, this guy will be different, you'll see. He's a good man, a Christian man . . . plus he's a BEWSH and his old man kicked some Ay-rab ass!"

:shrug:

[Lisa]

10. and remember that SNL prediction ....

* hiding behind his desk, too scared/drunk to do anything, and Washington's been attacked.

Why is it that the satirists saw this coming before a lot of pundits did?

[ComerPerro]

13. Incredible, yes?

[Mr_Spock]

16. Fascinating

I guess they are rather predictable...

[Ian_rd]

17. I saw this about a year ago and remember seeing it in 2000 -

Absolutely freaky. One person I saw converted some of the text to hyperlinks to news articles showing how it all came true.

[mzmolly]

18. I can't help but post this now and again.

Republicans have collective amnesia.

[stevedeshazer]

19. Blotter acid clarity

I'm going down the rabbit hole.

Get the hell out of my way, you fucking BATS!

[nashville_brook]

30. what a great line -- i'm gonna hafta borrow!

lysergically clear -- love it!

[stevedeshazer]

33. How would YOU know?

:)

[nashville_brook]

34. Bongo told me

:)

[stevedeshazer]

35. As you know, Bongo is waiting and wondering about the indictments

[Autonomy]

20. ONION isn't psychic

Republicans are just utterly predictable. Another funny example is Will's monlogue at his NSA interview in "Good Will Hunting":

"Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at the NSA, and somebody puts a code on my desk, something no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cuz I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East, and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding. Fifteen hundred people that I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are saying, "Oh, send in the marines to secure the area", 'cuz they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, getting shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cuz they were pulling a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie over there taking shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cuz he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They're taking their sweet time bringing the oil back, of course, maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, it ain't too long till he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work. He can't afford to drive, so he's walking to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks because the shrapnel in his ass is giving him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starving 'cuz every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're serving is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holding out for something better. I figure: fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected President."

Only if you're a Republican, Will.

[geekgrrl]

21. Satire often gets at the TRUTH better than anything else!

We get the onion free here in Madison, and I always joke that when we can no longer tell Onion headlines from "real" headlines (and vice versa) we are in serious trouble.

We are certainly in trouble! :hide:

[Hissyspit]

23. Entered into evidence: The Daily Show

One of the few places to get at the truth.

[clichemoth]

24. Remember the fuss over the Harry Potter article?

Where every RW fundie wackjob site reprinted their article about the books luring children to Satanism without ever acknowledging the source or thinking for a second that it just might be satire?

The tinfoil-hat crowd on our side (well, against **, anyway) fell for another Onion piece about ** refusing to comment on his responsibility for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and conflated it with Matamoros somehow back around 2003, too.

John Q. Sheeple probably can't tell the difference when they're taken out of context. So you know ** can't. He saw the "Bush to Appoint Someone to Run Country" headline and thought "Turd Blossom leaked again." :)

[struggle4progress]

22. That must be why the White House is going after them:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x1872324

[Zynx]

25. Bah...Dupe

[Zynx]

26. Good Lord. That's actually fairly accurate.

Now if only I can get them to make sports projections...

[mrfrapp]

27. Wayback Machine

If anyone's sceptical about this being written at the beginning of 2001 then the wayback machine has it archived in its original format (no pictures unfortunately).

http://web.archive.org/web/20010123230000/www.theonion.com/onion3701/bush_nightmare.html

[Marie26]

28. You don't know whether to laugh or cry. n/t

[nashville_brook]

29. i've had that on the FRIDGE since the day it was published.

the onion rocks.

[Time for change]

31. The Onion is a great source of news n/t