BUSH RELEASES DETAINEES — PLANS TO TAKE THEM ON CAMPAIGN TRAIL

[Don Davis]

After years of denying the very existence of secret CIA prisons, the White House announced the sudden release of 14 high-profile terrorist suspects incarcerated there, so that they are “free” to make personal campaign appearances with President Bush.

Sensing a tsunami that threatens to sweep the GOP out of Congress, Bush apparently reached the conclusion that just “talking about” terrorism wasn’t helping the cause. According to an unnamed Administration source, Bush therefore decided to go for the “Hail Mohammed,” by literally bringing the face of terrorism into Americans’ living rooms.

Indeed, Bush is expected to open his speeches with a sound bite prepared by Karl Rove: “If we don’t fight them there, we’ll have to sight them here.”

The Administration source also conceded another motivation for the joint campaign appearances with terror suspects. With the refusal of most Republican candidates to be seen with Mr. Bush, the only way to get a full podium that looks good on the evening news is to drag detainees there in balls and chains.

It is also widely expected that the alleged terrorists will actually back up Bush’s warning that it would be a mistake to “cut and run” from Iraq, since they are only too happy to have Americans to “kill over there.” In the same vein, these detainees are also likely to issue a ringing endorsement of Defense Secretary Rumsfeld.

Political pundits all agreed on the extraordinary nature of Bush’s acknowledgement that secret CIA prisons actually existed. In stark contrast, as with WMD, the Administration usually recognizes phenomena that are non-existent.

Finally, human rights organizations roundly condemned the exploitation of these suspects on the campaign trail. As a spokesman for Amnesty International put it, “subjecting them to Bush’s bullshit is more degrading than having pit bulls nipping at your balls.”

In unrelated news, a new documentary appearing in the liberal blogoshere alleges that the Clinton Administration should be faulted for failing to take out Ralph Nader when it had the chance. (Now that really would have changed history.)

[Demeter]

1. Don, I Love Ya, But Don't Give W Ideas!

I wouldn't put it past him and KKKarl's squirrelly brain to try a stunt like that.