The storm and it's aftermath have profoundly changed me

[HeeBGBz]

In ways I have yet to comprehend. Some days I feel I'm walking in a fog. Some days I'm angry. Some I'm depressed.

I feel such a loss and an emptiness that wasn't there before.

Every night I have storm dreams or survival dreams and I wake up full of angst. I felt comraderie when I was in the disaster zone. People talked to each other. We had a common bond.

Since I moved back north, I am with loving family members and have a safe roof over me and no lines to stand in. I feel like an oddity. I tell the tales of what went on, but I tend to talk too much and feel like a broken record. Caught in a feedback loop.

I feel guilty about being damaged by non-physical concepts. The hours of awareness about being in an unprecedented force of nature, growing numb with the idea of what ifs and contigency plans. Of preparing a safe room and centralizing objects that could be used for floatation. The 3 hours of trying to avoid looking out the one unboarded window in the midst of the eye wall.

Staring at the lifeline of the tiny battery powered tv and watching the news crew reporting minute by minute conditions on the coast. Several times the news crew moved to different rooms to continue the live report. We compared wind gusts and changes in the storm with their accounts on the air. We would get one first and then it would reach the station several miles away. We reached the numb reality phase about the time the lady that was at the newsdesk suddenly stood up and said "Gotta go" and then the tv screen went blank and we were left to our own imaginings. WLOX deserves all kinds of awards for hurricane coverage. They kept us informed during and after the storm. Even when the studio roof partially blew off, they would move to another part of the building and come back on the air.

I feel guilty for the fear I experienced and suppressed of hearing the creaks and groans of the roof as the wind tried to lift it up. The roof remained intact while so many others houses lost theirs. Is there such a thing as moderate trauma? Is it fair to voice my fears when others experienced fearful things of a much higher magnitude?

Walking towards the beach in shattered Gulfport I felt a sickening deja vu of disaster dreams I'd had years before. Walking past shells of buildings and topsy turvy reality props that were scattered like a pile of jigsaw puzzle pieces. Trailer-trucks on houses. Casinos floated to land 1/4 mile from where they originated. Things you recognize, but not in their rightful locations.

I feel ashamed for needing to talk about the trauma of finding a purpose in the after-madness day after. Of spending 3 hours with a sea lion sitting in a puddle by a casino. Placing all my emotional hope into keeping a displaced creature alive in the surreal landscape that used to feel like home. Then to have that hope crushed by the sounds of repeated gunfire in a helpless, hopeless situation. Am I feeling sorry for myself in wishing someone on scene would have acknowledged the effect of the shattering afternoon events? Do I blame anyone? No, because we were just a bunch of individuals trying to comprehend our horrors, demons and painful decisions brought about by one Very Bad Day.

These are the things I go through. And I'm one of the lucky ones. I can't imagine the PTSD of those who had to swim and those who lost their family and homes. Unimaginable.

My Katrina Photos

[cally]

1. Thanks for sharing with us

As much as I sympatize, it's impossible for those of us not there to comprehend the devastation. I hope you continue to post about what you are feeling. I'm glad you did survive and are safe now. :hug:

[niyad]

2. although there probably isn't much that anyone could say or do that would

help, please know that there are a lot of people out here who care, and will help as they can. There is nothing to be guilty about in your feelings--what you went through, we who were on the outside can only imagine.

"survivor's guilt", and ptsd, are real, and serious, and I hope that if these feelings end up impeding your life, that you are able to find someone with whom to share them.

we are all here, whatever we can do.

[Gloria]

3. Let it all out....you're in the middle of hell.

A lot of us are venting, and we're not even in the awful place you are (physically) right now.

[Dissent Is Patriotic]

4. i know, i'm still a newbie, what does 829 mean?

[HeeBGBz]

6. Day of Katrina

August 29 (also my 33th wedding anniversary of my 1st ex husband)

A day of infamy.

[Dissent Is Patriotic]

9. thanks.

[merh]

5. HeeBGBz, we share a common nightmare - the images we have

seen will be with us forever and we know it. We are tired but we fear falling asleep because we know when we wake the nightmare continues.

