This just in: Southern baptists to ban sex whilst standing.....

[HysteryDiagnosis]

the fear is that it may lead to dancing..... :)

[johnaries]

1. Old one. I like this one better:

Why do you always want to take 2 Southern Baptists with you fishing?



Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer!
I was raised SB, so I'm allowed. :evilgrin:

[HysteryDiagnosis]

2. hehe hehe hehe..... If you take one... I like it... n/t

[InvisibleBallots]

5. What's the difference between a Southern Baptist and an Evangelical

Evangelicals will say "hi" to each other in the liquor store :)

(rimshot)

A Evangelical dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter takes him around for the tour. "On your right, you'll see the Catholic room. Over here is the Lutherans. Down the hall we have the Anglicans."

"Neat!"

"Now when we go past this next room, we need to be very, very quiet, okay?

"Why is that?"

"That's the Southern Baptist room. They think they are the only ones here!"

[Sporadicus]

9. Similar to One of These Three Religious Truisms

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

[idiosyncratic]

10. This old joke applies to Mormons also.

I used to live in Utah and you heard about this all the time.

[mirounga]

11. Ohio State

When I was younger the same joke applied to Woody Hayes

[SpiralHawk]

3. The Mattress Lobby is behind this - The notorious EMU Plot

you can bet your bottom dollar.

Big Mattress, Inc. colludes with Big God, Inc.
to promote Exclusive Mattress Useage (EMU)

(Be sure and check your mattress springs every 1,000 romantic romps)

[Not_Giving_Up]

4. ROTFLMAO

I was raised Southern Baptist Hypocrit, but I no longer practice.

I remember wanting to go to my first Jr. High School dance. I had to have a talkj with the preacher's wife in a dark room (she said that made it easier to talk). Funny, I still thought boys were gross, and really had no interest in sex, I just wanted to go to the dance!

[HysteryDiagnosis]

6. I think that when spiritual people were infiltrated by religious people

and they found out how to give themselves different names such as Pentecostal, Baptist, Protestant, Lutheran, Catholic, etc, they found a way to be "the only true faith", or "the only ones to get it right", or "the only ones on the right path".... ergo so much intolerance, division, competition, conflict, misunderstanding, bigotry, hatred and lack of compassion.

When the Christ returns many people are going to have to apologize for inventing religion.



http://reluctant-messenger.com/aquarian_gospel.htm
The Aquarian Age Gospel of Jesus, the Christ of the Piscean Age
Transcribed by Levi H. Dowling
Presented as a service of the Reluctant Messenger.

The Aquarian Gospel of Christ resonates so strongly with the teachings of The Reluctant Messenger that it is presented here for those ready to receive its message.

Many scholars recognize that the New Testament we have today is a copy of a copy of a copy and that no reliable manuscript is dated before the third century. The doctrine of reincarnation echos throughout the teachings of Christ, but the purity of Christ's teachings, about the soul being part of God, has been diluted by the copiers and the translators.

History recordes that the early Christine church believed in Reincarnation and of the souls journey back to oneness with God.
Pope Arrested for Believing in Reincarnation
Pope Vigilius was a vicar during the reign of Emperor Justinian in the sixth century AD. Justinian and Vigilius disagreed on whether or not the doctrine of reincarnation should be condemned as heresy or allowed to be taught in the church.

Origin's writings were considered heresy by important cardinals in the sixth century. Origen's teachings had been considered as profound spiritual wisdom for three centuries. Origen lived around 250 AD and wrote about the pre-existence of the soul and in reincarnation. He taught that the soul’s very source was God and that the soul’s was traveling back to oneness with God via Reincarnation.

[Nothing Without Hope]

7. I was raised a southern Catholic but no longer practice...

...and we were told just as stupid things about how to behave with boys. Funny, except that we had no way to know any different at the time. I think this whole country has been riddled with sad misconceptions and hangups about sex, and each generation tries to pass them on to the next one. It's not so much the religion as the local culture.

[signmike]

8. How dark WAS it? In the darknes you couldn't see

any fumbling around -- for -- uh, ANSWERS. yeah, that's it - that's the ticket.

;-)

[Skarbrowe]

12. I am so profoundly thankful to my parents, may they rest in peace, FOR

never mentioning religion at all while I was growing up. Uh, they had quite a few other problems, but at least they did not subject me to all that pa-phooey!

They did try to take me to church a handful of times or less because they were trying to be sociable with friends or a relative was in town. I remember getting this creepy feeling just walking in the building and all those robot-like smiling people reaching out to me like something out of living dead movie. I would literally shake all over. At one time I thought I must be the devil or something EVIL. No, it was just a normal reaction to a truly frightening situation

Oh, and thanks for the jokes! I needed a laugh today.