I'm really ashamed of my father....

[kalian]

I'm quoting part of a long email/rant that he just emailed me today:

We forgot to open the spigots to welfare first. Drat it !Clinton was forced to imitate the republicans balancing budgets and he curtailed the welfare state.. We need Kerry to do that for us. Then the rapacious greedy corporations can really do their thing because all the workers will have their six packs on welfare and be happy.

Bring on the homosexual marriages to further improve the morals of
this great nation and make them serve as an example why they... "hate
our freedoms!" I just love these freedoms....

I'm upset...I'm saddened...and I'm ashamed. I don't understand my
father. He claims to be a "right-leaning" democrat (whatever that
means) but he sure as hell sounds like a right-wing nazi.

I emailed him back (in reply to a different email which he made some
comments about homosexuals having a "Gapril" or something over at
Harvard University:

It doesn't phase me. Everybody has their right to express themselves
just as we have the right to ignore them. That's the beauty of this
country: we are FREE to make our own decisions as to what we need
to deal with and accept. We have various options: 1) debate them,
2) walk away and ignore them or 3) accept them as fellow Americans
and human beings expressing their beliefs and thoughts.
We have NO RIGHT to censor people based on their ethnic origins,
religious beliefs, or sexual preferences.
And that's my final answer....


I can tell you that I haven't heard back from him yet, but I'm sure
that he's probably in a state of shock.
I just wanted to share this little battle that I have been waging
with my father for a long time. My wife keeps on telling me that I
should "just love" my father irregardless of our differences but
I cannot love somebody that has so much hatred and suspicion of
others.

Thanks for reading...

[Feanorcurufinwe]

1. I gave up trying to talk seriously to my father over 20 years ago

it's sad....

[Warpy]

5. I know the feeling

Mine's in his 80s, a tax-obsessed right winger all his life, and nothing is ever going to change that, although even he is starting to question the sheer, over the top criminality of the Bush gang.

We have a chance to change our peers. We can never change our parents. We can either accept and ignore it or not. That's the only choice we have. We do get to say we think they're wrong. We just can't expect them to take our word for it.

[tnlefty]

2. Wish I could offer some encouraging words for you, but I don't have any

My family is full of wingnuts and it's really difficult. We don't get along very well to say the least. My family has some nasty racist, fundy, and just plain mean spirited tendencies.

[rockymountaindem]

3. In cheerier news

my dad finally saw the light back when Clinton first ran. I when my mom first explained politics to me back during the Bush I administration, she said to me "Ok, honey, I'm a Democrat and your dad is a Republican". My dad won't admit to voting for Nixon or Reagan, but Eisenhower was the first man he voted for. Anyway, he voted for Clinton twice, voted for Gore, and hates Bush* with a passion. All he can say when Shrub is on tv is either "Thanks for all those boys coming home to their parents in body bags" or "why don't you make the deficit a little bigger?"

At least it's not all bad, but I feel for you who can't talk to your parents.

[demosincebirth]

10. I come from...

a long line of union, blue collar, workers that date back to the depression. All have been, and still are, staunch democrats. Not all are liberal, but all are dems just the same.
We are over eighty in all.
My first election, I had the honor of casting my vote for JFK, and boy, was I proud! No arguments at family bashes, except on who hates Bush the most.
One footnote, is that I do have one nephew who joined the Assembly of God Church and became a staunch Bushite. He stopped coming to
many family functions a while back. I guess he didn't like the politics.

[connecticut yankee]

4. I never got along with mine

My father died in 2000, but we hadn't really gotten along since I was 14 (50 years prior). In the interest of "Family Relations" I tried to be daughterly, but every time he opened his mouth it led to another fight.

I don't there was any ethnic group or race (other than his own) that he ever had a good word for. He claimed to be a Liberal, and a lifelong Democrat, but he sounded more like J. Strom Thurmond than anything else, although he never voted for a Republican in his life.

I never could deal with his epithets and snide remarks.

[Technowitch]

6. Could be worse

My father is -literally- a card carrying member of the John Birch Society.

He thinks the Klan is a bunch of pussies.

He's refused to vote for Republican presidential candidates because he feels they're too left-wing, and has instead voted for George Wallace in every election since 1968.

He collects Nazi memorabilia and says they had the right idea -- only they shouldn't have stopped just at Jews, homosexuals and gypsies for those camps.

He hates everybody who isn't a white heterosexual male of Western European descent -- preferrably German, English, or Irish.

In short, my father hates everybody who isn't exactly like him.

Oh, and he's a licensed gun and arms dealer.

Back when I came out to my family regarding my sexual orientation, when I was 33, he threatened to kill me if he ever sees me again. And then proceeded to send thinly veiled letters every week or three, just to make sure I hadn't forgotten.

Even families that turn out decent people can have hateful kooks in their midst. Sometimes the kids turn out okay, regardless.

[mike1963]

9. Are you my sis? Sounds like you're describing my father too...

Except I'm pretty sure I'm a lot older than you (62)...my dad was a big fan of Hitler, he even wore the same mustache. God, I hate to remember those years and am ashamed to admit it took me till 20 years old to realize how seriously fucked up people like that really were (and are.)

[Technowitch]

11. Aye...

A fair amount, Mike1963. I'm 41, and in fact, the numbers in your handle are my birth year.

I remember one of the very first arguments I had with my father. I was seven or eight years old and asked, "How come you hate people just because they have dark skin? How do you know they're not nice?"

Well, I should say, I -tried- to have an argument. After being accused of "having a smart mouth", that particular line of discussion merely earned me a beating.

Mostly I just pity my father. He's a twisted, angry, hateful old man whom nobody likes or trusts -- and he made his own life that way.

Me, about the time I entered my early teens, I became determined to be different -- and used him as the counter-example for most every attitude and position regarding race, religion, ethnicity, gender, and sexual orientation. That is, if he held a certain position, I could be pretty sure the opposite is what would be kind, compassionate, tolerant and open-minded.

[amber dog democrat]

7. I bet the hollidays are a lot of fun in your family

Fortunately I don't have any near reletives that are that polarized, but at one time I did.

That was during the Vietanm war.

I think you are going to have to agree to dis agree on some things.
Best wishes.

[terisel]

8. He sounds as though he is in quite a state.

But if he raised you, he did help something good flower.

I have begun to think of the irrational anger that some people exhibit as part of their interface and not their real selves-I think their real selves are buried deep down and are hard to reach but on that level they are really fine, and kind people. (Just a strategy to help me not hate them).

I have also heard there is a "Rush Limbaugh Syndrome" and that older men who listen to his show regularly start exhibiting the irrational anger.