Who here has either had a loved one receive hospice care

[deutsey]

or has volunteered/worked for a hospice?

If you'd care to share it, what was your experience like?

I volunteered as a bereavement counselor at a hospice for a brief time. So many people whose loved ones had received end-of-life care through the hospice told me how thankful they were for it.

[loro mi dicevano]

1. My grandmother recieved it. I'm also thankful for the people at her

hospice. Obviously it was hard to watch her die, but we knew she was well cared for.

[G_j]

2. I will just say that hospice

was crucial when my mother was dying. I will forever be in gratitude to hospice and I have no idea how our family could have made it through without them. They are the BEST!

Hospice: :yourock:

[goodboy]

3. Hospice helped my mom die at home with dignity...I try to play

piano for charity events for hospice.

[Red State Rebel]

4. I just signed the papers to begin hospice for my Grandmother

She is 95 and had a melanoma removed last month. She doesn't want any chemo, which I can understand. We are praying it will not spread but the prognosis isn't very good.

[GardeningGal]

5. My father was in hospice

He developed pneumonia as a complication from Parkinson's and we opted not to artificially feed him - as a result of him having a living will.

The hospice care was excellent and we have always been relieved that we went that route. They were very caring and understanding. I think it takes a special kind of person that can do that work.

[Bozita]

6. My niece is a hospice RN

She often is called in at unusual hours to comfort both the patient and the family.

I'm glad that she does it.

I couldn't.

[Blue_Roses]

7. My dad received hospice care in the nursing home

he was in during his last hours. They gave him morphine to keep him comfortable and he went out peacefully. I would never have put up with the circus that we have been put through on national TV.
Hospice was great and they kept in touch with my mother afterwards to make sure she was doing alright. :)

[Discord]

8. My grandfather was taken care of by hospice staff at home.

I thought it was wonderful that they set up all the equiptment needed in his home, and trained all of us who were there how to monitor and work the equiptment. Gave us 24hour emergency numbers to call if something happened, a couple being the home numbers of staff members. They had someone here in person 12 hours a day, to spend time with him, to handle cleaning and monitering the pain medication.

[AlCzervik]

9. My mother, they came to our house and made her last days

bearable, they were wonderful and i have nothing but good to say about hospice.

[tcfrogs]

10. I've done both

as in worked for a hospital and watched a loved one receive hospice care.

Working in a hospital was difficult, given that I am not a caregiver, but a financial person. I would make frequent visits to the hospice section of our main hospital for meetings, and it was not a pleasant place to be around.

My grandfather was put on a feeding tube at age 89. My father had the power-of-attorney, and after many heart-wrenching discussions, we collectively as a family decided to let him go peacefully.

[DinahMoeHum]

11. My grandmother received it at home, thru a visiting nurse service.

So did several extended family members.

When they passed on, we took up collections for the hospices in addition to the charities mentioned "in lieu of flowers".

Our family's attitutde is this:
if you use a hospital, they do everything they can to keep a person alive.
if you use a hospice, the patient/family has made peace with the reality/inevitability of death and the service will do everything they can to ensure dignity and the opportunity for the patient to be with loved ones, friends and neighbors to the end.

My family and I are very grateful for the hospice option.



O8)

[Clark2008]

43. This is what my mother does now.

She does hospice in the mornings while my son's at school and then cares for him when he gets out so I can work (when I have a job - am laid off just now - in fact, ironically, I'm a finalist for a marketing administrative position at a funeral home/cemetary, partially because of my background).
But, I digress.
I've seen my mother cry for hours over the loss of some her patiets. She's been doing this for years, yet, it never quite gets to the point where her empathy is gone.
I think I'll tell her to read this thread tomorrow.
BTW, she's a Catholic and so liberal she makes ME look "conservative." Oh - and she's Southern.

[TNDemo]

12. Me - and a book recommendation.

My mother and grandmother both had hospice. Read Final Gifts - by Maggie Callahan and someone else. They are two hospice nurses. Had a real effect on me.

[Hamlette]

13. they are saints.

they helped the whole family, they were wonderful.

