The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 297

[top10]

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 297

July 2, 2007
Ann For The Money Edition

Ann Coulter's (1) most recent book is out in paperback. Can you tell? Meanwhile, GOP hopefuls Mitt Romney (2), Rudy Giuliani (3,4) and Fred Thompson (5) are racing to the bottom, and Jonah Goldberg (6) still digs Dick Cheney. Enjoy, and don't forget the key!



Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter continued her bizarre jihad against the Edwards family last week, telling Good Morning America that she's learned her lesson from calling John Edwards a "faggot" and next time she'll just "wish he'd been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."

Is anyone else starting to notice a bit of a pattern in Coulter's comments? (And I'm not just talking about the increase in invective whenever she has a new book out.)

First it was nutty fascist stuff like, "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building" and "we need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals." Then she got personal, suggesting that John Edwards drove around with a bumper sticker which read, "Ask me about my son's death in a horrific car accident." And now she's resorted to calling Bill Clinton a "latent homosexual" and Al Gore a "total fag" and John Edwards a "faggot."

I'm just wondering how her most recent comments mesh with the conclusions she draws in her book Slander. For example:

Page 121: This is how six-year-olds argue: They call everything "stupid." The left's primary argument is the angry reaction of a helpless child deprived of the ability to mount logical counterarguments. Someday we will turn to the New York Times editorial page and find the Newspaper of Record denouncing President Bush for being a 'penis-head.'"

Page 199: Much of the left's hate speech bears greater similarity to a psychological disorder than to standard political discourse. The hatred is blinding, producing logical contradictions that would be impossible to sustain were it not for the central element faith plays in the left's new religion. The basic tenet of their faith is this: Maybe they were wrong on facts and policies, but they are good and conservatives are evil. You almost want to give it to them. It's all they have left.

Projection much? "Latent homosexual." "Total fag." "Faggot." And we're the ones who are supposed to have run out of ideas?



Mitt Romney

''We were terrible to animals. Everybody would get BB guns and shoot (frogs behind the Bush home), or we'd put firecrackers in the frogs and throw them and blow them up.'' -- Terry Throckmorton, childhood friend of George W. Bush

If you're looking for another president who exhibits unusual cruelty towards animals, look no further than Mitt Romney. Last week Romney told an anecdote which was intended to impress reporters with his "emotion-free crisis management" but turned into a sordid - and possibly illegal - tale of pet abuse.

According to Time magazine:

The incident: dog excrement found on the roof and windows of the Romney station wagon. How it got there: Romney strapped a dog carrier - with the family dog Seamus, an Irish Setter, in it - to the roof of the family station wagon for a twelve hour drive from Boston to Ontario, which the family apparently completed, despite Seamus's rather visceral protest.

Massachusetts's animal cruelty laws specifically prohibit anyone from carrying an animal "in or upon a vehicle, or otherwise, in an unnecessarily cruel or inhuman manner or in a way and manner which might endanger the animal carried thereon." An officer for the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals responded to a description of the situation saying "it's definitely something I'd want to check out." The officer, Nadia Branca, declined to give a definitive opinion on whether Romney broke the law but did note that it's against state law to have a dog in an open bed of a pick-up truck, and "if the dog was being carried in a way that endangers it, that would be illegal." And while it appears that the statute of limitations has probably passed, Stacey Wolf, attorney and legislative director for the ASPCA, said "even if it turns out to not be against the law at the time, in the district, we'd hope that people would use common sense...Any manner of transporting a dog that places the animal in serious danger is something that we'd think is inappropriate...I can't speak to the accuracy of the case, but it raises concerns about the judgment used in this particular situation."

Way to go, Mitt! Now that's what I call "emotion-free crisis management."

And "common sense-free crisis management," and "compassion-free crisis management," and "safety-free crisis management," and...



Rudy Giuliani

New York's least favorite son bounced back from the recent news that his South Carolina campaign chairman Thomas Ravenel had been indicted for dealing cocaine (see Idiots 296) by, er, hiring Ravenel's father to serve as Lowcountry chairman. Fair enough. After all, it's not like Arthur Ravenel was the one allegedly dealing cocaine.

No, according to CNN, Arthur Ravenel "has his own controversial history."

