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One of my co-workers, a confirmed neocon, sent out this "schedule" for the DNC convention to a few of us. Very soon after, another one countered with the schedule for the RNC convention.
The DNC convention schedule from the neocon:
2004 NATIONAL DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION - OFFICIAL PROGRAM
6:00P - Opening Flag Burning Ceremony. 6:00P - Opening Secular Prayers (Rev. Jesse Jackson & Rev. Al Sharpton) 6:30P - Anti-War Concert (Barbra Streisand) 6:40P - Ted Kennedy Proposes A Toast. 7:00P - Tribute Theme to France. 7:10P - Collect Offering for al-Zawahri Defense Fund. 7:25P - Tribute Theme to Germany. 7:45P - Anti-War Rally (Moderated by Michael Moore) 8:25P - Ted Kennedy Proposes A Toast. 8:30P - Terrorist Appeasement Workshop. 9:00P - Gay Marriage Ceremony (Male &Female couples)
9:30P - Intermission*
10:00P - Posting Of The Iraqi Colors (Sean Penn &Tim Robbins) 10:10P - Re-enactment of Kerry's Fake Medal Toss. 10:20P - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!' 10:30P - Abortion Demonstration (NARAL) 10:40P - Ted Kennedy Proposes A Toast. 10:50P - Pledge Of Allegiance To The UN. 11:00P - Multiple Gay Marriage Ceremony (Threesomes, Mixed & Same Sex). 11:15P - Maximizing Welfare Workshop. 11:30P - 'Free Saddam' Pep Rally. 11:59P - Ted Kennedy Proposes A Toast. 12:00P - "Surprise" Nomination Of Democratic Candidate.
The RNC convention schedule from one of "ours:"
6:00-Opening Witch Burning 6:00-Opening Holy Roller Prayers(Pharisees and Sadducees) 6:30-Red-Neck Concert(Teeth Koby) 6:40-George W. snorts a line 7:00-Tribute to Nazi Germany 7:10-Collection of funds for the needy Royal Saudi Family 7:25-Tribute to Fascist Italy 7:45-Anti-War Rally(cancelled due to lack of foresight) 7:45-George W. snorts another line 8:25-Saudi Royal Family Appeasement Workshop 8:30-Presentation of Trophy Wives 9:00-Burning of the First Amendment 9:30-Intermission
10:00-Painting the 50 stars all red; banishing the blue background 10:10-Re-living George W.'s National Guard days;(party on!) 10:20-Cameo by Dad's cabinet--oh, wait, they're all here already 10:30-Adopt-a-Child rally 10:40-George W. snorts a third line 10:50-Learn to spell "allegiance" 11:00-Presentation of Trophy Wives II 11:15-Workshop: How to Keep Screwing the Middle Class 11:30-Rally for the invasion of Syria, Iran, all states ending in "stan", both Koreas, Canada, etc. 11:59-George W. snorts a final line--and talks to God 12:00-Let's go out and try to get this guy ELECTED this time!
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