SAMMYBLUE's top ten conservative idiots of the week.

[SammyBlue]

Soverignit. . .initities. . . Umm, check please Edition

Okay. . .it's been two weeks since the last one and I am going through withdrawls. And, just in the past week, we have had complete idiocy. George W. Bush (1, 6) proves he's not only an idiot (why should this night be different from all other nights) but an huge hypocrite as well. Dick Cheney (2) shows himself as huge klansman. The Pentagon (4) is doing its best to make itself look bad. The Florida GOP (7) doesn't trust it's touch-screen voting. And the voters in Tennessee and Missouri (10) are complete racists and homophobes. And of course, don't forget the http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/key.html">Key

#1: Jello W. Bush (and the media response)
Our Great Leader signed a massive $417 billion dollar defense bill so full of pork, Pig Farmers would be proud. This marks more money the United States doesn't have to support a war that Whistleass got us involved up to shore up the bottom line of his major contributors. But the Vacationer-In-Chief gave a rare money of neo-conservative clarity when he stated that the terrorists and "we" (namely, the Bush Adminstration http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=544&ncid=693&e=3&u=/ap/20040805/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bushism">"never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people." Wha? You didn't just say what I think you did, did you? I mean, that would confirm all your critics ideas about you. Don't worry, the media did Scott McClellan's job and covered for Heir Chimpy (damn liberal media). Later in the week, Bush showed up at the UNITY Conference a day after John Kerry showed up to pander to minority journalists. After a typical speech, he was asked questions. A Native American journalist then asked what tribal soverignity meant to Bush and what it means in the modern world. His http://www.cspan.org/videoarchives.asp?CatCodePairs=,">answer was typical bush, as were alot of his answers. I have one question. WTF is a soverignitnitiy? Maybe the ninny who gave the answer can elaborate. But to Bush, elaborate may mean to throw a party. (Just a side note, those aren't my laughs to Bush's answers.)

Dick Cheney
Dateline, Tucson, Arizona. A democratic haven in a solidly republican state. So, Vice President Crashcart decided that Tucson would be a great place to show up, give a 35 minute speech and leave before the ramble realized he would be here. Crashcart gave a Bushist speech to HAND-picked listeners, which is typical of this adminstration. But what is amazing about this trip to Tucson is that, according to the Arizona Daily Star, Team Bush wanted the http://www.dailystar.com/dailystar/allheadlines/32301.php">race of a photographer. The Bush camp claimed security issues and forwarded all questions to the Secert Service. So the Responsibility Adminstration just passed the buck again. This entire adminstration really does give their sheets a hard time. . .sometimes they even sleep in them. But what do you expect from the party of David Dukkke.

#3 Swift Boat Veterans for Truth
Attention! Prepare vomit bag! Bend down! RELEASE PUKE!!! That's what the response was to the latest GOP attack ad against John Kerry. The ad, by Swift Boat Veterans for Sticking It to a War Hero and letting an AWOL Chickenhawk stay in Power. . .er, Truth, came out and said that Kerry lied about his record and didn't deserve the Bronze and Silver Stars. This ad featured people who "served with John Kerry" during Viet Nam. Wow! Talk about damning crap. . .because that's what it was. Crap, by the barrel loads. See, it didn't take long for the wingnuts behind the ad to start http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2004/08/06/veteran_retracts_criticism_of_kerry/">cracking. See, his men said that Kerry was heroic and saved their lives, but these people in the ad know better. According to Boston.com, "Lieutenant Commander George Elliott said in an interview that he had made a ''terrible mistake" in signing an affidavit that suggests Kerry did not deserve the Silver Star -- one of the main allegations in the book." Wow! Lt. Commander Elliott made a mistake. I haven't heard a GOP member say that in a LOOONG time. And to find out about the man behind SBWT, click http://mediamatters.org/items/200408060010">here. And, another attack ad dies.

#4 The Pentagon
When you think of Abu Gharib, what do you think of? Fair treatment, Geneva Convention compliance and a shining example what American values are? Well, I know, not even close. And, remember, thetorture and abuses at Abu Gharib were isolated, the result of a few enlisted personnal's lack of morals and ethics and not a militarily led system of extracting information from POWs. Our Pentagon, the Bush Adminstration and even the media said so. Unfortunately, http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=542&ncid=693&e=6&u=/ap/20040806/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/prisoner_abuse_witness ">former Sergeant Kenneth A. Davis seems to disagree. According to Sgt. Davis, "military intelligence soldiers were more culpable in the incident he witnessed than a military intelligence analyst acknowledged during testimony Thursday at the pretrial hearing of Pfc. Lynndie England, one of seven members of the 372nd charged with abusing detainees." Hmmmm. . .I guess there's more to this and originally thought. But I'm just an Commie-Pinko-Terrorist lover.

#5 The White House
Earth calling White House. . .come in White House. You've come up with stupid ideas in the past, but this one is bordering on offensive. . .at least to those who hold the Constutition and the Supreme Court dear to their hearts. According to Yahoo News, http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20040806/ap_on_go_su_co/scotus_thomas
">Clarence Thomas has been interviewed for possibily becoming the next Chief Justice. Yes, my jaw dropped too. Can any imagine what Clarence Thomas would have been if it weren't for the affirmitive Action programs he now is against? Or the fact he voted against States Rights in the Bush V. Gore in 2000? Or the fact he and Scalia were the two votes against overturning Texas' sodomy law? I could do on, but the thought will now keep me awake all night.

