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WilliamPitt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:08 PM
Original message
Here's the Funny Part
Edited on Mon Aug-29-05 03:10 PM by WilliamPitt
If the thunder dont get you
Then the lightning will

- Robert Hunter


After a while, it just gets silly.

Here we have Pat Robertson, ostensibly a Christian judging by the number of crosses he surrounds himself with, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Parsing the gibberish that pours forth from this fraud of a holy man has been a parlor game in my home for a while now. My favorite remains the statement made by Robertson in the immediate aftermath of 9/11, when he said the attack was Gods judgment on America for our tolerance of gays, feminists and the ACLU.

After you get past the immediate disgust that comes whenever you hear something so vile, you are left with the Robertson pretzel-logic. Think about it: If the attacks of 9/11 were the righteous judgment of the Lord, as the false priest told us, then the terrorists were acting on behalf of and to the purposes of God. In other words, they were doing holy and important work, and are therefore above reproach. Call off the War on Terra, folks, and lets bring the troops home. Were waging war on a bunch of dudes who were only seeking to follow Jesus direct orders.

Yes, such is life in the la-la land of Pat Robertson. This newest one, the call to put a bag on Hugo Chavez, verges into equally bizarre territory. This televangelist is supposed to be a Christian leader, and the last Id heard, Christ was the guy they called the Prince of Peace. I have this image of Robertsons version of Jesus, however, being an Aramaic rendering of the Max Fischer character from the movie Rushmore, contemplating the murder of Chavez while walking around Nazareth muttering, He just made my list of things to do today. Im gonna pop a cap in his ass.

Some talking head on Fox News the other day coughed up the names and home address of two guys who live in La Habra, California. He released this information live over the network while claiming the two were tied to a man named Iyad Halal, whose group is allegedly connected to the London bombings. The two guys from La Habra, who of course have no terrorism ties whatsoever, now have police protection outside their home, because a whole mob of loyal Fox watchers have been accosting them, screaming profanities at them and spray-painting their house with the word terrorist. But heres the funny part: Whoever tagged their house with that graffiti did great honor to the intellectual reputation of Fox viewers by spelling the word terrist. Thus fell Lord Perth, and the earth did shake with that thunder.

Sometimes you just have to laugh when an entire nation takes seeming leave of its senses, when the appalling becomes the mundane, when normally level-headed people lose the capacity to be shocked. The problem, of course, is that there is nothing funny about any of this. The top leadership of this nation has gone barking mad, has enwombed itself in a fantasy world where dead people dont hit the ground and where no plan is the best plan, and that madness has trickled down over the rest of us.

George W. Bush coughed up his latest rationale for continuing the Iraq war I think this is the fourth or fifth one of these to this point by saying because so many American soldiers have been killed, we have to keep sending American soldiers to get killed as a means of honoring the American soldiers who have been killed. Big talk from a guy who spends more time on vacation than a French aristocrat.

Cindy Sheehan, the Gold Star mother who lost her son in Iraq and who has spent the last month perched outside the Crawford ranch like Poes raven, almost sounds like she pities George in her latest dispatch from Camp Casey. Since the Freedom and Democracy thing is not going so well, writes Sheehan, and the Iraqi parliament is having such a hard time writing their constitution, since violence is mounting against Iraqis and Americans and since his poll numbers are going down every day, he had to come up with something.

Oh yeah, about that Iraqi constitution? Its a blueprint for civil war. The Sunnis, who make up about 30% of the population, were completely cut out of the thing and do not accept the version that has been decided on. The Arab League has rejected the document as incomplete and overly solicitous of Iraqi Kurds. The Shiite majority who crafted the document want to take nine Shiite territories and amalgamate them into one autonomous region that would umbilically connect itself to Iran. Those nine territories, it should be noted, have the richest oil reserves in that country. Welcome to Balkanized Iraq, a nation whose quasi-constitution, by the way, basically eviscerates any and all rights for women.

Bush is rocking a 40% approval rating right now, a number that Charles Manson would find embarrassing. The war in Iraq, the rising casualty numbers, the disastrous constitutional thrashing about, not to mention gas prices that are beating consumer confidence to death, are pig-piling all over his sunnily deranged view of things. The hurricane that threatened to annihilate New Orleans caused oil prices to bang above $70 a barrel on Monday, and the storm itself will likely do damage to the petroleum infrastructure in that region, which will further boost gas prices all across the country.