A supporter of flying the Confederate flag on the statehouse grounds, Ravenel referred to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) as the "National Association for Retarded People" at a flag rally in 2000, according to the Charleston Post and Courier.

Curious to know what something like that looks like? Wonder no more...


How delightful.



Rudy Giuliani

That's not all... last week Rudy Giuliani made an appearance at Pat Robertson's Regent University and once again blamed Bill Clinton for 9/11.

"Islamic terrorists killed more than 500 Americans before Sept. 11. Many people think the first attack on America was on Sept. 11, 2001. It was not. It was in 1993," said the former New York mayor.

Giuliani argued that Clinton treated the World Trade Center bombing as a criminal act instead of a terrorist attack, calling it "a big mistake" that emboldened other strikes on the Khobar Towers housing complex in Saudi Arabia, in Kenya and Tanzania and later on the USS Cole while docked in Yemen in 2000.

"The United States government, then President Clinton, did not respond," Giuliani said. "(Usama) bin Laden declared war on us. We didn't hear it."

Oh Rudy, are you going to make me pull out the 9/11 Commission Report again? Very well then. Let's see what, aside from actually arresting, trying and convicting the people responsible for the first World Trade Center bombing, the Clinton administration did before 9/11.

Attention to Terrorism: Clinton Administration
P 174: President Clinton "deeply concerned" about Osama Bin Ladin.
P 101: President Clinton makes chemical, biological, and nuclear terrorism a priority.
P 109: Clinton Administration establishes "the Bin Ladin unit."
P 358: Clinton Administration's management of the last weeks of December 1999 was "the one period in which the government as a whole seemed to be acting in concert to deal with terrorism."
P 487: Clinton Administration successful in arresting al Qaeda members.
P 457: Richard Clarke runs exercise where terrorists use plane for suicide mission.

And now the Bush administration:

Attention to Terrorism: Bush Administration
P 202: Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and his deputy Paul Wolfowitz argued against retaliation for the bombing of the USS Cole, saying the issue was "stale"
P 208: President Bush neglected to fill the key counterterrorism policy office in the Pentagon after the former official departed January 20.
P 201: Richard Clarke submits memo to Condoleezza Rice saying "we urgently need... a Principals level review on the al Qida network."
P 201: No Principals Committee meeting on al Qaeda held until September 4, 2001.
P 203: Principals Committee meetings on Iraq and Sudan before one on al Qaeda.
P 509: Bush administration holds 32 Principals Committee meetings on subjects other than al Qaeda before 9/11.
P 200: Rice downgrades the Counterterrorism Security Group.
P 197: December 2000 "Blue Sky" memo on terrorism urges increased support to Northern Alliance and Uzbeks to fight Taliban and al Qaeda.
P 202: White House postpones aid to Northern Alliance and Uzbeks.

So anyway, I wonder how Rudy squares his comments blaming Bill Clinton for 9/11 with his September 2006 comments where he "defended Bill Clinton ... over the former president's counterterrorism efforts, saying recent criticism on preventing the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks is wrong?"

"The idea of trying to cast blame on President Clinton is just wrong for many, many reasons, not the least of which is I don't think he deserves it," Giuliani said in response to a question after an appearance with fellow Republican Charlie Crist, who is running for governor.

(snip)

Giuliani said he believed Clinton, like his successor, did everything he could with the information he was provided. "Every American president I've known would have given his life to prevent an attack like that. That includes President Clinton, President Bush," the former mayor said. "They did the best they could with the information they had at the time."

Odd. But of course, that was when Giuliani was merely "very interested in considering" running for president. Now he's actually running for president, history appears to have revised itself.



Fred Thompson

I guess Rudy's got to come out swinging now that Fred Thompson has stolen his thunder. Thompson, the crusty star of NBC's "Law And Order: Criminally Infirm," is leaping ahead in the polls despite not actually announcing that he's running for president just yet. He's milking that manly stench for all it's worth.

Unfortunately Republicans may soon find out that Thompson is yet another top-tier candidate they don't like. Here's how McClatchy newspapers reported his appearance in New Hampshire last week:

When Fred Thompson made his debut on the presidential stage here this week, he left some Republicans thinking he needs more work before his nascent campaign matches the media hype it's gotten in advance.

