The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 367

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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 367

Edited on Mon Jun-29-09 12:29 PM by EarlG

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 367

June 29, 2009
International Man Of Mystery Edition

This week Gov. Mark Sanford (1,2) goes AWOL, Joe The Plumber (5) unfortunately doesn't go AWOL, and John Boehner (10) drops a turd. Don't forget the key!

Mark Sanford

Last week Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina admitted to an extra-marital affair with an Argentinian woman. Of course he only admitted it after a parade of excuses, each of which seemed less plausible than the one before. It went down something like this:

Mark Sanford

Leaving aside all the talk of http://www.thestate.com/sanford/story/839350.html">tan lines and magnificent parts, one very important question remains: how on earth did Sanford think he could get away with vanishing for a week? He's the governor of a state, for crying out loud. What if something terrible had happened in South Carolina while he was missing in action? http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/25/AR2009062502953.html?hpid=topnews">According to the Washington Post:

The security detail for South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford was actively searching for him over the weekend and concerned about his safety, but getting the runaround from his staff in trying to contact him, the director of the state's law enforcement agency said in an interview this afternoon.

Sanford asked his protective detail to "stand down" at 1 p.m. last Thursday at his mansion, and then drove off alone in a state law enforcement sport-utility vehicle, the director said.

Perhaps the reason Sanford thought he could get away with abusing his position was because this wasn't the first time he'd done it. http://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics/AP/story/1114504.html">According to McClatchy Newspapers:

When South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford added a stop in Argentina to his trade mission to Brazil last June, the side trip should have raised eyebrows because he was undertaking a trade mission that the U.S. government was unwilling to make.

Although the Republican governor described the visit in a statement Thursday as "an entirely professional and appropriate business development trip," Argentina has been a financial pariah since it defaulted on its international debt after its decade-long effort to peg its currency to the U.S. dollar collapsed in late 2001.

(snip)

The Commerce Department halted high-level trade missions to Argentina after Argentina reneged on its debts. A Commerce Department official, speaking on the condition of anonymity because he wasn't authorized to discuss the matter publicly, confirmed that Sanford's visit contradicted federal policy.

Having now been caught out, Sanford insists that he'll "repay South Carolina taxpayers for the $8,000 cost" of that trip to Argentina. How thoughtful of him. Of course that generous offer has nothing to do with http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090627/ap_on_re_us/us_sc_governor">the fact that:

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's mother said Saturday she is praying for her son as pressure mounts for a criminal probe into his secret trip to visit his lover in Argentina.

(snip)

Exactly how much he needs to pay back has not yet been determined, Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer said Saturday.

So is Sanford planning to resign any time soon? Don't be ridiculous! He's already stepped down as chairman of the Republican Governors' Association, isn't that enough for you people?

Fox News

First there was...

Then there was...

And of course there was...

Therefore you won't be surprised to learn that...

Stay classy, Fox News.

John Ensign

Any more top Republicans want to admit to an extra-marital affair? Meet Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) who recently admitted to doing the nasty with a campaign staffer. You know, it's a good job Ensign isn't a member of some organization that goes on and on about the importance of "traditional marriage." Wait, http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-ensign18-2009jun18,0,3018267.story">what's this?

A veterinarian and the adopted son of a casino mogul, he was involved with the Christian ministry Promise Keepers and has publicly railed against same-sex marriage.

I see. Well, at least it's not like he publicly called for other officials to step down in the wake of a sex scandal. Wait, what's this?

He called for President Clinton's resignation during the Monica Lewinsky scandal and chastised Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho), who pleaded guilty in connection with a 2007 airport bathroom sex sting.

Right. Well at least it's not like this champion of fiscal conservatism was bribing his mistress and her husband to keep their mouths shut. Wait, what's this?

Ensign, a champion of fiscal conservatism, is facing questions about payments to Cynthia Hampton, with whom he had the affair, and her husband, Doug.

So is Ensign planning to resign any time soon? Don't be ridiculous! He's already stepped down as chairman of the Republican Policy Committee, isn't that enough for you people?

Wait a minute... I think I'm starting to see a trend here.

Joe The Plumber

Joe The Plumber is apparently still hanging around book stores and GOP meetings looking for work. Wasn't he supposed to be buying his boss's plumbing business? I guess he's having too much fun pretending to be a celebrity. Maybe we should start calling him Joe "Hollywood" The Plumber.