The hurricane itself, at least, isnt Georges fault, though one can imagine Karl Rove on the roof of the Crawford ranch, summoning the storm like Saruman in order to change, at least for a little while, the subject. Yet the hurricane is a pretty decent example of how Bush priorities do lethal damage to ordinary people, both here and abroad. 3,000 members of the Louisiana National Guards 256 Brigade, who serve as the front-line saviors when natural disasters strike their home state, sit today in Iraq and can only watch helplessly as the storm batters their neighbors and friends.

Back in June, the New Orleans district of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers absorbed a record $71.2 million reduction in federal funding. This was an epic reduction for one fiscal year. A story from the Dolan Media news wire reported at the time that, The cuts mean major hurricane and flood protection projects will not be awarded to local engineering firms. Also, a study to determine ways to protect the region from a Category 5 hurricane has been shelved for now.

But whatever. Its just people, right? The geometry of public discourse, of priorities and the public good, has been perverted almost beyond comprehension. So-called holy men call for assassinations, national television stations put the finger on innocent citizens and open the door for poorly-spelled harassment, soldiers have to keep dying because soldiers have been dying, the Iraqi Founding Fathers drafted a constitution that would have excluded everything north of Virginia had it been written here a couple hundred years ago, and a bad storm is going to be worse because George didnt think keeping New Orleans safe was an important budget item.

You want to know the really funny part, the over-the-moon wacky part? Pat Buchanan has called for the impeachment of George W. Bush in his latest column. It seems Pat is put out by Bushs immigration policies. "Some courageous Republican, to get the attention of this White House, writes Pat, should drop into the hopper a bill of impeachment, charging Bush with a conscious refusal to uphold his oath and defend the states of the Union against 'invasion.'"

Go figure.
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LincolnMcGrath Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:11 PM
Response to Original message
1. As always, Nice Work Mr. Pitt
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FreedomAngel82 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:16 PM
Response to Reply #1
6. I agree
Buchanan claiming for Bush's impeachment? I never would've imagined the day! :crazy: Next we'd have Bay! Sometimes it's so weird in this time living in a bizarre world. :crazy: It's like a horrible novel. If I someday wrote all this out as a story and showed it to my future children they would've thought it was a great fictional story I'm sure.
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 05:30 PM
Response to Reply #6
23. Or a terrible one! Seriously, if you were to write all this out and read
it to someone who just woke up from a 10 year coma, they would think you were nuts. No one would ever put this much utter absurdity into a work of fiction. It's too unbelievable. And yet...
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Imagevision Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 05:54 PM
Response to Reply #6
27. Also Pastor Phelps says "funerals are the best targets" regarding
his statement that God is punishing US.troops in Iraq for supporting homosexuals in the US. at the funeral's of soldiers killed in Iraq, this even tops Robertson.
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BlueEyedSon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:12 PM
Original message
Kicked and recommended.
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Generic Other Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:12 PM
Response to Original message
2. Oh, the water's rising...can't get to the other side...
George's teeth are floating...
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Walt Starr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:12 PM
Response to Original message
3. Well done, Will!
:thumbsup:
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TahitiNut Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:14 PM
Response to Original message
4. "poorly-spelled harassment"?
:rofl: It's a crime against language! Mon Dieu!
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CityZen-X Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:26 PM
Response to Reply #4
12. Indeed!
should be written hisassment!
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ItsTheMediaStupid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 05:30 PM
Response to Reply #4
24. From W's mouth to Freeper Graffiti
Terrist indeed!

It makes perfect sense when you consider the war on terr, that someone who creates terr would be a terrist!
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:14 PM
Response to Original message
5. I stand here in awe of how powerfully well you write, my dear Will....
Kicked, nominated...and bookmarked, of course...

Buchanan has called for the impeachment of Bush? Wow....just...wow...

:kick:
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unrepuke Donating Member (763 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:31 PM
Response to Reply #5
14. Pat WAS going to call for his assassination, but doesn't want to
be considered 'extreme'.

