Thank You Donald Wildmon: I'm Going to Shop at Walgreens Today

[jmowreader]

The So-Called Reverend Donald Wildmon (R-Pain In The Ass) sent me an alert of the greatest urgency. Walgreens is sponsoring the 2006 Gay Games! In fact, they're sponsoring the Games to the tune of $100,000--putting them in the upper echelons of the Games' donor corps.

Wildmon made some snarky little comment about Walgreens' statement that they're going to promote AIDS education as part of their donation package: "Gay people should already know about AIDS." Come on, Don, get with the program. You know as well as I do that those "evil lib'rul gay homosexuals" are recruiting people to the gay fold even as we speak. Why, I sold a whole skid of toaster ovens to someone just this morning--there are 72 toaster ovens on a skid, and at one gay recruitment per toaster oven...there are over 1500 Home Depot stores in America and if the gays bought one skid of toaster ovens per store...why, we're just up to our ears in newly-recruited gays!

Oh yeah...something I've been wondering about. I know that if you turn someone gay you get a toaster oven. Is this like multilevel marketing, where if you turn six people gay who each turn six people gay, do you get a KitchenAid mixer? And if those thirty-six people each turn six people gay, you get a dishwasher, right? And when your downline hits ten levels of gayness, obviously you're a Super Master Gay and they send you a Wolf range. (Unfortunately, you have to turn five MORE people gay to get the guys over to move it inside.I can see it: some guy knocks on your door and shows you a catalog of high-end kitchen appliances you can get just for Turning People Gay! The more you turn, the more you can win!

Oh. Oh yeah. Back to the original point. If all of these toaster ovens are being sold, and they're all being used to reward people who turn straight people gay (and not, say, being used in Iraq by different units within the 82nd Airborne's Panther Brigade, who actually bought them from me), there are a whole shitload of new gays who need AIDS education. So, obviously, Walgreens' investment is truly justifiable.

Wildmon also sent a link to "truly shocking" photos taken at the last Gay Games. I was thinkin', they've got to be from the all-new Pissing for Distance on Bibles event (won by Big Gay Al, who nailed a Gideons Pocket Edition right in the middle of Acts from four hundred yards) or the Team Cross Burning event. Or maybe some hot, sweaty gay sex Right In Front Of Everyone! But no, it's just a bunch of gay people kissing. Bo-RING!

[LynnTheDem]

1. Pissing for Distance on Bibles event

DAMMIT I was hoping that would be televised.

Growing up with mostly males, I always heard long-distance pissing stories from them but never knew if they were true or just taking the piss.

Heh.

[rosesaylavee]

2. Good for Walgreen's!!

I will now make sure I go there more than the other options in our town. I didn't know that they were so community oriented.

Thanks for clueing me in on the toaster oven/gay connection. Had no idea that that is how IT worked. :)

[SammyBlue]

3. The Gay Games are for gay athletes, shitstain.

What events do you think they have?

100 meter orgasm shoot?

Competitive Male Orgy?

Team Interior Decorating?

I hate this sack of shit. Donald Wildmon needs to shut up and the media needs to stop giving intolerant wastrels like this who mask their hatred, bigotry and narrow-mindedness with religion.

People like Wildmon, Robertson, Falwell, Roberts, Farrakhan.

G-d told me to hate you!

[jmowreader]

4. There's got to be a Competitive Shopping event in there somewhere

And a Looking Fabulous contest, too.

[hvn_nbr_2]

5. OMG. I'm getting ideas here.

We've been avoiding Walgreens because they let their pharmacists force their religion on us. Now the fundies are avoiding them for supporting the Gay Games.

I'm starting to think that if we can get everybody on all sides of every issue boycotting every national company, then the plutocrats who really control things might decide to call off the cultural wars.