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

33. That about covers it.

[Batgirl]

14. Dad is currently receiving hospice care

He has vascular dementia. Confined to bed in my parent's living room for the past couple of years. The people from hospice make regular visits to help with his care and to make sure my mom is holding up under the stress. I believe wholeheartedly these people are the angels among us. With my parents living 2 hours away, we adult children are there every weekend and call during the week, but can't help M-F. I don't know what any of us would do if it weren't for hospice folks. They've picked up prescriptions for my mom, they've given her their personal home phone #s "in case anything happens during the night", and just sit and listen to my mom. They go above and beyond the call of duty, and make a very "humble" salary. Then there are volunteer sitters who stay with my dad a couple of times a week so my mom can get out of the house, grocery shop, etc. They get paid NOTHING. And some of them have offered to leave their own families to come on holidays, or to come when no one else is available. They've driven through blizzards. Just to sit in the living room for 4 hours out of their day, to help out strangers they've never met. The kind of people you hope there's a heaven for, because they deserve to go there.

[coffeenap]

15. Both of my parents-one in November, one almost 2 years ago.

It was the best possible end. They were able to be where they wanted to be, cared for gently and lovingly, and allowed to die in no pain, in privacy, with family next to them.

Afterwards, the hospice counselors were very supportive, esp. to my dad, who suffered deep depression after losing his wife of 51 years.

I have nothing but praise and gratitude to hospice- this in Ohio where I grew up.

[teenagebambam]

16. I said on another thread...

...that anyone who works for Hospice should get a "Get into Heaven free" card. They were there for both grandmothers and my father, and now my mother is a hospice volunteer. She transports meds, goes and relieves the primary family caregiver, sometimes cooks little meals for invalids, or sometimes just goes and sits at someone's bedside and sings to them, or reads the paper aloud, or something. If you don't have the time or fortitude to volunteer (I don't) it's definitely a worthy cause to donate to.

[Sparkly]

17. My father

The hospice workers were absolutely wonderful -- supportive, informative.

[riverwalker]

18. Veterans Hospices need volunteers

there are veterans and others who die alone every day. All hospices need volunteers to read to them, write letters, just to be at their bedside.

[Selteri]

19. A few people

My uncle, my grandmother and my grandfather.

Keeping them alive the way the doctors told us 'we should' was beyond reproach considering they were dieing of - Kidney failure at 93, multiple strokes to a persistant delusional state having died 2 times before to keep comming back when they moved her body and finally with cancer. Ironically in two of them, my branch of the family had been asked to hold the POA and Living will to keep them from being brought back. In the last case, having to literally overrule my own Grandmother who wanted to have him hooked up to every machine available.

[PDX Bara]

23. My Uncle in 1994

...was lucid enough to the very last breath to take command of the care being given him and ordered every kind of care possible because he "wanted to go (to his) home." It was sheer torture to watch what his daughter (my first cousin) had to go through. The diagnosis was emphysema with only about 5% breathing capacity left. He finally passed in the middle of the night but only after witnessing several nights of his struggle after being told by the doctor that "he's going to crash tonight."

[Obamarama]

20. My dad had hospice care, and I am a hospice volunteer

I actually volunteered before my dad required hospice care, and continued to do so for three years after his death. I've taken a breather for the past three years as it is intensely emotional and as much as the experience gives back to you, it also takes a lot out of you.

I don't volunteer because I think its going to get me into heaven any quicker than anyone else (a previous reply mentioned something about a "Get Into Heaven" card). I do it because I believe that a society must strive to preserve dignity and offer human kindness to those who need it most.

I would encourage ANYONE and EVERYONE to become involved as a hospice volunteer. If you don't think you are able to make the emotional investment to work directly with patients or their families, there are a multitude of other functions (marketing, fund raising, office support, etc..) that any hospice in the country would be delighted to entrust to a dedicated volunteer.