Don't feel guilty about feeling, never, ever feel guilty about feeling. :hug: If you ever need to talk to another survivor, I am here. Just pmail me and we can exchange numbers.

I am so glad you are safe and I thank you for all you did. I am so glad you are a survivor -- remember you are a survivor and not a victim of Katrina. Give yourself time and give yourself love. :hug: :loveya:

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

[HeeBGBz]

12. I'm glad you're okay too, Merh

I love your "ripple effect" post. Empowering.

This event makes a person retroflect. You come to terms with it on a daily basis.

My daughter is wanting to leave Biloxi. She was very stressed. I have to focus my energies on getting her here. So theres a possibility I might have to truck back down there to help her move her stuff.

[merh]

14. I do understand your daughter's stress.

I'll be here if you need anything. This is my home - has been my home for as long as I can remember. I'll rebuild.

[TroubleMan]

7. Hey....we're glad you made it.

nt.

[Lindsay]

8. I can't imagine, either, what you or others went through,

although I have been through some scary things in my own life, both natural and man-made.

Please do continue to talk about it, either to friends and family, or here, or in a journal, or to a counselor - whatever works for you. I can assure you I won't get tired of listening.

Discounting your own experiences won't help other people deal with theirs. Honor your own feelings. (I say this as someone who used to feel guilty about anyone hurting anywhere else in the world. It's taken me a long time to understand that my own feelings are valid, and being hurt is being hurt, even if someone else is hurt more.)

Take good and gentle care of yourself, and help yourself heal. We need you!

:hug:

[blonndee]

10. Oh wow...I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.

I hope that continuing to write and to talk about your experience will help your anxiety. You say that you "feel like a broken record," but it's important to talk about it as you grieve, even if you do say the same things over and over. Almost everyone does this during a time of great loss, such as a death in the family or something otherwise traumatic and tragic as what you've experienced. I don't know anything about psychology, but I would imagine that talking and writing about it helps your mind re-experience it in a less immediately frightening way, so that you can come to accept it, be more and more familiar with it, so that the sense of fear can eventually fade away.

Your guilt is unnecessary and counterproductive. You need to deal with it, but not by punishing yourself or minimizing your own experience. Just because others experienced a different (and yes, perhaps more intense) kind of fear in no way lessens what YOU felt and have been feeling.

Best wishes to you.

[Lisa]

11. please don't be ashamed ...

It sounds as if you may be experiencing post-traumatic stress. It's perfectly understandable, considering what you've been through. One does not have to have been physically injured, or have witnessed a death, to be affected. (I'm a social scientist, and one of the areas I study is the psychological impact of natural or human-caused disasters -- I am not a qualified counsellor, but if you would like more information, please PM me.)

In the meantime, a number of organizations may be able to help -- they have people on the ground, and are very good at what they do.

http://www.apa.org/
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/facts/disasters/index.html

[madrchsod]

13. i`m not really sure what to say other

than do not feel quilty that you were one of the fortunate ones. we are her for you when you need a shoulder to lean on....

[omega minimo]

15. You are helping us too

by telling your first person story.

The whole nation is in shock from what we have witnessed, even if only through TV. Some want to shut their eyes, shut their minds. Not recognize that a line has been crossed. An innocence lost. An insanity officialized.

You tell your story beautifully; the search for "a purpose" and the image of sitting with the sea lion are lovely-- touching and human.

We are all changed indelibly, even those who do not realize it. The nation is changed.

The fear, dread and guilt may be protective. When you allow yourself to feel your gratitude for surviving, that too may be overwhelming.

"I feel guilty for the fear I experienced and suppressed of hearing the creaks and groans of the roof as the wind tried to lift it up."

Tell your stories and don't try to second-guess yourself. Honor your experience and your life. You honor us with your words.

[me b zola]

16. Please know that you need to tell your story--over & over again

That does not make you a broken record. It simply reflects that you survived horrible events. You continue to survive horrible events. Yes, you are so blessed/lucky to have loving family & a roof over your head, but that does not take away from what you went through, what you lost, what you are grieving.You are indeed fortunate in many respects, but that does not take away from what you witnessed, what you survived. PTSD is real and is not reserved for those whom may have worse circumstances than yourself.


