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xkenx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:07 PM
Original message
Fidel Castro Announces Attack on Miami
Friday, August 26, 2005: Today, Fidel Castro announces that, since there are so many Cubans in Miami, he is going to send gunships and troops under the cover of his air force to annex. the city of Miami and make the city a Province of Cuba on Monday, August 29. President Bush, on vacation in Crawford, Texas, had no comment. But Scott McClellan, the President's Press Secretary, said that the President was confident that the local contingency plans for police, fire and the 200 local Florida National Guardsmen not in Iraq are sufficient to repel the invaders. The Mayor of Miami issues an evacuation order, but human nature being what it is, many people do not leave out of fear of leaving their homes unprotected, or their pets behind, or just don't believe Castro would attack. Many others don't have cars or can't afford transportation, or find that the planes and buses are already filled to capacity.

Saturday, August 27, 2005: Reconnaissance satellites report an armada of Cuban warships assembling in Cuban harbors. Attempts to reach President Bush fail; he was said to be chopping wood somewhere on his ranch. Vice President Cheney is rumored to be vacationing in Wyoming. When asked whether Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice was attempting diplomatic solutions, Mr.McClellan responded that Ms. Rice was taking a well-earned vacation in New York and needed to go shopping at Ferragamo's for shoes.

Sunday, August 28, 2005: Fidel Castro demands that Miami surrender
peacefully or he will unleash "the dogs of war the next day." His armada is observed sailing towards Miami. The Miami Department calls up every officer, the National Guard Armory is staffed, police boats are positioned in the harbor. President Bush is unavailable for comment; a staffer said he was resting on Sunday.

Monday, August 29, 2005: Under cover of the Cuban Air Force, Cuban commandos storm the waterfront of Miami and quickly overwhelm the Miami Police and local National Guard troops, and proceed to fan out through the city. President Bush announces through his Press Secretary that Mr. Chertoff, head of homeland security was looking into the possibility of calling up troops and air support from outside of Miami. Condoleeza Rice is seen returning four pairs of shoes that did not fit properly, and replacing them with others.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005: Castro announces that his forces will kill 1000 civilians a day until Miami is ceded to Cuba. His troops proceed to massacre 1000 people that day. President Bush orders Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to help Chertoff organize a response to the assault, and leaves his ranch to attend a fundraiser
in Utah.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005: Cuban forces systematically destroy power stations and kill 1000 more civilians. President Bush reluctantly cuts short his vacation and flies back to Washington.
All attempts to reach Mr. Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Ms. Rice fail.

Thursday, September 1, 2005: Having destroyed most of Miami, Cuban forces suddenly pull back to their ships and depart. Castro announces that with the destruction of Miami, he is satisfied with the mission, but could not afford to be occupiers.

Friday, September 2, 2005: President Bush announces through a spokesperson that Federal troops and National Guard personnel are on the way to Miami. The President makes it clear that it was the responsibility of the local officials in Miami to have been better prepared for the attack they knew was coming. The President says that, with Miami so close to Cuba, it was inevitable that an attack would come someday, and the locals should stop complaining that they were overwhelmed by a vastly superior force.

Saturday, September 3, 2005: Castro meets with his advisors who urge him to consider taking over the United States while Bush is still president.
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valerief Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:08 PM
Response to Original message
1. Whoopee! Havana, here I come!
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:10 PM
Response to Original message
2. ROFL, mind if I send that on? that's classic! kicked and nominated n/t
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:14 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. Defintitely kicked and nominated....n/t
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MojoXN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:21 PM
Response to Reply #4
8. Is Canuckistan anywhere near Uzbekistan?
Or perhaps it's in closer proximity to Turkmenistan?

:sarcasm:

MojOXN
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:35 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. I took my name from Pat Buchanan....
When he called us ALL "soviet canuckistanians" for not supporting the "Mess'O' Potamia"

He's since changed his tune...
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xkenx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 10:27 PM
Response to Reply #2
18. Feel Free To Pass On
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:13 PM
Response to Original message
3. Devastating. i can hardly write this....
Different context, yet same results.

