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NewsMaximus LineaCapita: Jesus "The Christ", terrorist coddler!

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Aristus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-24-04 06:07 PM
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NewsMaximus LineaCapita: Jesus "The Christ", terrorist coddler!
Dateline: Jerusalem.

Sources both inside and outside the government of Pontius Pilate have accused populist country preacher Joshua Bar-Joseph, known to the Greeks as Jesus of Nazareth, of being a terrorist sympathizer; He is known to be sheltering at least one notorious terror monger.

Simon the Zealot, a member of the hot-headed, bloodthirsty Zealot insurgency, is wanted for the evil, dastardly murder of an unknown number of brave, patriotic Roman troops. Simon has publically declared his faith in Joshua Bar-Joseph and his "peace, love, and mercy" philosophy. But Pilate, along with the Pharisees and Saduccees, has expressed skepticism in Simon's move, deriding it as "a disingenuous attempt to escape justice by nominally renouncing violence as a method of revolution."

Asked if he could attribute any violence or acts of sabotage to this Simon since his adherance to the Nazarene preacher, Pilate remarked cryptically, "The very fact that no sabotage has occurred is a very ominous development."

Joshua Bar-Joseph is an enigmatic figure to Pilate's government, and its local advisory body, the Sanhedrin. He has denounced the worship of false gods, including, apparantly, the Divine Tiberius Caesar. Yet he has expressed his wish that his followers obey the laws and even pay their taxes willingly and in good faith. Pilate has attributed sinister motives to these complicated actions: "You can't have it both ways; You're either with us, or against us. We will root out all terrorists and those who shelter them, and quickly put them to the cross. Law and order will be maintained."

Joshua Bar-Joseph, Simon the Zealot, and the rest of the rabbi's followers, a loose collection of illiterate fishermen, shepherds, tax collectors and prostitutes, are rumoured to be hiding out somewhere in the city. Their movement among the impoverished of Judea is dismissed as "class warfare" by the region's wealthy families.
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Aristus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-24-04 06:39 PM
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1. Kick.
:kick: for this great piece of satire!
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Aristus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-25-04 01:36 PM
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2. Kick.
C'mon, people! This is great!
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SemperEadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-25-04 03:18 PM
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3. wow, when you put it in those terms
good article
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Aristus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-26-04 10:56 PM
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4. Kick for the post-Christmas crowd.
:kick:
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bleedingheart Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-26-04 10:59 PM
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5. that was very witty!
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InvisibleBallots Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-26-04 11:13 PM
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6. lol!
clever! :)
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nemo137 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-27-04 02:10 AM
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7. too clever.
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