My thoughts & best wishes are with you, as they are with all of those in the Gulf Coast. Could you feel us pulling for you?? :hug: :loveya: :grouphug:

[cry baby]

17. I just can't possibly understand what you have been through.

All we can do is be a shoulder for you to lean on and vent to. Please use us as much as you need to and maybe get help from a professional.

If there is anything I can do personally, just pm me. I'll send prayers up for you, merh, and other survivors.

[Mojorabbit]

18. After

the three we went through last year in Fl I had PSTD just watching this one on the news. It just as soon as have been coming my way the anxiety I felt. It won't go away easily, this feeling of yours. But it gets better every day. You just end up super aware.
I am going tomorrow with my little sis to Ocean Springs to sift through the rubble of her house. Taking a tent to camp in the back yard. It is a ten hour drive and we have to make it before the curfew...
Big hugs and I know......

[applegrove]

19. It will be okay. We will be on * tail to make sure the government

does right by you all.

[WiseButAngrySara]

20. Keep talking...It's extremely important for victims of PTSS to tell and

re-tell their story...even if they know they've said it before, and they might feel uncomfortable in burdening people with what's already been said. I feel like you, and I was nowhere near the Gulf, but I lived in NOLA for a year in 1994, and I'm sure the neighborhood I lived in was completely flooded. (Lakeside near Lake Ponchartrain) It wasn't just the hurricane though and the levees breaking, it was the horror and helplessness of watching so many people stranded, and not being able to do anything but scream in anger at B*Co, or weep like an infant.

Post at DU! Blab about it until you're embarrassed! Its really supposed to be necessary for healing! I'm so glad you're safe.

[kestrel91316]

24. What Sara said! Yeah! Except you need to talk about it in person......

I'm not sure how effective typing on a keyboard is, as opposed to saying what you have to say with your voice.

At the time of the Northridge Quake in 1994 I didn't have a computer. I just talked and talked and talked, for a year. After a year I had talked all the bad out.

Tell your personal tale to anyone who will listen, and don't apologize. It's a necessary part of healing.

[WiseButAngrySara]

26. I don't know about the typing either, but I know that DU helped me through

the post-election blues, Sheehan, Katrina, and all of the evils with BFEE! Lol!

[HeeBGBz]

38. I express myself much better by writing

When I speak, it all gets short-circuited.

[catzies]

48. Do what works for you. There is no "right way" or wrong way." It's

different for everybody.

While the horror if this will never leave us, it's still important for everybody to take the steps they need to take to heal, no matter how long it takes.

:hug:

[gumby]

21. Most of this nation has been traumatized by this horrendous event.

I saw footage of people trying to keep those sea lions alive. You were obviously one of them. Those scenes were enormously symbolic to me. When it was reported that the sea lions had been shot.... well....

You should continue to write about your experiences.

Please take care.

[HeeBGBz]

22. Thank you all for your thoughts

I'm thinking that one thing positive from my experience is an observence of the outpouring of love from private sources. Small groups and donations, individuals reaching out to friends they've not met yet. Caring about others. I witnessed generosity without strings attached. From church groups, family donations, displaced individuals and diverse lifestyles emerged random acts of kindness.

I worked one morning at a distribution center unpacking pallets of items people from all over the country packed up and shipped to us. I unpacked a box with a wide selection of items. It appeared to be a donation from one family rather than a corporate shipment. It touched me deeply and I wished that family knew how much they helped others by just being a part of the giving.

Another thing that I've started believing in is the "pay it forward" concept. I was helped and now wish to help others. I now feel compelled to repay kindness with kindness. Opportunities arise to the forefront of my consciousness and needs make themselves known. There is always a way to extend a helping hand in a way that is uniquely yours. Or mine.

Thanks for listening.

[SeattleGirl]

25. I'm glad you are starting things a little differently

but you may go back on occasion to feeling guilty. This is normal, and you are NOT a bad person for any gratitude you feel at making it through this horrendous disaster. I for one am glad you did! I understand your feelings. I have not been through anything like Katrina, but have been through things that made me feel awful, and then guilty because other people maybe did not do as well as me.