[rustydad]

21. My mother did

My mother at age 86 was diagnosed with organ cancer in December. She slowly went downhill at home with my father. The doctors gave her no hope of treatment so we just kept her warm and comfortable with help from a for-profit care service that provided a female caregiver 8-10 hours a day. They bathed, fed, and did house cleaning for $20 an hour. A month ago she stopped eating and drinking. We had Hospice come see her and we signed up for their care service. They were very kind and supportive. They put her on a very small dose of morphine that day. She passed away early the next day in her sleep. Hospice came and arranged things. It was a short but positive experience. Bob

[devinsgram]

22. I worked as a hospice aide for three years.

I sometimes had as many as three people die for me in one week, sometimes just hours after I arrived. I can't even begin to tell you how grateful the families were for the help they received and I have many new friends from those families.

One thing I know for certain is that this country needs to have more education on the process of death and dying. People shy away from talking about it because it scares them and that is understandable. But that is where the mistake is made.You have to remember that the ultimate goal for every human being is death. The more you come face to face with that prospect and discuss it the easier it becomes to accept it.

The one thing I have found is that when hospice arrives, the patient is relieved that someone is there to talk to them about what is going to happen to them. Why? Because the family has not accepted it and they keep trying to deny what is happening. This isolates the patient and they feel all alone.

I remember this lovely older lady who invited her priest to her home to discuss her death. She was looking for some kind of comfort of what was going to happen to her from this priest. He totally tried to steer her away from the topic because he could did not want to deal with it. When he left, she was devastated and left with no comfort or answers. Here was a man of the cloth and could he not even give her the compassion to ease her mind. When I left her, I sat in my car and cried at what I had just witnessed.

I have felt so much sympathy for Michael Shiavo, because till you walk in his shoes, you have no right to criticize him. Death is a private issue and the three ring circus that was going on in Florida was the most disgusting situation I have could ever have imagined to be going on at a hospice.

[deutsey]

24. Thank you for this response (and thanks everyone else, too)

These insights are completely lost in the media circus surrounding the Schiavo situation.

I was hoping DU'ers could provide a broader and more profound perspective on hospice care, death, and dying.

Please keep the responses coming.

[deutsey]

25. kick

[deutsey]

26. Randi Rhodes talking about hospice

I thought I'd kick this again.

[Bozita]

27. kick

[susanna]

28. My grandmother passed peacefully in their care

1 1/2 years ago. I was profoundly thankful for their guidance, assistance, and loving care in her final hours.

They are angels, and I say that honestly. How they do what they do, day after day, astounds me. They have souls much bigger than mine.

[Horse with no Name]

29. My dad had it

when he was dying of cancer.
They would come in and see that he needed some type of medical equipment or medication, they wouldn't say a word, they would just have it there.
The American Cancer Society was the same way too, they were brought in by hospice.
Later when I was older, I became a nurse and did some hospice and home health care and I hope I gave back to the patients/families what our family received.
They are truly angels.

[Jersey Devil]

30. My Dad had hospice care at home

He wanted to be at home at the end, suffering from terminal cancer. They were terrific, helped Mom and the whole family learn how to care for him and prepared everyone for what to expect. He died peacefully in his sleep the night after Father's Day in 1991 after a day of visits by his entire family.

[Blue_In_AK]

31. My father received hospice care at home.

We were so grateful for their assistance and gentle, soothing ways.

[Heddi]

32. I'm a Nursing student & 1st thing we did was visit a local Hospice

Not the actual hospice-hospital facility itself, but their offices, and we met with HOspice nurses and social workers.

1st quarter, they start us out working in Nursing Homes---generally a more stable and chronic and long-term group than what you'd find in a Medical/Surgical unit of a hospital, since people don't live in the hospital for years.

Since we were beginning our Nursing Education and future careers, obviously one of the most....unique aspects of Nursing (and health care in general) is that you're going to be around dying people. People are going to die in front of you. You will have to handle dead bodies.

So one of the first places we went as a class was to the Administrative Offices of the local Hospice service.

Oh.
My.
God.

These are *THE* most caring and absolutely....amazing people I have ever met.