:7
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:35 PM
Response to Reply #14
17. Oh how great that is! ROFLMAO!
Just infuckingcredible....
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proud patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:19 PM
Response to Original message
7. Bay Buchanan was bashing bush recently too
some kind of weird twilight zone we are caught in
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Jade Fox Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:21 PM
Response to Original message
8. The "we have to keep sending troops" argument....
is a big part of what kept the Viet Nam war going for 12 YEARS!

Waist deep in the big muddy, and the big fool says to push on.
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stepnw1f Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
9. Well Wrapped
Great delivery.
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LibertyorDeath Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
10. "Pat Buchanan has called for the impeachment of George W. Bush"
Then we're pretty far down the rabbit hole.
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Lindsay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
11. Exceptionally well said, Brother Will.
I guess they do create their own reality, batshit crazy though it may be.

Stop the world; I want to get off.
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cry baby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:29 PM
Response to Original message
13. It sounds like tragic comedy, a work of fiction...
Edited on Mon Aug-29-05 03:29 PM by cry baby
alas, it isn't.
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Theres-a Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:33 PM
Response to Original message
15. You are a treasure.
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LibraLiz1973 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:35 PM
Response to Original message
16. This sentence put me over the edge- I literally spit water on the screen
"Bush is rocking a 40% approval rating right now, a number that Charles Manson would find embarrassing"



B R I L L I A N T


Everyone should read this piece- kicked & nominated.
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WilliamPitt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 03:51 PM
Response to Reply #16
18. Sorry
:)
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DearAbby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 04:10 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. No you're not...just hand a handi-wipe
That was a great piece of work Will! The Manson line got me as well!

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Carla in Ca Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 04:26 PM
Response to Original message
20. Here's the not-so-funny part
The address in La Habra, Ca. was given out by a Mr. Loftus, a former prosecutor. The information as to who lived there was three years old (not that it should have been given out at all) and the person no longer lives there.

A family of five lives there and they have been living in a nightmare. They have police protection, but are completely devastated and shaken by all the harassment they have received.

Yes, the vandal spelled terrorist as Terrist, and I also told Faux that I saw it as evidence as to the IQ level of their viewing audience when I wrote them a nasty email requesting the anchor be fired for such incredible stupidity.
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Peace Patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 05:17 PM
Response to Original message
21. Did you ever think it might be true, though, in a way, or maybe in more
than a way, that 9/11 "...was Gods judgment on America for our tolerance of gays, feminists and the ACLU."

These ego-balloons who dare to speak for God are always telling us what THEY think, what's on THEIR minds, and what THEY want. It has nothing to do with God. It's all projection, and, in the case of Robertson, projection informed by little tidbits and hints he picks up at his weekly dinners at the White House (so I hear).

When they say "God's judgment," they mean, "MY judgment."

So...our tolerance for gays, our tolerance for feminists, and our defense of our civil and constitutional rights ("the ACLU") are what got us into trouble on 9/11. Hm-m-m. How so? It's not because Arabs and Muslims hate us for these things. They couldn't care less how we live, if we would just stop putting U.S. military bases in their countries, at the behest of the dictators whom we have installed to rule over them.

No, no, who is it who really cares about our tolerance for gays, and for free women and our staunch defense of our civil rights? God, which is equivalent to Pat Robertson and all the other ego-gasbag preachers and billionaire funders of rightwing lunacy. It is our own MINORITY right-wing which has been unable to stop progress, and has been unable to convince anything close to a majority that theocracy and fascism are really fun ideas for government. They can hardly get a word in edgewise in this raucous, progressive democracy where all men and woman are created equal, etc. So THEY did 9/11! It was THEIR (i.e., God's) judgment on all of us. If we won't be ruled over and force-fed by rightwing preachers, then, by God, they would call down the wrath of their own demonic personalities upon us--and topple the Babel-like towers in that cesspool of gay feminazism, New York City.

I've had a lot of dark thoughts about various entities who benefited from 9/11 and who may have been in a position to pull it off. But it never occurred to me to look to the biggest beneficiaries of all, the demons and ghouls of rightwing "Christianity"--the "kill a commie for Christ" crowd (of youthful memory), and their--rather a new phenomenon--billionaire financial backers.