Anyway, Joe spoke to a group of conservatives in Wausau, WI last week and wowed them with his knowledge of history and politics. http://www.wausaudailyherald.com/article/20090626/WDH0101/906260520/1981">According to the Wausau Daily Herald:

Referring to the Constitution as "almost like the Bible," Wurzelbacher said of the Founding Fathers: "They knew socialism doesn't work. They knew communism doesn't work."

Well done Joe! Just one problem...

The Constitution predates the origins of socialism by nearly 100 years.

At the same meeting, The Plumber complained that tea-baggers are unfairly labeled as "extremists."

"I'm here for one reason and one reason only: It's 'I love America,'" Wurzelbacher told the crowd. "Mainstream media wants to paint us as a bunch of extremists, right? We're in search of liberty and our freedoms. What's so extreme about that?" (...)

"Let me give you another extremist view, 'In God We Trust,'" he said to wild applause. "Say that too loud in some parts of America and you will be shot. It's terrible."

I know, right? Won't somebody think of all those poor Americans who live under the constant threat of physical violence just because they go to a Christian church. You know they can't go out on a Sunday morning without their body armor.

Joe capped off his performance by demonstrating why he and his conservative buddies aren't a bunch of extremists.

Referring to Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., more than once, Wurzelbacher asked, "Why hasn't he been strung up?"

Rusty DePass

And speaking of extremists, there's no denying that the GOP is in a deep hole right now. Apparently they've decided that the best way out is to http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=10526195&nav=0RaPIYA8">keep on digging.

A state Republican activist has admitted to and apologized for calling a gorilla that escaped from the Riverbanks Zoo Friday an "ancestor" of First Lady Michelle Obama.

A screen capture of the comment, made on the Internet site Facebook, was obtained by FITSNews, the website of South Carolina politico Will Folks.

The image shows a post by an aide to state Attorney General Henry McMaster describing Friday morning's gorilla escape at Columbia's Riverbanks Zoo.

Longtime SCGOP activist and former state Senate candidate Rusty DePass responded with the comment, "I'm sure it's just one of Michelle's ancestors - probably harmless."

After finding his balls somewhat predictably nailed to the wall, DePass went directly to page 28 of the Republican non-apology-apology playbook and announced, "I am as sorry as I can be if I offended anyone. The comment was clearly in jest." Meanwhile, http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=10526195&nav=0RaPIYA8">according to WISTV:

He also said, "The comment was hers. Not mine," saying the first lady made statements in the media recently saying we are all descendents of apes.

But an Internet search for those comments turned up no news articles of the like.

By the way, what kind of name is Rusty DePass? Sounds like some kind of bizarre sex act.

Sherri Goforth

And the GOP's seemingly bottomless bucket of filth continues to empty onto their own shoes. Last week, http://thinkprogress.org/2009/06/15/racist-image-eyes/">according to Think Progress, "a racist e-mail was sent out by a legislative staffer for Tennessee GOP state senator Diane Black. The staffer, Sherri Goforth, e-mailed this composite picture of the country's 44 presidents, which represents President Obama with only a set of eyes."

Here's the pic:

http://www.nashvilleistalking.com/2009/06/sen-diane-blacks-r-gallatin-legislative-aid-circulates-racist-email/">According to Nashville Is Talking:

When I asked her if she understood the controversial nature of the photo, Goforth would only say she felt very bad about accidentally sending it to the wrong list. When I gave her a second chance to address the controversial nature of the email, she again repeated that she only felt bad about sending it to the wrong list of people.

"I went on the wrong email and I inadvertently hit the wrong button," Goforth told NIT. "I'm very sick about it, and it's one of those things I can't change or take back."

Guess she never got her copy of the Republican non-apology-apology playbook.

Yet More Dumbass Racist Wingnuts

Last week Pat Buchanan hosted the national conference of his anti-immigrant organization The American Cause (TAC). Also in attendance was Peter Brimelow, editor of VDare.com, a website which abhors the description "white supremacist," preferring instead, er, "white nationalist."

Not in attendance was TAC executive director Marcus Epstein, who was probably absent because, http://www.splcenter.org/blog/2009/06/09/anti-immigrant-hate-site-announces-pat-buchanan-think-tank-to-host-leading-white-nationalist/">according to the Southern Poverty Law Center:

...he's scheduled to be sentenced on July 8 for drunkenly calling an African-American passerby a "nigger" at a major intersection in Washington, D.C., before attempting to strike her with a karate chop.