The former Tennessee senator with the baritone drawl showed up Thursday in New Hampshire, the site of the first primary voting, and gave a speech that lasted only nine minutes, skipping over hot-button issues such as Iraq and immigration to invoke platitudes about freedom and strength.

He left more than a few Republicans disappointed.

(snip)

Heitmiller said he hadn't made up his mind about whom to support - way too early - and had come to learn more about this man he'd heard about but never seen.

"People want to get to know him. He hasn't been here, and he gives a nine-minute speech," he said dismissively. As Thompson exited, people started making their way to the doors midway through a reception.

So it really does look like a tough pick for the Republican base this year. They don't like their cross-dressing pro-choice former mayor of New York, or their dog-abusing Mormon from Massachussetts, or their doddering senator from Arizona who - try as he might - just can't pander hard enough.

Yup, it looks like they're going to be stuck with Phone-It-In Fred; campaign slogan: "Wake Me Up On Election Day."



Jonah Goldberg

These days even Dick Cheney's staunchest fans are keeping pretty quiet about his recent insistence that the vice president's office essentially constitutes a fourth branch of governement. (See Idiots 296.) So step forward Jonah Goldberg who has perhaps the most, er, unusual defense of the veep's position.

According to Think Progress:

Goldberg appeared on MSNBC with Tucker Carlson to discuss his membership in this exclusive club and to explain the traits in Cheney that he found worthy of admiration.

"(Dick Cheney) just does not care. I think it's a sign of character and integrity on his part that he just doesn't care," Goldberg said, adding, "He's a serious guy."

See? Dick Cheney doesn't care, which is a sign of character and integrity. I know what you're thinking - what happened to that "compassionate conservatism" the new millennium was supposed to be all about? I hate to break this to you, but I'm afraid Dick Cheney killed it with a shotgun and told its corpse to go fuck itself.

Goldberg continued:

I have no idea. I truly have no idea. I like Dick Cheney - love to have a beer with the guy. I think he is a smart, serious man in American life. I think one of the things that bothers them is he doesn't care. ... He looks like he should be eating a sandwich while he's (giving a speech). That's just the sort of matter-of-fact, eating lunch over the sink, oh yeah and by the way, here's my view of the world. I love that!

So never mind the law-breaking... conservatives think George W. Bush and Dick Cheney are the best presidential team ever, because, gosh, can't you imagine having a beer with them, and wow, wouldn't Dick Cheney look cool if he was eating a sandwich while he was giving a policy speech?

And then they're surprised to find out that only 20% of Americans think the country is heading in the right direction.



Dana Perino

Don't worry though - there's a good reason why Dick Cheney (and George W. Bush, come to that) can't be quizzed by Congress about their criminal activities. Here's White House spokeswoman Dana Perino to explain it all:

QUESTION: So, also though, you mentioned a moment ago that the vice president gets his paycheck from the Senate. Does the White House then also believe he should get funding for the Vice President's Office from the legislative branch instead of from the executive branch?

PERINO: I don't know. These are not decisions...

QUESTION: But you just noted that. You just noted that he gets his paycheck...

PERINO: The reason I noted that is because I'm trying to illustrate the point that he has roles in both the legislature and in the executive branch.

QUESTION: But the National Archives documents they want have to do with his executive branch functions. I mean, the secret documents, one assumes, are from his duties as vice president.

PERINO: If you - in the executive order, the president and the vice president are discharged separately from agencies, in which - it would be awkward if the president, who was the supervisor of this office, was asking that office to come in and investigate himself.

Yes, that's right, it would be awkward if the vice president had to be investigated. "Oh, well, let's see, on Monday Vice President Cheney has afternoon tea with the Saudi ambassador, on Tuesday he's got an all-dayer with excutives from Shell, KBR, and Pfizer, Wednesday he's undergoing hypnotherapy to help him forget Scooter Libby, Thursday he has to be plugged into his machine that sucks the life force out of young children, and Friday he's counting his money. Then of course he'll be hunting pre-wounded quail over the weekend. So it's a bit awkward. Try again in about ten years."