You see, when Robertson said that thing about Chavez--calling for his assassination--I got to thinking. I'd never paid the least attention to this charlatan, and barely knew who he was. (Funny, that's what Chavez said, when he first heard it: "I don't even know who this guy is.") And what I was thinking was, Robertson sitting around the Jefferson dining room (ah, me!) porking it out with the other poodles and lapdogs that the Bush Cartel has hanging around them, and picking up on the talk about Chavez, and--idiot and lunatic that he is--blurting it out in public, and maybe even blowing their assassination scheme. Har-har, I thought. Cat's outa the bag.

But now I'm thinking that--while Robertson does seem to be an idiot and a lunatic--he may be something more. He may be speaking for the collective id--for the dirtiest, darkest, most demonic inner being--of the rightwing billionaire funders of "Christian" fascism. We're getting a hit, from Robertson, from the highly deranged psyches of these "Anti-Christs" who lust with the desire to judge and to punish those who will not be ruled by them.

And, by saying that it was God's--that is, HIS, Robertson's, and these other wingers'--judgment on gays and women and the ACLU, he was literally telling us what they did. They judged us as unruleable, and brought the "wrath of God"--THEIR wrath--down upon us, turning us into helpless, powerless, disenfranchised, un-american jelly in the hands of Herr Bush and his puppeteers.

Jelly to be molded into compliant slaves and cannon fodder. Jelly to be told when and where and how to have sex. Jelly to be taxed, and looted, and squeezed of every independent thought. Jelly to jiggle with fear at every silly "terrorist alert." Jelly to kneel, to worship the pricks of the great, and to shut up.

Oh, my, I think I'm onto something here. And, when that didn't work so well--Americans really are thinking people (more on this in a minute)--they had to figure out something else, and the far rightwing funded ES&S electronic banking and voting machine company, and its brother, Diebold (CEO running the Bush/Cheney campaign in Ohio), came to mind, and the rest is history, as they say. (--or no history, if they succeed).

Well, I have no evidence for it--other than my real strong gut feeling that Robertson may be a leaky filter of some kind--a window into the dank, shadowy dungeon of the gothic right--and maybe we should pay closer attention to what he actually says (rather than just reacting with open mouthed horror). And that may be true of a lot of the fascist mutterers we've been afflicted with (Gordan Liddy comes to mind, and Sean Hannity). Not what they plan to do--or what we fear they might do--but what they HAVE DONE may be right there in front of us.

As for the American people, and their ability to think, while under merciless attack from war profiteering corporate news monopolies: 58% of the American people opposed the Iraq war BEFORE the invasion, way back in Feb. '03--before all the lies were exposed, before the full horror and costs of it were known. Across the board in all polls. 58%! That number dipped only once, during the weeks of the invasion, when U.S. troops were at max risk, and then went right back up to nearly 60%, and is over 70% today. The American people NEVER supported this war.

One other stat (my favorite): 63% of the American people oppose torture UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. May '04. That's not a fearful or unthinking people--or anybody's jelly. That's a people who sticks by their sense of justice and fairness and lawfulness, despite relentless fearmongering, and despite an utter collapse of morality at the highest levels of our government. That's a people to be proud of, and a people worthy of their rightful place as the only true sovereigns of this once great democracy called America.

There is a reason that these ids and gargoyles and vampires of the right are assaulting us. We have the potential power to drive THEIR masters--the greedbag corporate rulers--from their financial thrones--the power of our sovereignty as a people, and our vote (when we recover that right). They greatly fear us, and rightfully so--as they fear Hugo Chavez, a just and high-minded man, and a duly elected and popular leader. And their two-year-old's desire to smear feces over these good things--over good-hearted tolerance, and a sense of justice, and over real freedom and democracy--becomes more evident every day. And maybe that's what they did, on that awful morning, when that psycho they call "God" turned their "liberal" enemies into dust.

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bobbieinok Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 07:56 PM
Response to Reply #21
37. excellent post.....you should start a thread with this
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OxQQme Donating Member (694 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 08:08 PM
Response to Reply #21
38. Oh man. Peace Patriot
Edited on Mon Aug-29-05 08:09 PM by OxQQme
Revelatory insight.
Nestles right into the Will Pitt thesis.
The fire breathing dragon has emerged from the underworld.
Perhaps it's a slightly confused pup that crashes around unaware of the damage in it's wake.
Pefect icon for the red state it seems.