As others have said, I urge you to keep posting. Talk to us (and anyone else who will listen) about what you have and are going through, and how you feel. Holding it in won't be good for you, and letting it out will spread the burdon. Those of us who have not been in the middle of Katrina can offer strength others may not be able to, and those who HAVE been through it, like merh, can offer you the understanding of one who has been in the ditch along-side you.

Hang in there! :hug:

[kestrel91316]

23. I understand how you feel. After the Northridge Earthquake in 1994

I and most people I knew were "shell-shocked" for quite a while, and I don't think most folks returned to a normal mental state for about a year.

It helps to talk about what happened to you. The more you tell your story, the more people you share with (face-to-face), the less power your bad memories have over you.

It will get better, in time. We are here to listen.

[kineneb]

27. also after Loma Prieta quake...

Hubby felt guilty for quite some time. He had just driven through the infamous Cypress Structure when the quake hit. If the World Series had not been in SF that year, the traffic would have been going about 5 mph on the lower deck, and he could have been crushed like so many others. Fate intervened and the traffic was light because so many were at the game. He was on I-80 in Emeryville when the quake hit.

[Arugula Latte]

49. I just missed driving over the Bay Bridge that day.

For years after that, when a big truck would go by and make things shake I would get this wave of fear and anxiety.

[HeeBGBz]

40. I remember watching the aftermath of that on tv

What a hellacious experience that would have been.

[Arugula Latte]

50. Wow, HeeBGBz.

I don't really know what to say except I'm glad you are a survivor. Be good to yourself, and give yourself a break or many breaks. You don't have to feel guilty for anything.

By the way, did your animals come through the storm all right? I'm assuming Squink is still okay?

:grouphug:

[geomon666]

28. I know exactly how you feel.

I felt the same way after Hurricane Andrew destroyed my neighborhood. It's traumatic. It's hard to deal with. Everytime a simple thunderstorm goes by in the night, you're going to think back to the hurricane.

It is sort of a moderate trauma. You're absolutely. I can't tell you how to deal with it now but I can tell you it gets better with time.

[HeeBGBz]

41. We've had intense lightning storms all week

Here in Missouri where I am now. Not just rumbly thunderboomers but those instantanous lightning strike explosionary blasts that take out your trees and tv's.

My little refugee Mikey trys to absorb into a wall in the corner of the room, a shivering speck of doggie jello.

Me thinks that God is out looking for me. He missed the first time. Kinda like Final Destination III.

Seriously, these are kinda weird intensity storms that seem a little unusual for this time of year.

[DELUSIONAL]

29. Every Katrina eye witness gives us a piece of the whole story

Thanks for sharing your emotions and photos with us.

[dbt]

30. Let it OUT, HeeBGBz!

I will read every word you have to say about your experiences. It will do us both good for you to bear witness.

And, no, I am not encouraging you to bash anyone for anything about the storm. Just tell your story and I, for one, will listen.

Peace Be Upon You

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

31. I almost feel voyeuristic reading this

I hope the feelings of fear and guilt you are experiencing abate with time...I can't imagine your feelings, I've not been through anything that would invoke so much fear in me. I can only hope I'd make it through.

I'm glad you made it

[Miss Chybil]

32. Talk, scream, cry, hit things, drink a little. Your nightmares are your

own and cannot be compared to the nightmares of others. Everything is relative, but hell is hell, no matter how you perceive it. Feel it. Get it out. Make people listen and if they don't, talk anyway. One day, it will hurt a little less. One day a different thought will enter your mind - a balloon ride in New Mexico, a new baby, the flower that just bloomed on your patio - and for a moment, you will have relief and you will know what relief feels like. The next day, another thought will enter your head - not of floods, or wind, but how good your dinner tastes, or how sweet the air is on your skin. You will learn to live with the pain. It's part of you now, but you will find a place to keep it and you will live on.

Bless you. Take care. May you find the "reason" you were spared.

[Helga Scow Stern]

33. Hell, I live in California and I am profoundly traumatized by Katrina,

and especially her aftermath.

This has affected me more than 9/11, more than any collective event in my lifetime.