The session lasted about 2 hours or so, and there was NOT a dry eye in the entire class at the end of it---and just for the record, my class isn't a bunch of sappy girls---we have some pretty beefy men in there who were balling their eyes out too.

These hospice workers---I could NOT imagine having to deal with something as unpleasant as that on such a constant basis. And yes, death is a release for those who are suffering, but it's still a sad thing.

Remember---Hospice nurses & social workers don't just work with the patient--they're working with the FAMILY as well. SUpporting THEM and their feelings and their greif and their emotions.

I have the utmost respect for those who can do it. I don't think I could. As of yet, I've not encountered a patient who had died yet, although a patient I had did die, but weeks after class was over. I wonder how I'd react in that situation, seeing as I've never been around it, even for a family member. I'm sure it will be very difficult and very emotional and very maturing. I don't wish it to happen, but accept its certainty as a part of my future career.

I have real real respect for those people. They deserve every ounce of it.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

34. I was a hospice nurse in Ft. Lauderdale for a year

and my mother was under hospice care in Michigan. Hospice nursing was an excellent experience and having my mother in hospice care was very helpful to my dad when I was out of town. The Ft. Lauderdale hospice was very well run and gave max support to the nurses so that we could do everything in our power to assist the patient and the family. The Michigan team was not quite so organized.

[onenote]

35. My grandmother

They were wonderful and caring. Its been 20 years but I still support them with a donation every year.

In addition, my best friend's wife is a in-home hospice care nurse. She gets calls at all hours of the day and night and often is with patients keeping them as comfortable and cared for as they die. Its an awesome responsibility but also so important to these people and their families. And she was outraged at Congress' intervention in the Schiavo case, by the way.

onenote

[Lauri16]

36. My Mom

All I can say is that I don't know where I would have been without them. If I had a question or a problem, it didn't matter if it was 3pm or 3am. I could call and they were there. They were the reason that my Mom was able to die the way she wanted...in peace, pain free and at home.

[ultraist]

37. Both my father and close friend

When my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, the doctor recommended we contact Hospice. My sister and I were in our early twenties and we would not have gotten through the experience or had a loving and dignified death process for my father, had we not had Hospice. They were very honest, compassionate and supportive.

Hospice was also wonderful to my close friend who died 2 years ago of cancer. I was so grateful for everything they did for her as well as the support they offered to her mother, her sister, and me.

ALL of the Hospice workers I have met through those experiences and in other settings were amazingly giving, loving and selfless people.

[Contrary1]

38. Several of my friends

from an online cancer support group have entered hospice. One even jokes that she failed,
and was thrown out. I learned just last night that another has opted for hospice care. I've
never heard anything negative from either the patients themselves, or their families.

[Stinky The Clown]

39. My beloved mother and my dear father-in-law

Their lives and the lives of all our families were richer for the special care that came at the end.

[brook]

40. Life and death....

Years ago,when hospice was fairly new, I found myself caring for my mother who was terminally ill with cancer. I contacted the Palm Beach Hospice group - and together, we worked to make that last year a good one. They were my lifeline and her angels.

About 3 months before Mom passed away, I had an urgent call to return to California. My daughter was expecting - and the doctor had put her to bed for the last month of the pregnancy. The hospice staff jumped in and took over in my absence.

My grandson was born at home, on my birthday, ushered in by two midwives and a deliriously happy grandma.

I returned to Florida - and in less than 3 months, I was sitting with my mother as she died...peacefully and comfortably in her own bed at home. The Gods gave me a priceless gift - to see how life and death share a connection of love.

Peace.

[hector459]

41. Hospice workers are a breed apart. I had hospice care for my mother

who was dying of lung cancer. It was in-home hospice care because we had a choice of in-home or in-site hospice care. They were there every day for about three weeks. they counseld the family about the stages of death, grief, and the kind of death from lung cancer. They bought all the supplies needed for care. As my mother worsened they explained about morphine drip but left it up to the family. We decided yes near the very end becuase my mom was in such distress. Her death was very peaceful. My dad and I were at her bedside watching the auto races (my mom and dad were both big race car fans). She waited until the race was over and took her last breath as soon as Gordon was announced the winner.

the hospice care was wonderful and we still contribute to them to this day and my mom died ten years ago.