Beyond describing the beast, which we must know to pierce it's belly, what would be the best means of calling a time out? More force?
Perhaps a mirror is all it will take.
Thank you both for your insights and verbiositiy. (heh :o)
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north houston dem Donating Member (173 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 05:24 PM
Response to Original message
22. ahh Mr Pitt
Have I told you lately just how much I admire your work?

Another great article. :applause:

BTW - if none of the women here have offered to have your children -
then please let me be the first! :loveya: :loveya:
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Laurab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 10:15 PM
Response to Reply #22
39. Hey, you were reading my mind North Houston Dem
ditto on the first sentence :applause:, and I would've offered to have his children, but I'm just a bit...well, a lot too old, dammit!

I do hope MrPitt is working on a book - if he's not he should be. He just keeps getting better and better, but I'm not gonna tell HIM that because he'll get a big head...
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haydukelives Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 05:46 PM
Response to Original message
25. Nice Work
KICK

thanks Will. I always enjoy your posts.
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Cleita Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 05:54 PM
Response to Original message
26. I always thought if God was into smiting, he
set a tornado right down on the Bush Crawford ranch while everyone was in residence. But since he's not, it blows every argument those grifters have about why 9-11 happened.

My opinion is that, at the very least, BushCo dropped the ball and weren't paying attention to the intelligence that pointed there, or at the worst they planned it. Anyway you look at it, I consider BushCo at fault not homosexuals, feminists or any other bats flying around in Pat's head.
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La Coliniere Donating Member (581 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 06:12 PM
Response to Original message
28. Thanks so much Will
for another installment of "My Country Tis of Whackos".
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LincolnMcGrath Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 06:42 PM
Response to Original message
29. Here's the SAD part Will,
I see here today where Ann Coulter is being booted from one of her many newspapers, and I am supposed to feel good about that. Which I do until I find out she is going to be replaced by Tony Snowjob.

Another Reagan/Bush 4I staffer who first served as the deputy assistant to the president for communications and director of speech writing, and later as deputy assistant to the president for media affairs. It is bad enough we are bombarded by Billy Kristol who served as chief of staff to Vice President Dan Quayle during the Bush administration and to Secretary of Education William Bennett under President Reagan.

When, if ever, are folks like you going to be allowed to reach the masses with the same level of circulation as these right wing hacks? :banghead:
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RagAss Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 06:53 PM
Response to Original message
30. An excellent snapshot of where we are today..Great Job.
Our nation has become a daily scorecard of global embarrassments. A parade of assclowns incapable of leadership, have taken the reins and are riding us all over a cliff.
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roguevalley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 06:57 PM
Response to Original message
31. I like that Pat talks about how he prays to God for advice on his
race horses.
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Usrename Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 07:01 PM
Response to Original message
32. "To them, the truth is but a lie undiscovered"
- Rob Roy's wife in the movie "Rob Roy"

Masterful piece. Lucid and (frightningly) hillarious.
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never cry wolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 07:07 PM
Response to Original message
33. nice, thanks... n/t
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Gold Metal Flake Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 07:09 PM
Response to Original message
34. I dunno Will, words don't seem to be workin'.
We have more mindless fearmongers and sheep in this nation than Carter has little pills, and they Must Vote Red. And what if there is an impeachment? What if the Dems do win an election? What happens to the thousands of *co operatives in the Pentagon, the various intelligence and law enforcement agencies, the military, the media, the blogosphere, the thinktanks, the universities, the boardrooms, the ideologically-aligned counterparts in nations around the world?

If we gain political power, how do we keep these fuckers from coming back in 8 years, like last time? They specialize in domination, y'know.
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tavalon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 07:35 PM
Response to Original message
35. Will
Edited on Mon Aug-29-05 07:40 PM by tavalon
Is this the final copy? I try to send out only the best of your stuff (which, btw, is a hard job because most, if not all of your stuff is stellar) so I don't overwhelm people.

This one must go out far and wide.

Edit: In that other thread about sociopathic talking heads, I hope you know you were not one of those I included. You may be crazy, for all I know, but if you are, it's a HST kind of crazy ;)
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WilliamPitt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 07:47 PM
Response to Reply #35
36. It'll be final tomorrow
I will post the link when it's ready.

Thanks. :crazy:
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shadowknows69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-29-05 10:18 PM
Response to Original message
40. Love the quote from The Wheel Will
and exceptional writing yourself as always.
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