[bobbieinok]

55. IMO, Katrina hurts worse that 9-11 b/c it's clear fed govt betrayed its

citizens

whatever you or I feel about 9-11 (LIHOP, MIHOP, whatever) it's not hit-you-over-the-head clear what happened

the aftermath of Katrina and W's and FEMA's betrayals are obvious (despite frantic RW talk show hosts and other freepers in denial)

we know, we saw, and IT WILL HURT FOREVER......our present federal government apparatus is run by people and a party who simply DO NOT CARE about the poor and blacks......and clearly if anyone of us is ever in need we will be OUTSIDE of their attention and INVISIBLE

someone said on TV after 12-12-00 that only the Congressional Black Caucus objected to the vote, that only black people were saying that there were problems with the 'election' and the vote counting

....some people on DU said 'gee, I never knew I was black, but since I think the voting was tampered with and only blacks are complaining according to the media, then I must be black'

now everyone in the US except the very wealthy and those in denial realize that for those who control the federal government we are worth exactly nothing

we are all in the position of the slaves in the constituion......each of us is worth 3/5 (if we're 'lucky') of a 'real person'

[skids]

34. Fill your head with positive images.

Naturally this is no cure for something as drastic as PTSD, but it might take the edge off. Whenever I have viewed things that I know will keep me up and/or give me dreams that are less than restful (which can either be horrible, or just tedious like a lot of computer coding), I spend a half hour bombarding my eyes with nice images. It loads up your short-term memory and vastly increases the chance you'll have better dreams. Almost 100% of the time I do this, my "positive images" become a part of the dreams.

So why have a dream about being trapped on a roof in LA, when you could have one about being trapped on a roof in willy wonka's chocolate factory?

[MissWaverly]

35. May God give you the strengh to go on

see if you can get free counseling, if that is not available try doing
something physical like building something, they say that people who
go thru trauma, feel like they have lost their power, you need to feel
like you are in charge of your fate again. I went through a bad patch
myself, I "refinished" 5 diningroom chairs, 2 dressers, a night stand and a double bed. The act of stripping and sanding is hard physical labor and keeps you caught up in the moment. If you can't do that, go
walking.

[HeeBGBz]

37. Yeah, that's funny. I am starting to haunt Lowe's and Home Depot

I don't live in the disaster zone now, but I'm "fortifying" the place I live in. It will probably look like one of those "modified" vehicles the survivors used to drive in Mad Max movies.

[MissWaverly]

54. It works

please keep in touch!

[wryter2000]

36. PTSD

You have a case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder going on there. It's normal, and you may get over it on your own. But if you don't start feeling better in the next few weeks, you should look for help of some kind.

Good luck!

[Ignis]

46. Which raises the point...

Where's the psychological disaster relief for the people of NO? While ShrubCo's FEMA can't seem to manage to feed and house the disaster victims, I imagine a better world in which we would be providing counseling as well.

We can dream, at least. And vote.

[wryter2000]

52. Where is it for our vets?

* doesn't even care enough to give it to the people coming home from Iraq. Don't look to him for help.

[Infomaniac]

39. I can't get my head around the sheer enormity of loss..

but I feel I can say we are here for you. If you need anything - however small - please tell us. If you want to vent - we'll listen and made sure you are heard and your feelings validated.

[HeeBGBz]

42. There is one thing you all might help me with

I want a picture of my sea lion while he was still alive. My own camera battery died just as I approached him and I only got a distant picture.

During the time I was out there, many many people passed by and lots of pictures were taken of him/us when ole Splash was still alive. There were three different media source people who filmed and talked to me. Somewhere there will be photos of the animal - alive.

The only photo I've found online is his bloodied carcass lying in the street in the same spot where I said my goodbye to him and apologized for the folly of mankind only seconds before they put him down with five or six rounds.

I really wish I had a photo or film clip that showed him up on his feet/flippers as a living breathing survivor of the storm. The beautiful face that let me know that he wasn't so cute that he wouldn't bite through my arm if I got too close.

Perhaps I'm too focused on this incident, but call it an unspoken promise I made to keep Splash's existence as a permanent relevent fixture in my memory. DU'ers are great media finders, if anyone can find these photos, it would be you guys. Thanks for being here.

