Newsweek's Steve Tuttle takes top prize for disturbing Republican masturbatory op-ed fantasy of 2010

[Amerigo Vespucci]

Why Sarah Palin Might Become President in 2012 - Newsweek

‘Stunning The Halibut’
If the Democrats think things are bad now, wait until Sarah Palin grabs them by their bleeding hearts.



by Steve Tuttle
November 26, 2010

http://www.newsweek.com/2010/11/26/why-sarah-palin-might-become-president-in-2012.html

When Democrats and progressive pundits start whining about how we’re having an anti-intellectual moment, it can mean only one thing: they just got their butts handed to them in an election. It’s not often you see the lefty New Republic and the righty National Review use the same Obama quote on their covers to describe anything, but they did after the Nov. 2 midterms: “Shellacking.”

***

And if the revenge of the Tea Party people weren’t enough to drive Democrats mad during the election, now it seems that the group’s tentacles have reached into the sacred world of reality-TV dance competitions. On Dancing With the Stars, Bristol Palin survived far longer than expected. It’s been whispered—and yelled—that she made it as far as she did only because the Tea Party voted in droves to keep her in the competition. Which brings me to that other reality-TV star and author, the big Mama Grizzly herself. As each day counts down toward the 2012 election, it seems more and more possible to me that Sarah Palin could be president of the United States.

This week I stumbled upon Sarah Palin’s Alaska by looking it up in the TV directory and sitting down on the couch at the time it started so I could view it. I watched Palin take a club to a huge halibut that was flopping around on the deck of a boat, knocking it out cold so it could be thrown into the hold of a professional fishing vessel. She said in her singsong voice, which seems sometimes oddly Germanic, that she was “stunning the halibut.” Not only was I entranced by her awesomeness, but I now have a new favorite catchphrase.

As the fish story unfolded, Palin said, “I wasn’t goin’ to hesitate either, especially when the fish were pilin’ up and they’re slappin’ around. They could do some damage here. We need to calm these boys down real quick.” As the huge halibut flopped about, she cried out, “Sheesh! That hurts like crap!” She explained to the camera that she got slapped across the thigh by one of them: “I realized—yeah, they could hurtcha!” Later, she and her dancing daughter, Bristol, took the halibut’s still-beating hearts and held them in their hands. The harder the Palin gals squeezed, the faster the little panicked hearts pumped. The Democrats need look no further for symbolic harbingers of what could happen in 2012.

[dawg]

1. Odd that this fawning review mentions ...

her voice sounding "oddly Germanic". Also, the *in-your-face-liberals* attitude vis-a-vis the reality shows is odd. Like we really give a damn about that. (We're too busy sipping our lattes and watching PBS documentaries on Netflix, ya' know.)

Either this is really, really subtle satire, or it's pathetic.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

2. It was hard to tell...

...I didn't view it as satire, but your right...could be. Either way, the underpinnings are disturbing, because someone's going to read this and think it's spot-on.

[IDemo]

6. I would have shortened that

to "oddly manic".

[bemildred]

3. Self parody, or maybe he doesn't care.

Expecting coherency of political rants is unrealistic. And anybody that thinks Palin cannot become President is not paying attention. I'm not suggesting it is likely at present, but possible, yes indeed.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

4. I hear ya...all we need to remember is "George W. Bush, 2 terms."

I'd hate to think we're stupid enough to put someone like Palin in the Oval Office, but in reality, we already have...twice.

[L.Torsalo]

7. America

wasn't stupid enough to put * in for even one term. His daddy bought him the election, his dad Cheney. Palin could "win" the same way...

[SpankMe]

5. Still, we have to take this somewhat seriously.

When Sarah Palin becomes president you can look for another another set of "conflicting thoughts" among liberals - they'll be pondering whether or not to seek the proverbial "second amendment solution" to fix the problem of a nuclear arsinal under the control of evangelical wing-nuts who believe the bible is a literal scientific and historical text of earth's past and future.