#6 George W. Bush (yet again)
According to Yahoo News, Bush wants to do away with http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=703&e=1&u=/ap/20040806/ap_on_el_pr/bush_college_legacy">College Legacies. This third generation Yale alumni says people should be measured on their merit, not their family. He should have held such a high standard on his Yale Application, his appointment to the Texas National Guard, all his failed oil companies, his purchase of the Texas Rangers Baseball Club and. . .what the fuck am I saying? He wouldn't know merit if it bit his coked-out dick off!

#7 Florida GOP
Diebold machines and touch-screen ballots are safe and reliable, belched the Florida GOP. They are a better way of voting than out-dated hanging chad paper ballots. They are the new way of voting,. and we should all embrace it. . .unless of course you're a Republican; In Florida; Eligible to Vote; and plan on doing so this November. According to the Florida GOP, the touch screens are "unreliable" and are urging their sheep to vote http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=548&ncid=696&e=10&u=/ap/20040730/ap_on_el_ge/touchscreen_voting">absentee. After months of Chimpy McFlightsuit's younger, less intelligent (if that is possible) brother trying to convince people touch screens are safe, the Florida GOP said that "The new electronic voting machines do not have a paper ballot to verify your vote in case of a recount," the message states. "Make sure your vote counts. Order your absentee ballot today." Oops! This pissed off Jebber something fierce. I guess we can expect this kind of idiocy all the way up to November.

8. Alan Keyes
Wow. . .the GOP in Illinois must be desperate! After Jack Ryan dropped out of the race for doing things with his ex-wife that would make a sado-masochist blush, they tapped Da Bears ex-Head Coach Mike Ditka, who told them no. Then they tapped a racist, homophobic former junkie for the Senate nod, but it was decided she was too wrong to be their candidate (see Idiots passim), which I don't understand because they are the party of David Duke, Rick Santorum and Rush Limbaugh. But the IL GOP hit it big now. . .nominating Maryland resident http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/specials/elections/chi-0408060207aug06,1,3310115.story?coll=chi-news-hed">Alan Keyes to be their Senate sacrifical lamb to Democratic rising star Barack Obama. Never mind the fact that Keyes stated once that New Yorkers would be foolish to vote for a political carpetbagger like Hiliary Clinton and that he would never do that. But I guess hypocrasy and flip-flopping means nothing if you can get into the Senate. Hey, Alan. . .at least Hiliary was BORN in New York. What are you ties to Illinois. . .other than stopping at a gas station, taking a huge dump, then tying your shoes?

#9 The Bush Adminstration
Jobs report alert. After touting that the ecomony is getting better and quoting economists from the Humpty-Dumpty School of Economic Bullshit located in La-La Land, job growth in July grew by a staggering rate of http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&e=2&u=/ap/20040806/ap_on_bi_go_ec_fi/economy">32,000 jobs. "The economy has come close to a standstill this summer," said Mark Zandi, chief economist at Economy.com. And, as a response, the DOW closed http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=716&e=5&u=/ap/20040806/ap_on_bi_st_ma_re/wall_street">148 lower, or 1.5% to close at 9,815.33, the lowest mark since 11/28/2003. All other markets fell too. The Great Americna Economic Tiolet Flush was successful. I guess it's time for another tax cut. I mean, with the ecomony going swirling in the crapper, we'll have MORE than enough money to pay for the new $417 billion dollar defense bill just signed. We did indeed turn a corner, and it landed us into a Hoover-ville.

#10 Voters in Missouri and Tennessee
Take heed, America. The American public is tilting faster to the right than anyone can tell. In Missouri, http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,3604,1276206,00.html">71% voted in favor of banning gay marriage. Nothing like getting your priorities straight. After leaving the voting booth, a toothless redneck inbred said "Ah voted fer dis bann becus ah thin gay people is disgustin. Now, i need to git bacc home to mah wife, who is also mah sister." Not to be outdone, the Republican voters in Memphis, TN http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/politics/9331704.htm?ERIGHTS=-6135870897024750117">voted for "An unabashed racist will represent the Republican party in the November election for a congressional seat" by an over-whelming majority against a write-in candidate. After leaving the voting booth, a toothless redneck inbred said "dem darkies need to be bacc whur dey belong." So, the new tone in Washington is complete. Homophobia and Racism is now part of the Republican agenda. At least they love their mothers.

See the REAL top ten on Sunday night. It took my two hours to do this. Tell me what you think.

[BillZBubb]

1. Great list, but doesn't Tom Ridge belong in there too?

Bogus terra-lerts are at least worth honorable mention!

[Bluzmann57]

2. Pretty damn good

Thanks. I've been having withdrawals too. Heck, that may be the real top 10 come Monday. Thank you.

[noahmijo]

3. Kick and hey Sammy do you have a link for how Cheney's people

demanded that people who wanted to see him speak sign that loyalty oath?

[SammyBlue]

5. I don't have that

And I was looking for the one out of El Paso that showed them denying entrance to a Cheney event because they were democrats.

[CrispyQ]

4. Excellent! Cured my Top Ten Jones!

Very well done, Sammy!

[joanne]

6. Well done!