But as I mentioned, MSNBC commentator Pat Buchanan and white supremacist - sorry, nationalist - Peter Brimelow were in attendance, and they http://www.alternet.org/blogs/immigration/140814/priceless%3A_%27english-only%27_supporters_hold_conference%2C_can%27t_spell_%27conference%27/">pontificated at length about the need for English to become the official language of the United States. "I really do recommend the language issue," Brimelow told the audience, "because you know that polls better than immigration and affirmative action. Eighty-five percent of Americans say they would favor official language policy."

Thanks to Think Progress we've got a picture of them standing together underneath TAC's big banner. See if you can spot the not-so-deliberate mistake.

John McCain

Top Republicans have recently demanded that President Obama speak out loudly in support of those protesting the sham elections in Iran. After all, Ronald Reagan went to Berlin and said "Tear down this wall," and poof! The wall magically crumbled in front of everyone's eyes. And let's not forget the time that George H.W. Bush told the Shiites to rise up against Saddam Hussein and then http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/editorials/articles/2008/03/05/bushs_gift_to_ahmadinejad/">did nothing while Saddam slaughtered them. Actually let's forget that.

Anyway, Sen. John McCain - you may remember him from last year's nationwide comedy tour, er, I mean, presidential run - has recently been nipping at President Obama's heels like a tiny, angry terrier. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/23/mccain-hits-obama-on-iran_n_219407.html">According to the Huffington Post:

Sen. John McCain continued to rap President Barack Obama for his measured reaction to the crisis in Iran, which McCain said was inadequate in its support for the protestors of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's contested re-election.

(snip)

The line pushed by McCain has become the de-facto Republican criticism of Obama since the crisis in Iran began. The president has expressed his concern with the rising violence in the country as well as the obvious inaccuracies in the presidential vote. But he has avoided outright support for the seating of opposition candidate Mir Hossein Moussavi.

The measured manner of Obama's response, while criticized by some, has been described as essential by many foreign policy observers. On Monday night, Time Magazine's Joe Klein applauded the president for his approach. And when asked about earlier McCain's remarks, he urged the Arizona Republican to stop talking.

"Be quiet," said Klein. "You don't need to do this. You know? You know what you're doing is a self-indulgent at this point. Sen. McCain, if he's going to talk about this, should also talk about the fact that the United States supported Saddam Hussein in the Iran/Iraq war for eight years. Every one of those protesters out in the streets, every last one of them believes the United States supplied Saddam Hussein with the poison gas that has debilitated tens of thousands of Iranian men."

McCain's rhetoric was so belligerent that even the conservative host of MSNBC's Morning Joke decided to say something.

JOE SCARBOROUGH: All we would do is undermine those people in the street, who the second that they are attached to the United States of America, the country after all that's been known in Iran as the great Satan since 1979, we will undermine their cause ... It's so shortsighted I find it stunning.

Personally I find it stunning that Scarborough was able to pry his tongue from McCain's asscrack long enough to speak that sentence. But never mind that - the real question here is, what does McCain think he's playing at?

I think I have the answer. First of all, this is the man who, during the presidential campaign, joked that we should "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-zoPgv_nYg">bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran." He also had this exchange with a reporter (see Idiots http://journals.democraticunderground.com/top10/344">344):

REPORTER: We've learned that exports to Iran increased by tenfold during the Bush Administration, the biggest export was cigarettes. Given that the, yeah... supposedly that the...

McCAIN: (interrupting) Maybe that's the way of killing them. (chuckles) I meant that as a joke.

Next thing you know he's trying to get President Obama to drag the U.S. into the Iranian election protests, knowing full well that the regime would use any sign of American interference as a propaganda tool and a further excuse to violently crush the uprising.

The general impression I'm getting from his comments is that whether it be by American bombs, Iranian guns, or lung cancer, John McCain simply wants to see Iranian civilians dead in the streets.

John Boehner

And finally, it seems that House Minority Leader John Boehner is starting to get a tad frustrated with his role as Obstructionist-In-Chief. http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/boehner-climate-bill-a-pile-of-s--t-2009-06-27.html">According to The Hill:

Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) had a few choice words about House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's (D-Calif.) landmark climate-change bill after its passage Friday.

When asked why he read portions of the cap-and-trade bill on the floor Friday night, Boehner told The Hill, "Hey, people deserve to know what's in this pile of s--t."

Boehner then threw the bill on the floor and walked off yelling "Fuck you! Fuck all of you! You haven't heard the last of me! I'll be back!" before tripping and falling down the steps of the Capitol Building, accompanied by a slide whistle and a comedic clattering sound effect.

The Top 10 will return in two weeks, on Monday July 13. See you then!

-- EarlG