[frictionlessO]

43. Nothing but love and empathy from me, HeeBGBz....

When any of our survivors here at DU post, it helps the rest of us heal a little bit, I hope that healing is returned to you and all of our DU'ers affected by Katrina.

There is hope and sooner or later it will fill you up again with purpose and direction.

Your compassion is noteworthy in your helping of the sea lion... your soul will always have that and the empathy that is born through your heart.

Many thoughts and hugs to you and yours...

[BrklynLiberal]

44. Your account of survivial and struggle made me cry....both in shock and

admiration. I am in awe of you and your ability to overcome so many hardships. I understand the scars that these experiences would leave on your mind and soul. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share them with us.
Your being able to bear witness to what happened there is an incredible responsiblity to those that did not make it thru as well as you did.

Thank you Thank you Thank you....

Please feel free to share your fears, your dreams and your hopes with us, your DU family.

We are all so grateful that you and Merh, and Swamp Rat, and so many of our other DU members in the path of Katrina were able to make it thru. By hearing from them and you, and sharing your experiences, both bad and good, we all become part of the history that Katrina created.

Thank you again for sharing that part of your life with us.
:grouphug:

[Peace Patriot]

45. I wasn't harmed by Katrina in any direct way, and wasn't anywhere near

the hurricane region (although I've been through a few earthquakes and catastrophic floods in SoCal), but I, too, felt great shame about this disaster, as of no other disaster in my lifetime. My shame had to do with our society's mistreatment of the poor, especially the black and poor, and of all the hurricane victims. Disasters happen. There is no stopping them (that we know of yet, anyway). What we are responsible for is our preparation for disaster--our wisdom as a society, our collective obligations--and our reaction to the victims of disaster.

Ah, here it is. My unconscious mind just found the image. Early 1960s. White bigots turning fire hoses on black civil rights marchers. On the TV news. And beating them up. People who just wanted to vote, who wanted fairness. Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame at what white people had done to black people, and at it STILL GOING ON. Shame on us, on our country, and on my young concept of myself as a citizen of the land of the free. How could this happen in America?

THAT got me going! A couple of years later, I drove all the way across the country to Alabama to join the civil rights movement!

Lesson (I guess): Shame can change you. It can improve you. It can activate you. It can be the spark. Don't ignore it. Don't obsess on it either. But do HEED it. Allow it to guide you on your path, and open up new vistas.

What I found of black culture and black people in Alabama, in 1965, changed me forever. I never saw such courage. I never saw such beauty and goodness and wisdom and endurance. And I never saw such a commitment to freedom, to what America should be, to what we all dream of it being.

Fast forward to August 2005: Shame at not getting onto the Diebold and ES&S corruption of our election system soon enough. Letting these criminals steal another election. Not heeding my shame at our slaughter of over 100,000 innocent Iraqis and the decimation of their country--or not heeding it enough to find out how our votes were being "tabulated," and by whom, and to what end. Not getting on it soon enough to DO something about it.

And this is the result: 80% cut in FEMA funding for repair of the New Orleans levees and disaster planning. Criminals and thieves in charge of our government. The indirect murder of thousands of our citizens--the poorest, the most vulnerable--and greatly exacerbated suffering for all of the victims. And now--after the horrors of Iraq, and after the thievery in Iraq--they're doing it again, here: looting us blind, with no-bid, profit-guaranteed contracts to Halliburton, Bechtel, Fluor and the whole gang, military rule, the busting of labor protections, probable confiscation of the property of the poor, dispersal of the poor to the four winds, destruction of a Democratic voting base, destruction of one of the most important centers of black culture in the nation, and transformation of it into a fascist white enclave.

We LET these people retain power by being stupid and unvigilant about what they were doing to our election SYSTEM. *I* let them do it, and I feel shame about it, as well as a sort of generalized shame about what our society has come to, where this criminal regime can just flip off our common obligations and our highest virtues as a people--and WE CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!


Well, I can tell you this. It IS a spark. I am devoting every hour I have to give, and every resource, to election system reform. I think that's the problem at the heart of it all.