The Bush Administration

Last week Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington released a report based on documents obtained from the Department of Homeland Security. The report uncovered this interesting information: it turns out that the Bush administration had a plan to deal with Hurricane Katrina all along - they just didn't implement it. Here's are some excerpts from FEMA's "Southeast Louisiana Catastrophic Hurricane Plan":

· New Orleans would be flooded with 14-17 feet of water, the levee system inundated with at least 10 feet of water and the hurricane would move into Mississippi

· One million people would evacuate, but flooding would trap at least 250-350,000

· Each hurricane victim would require a minimum of two Meals Ready to Eat, one gallon of water and eight pounds of ice per day.

And how would FEMA deal with the catastrophe?

· Evacuate residents and position resources pre-hurricane

· Provide power, water and ice to hurricane victims

· Provide short-term shelter and longer-term temporary housing

Sounds like a plan. So what went wrong? Well, the CREW report discovered that:

On August 28, 2005, the day before Katrina hit, FEMA Deputy Director Patrick Rhode sent an email to Deputy Chief of Staff Brooks Altshuler and Michael Heath, Special Assistant to FEMA Director Michael Brown, with the subject line, "copy of New Orleans cat plan" stating, "I never got one - I think Brown got my copy - did you get one?"

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bush Administration.



Karen Hughes

According to Radio Free Europe, "A new poll of people in 47 countries shows growing negative feelings about the United States around the world. Among the findings in the survey, released on June 27, is that majorities or pluralities in all but six of the countries view the United States unfavorably."

And whose fault is that? Well, according to Karen Hughes, Bush crony and current U.S. undersecretary of state for public diplomacy and public affairs (ie. she's in charge of catapulting the propaganda), the problem extends far beyond the diastrous invasion of Iraq.

"Some people may disagree with our policies -- a lot of people do, a lot of it is tied to Iraq. Some people disapprove of our culture. Some people may have had a bad experience with an (U.S.) airline. Some people may have had a bad experience with an American product," she says. "It's a very complicated problem, which means there's no quick fix, there's no simple fix. And I think that's why you have to work harder to have a mutual dialogue of listening and learning on both sides."

Hmm... so a lukewarm in-flight meal or one Windows blue-screen-of-death too many are just as responsible for the current near-universal dislike of the United States as the occupation of Iraq. Who would have guessed?



Joe Lieberman

And finally...

As key Republican support for President Bush's Iraq war strategy begins to erode, Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman today urged fellow lawmakers and the public to give the American military surge time to work.

"We've got to think not about the next election but the next generation," he told a Capitol Hill news conference.

So we're going to be in Iraq until the 24th century then?


Lieberman also said that we've got the enemy "on the run."

Sure have - we attack one town, they run over to the next one, and when we move on they run back again. Rinse and repeat until Halliburton's profits cause a rift in the time-space continuum.

See you next week...

-- EarlG

[krispos42]

1. "Surge Trek"

Oh, that's great! You can bet I'm saving that pic!

[Kali]

2. thanks

love it

[greenbriar]

3. spot on again

you do great work

[pinto]

4. re: Karen Hughes. They hate us for our airlines?

That about sums up the competence of this whole crew.

Geez.

[emilyg]

5. Thank you - great

[SeattleGirl]

6. Hey Ann, got something for you:

"According to Sigmund Freud, projection is a psychological defense mechanism whereby one "projects" one's own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto someone else.

To understand the process, consider a husband who has thoughts of infidelity. Instead of dealing with his undesirable thoughts consciously, he subconsciously projects these feelings onto his wife, and begins to think that she has thoughts of infidelity and may be having an affair. In this way one can see that projection is related to denial, arguably the only defense mechanism that is more primitive than projection. The husband has denied a part of himself that is desperate to come to the surface. He can't face his own feelings of infidelity, so instead he will project the feelings onto his wife and dwell on that."

I know, I know, you will kick this info (and me) under the bus, so let me just say:

And EarlG, I don't think I will EVAH be able to watch Star Trek: TNG the same way again!

[Demeter]

8. Me Neither. And I Don't Even Like ST:TNG!

[Initech]

7. Mitt Romney = Clark Griswold?

[PurpleChez]

10. Clark didn't even mean to do it!

He forgot Dinky was back there. Mitt went through the process of actually strapping the poor creature to the top of the Truckster.

These people are so evil. Moose out front should've told ya.