How about it, America? Had enough?
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anarchy1999 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:17 PM
Response to Original message
5. This does not belong in GD. Take it to the Lounge and have your fun!
n/t
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rocktivity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:18 PM
Response to Original message
6. That's not nice!
Edited on Mon Sep-12-05 08:41 PM by rocknation
:rofl:
rocknation
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MojoXN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:19 PM
Response to Original message
7. Satire aside....
I think that if Castro were to invade Miami, he'd get his ass handed to him. I've always been a fan of Fidel, ONLY because he had the balls to flaunt the American behemoth time and again. He's a fucking monster to his political opponents, if the rhetoric of the old men in Little Havana can be believed, and he HAS set Cuba back decades, economically speaking.

My predilection for Castro's consistently anti-U.S. response is tempered by my patriotism. If ANY foreign nation invaded the U.S., I'd be one of the first to fight in defense of this country. Invaders, beware! I have guns, and know how to use them!

MojoXN
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Divernan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:43 PM
Response to Reply #7
12. Castro set back the US sugar, rum and organized crime interests in Cuba
Edited on Mon Sep-12-05 08:52 PM by Divernan
Do a little reading of Cuban history before and after Batista fled the country with the last of its assets and left power to Castro by default. The country had a very small, very wealthy upper class, a middle class of merchants, and a huge, uneducated, lower class. The wealthy fled the country and are still griping in Miami.
The mob found other places to make crime pay - especially drugs, which they originally would sell only to blacks.

How else has Cuba been set back 3 decades? It's a very popular vacation spot for Europeans. It has medical schools producing doctors for all of Central and Latin America, and those schools are tuition free to many poor students. The literacy rate is quite high.

Last fall, Cuba - was struck by Cat 5 hurricaneIvan, they evacuated 1.5 million, without loss of life. The villages each had their own doctors who accompanied the villagers, so the doctors knew who had asthma, who needed insulin shots, etc. People were even allowed to bring their pets. 20,000 homes were destroyed by the storm but there was no curfew and no looting. Castro said the island had been preparing for this level of hurricane for 45 years.

Maybe the old men in Little Havanna still miss the 12 year old prostitutes and the sex shows featuring women and donkeys. I think there is still some prostitution in Havanna, but nothing like what flourished there under the Mob. No more donkey on woman shows - or man on dog either, in case Rick Santorum is reading this.
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K-W Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 09:04 PM
Response to Reply #7
15. Besides the fact that this thread has nothing whatsoever to do with Castro
Edited on Mon Sep-12-05 09:12 PM by K-W
or Cuba, the idea that a nationalistic regime is worse for development than a US client state (which is what would have happened without a strong nationalistic government) is rediculous. Cuba's development is exactly what one would expect in a small island nation with such powerful enemies.

But Im sure the people of Haiti can attest to the wonderous bounty of riches that the US bestows on the islands it controls.
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xkenx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 10:38 PM
Response to Reply #7
20. I'd Be Really Careful
about my confidence in Bush's ability to respond to ANY threat.
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xkenx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 11:17 PM
Response to Reply #7
21. An Attack on Miami
might overwhelm the locals (just as Katrina did) unless there were Federal preparedness and support.
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Spinzonner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:25 PM
Response to Original message
9. What a sad waste of brave souls

All he had to do was ask and he could have just had the place.
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Mika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:38 PM
Response to Original message
11. Sick and unfunny. (Unless one is an anti Bush anti Castro repug.)
:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:
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tavalon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 08:58 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. It's not meant to be funny
It's meant to educate.
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 09:00 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. agreed, it's a parable not a satire n/t
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xkenx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 10:35 PM
Response to Reply #11
19. You Missed The Intent
Castro has nothing to do with this. He was convenient to use as an illustration of the importance of a Federal preparedness and response necessary for a disaster of the magnitude of Katrina. Anti-Bush?? You bet! I knew that cockroach was an unfeeling, incompetent, useless piece of shit before he was ever selected president. This is just another piece of evidence.
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0rganism Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 09:09 PM
Response to Original message
16. Contrast w/Reality: Castro offers to send doctors to NOLA, FEMA declines
Cuba: land of socialism, doctors, and hurricane preparedness
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lynettebro440 Donating Member (950 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 09:41 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. It sounds better then
the fucking place we call home here in the USA of A. The only difference is at least Castro is honest about his dictatorship. Can't give Bushwipe that much credit.

Kicked and Nominated.

:kick:
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Tsiyu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-12-05 11:17 PM
Response to Original message
22. Sterling
:applause:
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Moderator DU Moderator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-13-05 06:35 AM
Response to Original message
23. Locking...
This is flamebait.
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