CONSERVATIVES' LATEST IMMIGRATION PLAN: ELECTRONIC FENCING

[Don Davis]

Faced with the prohibitive expense of building a wall along the U.S. southern border, GOP Conservatives in the House have come up with what they are touting as a more practical and cost-effective solution: Electronic Fencing.

Under this plan, all Mexicans will be fitted with a state-of-the-art dog collar, which will be designed by Abu Ghraib alum Lyndie England, but actually mass-produced by illegal immigrants already residing in the United States.

The chief proponent of this plan, Republican Congressman James Nonsensenbrenner, explained that this proposal has multiple benefits. "First, it frees up the National Guard to fight and die in Iraq. And secondly, those illegals who can actually survive the powerful electronic 'zap' and make the crossing, will at least be strong enough to wash dishes, mow the lawns, and fight those Western brushfires, all in the same day."

The House GOP Leadership also remains opposed to a "guest worker" program. As Mr. Nonsensenbrenner stated, "even when I'm a hotel guest, I rip off the towels, so what would you expect from a bunch of wetbacks."

If the pilot program for electronic fencing proves successful, the GOP may seek to extend the concept to other areas. For example, according to Speaker Hastert, "we might just want to create an electric barrier around the Capitol, to deter any investigations of bribery and corruption in the Congress."

As for the Democrats, they have come out in strong opposition to electronic fencing as a border control tool, on the grounds that it is both cruel and a violation of the Geneva Convention. However, many party leaders are seriously considering this device as a way to keep Hillary out of Iowa and New Hampshire.

[babylonsister]

1. I'll just bet the idea of an electronic fence has been tossed

around, sadly. Another fine read, Don Davis! :thumbsup:

[Don Davis]

2. ELECTRONIC FENCE

Thanks, Babylon Sister! I appreciate your feedback. I'm always worried about giving them ideas, if they hadn't considered them already.

[babylonsister]

3. I would hope that idea wouldn't fly but in this current environment,

I just don't know. :-(

[TygrBright]

4. Actually, as a tool to keep (your selection here) out of IA and NH...

...this has REAL possibilities! Think BIG!! Let's fit everyone who files as a candidate for office with their own frequency receiver, then if you don't want them knocking on your door and droning their talking points at you, you can set your "Repel-A-Candidate" fence to their frequency.

Woa... I'm gettin' excited here... WHY LIMIT IT TO CANDIDATES??? Let's make ANYONE who wants to sell a product or drop literature register and get a frequency receiver.

ooooooooo.... this could be a POWERFUL anti-corruption tool, too! Just thinkin' off the cuff here, but what if we outfitted lobbyists with their own frequency receivers, and then tracked 'em and compared legislators' votes and gov't officials' regulatory decisions, etc., based on how often the lobbyists' frequencies 'hit' on their receivers?!?

You may be on to something here....

evilly,
Bright

[lostnfound]

5. Have they considered the low-tech solution of branding?

For example, those south of the border might get a simple "M", while citizens of the country north of the border would get a cross..

It worked for cattle, and evidently there is no distinction to be made any more.