[Initech]

19. "Is this your idea of a good restaurant? DOG KILLER!!!"

True, they are evil douchebags and I should've listened to the moose out front.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

9. Almost woke the house when I read this:

"happened to that "compassionate conservatism" the new millennium was supposed to be all about? I hate to break this to you, but I'm afraid Dick Cheney killed it with a shotgun and told its corpse to go fuck itself."



Thank you EarlG for the 6AM bellylaugh, and for the great work you do on the List each week.

[The Wizard]

11. Josef Liebermann

isn't really a conservative idiot. He just plays one in the Senate.
And as for Dick Cheney: Not much more to be said other than lying scumbag and war profiteer.

[cboy4]

12. Another great list. We could probably keep Coulter in the #1 slot

and pick 2-11.

It's also safe to say this icon: can be listed next to every conservative idiot.

[Mugsy]

13. ATTENTION: How to fix the problem with the "Keys".

I'd of thought this annoyance would of been taken care of ages ago.

Longtime readers of the Top-10 might remember that if you forgot what a particular "key" was, all you had to do was point to it and it would show you what it stood for. But when DU and the Top-10 got a face-lift, the feature went the way of the Dodo.

This is such an EASY thing to fix, I can't understand why it wasn't implemented a year ago. It's incredibly annoying to either scroll through the ever-growing list of keys to figure out what a particular icon means, or (almost as effective), right-clicking and "Save As" just to see the filename of the key.

The easiest way to fix this annoyance is to simply put what the key stands for on the browser's "status" line when you mouseover it. Here's the code:

<A HREF="#" OnMouseover="window.status='Describe key here.';return true;" OnMouseout="window.status=' ';"><img src="key.gif"></A>

Where "key.gif" is the key image.

A one line fix. Is this so hard? Please incorporate this into the Top-10.

[Hawaii Hiker]

14. I thought there was hope for Jonah Goldberg

since he once blasted dim-wit Ann Coulter in a past National Review column, but I guess at end of the day, he's just another far-right loony toon to... "wants to have a beer w/Dick Cheney", please

Ann Coulter & Bill Orally could occupy the entire list every week by themselves...The idiot list probably could be expanded to a top 50....

[Bleacher Creature]

15. Totally disagree with the Coulter selection.

The real conservative idiots are Chris Matthews, the people who produce his show, and everyone who produces GMA. Ann Couletr herself is a nobody who has learned that the crazier she is, the more attention she will get. What gets me is that no supposedly "reputable" broadcast would ever bring on David Duke or a similar type of person to give their opinions, but gladly invite Coulter over and over again "because she sells books." Is there really a difference?

[proud2BlibKansan]

16. What is this talking point about wanting to drink beer with these people?

My blue dog Dem congressman has been saying this about bush. He can't wait to have a beer with him!

Do they send these talking points out to these idiots? Good grief.

[ejbr]

17. Can Lieberman be any more of a pain in the ass?

"We've got to think not about the next election but the next generation," he told a Capitol Hill news conference.

Really Schmoe? Is that why you put the Katrina investigation not on the back burner, but in the trash? The next generation who endures a natural disaster will surely think twice before thanking this ass wipe for preventing future fiascos by FEMA.

"We've got the enemy on the run"....right doofus, and "we criticize the president at our country's peril," "I want more than anyone to get us out of Iraq," and last but not least, "And if we feel that if Iran having nuclear weapons is that much a danger to the rest of the world, then we've got to be prepared to take military action to deter their ability to get nuclear weapons." This last tidbit being equivalent to, "he looked at me funny so I killed him." Good Joe, you do Ct. proud!

Thanks Earl, these people sure know how to raise my bile to the tippy top of my esophagus!

(Oh, and don't let me find out that Mitt Romney is coming to my town or I'll be prepared with some dog shit to throw at him.)

[Bleacher Creature]

18. Most definitely, and probably with very little effort.

Every day he's in office is a mark of shame for every CT voter. Unfortunately, we're all stuck with him until 2012.

[Th1onein]

20. I love this line.....

"Rinse and repeat until Halliburton's profits cause a rift in the time-space continuum."

That's a classic.

[Arkana]

21. Masterful work as always, EarlG.

I particularly like the bits about Fred Thompson and Joe "War? What War?" Lieberman.