[Clark2008]

42. My mother and grandmother were both hospice nurses and

I worked in an assisted living home/hospice in marketing.

My experience is so broad, I don't know were to begin to share.

I grew up on the floors, changing bed pans and sponge-cleaning people, talking to them and holding hands.

You will never learn the absolute truth about humility and empathy until you've spent time rolling people over who are atrophied, but their mind still works and cleaning bed sores that smell of death and watching as family members begin to move on whilst their loved one is hanging by the thinest of threads.

And, btw, many, many, many, many, many of them starved/dehydrated themselves to death to end it. It's VERY commonplace.

[donco6]

44. We had in-home hospice for my Dad.

It was a big help to us.

[Neshanic]

45. My father died last April in a Hospice.

The building and grounds were vey homey, and my father's room was big and comfortable for family members to sit around the bed on all sides to be with him.

He was wracked with Alzhiemers and Parkinsons. About a month earlier my father and mother filled out a living will.

One afternoon being bedridden at home for three weeks, he just started to shut down, and we took him to the hospice. We had a nurse come to him at the house from the VA, but he started slipping away faster.

How do you describe the compassion and gentleness that they gave my father? Always attentive, and making sure he was comfortable, and always making sure he was in no pain. How do people like this exist in the same world as the sick-twisted freaks that demean their work.

My father was comfortable, and we would hold hands for hours, and I would tell him stories that he would remember from me growing up, and his escapades with me as a son. I slept on the floor with my hand still holding his, and the staff did not mind, they even asked if I wanted a pillow. My sisters and mother was there, but my brother was not, he said we were killing him, so he would not come.

When we brought him there he was pretty far gone, and was not responsive, but I talked to him and yold him his favorite stories. The staff...oh God the staff. Precious, kind and gentle people who always knew the right thing, always attentive, always in control of making his passing comfortable and serene.

My father lasted four more days. Some of the staff came to the funeral, they are the true definition human kindness and compassion.

[kath]

46. Beware of Kaiser hospice care -- father-in-law had it (denver area)

and it was NOT good. Kaiser is a nightmare. Their oncology care sucked, big time.

[deutsey]

50. I did notice a disturbing attempt to "corporatize" hospice

beginning to emerge back when I was involved (mid-'90s). Like everything to the corporate mentality, hospice care has great potential as a revenue source. :eyes:

Do you think that was behind the Kaiser care you had, or were there other factors that you'd care to share?

I'm curious because I would like to see the rest of the American healthcare system become more like hospice, not vice versa.

[MurrayDelph]

47. Sorta

My mother was fully conscious and cognizant when she had them remove her
breathing tubes seven years ago. She was dead within a half-hour with
all of us telling her we loved her.

My father had signed up to begin Hospice on a Monday; he died in his
sleep last August, two days ahead of schedule.

Before she retired from the profession, my wife was a hospice nurse.
So I have the utmost respect and regard for their efforts.

[chookie]

48. In-home hospice for my late mother

Smartest decision we ever made as a family. The angels of mercy not only cared for my dying mother, but looked after the rest of us, even after her passing.

My mother, after years of terrible illness, died in her home, in her bed, surrounded by her pussycats, with her family at her side. She had a beautiful death.

Hospice made it possible.

Not a day goes by when we do not feel grateful for the loving care we received from the dedicated hospice workers. Two years on, we regard it as a wise decision, and our good fortune. My earnest hope is that all here only know such partings, sad but peaceful and profound, from their loved ones.

[Window]

49. My Mom had hospice care.

She, too, died with dignity at home surrounded by her children and grandchildren and extended family. The hospice workers were like angels. Very comforting not just to my Mom, but the entire family.

[comsymp]

51. SO in '98 and Father in '01

had Hospice care while living in my home. I can't say enough about how helpful and kind the Hospice folks were. As tough as things were, they made things much more bearable, both emotionally and practically.