To my young mind, in the mid-1960s, voting was the key to progress--and, within a decade (sooner than my wildest dreams)--the south (and the north!) began to elect black sheriffs and mayors. An incredible transformation. (To youngsters who don't remember this, we went from WHITE ONLY DRINKING FOUNTAINS, and all that that meant--lynchings, beatings, total exclusion and disempowerment--to BLACK MAYORS AND SHERIFFS within ten years of the protection of black citizens' right to vote!).

And now we have major Bush donors and campaign chairs counting our votes IN SECRET, with "proprietary" programming code! Seems obvious to me.

And so, HeeBGBz, what I'm saying to you is: I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE ALIVE. I'M SO GLAD YOU CAN FEEL. And I'm so glad your unconscious mind is pestering you, but I don't want you to suffer from it. No more suffering, okay? You've suffered enough! But do try to IDENTIFY the shame--or rather, what it's trying to tell you--and think of it as an opportunity for growth, for new insights and for new life!

Something I am proud of, in this disaster: Our society's common recognition of the horror of the federal response, and what it means--our callousness and disregard for the poor; and, the WILLINGNESS of MOST PEOPLE to immediately provide aid, even though the criminals in the White House blockaded that help.

As I have often said, the progressive MAJORITY in this country has been DISENFRANCHISED. We are NOT a fascist country--and not even close to being one. We are a tolerant, law-abiding and generous people. We, above all, desire FAIRNESS. But we--the true American majority, the true believers in democracy--are virtually without representation in Washington DC.

And that has to change. And how to change it is to demand that EVERY VOTE BE COUNTED out here in plain view, in the light of day!

[Peace Patriot]

47. P.S. to HeeBGBz. I just remembered something about the Sylmar earthquake

in L.A. in 1971, which really shook me up (har, har!). (It literally tossed me out of bed onto the floor; no serious damage to me or mine, but scared me pissless--and did kill and harm others.)

What that earthquake prompted me to do was to travel outside of the country for the first time in my life. I had to plan for it for a year, but I was determined to go--almost fanatical in my need to visit...Scandinavia! And it was a wondrous, transformative experience--not just connecting with some of my ancestral roots, but also SEEING a very progressive society in action. Norway, for instance, had just discovered its offshore oil fields, and they were busy planning how this was going to HELP EVERYBODY in the country, and how the oil could be pumped and piped in such a way as to be least disruptive to Norwegian society. I was very impressed with the social consciousness of all Scandinavians, and, indeed, other Europeans and the British. I also got to visit Leningrad, and came away with a new understanding of the failures of communism, as contrasted with the very successful SOCIALISM of the Scandinavians and Europeans (working out a compromise with capitalism, and a balance of forces--individualism vs. the common good).

Also, living in L.A. as I did at the time, I was much impressed with the European train system! --and their public transportation systems in general.

This intense personal travel experience didn't create my progressive views, but it did reinforce them, and gave me an up-close experience of how living in a very far-thinking, progressive society makes people feel (happy! contented! able to enjoy life! not so driven and disconnected as we Americans tend to be).

The Sylmar earthquake sent me on that journey. The "spark" of surviving a disaster may send you far afield, in ways you can't yet anticipate. The powerful nightmares that you are having are the FLIP SIDE of something that is powerfully GOOD as well. The spark. The new idea. The new life!

And, come to think of it, a similar thing happened when I gave birth. In the first weeks after leaving the hospital and bringing my baby home, I was beset with horrible nightmares about people kidnapping and torturing him. But I had learned to analyze dreams, and what these images were telling me is that, because I had had a child later in life than most parents, I was UNPREPARED for exercising the vigilance that new parents must exercise to keep their children safe. I had to become conscious of the minute to minute, day to day, perils to small children. And I did! (The nightmares immediately went away, when I made this NEW need for vigilance conscious.)

I do think that our unconscious mind is working in FAVOR OF our survival, but it has to find metaphors and images to get its messages across. And its most urgent messages may come in the form of nightmares--which are not intended to harm us, but rather to help us.

[Arugula Latte]

51. Good posts, Peace Patriot! Thank you!

:thumbsup:

[GreenPartyVoter]

53. *hugs*